Thursday, May 27, 2004
Being a person who has chosen, for love (a worthy reason indeed), not to live in her home country, it is strange that I do not allow myself to feel completely at home in the country in which I have chosen to live. But, I didn't necessarily choose to fall in love with a Dane in particular, thinking "oooh, Denmark." We were in Macedonia, so it would have been an odd place to go looking for a Dane. It was pure circumstance. Of course, with the twat [please pronounce this to yourself using the British pronunciation--it will sound much better to you, I promise] who is currently running the US, I am not necessarily sad that I don't live there. But, the whole thing leaves me with the sense that I don't really belong anywhere. I hate the notion of being a "citizen of the world," so that doesn't work for me. Where does one belong in a globalized world? What is home? Is it where your family and friends are? Your work? Your love? Your child's kindergarten? Your garden? Your language? I guess it's all of those things and they all happen to be situated somewhere in particular country somewhere. By pure circumstance.
You would think it would take more than a week to get over being fired, especially when the firing came as a complete surprise to you. However, it's been merely a week and I am calm, composed, at peace and yes, happy! How is it that you don't know what your life is like when you are so caught up in the midst of living it? It takes something major to jar you out of your complacency and shed light upon your existence. And what I've found is that I was incredibly stressed out. There are a few things I have learned: 1. My headaches were definitely related to my job. 2. My strong, constant desire for a drink was definitely related to my job. 3. I am happy now that I no longer have that job. My life is ripe with endless possibility now--whereas one week ago, I was entrenched in a negative, cynical place. It's all gone now. Replaced by a sense of calm and a return to myself. What a wonderful feeling.