tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7131844.post2714295285546938403..comments2024-02-28T19:37:14.696+01:00Comments on moments of perfect clarity: the good wifejulochkahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10884096685015570257noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7131844.post-77515926593568031692011-06-09T20:16:35.009+02:002011-06-09T20:16:35.009+02:00I love the fact that you wrapped beyond all of the...I love the fact that you wrapped beyond all of the things and moved into the act of being.<br /><br />It is strength, intelligence, companionship, the art of conversation, attentiveness and love that make me worth my weight to my spouse. It's me that matters.<br /><br />Way to hit the nail on the head.Book of Ruthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13599510280685514363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7131844.post-51248549056791685792011-06-08T15:20:42.138+02:002011-06-08T15:20:42.138+02:00I remember not long after I got married my husband...I remember not long after I got married my husband and I stumbled across an article from the 50's (or was it a book?) explaining how to be a good wife. I don't remember all of it, but what sticks in my mind was "making sure the kids' faces and clothes were clean" when hubby got home. "changing into a dress" before he got home. "not bothering him with details of your day because he's obviously had a hard day at the office" etc. I feel sad for women whose mothers told them to live this way. I'm with you. I'm a good wife, despite my ...Barbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02312207507936646771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7131844.post-75188732761896772011-06-08T13:07:55.337+02:002011-06-08T13:07:55.337+02:00although i have no idea at all what you're tal...although i have no idea at all what you're talking about, i want to recommend the book (no longer new): the erotic silence of the american wife. it talks about how the ideal of Perfect Wife encompasses many more aspects than just good housekeeping. there's a direct correlation in modern western mythology between pleasure and "bad." this, too, plays into the kinds of concessions women make to create this idealized marriage that their social structure promises them will give them the gift of living happily ever after. good stuff. check it out.Gwenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12526629366170486737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7131844.post-32862769614917804192011-06-08T12:39:10.695+02:002011-06-08T12:39:10.695+02:00In the same sense that beauty is in the eye of the...In the same sense that beauty is in the eye of the beholder...'good wife', 'good husband' or 'good partner' is only really defined by what it means to you, the individuals.<br /><br />And trying to fit into a pre-determined mold doesn't usually work that well anyway.christopherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08717459430504797508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7131844.post-1668901863035941542011-06-07T23:51:19.649+02:002011-06-07T23:51:19.649+02:00Love this post. It's given me a lot to ponder....Love this post. It's given me a lot to ponder. <br /><br />In my house, I'm definitely the one who is more focused on certain "wifely" pursuits--mainly I'm thinking about decorating, making the house/table look nice. But I am also a more visual person than my husband is, and more affected mentally by my physical surroundings. (Then again, is what I think of as just a neutral personality trait also informed by gender? Am I affected by my surroundings because I have been trained as a female to notice/evaluate them?)<br /><br />It's interesting to think about how your definition of "good" would change if you took relationship or gender out of the equation. How does your definition of a "good wife" differ from a "good woman"? And from a "good person"? <br /><br />I also wonder whether the same sort of thought process can be applied to men. What is a "good husband" and do our contemporary, supposedly-liberated notions of that still fall back on constricting roles? (One would think that "don't Tweet pictures of your underwear" would be a universal constant, but I suppose one can't assume anything nowadays.)Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06171205124450749463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7131844.post-80835036055082997952011-06-07T18:26:56.650+02:002011-06-07T18:26:56.650+02:00Role playing remains part of most relationships. ...Role playing remains part of most relationships. Value judgments and stereotyping has long been part of marriage and other close relationships. <br /><br />"He does that, and I do this" are still commonly said, even by young people. Curious how the previous generational values continue to creep forward in time.<br /><br />In the US, it wasn't that long ago when women were first allowed to vote and in recent history, congress was still all male - and making rules and laws about women's issues. Ditto most religions.<br /><br />As we witness more rightwingism in government and religion, there's an apparent retreat from the freedoms and parities gained by women during the past 30-40 years. <br /><br />And all of that plays into the dust swirl circling the thing called marriage.willhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15590217997145761582noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7131844.post-76915555352960427732011-06-07T16:58:37.297+02:002011-06-07T16:58:37.297+02:00Hear, hear. To me, being a good wife means that I&...Hear, hear. To me, being a good wife means that I'm doing what I need to do in order to feel like a good human. Because good human equals good companion equals happy life at home. So for me, making sure the house is clean and my husbands work shirts are pressed makes me feel good, so I do it. Working on projects together, having adventures together, making him smile, those things make me feel good, too...so I do them. Also, being able to do things that I enjoy without feeling guilty, that's a big one, too...even if it sounds selfish. <br /><br />Man...great post, Julie. My mind is rolling now, and this will be thought about for the next little while. An excellent way to start my day.stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05236399150738812466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7131844.post-70580851047072511072011-06-07T16:48:09.663+02:002011-06-07T16:48:09.663+02:00I've never thought about whether I'm a goo...I've never thought about whether I'm a good wife or not. I'd say yes I am. <br /><br />What I'm lacking in the traditional skills, I make up for in the intellectual equal department-- which seems a whole lot more useful in this world than knowing how to polish the copper bottoms on the pots. <br /><br />Do you suppose that women still think that they are only as good as their kitchens are clean? Now you've given me something to ponder.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7131844.post-48919735867768427852011-06-07T14:52:19.348+02:002011-06-07T14:52:19.348+02:00I'm with you on this! I am definitely not a g...I'm with you on this! I am definitely not a good wife (or rather, girlfriend). Boyfriend cooks and vacuums, and changes the bed linen, and does the dishes, and cleans out and feeds our pets. My contributions are limited to cleaning the bathroom and doing the laundry. But in my defense I know how to make him laugh and have good conversations with him, and surely that's more important than washing the dishes and vacuuming every day?!Red Bootshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16413930719489277046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7131844.post-40856348355402003792011-06-07T13:10:26.548+02:002011-06-07T13:10:26.548+02:00Ditto ditto ditto!!!....Ditto ditto ditto!!!....Karen thisoldhouse2.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03302171590212119499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7131844.post-33071112417858233692011-06-07T12:43:18.030+02:002011-06-07T12:43:18.030+02:00Absolutely agree, these ideas are terribly old-fas...Absolutely agree, these ideas are terribly old-fashioned. <br /><br />I know that I'm pretty good at some of the stereotypical wife things - basically everything that has to do with managing a household (because unlike most people of my generation I received explicit schooling in household chores and management), decorating and crafting (because it's something I just really, really enjoy), and keeping myself pretty (because I'm vain, ha!) . <br /><br />I know this means that slightly more than 50% of these chores will somewhat naturally fall to me in any cohabitation situation (which sucks from a feminist point of view but is mostly okay from a practical point of view), but I don't see this as what primarily makes me a good partner. I'm not even sure that I am one - I'd absolutely need to get better in giving space and taking space when my partner / I need it, respectively - and also at having interesting conversations where I'm not the overbearingly talkative one :) <br /><br />Cheers,<br />poetpoethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00187001501919334157noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7131844.post-90930301231516674822011-06-07T12:25:13.829+02:002011-06-07T12:25:13.829+02:00Did I just lose my comment? Damn, it was a good on...Did I just lose my comment? Damn, it was a good one...<br />One definition of good wife is based on the indicators which can be seen by the world at large, the other is based on your & your husband's happiness.<br />It's a good husband which recognises the most important one.<br /><br />And in my marriage anything to do with the car is most definitely a husband duty :)Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09678300547613778858noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7131844.post-523063904928410732011-06-07T12:17:12.671+02:002011-06-07T12:17:12.671+02:00Hello Julie
I double that "Amen"
Have ...Hello Julie<br /><br />I double that "Amen"<br /><br />Have a good day!<br /><br />Best<br />Tracy :)Tracy Golightly-Garciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07409307445856582227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7131844.post-817333848468416332011-06-07T11:55:26.405+02:002011-06-07T11:55:26.405+02:00Amen!Amen!Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03470810820417327936noreply@blogger.com