Tuesday, March 09, 2010

a need for focus

kristina suggested that we do a week of blurry shots on across ø/öresund. she's so good at finding ways to get out of the doldrums brought on by a too-long and too-slowly-waning winter (in fact, she's been doing a whole series on it on her blog of late). and it's interesting how difficult i found it yesterday to go out with my lens on manual focus and allow myself to purposely take unfocused shots. of course i take shots all the time that aren't perfectly focused, but to do so intentionally is something different. at first, i had to also take every shot focused as well as the unfocused one and then i realized that was arguably a symptom of my growing obsessive compulsive disorder (put the pens back in color order, people), and so i took a whole bunch of totally unfocused shots and didn't allow myself to take a focused companion. really weird how difficult and awkward it felt at first. like any new thing, i suppose. but it got a little bit easier as i went along.


and it's interesting how this little assignment underlines exactly how i'm feeling this week - unfocused. i have so much to do that it's really quite silly. i think it's the waiting. we still don't know whether they will accept our offer (i guess the dog sled has not made it to the canadian arctic circle to ask the one party as of yet) on the house and husband's still waiting to see the nitty gritty details of his two job offers. and waiting makes you unfocused. there's so much i could and should be doing, but instead, i spend hours making mosaics of my flickr faves, drooling over heather's home on apartment therapy and stirring up a mushroom and fennel risotto. yeah, i got some laundry done, but once it's in, it requires little from me but the switch from washer to dryer. i could have been packing books or sorting out the attic, but i didn't. and i'm sure that later, when i'm pressed for time, i'll regret it.


spud and bee and blanca got together in london for mini blog camp on sunday and they had a discussion of life plans. blanca has one. spud and bee do not. i think a little bit that my lack of focus is because the life plan of moving to a farm with space for a large garden and a couple of horses that we developed over the past year is actually starting to come true. at least on the meta-level, of course, the details are to be worked out and acted upon. but once you fulfill your life plan, what's the next step? you need a new life plan to replace the old one that came true. i think the picture above is the perfect metaphor for how i feel right now. some bits in focus and some not so much. i need to get those focused bits out of the way and zero in on the fuzzy ones, developing them further. and it leaves me feeling restless and impatient.

9 comments:

spudballoo said...

I took some OOF shots on Saturday. I'm not that keen on them, I think they work better with some subjects than others. I'm not sure what subjects though, something with a strong and defined outline? Architectural? I'm not sure. There's a fine line between an arty OOF shot and a crap one. I'm not sure I've got it!

Sarah said...

god, you're so inspiring. everything you've written today puts a lot of things in perspective for me. I relate to what you've said and boy oh boy does that help. thank you so much for writing this.

Megan said...

waiting has a way of making me focus on only one thing...the waiting. it's a vicious cycle.

hoping more things come into focus as the week goes on.

Barb said...

To be honest with myself, I think I've been feeling out of focus since I decided to be a stay at home mom and we moved back to Illinois. My kids and family are important, of course. But it doesn't really feel like my life as a focus like it did when I was in grad school or working. But I'm working on it; looking for my dharma and all that new age-y stuff.

PixieDust said...

What an inspiring post... here's to moments of clarity!

:-)

I came by your blog to thank you - a little birdie of happiness landed in my post, and sits happily near my art supplies simply brightening my room. What an incredibly generous "gift of jewels"! I have had very little time to post on my blog of late, but I will have to post my birdie soon.

(((hugs))),
me

mrs mediocrity said...

love the second photo, and your words to go with it...it's the old be careful what you wish for kind of thing.
i feel like i am hardly ever in focus because i never sit still long enough...waiting makes me crazy...okay deep breath, deep breath

cheekyketek said...

I'm reluctant to give advice, knowing shit about shit, but perhaps, maybe, it's possible that you could also try to get more comfortable with the fuzz. Especially as there's bound to be more coming.

But come on already, little dog sled!

BostonGirl said...

Just wanted to say that I appreciate your words so much, especially about once you see your dream taking shape, it's easy to say "what next?". I'm there with you, and I am trying to remind myself to sit with the way my life is working out the way I hoped, and remember to wish/ask/demand what I truly deserve. For it will all come to fruition if I just start...

Bee said...

I really like the way you make a connection between your photographic fuzziness and the mental and real-life lack of focus which is bogging you down! (You're so good at that and I always love it.)

I've been thinking about that life-plan thing and I've decided that instead of life plans I have highly contingent scenarios -- most of them hypothetical.