while i sat on the plane, wondering what i was heading towards, i felt so angry that others felt ownership of what was MY father dying. and it only increased, completely inappropriately, at moments when i least expected it. STOP saying you're sorry. STOP saying you'll miss him. it wasn't your FUCKING father who died. leave me alone with this, it's MINE. GET AWAY FROM ME!! and stop thinking it's about you.
but that faded.
but now a favorite aunt has also died. and i just read her obituary and it MADE ME SO ANGRY and i can't really explain why. but it's at least partially because a few paragraphs cannot encompass a life of 89 years. she was SO MUCH MORE than the vapid, emptiness listed in her obituary. GIVE HER CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE! she was this amazing, centering presence at the heart of our big family and the sentimental way in which that was expressed does not even remotely do justice to her.
WHO WRITES THESE THINGS?
at least with my dad's obituary, i knew who wrote it because it was me.
i'm clearing out my drafts folder...i wrote this 6/3.2015 and never published it. i'm not sure why, perhaps i felt too angry at the time. but today, 24/3.2016 it seems like time to publish this, even if it is but a fragment...