random things on my mind

although it feels sometimes like every stray thought that goes through my head comes out my fingers and onto this blog, there is actually a lot going on that never makes it here. because it's really quite impossible to cover every aspect of a life lived.

1

for instance, although i read all the time, i don't always share what i'm reading (tho' you can always tell when it's murakami). this morning, i just finished paul theroux's great railway bazaar. i had read of it many times, but hadn't ever read it. it's THE classic travel lit, written in 1973. the reason i bought it is that i've recently read a bunch of reviews of his new version of that same journey--ghost train to the eastern star. i ordered both from amazon not long ago because i didn't want to read the new one without having read the old. i'm already a chapter in and having many thoughts on this one that i will be sharing in the days ahead.

2

another thing i don't know if you know is that i am big fan of alanis morissette. i go back to her music again and again--it lifts me up when i need my spirits lifted and it lets me wallow in despair when that's what i want (sometimes one and the same song can do that--she's that good). she gives me strength, she's deep, she's silly, she makes so much sense and yet makes no sense at all--all at one and the same time. her music is my coping mechanism. it grounds me.

3

for years and years, i always played the refreshments' down together every time the plane was taking off. here in a homemade concert recording:



it always amused me to play a song with the refrain, "let's go down together," when the plane was taking off. these days i don't do it because they're a bit more hyper about not having any electronic devices on during take-off and landing. otherwise, i probably still would.

4

it bugs the hell out of me when people talk about molecular gastronomy. that's one of those trendy phrases made up by lifestyle editors and restaurant critics. all cooking is molecular, people--it's chemistry when you combine things and heat them up.

5

note to danish chefs: foam, except in a latte or a cappucino is SO OVER, so please stop serving me foamy sauces and soups.

and on that note, i'll quit..i wouldn't want to share everything that's going through my mind...

keeping my vibe down

"i am someone easy to leave"

"even easier to forget"

a voice, if inaccurate.

did you ever have one of those days? well, it was otherwise a good day what with the retail therapy and all, but it's definitely been one of THOSE evenings.  

"i'm the one they all run from"

diatribes of clouded sun

someone help me find the pause button

you are all painfully aware of my kitchenless state. however, i was able to begin using my new kitchen sink today, which was a step in the right direction. tho' several times i still found myself taking dishes out to the bathroom. amazing how quickly one learns new habits and has to unlearn them.

all these tapes in my head swirl around

keeping my vibe down

so, inspired by having an actual sink, i bought salmon to cook on the grill. and i bought a mandolin to make a lovely salad of the fennel, zucchini, baby carrots and fresh new garlic that came in my dogme box from årsiderne today. i even went and got salty macadamias from Irma, although i don't even want to think about the food miles on those. i put the salmon in a pan in a bed of lemon, doused it in gorgeous, yellow, local, organic rapeseed oil and an inspire chardonnay blend from spiers (one of my favorite south african wineries--moyo, their restaurant is AWESOME, but i digress) and covered it in the fresh dill that came in the box so it could poach in the pan on the grill. in short, i actually felt inspired.

all these thoughts in my head aren't my own

wreaking havoc

silly me.

"i'm too exhausting to be loved"

"a volatile chemical"

"best to quarantine and cut off"

the kids set the table in the circle.  the sun was shining. the rest of the spiers bottle was chilled and sweating beads of moisture onto the bright linen tablecloth.  the fennel salad and a bowl of tzaziki were on the table awaiting the delicately poached salmon.  

all these tapes in my head swirl around

keeping my vibe down

all these thoughts in my head aren't my own

wreaking havoc

i called everyone to the table. the pan was hot and i had no gloves, relying on my inner chef's asbestos hands, so i set it on a chair that was next to the table.  and before i could do anything, it fell on the ground.  upside down. spilling my lovely salmon into snail trails, leaves and dirt, spoiling the whole thing.

"i'm but a thorn in your sweet side"

"you'd be better off without me"

"it'd be best to leave at once"

initially i swore up a storm, even inventing a few new swear words in the process. to salvage things and feed my family i went down to the grill where you can get quite delicious rotisserie chickens, which we could at least eat with the fennel salad and tzaziki i made.

all these tapes in my head swirl around

keeping my vibe down

all these thoughts in my head aren't my own

wreaking havoc

looking back, i think where it began to go wrong was when we opened the mail and received this invitation to a symposium in honor of my father-in-law that will be held this fall:

he died just after the first of the year two years ago. he was such a special person and we have so many of his books in our home. the invitation has a watermark of his signature in it. and it got me all on the wrong foot. he was very dear to me and made it clear that he loved me and accepted me wholeheartedly into the family. i worked closely with him on his technolution project, translating and editing for him to ensure the english was correct, my translations even being part of his exhibition at the library in alexandria, egypt a number of years ago.

when i ordered the wegner chairs today, it was to complement the first 4 he gave to us. as i photographed my bookshelves yesterday, he was on my mind, as our whole evolution collection was his. i love so much enountering his marginalia as i read his books, but somehow seeing his handwriting makes me realize he's no longer here.

he was a brilliant man. he invented a field of study of which he was the first professor at lund university in sweden. he surely had so much left to think and write and discuss. and i suddenly miss him so much.

but listening to alanis morissette helps me and it's her song tapes which i wove into the beginning of this posting.  sometimes you just have to wallow in your sorrow and cry your eyes out.