comfort baking and other effects of the coronavirus

these are very strange times. companies asking everyone to work at home, restaurants and bars closed, public gatherings limited, libraries and other "non-essential" public services closed as well, at least here in denmark. i laughed when i first heard the term "social distancing" last week, thinking that the danes had perfected that long ago, so it would be nothing new around here. but it's not really the time for ironic laughter. the fact is, we owe it to those in our society who are immune compromised or in a high risk category in relation to the virus because of their age, to stay home and not risk exposing them the virus, should we be walking around with it, not knowing we even have it because we are asymptomatic.

just a few weeks ago, i was thinking that life had to go on more or less normally because living in fear is no way to live. so we went to barcelona as planned months ago, to meet up with the child and have a holiday together. i think if we'd known then what we know now, we would have canceled the trip. that said, i'm very glad to have had the time together. i'm glad to have seen the salvador dali museum in figueres, la sagrada familia, park güell and other gaudi buildings around barcelona, the maritime museum and the picasso museum. i'm glad to have found a super cute local bar, cuba de janiero,  that became our nightly hangout. i'm glad we ate ramen twice and tried the patatas bravas in every tapas place we went to and discovered the coolest healthy breakfast place and explored all those thrift shops. i guess if i had it to do over again, i'd still go. i wouldn't trade that time with husband and sabin for anything. it fits my lifelong ethos of "what are you gonna remember?"

none of us seems to be getting sick, so perhaps we were even lucky (knock on wood). spain too is on lockdown now, with curfews and closed restaurants and bars. i don't think barcelona is hit that hard as of yet, it's madrid and the canary islands that are fighting the battle, so perhaps we just chose the right destination. but denmark's borders are more or less closed now too, so we are lucky we got home as well.

and in the middle of all of this, i started a new job. late last week, when i started, there were no restrictions and social distancing had just been coined as a phrase, so i went to the office as planned. we had a team breakfast so i could meet everyone and i got a bouquet of flowers, which is always the tradition in denmark. and then, on friday, the word came down that we should work at home from monday and for the foreseeable future. that was a little bit weird, to have been in the company for two days and not even have everyone's names straight and have to be on my own at home.

so, i began this post this morning, before my working-at-home day started, and now, i'm writing at the end of it. it absolutely flew by, filled with countless online meetings via skype and teams. i definitely did not have to worry that i wouldn't be included or have anything to do. i have been cast into the middle of a very exciting, business-critical project that's been put in motion due to the effect the coronavirus is having on trade. what a great way to jump into things with both feet and and not waste any time. i'm finding it very energizing and it's very encouraging to see how very skilled my new colleagues are at their jobs. i'm impressed and feel very much that i have landed in the right place, even though i'm not actually able to go there right now.

i've read that the coronavirus is having a big affect on CO2 levels and pollution in china and in italy, where things have been brought to a standstill. and i can see firsthand the affect its having on ways of doing business. i wonder if it's going to make us rethink the way we do all kinds of things? and i wonder if those new habits will stay with us - will we travel less? will we cook more at home? will we keep stockpiling toilet paper? will the danes continue to hoard yeast? will we continue to engage in comfort baking? so many questions. not the least of which is, how long is this going to go on?

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tough times call for historical fiction, like daniel kehlmann's tyll. 

there's going to be a lot of changes around here

it's been awhile since i went to a regular office job on a daily basis. the last time was the misery that was siemens wind power. i believe they will eternally take the prize for the world's worst workplace (and that includes those clothing factories in bangladesh that burn up whole rooms of employees on a regular basis - those must be better - and that's not even hyperbole). if there's just less crying in meetings, my new job will be much better. but already, i digress. 

as i impatiently wait for the next ten days to pass, i have been pondering how it will change things around here that i'll no longer be making my own schedule. of course, i have been working over the past few years, but it's different when your schedule is largely your own to plan. if i wanted to do all of my work between 9 p.m. and 2 a.m., that was cool. if i did my work while wearing the same sweatpants and t-shirt three days in a row, that was also cool. now, people will be expecting me to appear, fully clothed and coiffed and not wearing the same thing for days on end, in an office during normal business hours. on a daily basis! and although i have no idea what i'm going to wear, i am really looking forward to it.

but it will change a lot of things. like when the horses get put out and put back in for that matter. it will also mean that i won't be here to play cat flap to the cats all day long, letting them in and out at their whims. they're going to have to decide at the beginning of the day whether they're in or out and they're going to have to stick with that. and sabin will need to use her new bicycle rather than having me chauffeur her from school to starbucks and back at her whim. (there will generally be a lot less whimming around here.)

as for the interwebs, i hope i'll spend less time on facebook and generally messing around online. i will still use pinterest to relax and as my sunday morning ritual. i expect to have more to blog about, rather than less and to expand my daily photo horizons beyond my own back yard. i'm looking forward to that. i will undoubtedly need this space more than ever to process what i'm thinking about all of the new input. 

so although things will change, i'm so much looking forward to those changes. i can't wait to be with people every day! new people, learning new things! getting new stimulus and input and having access to different sorts of creativity and creative types. i know it's going to give me so much energy and open up so many new synapses in my brain. it's very hard waiting for it to begin.

i'd like to say i've been using my time wisely, tidying up, getting caught up on laundry, making fabulous meals, sewing up a storm and creating all kinds of things. and to an extent, i have, but not nearly enough. i know i'll look back and think, "oh, i should really have written that novel while i had the time."

but there's some kind of paralysis that happens when you're waiting. you sort of shut down somehow and go into a kind of hibernation, preserving your strength until you need it. i hope i can come out of hibernation in the next week. i have a few things to finish up and a few things to get ready and i would like to make something with all of those beautiful supplies while i have the time.

* * *

must get some tiny people.

and photograph them.

like these.

only in my own way.

confronting your inner demons

apparently studies suggest that up to 80% of our actions are driven by fear. that's a pretty scary thought. and it's no wonder so many people go down with stress. and if it's that high (i do need to check these studies myself), we're obviously driven by fear without even realizing it. i wonder if they count eating as fear-driven? fear of starvation causes us to make dinner night after night.

i'm trying to tune into that fear a bit more these days - especially where my reactions are concerned. and i'm realizing along the way how DAMAGED we are by the corporations we've worked for (and by we i mean me, but i'm absolutely certain i'm not alone). the way that companies work today is very bad for us - blame cultures, management-by-fear, competition within teams, even bonus-based systems - it's making monsters of all of us. and i'm a bit frightened by how easily those habits i learned in a corporate setting kick in as soon as i'm pressed.

i know, i know, i've written about this before, but it continues to be a struggle. a struggle to be a kinder, gentler person, while still being strong and competent and very good at what i do. and wondering sometimes how on earth to balance those things? why does being good at something so often have to equal arrogance and haughtiness? i don't want to be that way anymore. so i guess i've got to get to the bottom of those fears. but that's also a process. possibly one that will take years.  but they say recognizing the issue is the first step. (why do they never talk about the second, third and fourth steps? i think they're the hardest.) so i guess i'll keep taking these steps, baby-sized as they are.

it's not easy to shift your paradigms, but watching this the other day helped my thinking about it. of course, it's a TED talk. thanks elizabeth for sharing it.

gut feelings

photo of frankie's tummy (get it? gut feelings?)

how do you make decisions? do you think things through thoroughly and weigh all of the possibilities? or do you follow your heart? or a feeling in the pit of your stomach? do you take ages? or do you decide in an instant? do you line up all of your arguments and then decide? or do you do it on a whim? does it depend on what kind of decision it is - new house, new spouse, new shoes, what to have for dinner?

what happens when you make a decision in a different way than you're accustomed? when you don't follow your gut like you normally would? or when you do where you normally wouldn't? does it feel wrong and uncomfortable? or does it feel transformative?

changing is hard work. but i think that one thing that doesn't change for me is that my gut tells me the answer that's right for me when i'm facing big decisions. when i don't listen to that feeling in the pit of my stomach, i feel unsettled and just not right. there have been times when i didn't (especially a bad job and a mistake first husband) and i always regretted it. one of the changes i'm trying to make is that i tune into those feelings, listen to them and act on them. doing more of what my gut tells me to do.

the problem is that you can't always explain it. and people do look at you a bit funny when you say, "it just feels right." but i'm learning to go with the flow on that and trust my own instincts. and i'm slowly letting go of a need to explain. and at the age of 45, it's about time...

sunshine, bunnies and change

and the week of awesome continues...we've got sunshine and 20°C. we don't want to come into the house at night, it's so perfect outdoors. so many good things are happening this week that not even the disappearance for several hours yesterday of this little sweetie could really put a damper on things:

and after much frantic searching, peaches was eventually found, together with her naughty brother velvet. we didn't even ground them after their disappearance and they got to go outside for the first time today. they tasted stinging nettles and then vigorously washed their little faces with both paws. cute in a tragic sort of way. and maybe a sort of fitting punishment for the whole escaping and hiding thing.

it's a good thing i decided to have a great week, because there's a lot going on and i'm having one of those times where you actually can see yourself changing and adjusting and becoming someone new by leaps and bounds instead of so slowly that you don't notice. maybe it's just spring...the air is full of the song of birds having sex, the flowers are blooming everywhere, the animals are having babies. not that any of those things apply to me (easy there, folks, i'm old!), but yet i feel the speed of the growth and change - i guess we're all just hurrying up to soak up some light while it's here.

i know that was rather cryptic and doesn't make sense, but i'm still working on it. change is hard and sometimes it happens kicking and screaming and sometimes it happens in one giant leap. it's all a matter of how you choose to face it. i'm glad i decided to have a great week this week.

more soon.

sunset brings hope for change

after ten long years of a mediocre, xenophobic danish government utterly without vision, a new government was elected yesterday. fittingly, late afternoon, the sun broke through in all of its golden, autumn glory.  let's hope it's a sign of things to come.

happy weekend, one and all.

a change of scenery

a lovely couple of days with friends and family.
in the midst of it, the sad and shocking news from norway.
which i'm still finding quite hard to believe.
it seems so unreal somehow.
incomprehensible.
like everyone else, i'm still processing what i think and feel about it.

but otherwise, i'm feeling relaxed.

it's good to get away.

but it's good to come back home -

to animals

and garden

and one's own bed.

time for reflecting on this project of ours.

this old farmhouse.

this garden, this simpler life.

and feeling at peace with it.

feeling it's right. 

even if it seems overwhelming at times,

how much work it will take before we're really there.

sometimes it takes talking about it.

and sometimes it just takes living it.

but best of all...

i feel a new surge of energy.

new ideas are being discussed

and some old ones are coming to fruition.

sometimes all it takes is a change of scenery.

even just briefly.

how do you want to view?

 
have you tried out the new blogger views yet?  all you do is type "/view" behind the address of your blogger blog (or any blogger blog) up in the address bar on your browser and voila, a flipcard version or my favorite, a mosaic version. timeslide is pretty cool too.  it's all your choice, with a little drop-down in the upper righthand corner. how do you want to view? have i mentioned that i love and remain ever-loyal to blogger?  it's especially fun if you're used to using flipboard on the iPad. the web is changing. and change is good.

goodbye poppelvej (that rhymes, you know)

literally my very last shot of the old house. it's empty now (aside from that smeg stove and refrigerator (shh, don't mention the war....i think i mentioned it once but got away with it...)), but a new family will move in already tomorrow. and so we can begin on the next steps....

...it'll be interesting to see where they carry us....

the age of contentment

a lake makes a nice birthday present. but i got that loom too.

i got an early birthday present yesterday when the realtor called and said that the seller had accepted the terms we'd offered on the property over in jutland (this is property #2, to our knowledge, the dog sled has never arrived at the owner of property #1, as we've heard nothing from those clowns). things are really falling into place. it seems both like it's taken an eternity and that it's happened in the blink of an eye. in just two short months, everything we thought about moving to a farm has changed. we thought we'd move to one here in our area, but now, we're packing up and moving across the country. it's funny to think that the whole thing was initiated by a friday afternoon phone call from a friend as i walked from one terminal to the other at copenhagen airport, picking up the blog campers back in january. one phone call can change your whole life.

window on a whole new life.

since it's my birthday, i had mulled over making one of those lists of things to do before my next birthday, but in light of the enormous shift that's happened in our thinking and in our lives, i'm not sure that it's worth setting out such a list. because it's so hard to know where life will take you and if you're too focused on a specific list, you just might miss some golden opportunities. what if we'd not opened our minds to the possibility of a move to a new area? then we'd not have new jobs and a 17-acre farm with a lake and a house built in 1895 (for a good quarter of the price of what a similar property would have been here). what if we'd stayed focused on our original little list of things we thought we wanted? i shudder at the thought.

of course, that's not entirely fair to lists of goals and many of the goals on a list as long as mine would be - if i were making one of those 43 things to do before i turn 44 type lists - would be more frivolous goals, like the one from last year's list that said, "become blog of note." i also had more ephemeral things on the list like "be more present," and "dare more" and "believe more." i suppose some days i fulfilled those goals and some days i didn't. i never had things on my list like "run a marathon" or "lose weight" (tho' i undoubtedly should) or those typical resolution-type goals. it would be more fun to have something on it like "make cupcakes once a week" or "talk to a stranger once a day," but my photo-a-day and art journal calendar projects are enough for me and since they're not specific to my birthday, it seems a moot point to make a list.

but it's weird with birthdays when you've reached my age. tho' it's a bit ho hum, i feel comfortable being 43, it feels like the right age to be. it's where i'm at. i wouldn't want to go back and i feel there's still loads to look forward to. it's likely that i'll never run a marathon, but that's ok, i never wanted to anyway. it's interesting that as i look both back and forward on this day, i'm quite content to be right where i am.

a little self-present for my birthday. a felt brooch from lilfish studios.

* * *

i've written more about the new property over on livet på landet.

it's all about the horses

it seems like a few people were rather surprised by the "preparing the house for sale" post yesterday, so i thought i'd explain. a number of months ago, husband and i began talking about what we could do to change the way we live...to live closer to nature, to eat more locally, to have a bigger garden, to generally behave towards the planet in a kinder, gentler manner. in this connection, we began imagining buying a big farm place with enough space for at least one other family and we even did some of our thinking through writing over here.

well, things have progressed faster than i imagined. we were serious about this from the beginning, but in my mind, it was several years away. but then we began to ask ourselves why it should be. why wait? and we started to look at places with potential. places which have room for a big garden and room for a horse (or two). and we found out that they're out there and they're even affordable. and although we don't have the bit sorted out about sharing it with another family, the possibilities are there.

so, since we have to sell our house before we can buy one (or that's what we should do anyway, to be prudent), we've decided to put it up for sale and see what happens. right now, in our area, houses are taking an average of seven months to sell, so it's likely that this sale isn't just around the corner. which is actually quite all right with me, because i love this house and all we've done to it and i love my blue room (which will be recreated in some even more fabulous form at the new house) and to be honest, i haven't really had enough time with it yet.

but sometimes, you have to follow your instincts and your heart. and it feels right to move in this direction. i grew up with horses and sabin began riding back in february (you can see lots of pictures of that here). she's a natural talent and i want her to have a horse too. of course, you can have a horse and board it at stable, but that's not what we want. we want our own place with our own horse(s).  and maybe a few chickens so we can have eggs. and a big garden. and maybe a little café/craft shop, where you can have a coffee and learn to make a quilt or take an art journal course or buy some really special fabric that's not easy to get other places (see, B, we are thinking along the same lines).

and because writing is the new praying, it seems to all be happening...but i do think i'll schedule a couple more blog camp dates so we take full advantage of the blue room before it's gone, at least in its current incarnation, so do stay tuned for that announcement in the near future...

* * *

just another note to clear up some confusion...we live in denmark. i work in norway. and husband is half-swedish. :-) does that make things any clearer?