Saturday, December 27, 2008

a supposedly fun thing...

...i'll never do again...*

reminder to self:  do not, no matter how great and immediate your need for shelves, lamps and storage boxes may seem, go to ikea on the first day it is open after it was just closed for 3 days for christmas. especially if that day is a saturday. and please remember that waiting 'til almost 4 p.m. to go (when it closes at 5), which you thought was an especially cunning little part of the plan because you were sure that everyone would be gone by then--is a very bad idea. for one, the other people all had the same idea. and for another, those who got there at 1 and 2 and 3 were all still there, wandering aimlessly in a meatball-induced haze, looking for their children.

arriving at 4 makes you very focused, it's true. and focus is very good in ikea, especially when there are approximately eight gazillion other people there. mostly people who apparently decided over christmas to get divorced and now need to totally outfit another home. so very, very cheery people. those who weren't among the newly separated were out airing their ill-behaved children, who they had been cooped up with in their own homes for the past three days. and now those children were all running amok in ikea, screaming things like, "you weren't waiting for me mom, why weren't you waiting for me?" to a mom who was clearly doped up on xanax for the experience (an advantage you sadly did not share).

on top of it, when you arrive one hour before closing, you get the pleasure of the increasingly insistent voice on the overhead speaker reminding you that ikea will be closing 48 minutes from now. then 47. then 46. and will you please come and pick up your children at the child check area? immediately, or we will mark them down to clearance prices.

in short, an experience that can only be made better by a healthy gin & tonic. so on that note, i think i'll go make one before we have to assemble those very important and essential shelves.

* for the title, i credit david foster wallace's very clever book of the same name.

9 comments:

Meri Arnett-Kremian said...

Thanks for the very hearty laugh! Better limit it to one drink if you're assembling the shelves yourself. :)

eyebuzz fine art said...

Julie, will you even believe that just before I came downstairs and read this post, I was making up one of the girls' beds thinking "we haven't been to ikea in a while-that might be fun to do tonight..."
A word to the wise is enough for me. Thanks for the hilarious reality check. Tara

Molly said...

hilarious. seriously dude, wtf were you thinking??
my one and only trip to IKEA was also total madness, on about oh, the 27th of Dec!
My word thingie is classic - saving it for balderdash!

Barb said...

Everything is made better by a healthy "Gin and Tonic".

Amanda said...

If only I had an ikea NOT to go to on Dec. 27th. We did go to the local mall, and amazingly enough it wasn't that bad.

4 Little Birdies said...

Is there ever a good time to go to Ikea? If so I would love to know :)

Dru said...

LMAO! Had I been in that situation, I'm sure I would have contemplated several times whether or not I should run over some of those moms and kids with my handcart (patience is not my forte when shopping in a crowd), but at least it gave a good excuse for a Gin and Tonic, so I think the shopping trip was worth it there ;)

Del said...

I really enjoyed this entry. I am not a shopper at the best of times and Ikea is always a nightmare here in Canada too. I just glance through their catalouge and con others to shop there for me!

Elizabeth said...

Ikea is one of the shops who's parking space is always full. Their stores have to be x-large to fit in all the people who want to look at things, ponder about them, have something to eat or drink, who's kids need to play and than there are also people how are buying a lot.

No matter what you need to do, you can do it at the Idea.