Tuesday, April 05, 2011

i don't look like who i am


are you ever surprised when you look in the mirror? like that person you see can't possibly be you, because you feel so different than that on the inside? and do you realize that you've never truly seen yourself? it's actually physically impossible to look at your own face. is something missing in the reflection? sometimes it seems so to me. i feel so different than how i look. i don't really know where i'm going with this, it's just something that strikes me at times. that it's really quite impossible to get at who we are, even to ourselves.

19 comments:

Karen said...

I know exactly what you mean. Love your self-portrait, good work!

mrs mediocrity said...

I feel like that every time I look in the mirror.

Boom Boom Larew said...

What amazes me is the discrepancy between what I see in the mirror and what I see in photographs. Such a difference!

Loredana said...

YESSSSSSSS! I look at myself and can't see the married, adult, mom in me...I still see the girl getting ready in the morning to catch the bus to school (high school)....just odd.

I'm interested in when you wrote 'you can't actually see yourself', how is that so??

julochka said...

i'm so glad other people can relate (i was, after hitting publish, thinking i'd exposed once and for all that i am totally mental). :-) loredana - what i mean is that you've only ever seen a reflection of your own face or a picture of your own face, you've never ever seen your actual face.

celkalee said...

After my aunt passed, my cousin gave me a photo of us at a birthday party. I was probably 5 she was 9 years old. I remember it being taken. My aunt was a camera passionista. That face, me, was probably the last time I recognized myself in a photo, I didn't even understand that until a few years ago. Since then, who is that aging woman. There is a haunting in that face now that never lifts, even a smile can't disguise it. She is now me, but I am still at the Birthday party in my head.

nacherluver said...

I totally understand.

Bill said...

Even worse ... listening to recordings of your voice.

So, the guy in the mirror isn't me and the sounds from the speakers isn't me ... then who am I but a process and a thought?

the Atomic Chic said...

I understand, it's one of those feelings that is quite difficult to put into words but I think all people experience it. xoxo

Tracy Golightly-Garcia said...

Hello Julie

Trust me I understand what you mean! I am trying to understand who I am--never seeing myself as I am now--it is for me a learning process.

Still hate having my picture made.

Take Care

Best
Tracy :)

Amanda said...

yes, yes, yes and yes. i so know this feeling. reflections really never do us justice, i don't think. it is our actions that create the portrait of who we really are.

SaraReno said...

Yes, photographs are never the same as even the "me" in the mirror, much less the me inside. Shame I suppose, as I like the mirror me more often. Ah well...

Rebecka said...

Exactly,
The me in my head doesn't look or sound anything like the me on the outside. Sometimes it's quite a shock to catch my reflection in a store window. Is that really me?

Kim: said...

I have this feeling ALL THE TIME!! To the point where sometimes I'll look in the mirror and feel myself wince slightly because somehow the reflection doesn't look familiar at all. So weird, but good to know it's not just me.

Deb said...

You've hit a chord here! So good to know I'm not alone in this strange business...Aging has certainly increased this sensation...was reading today a collection of stories of women having spiritual 'awakenings' in which they realized that they were nothing and everything all at once...still trying to wrap my brain around this...but know the truth in our interconnectedness...thanks for getting the conversation rolling!

Sammi said...

i always think i look different in photos than in the mirror. which might be a really stupid comment... but i definitely notice other things in photos.

julochka said...

sammi - not stupid at all. i find the same thing to be true.

Pia K said...

i agree with boom boom above, i can relate to the me in most mirrors, but i can rarely relate to the me in photos, with every year it gets more and mroe difficult and i really, really hate having my picture taken. that is just not me turning up in photos. sometime i see the real me in a photo, most of the times not. it's just too depressing, so i stick to the shoe and leg-ones, i'm fairly okey with them:)

Missouri Bend Paper Works said...

Yes, this is totally the way I feel....I'm sometimes aware more than others that I'm always looking out from this place and never really see the person that other people see (me) as I go through life...it is an odd sensation!