Tuesday, September 01, 2009

don't fence me in


do you ever feel fenced in? trapped? stuck? penned in? locked inside a box? restless? wonder what's next? despite what a wonderful life i actually have and how much i love it most of the time, i feel this way sometimes. and this is one of those times. it has a variety of reasons. one is that the seasons are changing and that always makes me look for change on the horizon.

around here, we're talking a lot about the farm project and we've even started looking at farms. talk about change makes you restless for change, for sure. especially if you're not the world's most patient person. beginning to look at places has made it a whole lot more real, as you begin to imagine yourself in that new place and therefore you begin to have trouble picturing yourself in the place where you are.

it can happen on the career front, on the relationship front, inside of you. you just feel a need to break out, do something new. see something new. experience something new. meet new people, hear new stories. for the sake of the newness and the freshness.

i think this hits me at times when i feel the smallness of denmark closing around me. growing up on the vast prairie gives you an internal sense of vast space and room around you. and i find myself feeling restless when that internal vastness is cramped in, fenced off. i need to feel space around me and i don't think i'm feeling that right now.

at least this time, it's not accompanied by anxiety, more a strong restless feeling. a waiting. a wondering. scanning the horizon for what's next. whatever it is, i'm ready, so please hurry up already!

18 comments:

Bill Stankus said...

Time saddle up the pony and ride. Just watch out for those dang prairie dog holes.

Char said...

me too - me too

hope you find wider horizons soon

Sara said...

I call that feeling "gypsy feet", when you feel like something needs to change or you may just burst. Like you need to do something but there isn't something to do just yet. Sometimes gypsy feet can take you amazing places but the waiting is hard. I hope the feeling gets better for you soon!

Ju said...

I get you. That usually happens in spring time for me.
As you probably agree, best thing is to embrace the feeling. Most probably, something good is coming out of it.

Suecae Sounds said...

There is the anxiety related restlessness and then there is the anticipatory related restlessness. Then there is all shades of inbetween, and to top that of it is not always related to something which is wrong! Oh, how hard is it not to know what to do at times! ;)

MD said...

As I was once told, you have to live weighing each moment by the prospect and indivualising notion of your own death. It is a little morbid at first glance, but if you think about each moment like that...the various appendages of life seem a bit smaller, and the only real fence is just very big and one you can't escape, thus each moment is all the more sweet.

McGillicutty said...

I often feel the need for change, less more now than when i was younger, I would move every three years or so! we've been here for five now... that's why I'm off to Reno... it's my mini move and i get to come back!!! !LOL

heidikins said...

I love this post--I just escaped my fence and am loving the wide open space I'm in right now.

(Ironically, i feel claustrophobic in the prarie...seriously, it kind of gives me the creeps. I need mountains or buildings to ground me.)

xox

Polly said...

I know exactly how you feel. It's a test to patience, which isn't exactly one of my virtues anyway. I hate that anxiety, it's paralyzing.

smith kaich jones said...

Oh baby. You should be a non-liberal in the world of art. Those fences are topped with rusted barbed wire, mad dogs nipping at your heels, people shouting terrible things at you as you continue your climb.

But. I climbed it anyway and slid down to the other side where there are no more fences and I am free to be myself - no rules to follow. The land where artists roam free. It's a beautiful thing. You just gotta go for it, whatever it is.

:) Debi

Bee said...

Oh yes, I do know exactly how you feel. What a poetic fence (because it's lyrical?). I don't know why I want that word, but I do.

Bee said...

Lyrical - and full of complexity and contradictions!

kristina k said...

i hate feeling fenced in too. i usually find it takes a while until that vague feeling of needing some indistinct change becomes clearer and you see what the next step is. sometimes it's something big and sometimes it's something small like planting some new flowers. you never know...

Pattern and Perspective said...

I feel fenced in a lot - but I usually try to jump over that feeling in some form or another. I hate feeling like a chicken in a coop. I agree with Polly - anxiety is paralyzing.

beth said...

oh girl...me too !

something inside of me is trying to claw its way out...I hope it finds an opening soon !

Kim said...

I'm like you - searching out change just for change's sake. I hope that things settle down and you can continue living.

Georgie K. Buttons said...

Question 1-Describe your Sundays.

Thanks, julochka, you answered the question for me. ;)

Chiara.u said...

maybe it's the period but it's the same feeling me and my husband have in this moment: cannot stand this life we live anymore... need something different, something new, exactly what you said; and we're not the first! quite all our friends feel the same! a new era is coming?? hope it will be better than the past one...