100 happy days :: day 72

latte and a flat white. and a long, good conversation.

troubling me right now...

it's the end of the year. it's the end of the first decade of the 21st century. there's a big climate conference happening right here in town. it's been snowing for about 24 hours straight. christmas is coming. and all of this raises a lot troubling thoughts...

: : can it still snow if there's global warming? because i like snow. and frankly, where i live, i also kinda like global warming (good for growing grapes).

: : how/why did i convince myself it would be fun to make homemade pickled herring?

: : why didn't i finish my nephew's t.v. cuddle blankie in time to get it sent?

: : what is the deal with santa claus? i mean seriously, who decided that a scary, fat stranger in a disguise who likes to get small children to sit on his lap and who sneaks into your house in the middle of the night and eats all of your milk and cookies was a good idea?

: : why isn't anyone really protesting over all of the preventative detentions of climate protesters? and if that's now ok, what are we going to preventatively detain people for next?

: : will i ever really learn how to knit?

: : what ARE those supposedly "bio" thingies i bought for the fireplace made of anyway? and why do they smell so strange?

: : will i ever get back my photography mojo?

: : that the clever hopenhagen thing is sponsored by the likes of coca-cola, SAP and siemens...

: : if the answer to life, the universe and everything is indeed 42, what will happen when i turn 43?

: : isn't carbon trading just the new junk bonds?

: : those african guys who supposedly walked out of the climate talks were only gone for an hour and a half. are we sure they didn't just slip out for a bite to eat?

: : why am i suddenly getting a bunch of suspicious spam-like emails from places who want me to list them on my blog or do giveaways for them? and is everyone else getting those too? and why do they try to present it as if they'll be sending traffic my way when it's really that they want me to send traffic theirs? please people, give me some credit for having a few functioning brain cells.

: : where was the cat first domesticated? and the horse? and the dog? and when?

: : will the packages i've sent this week get there in time? and why didn't i send them sooner?

this is what i get for having too much caffeine late in the day...

coffee after 4 p.m.

maybe it was too much coffee, but i am feeling that feeling that comes over me every so often. the feeling that i can't sleep because it would be a waste of time. there's so much to do and create. so many thoughts to get down on paper. so much knitting to be learned. so much beauty to be created. so many memories to be preserved. so much life to be embraced. there's no time for sleeping.

the world is full of inspiration. the crocus are already in bloom. the air is filled with the very texture of spring. it awakens feelings of invincibility--i can clean, i can organize, i can make things, i can cook, i can paint, i can write, i can knit (ok, that was going a little too far). i don't need sleep. to sleep would be to waste this feeling, to lose my grasp on it. the feeling has a strong green color--a spring green--i note this because i'm working on strengthening and broadening the band of my synesthesia.

a note about synesthesia (tho' you can go read the wiki link yourself)...dictionary.com defines it as: a sensation produced in one modality when a stimulus is applied to another modality, as when the hearing of a certain sound induces the visualization of a certain color. my experience of it most often comes with smells--i get a strong visual of a color with certain smells. but it can also be more abstract--a feeling can give a strong sensation of color for me. i'm working on tuning into those moments, as i think it happens more often than i realize, but because it's second nature to me, i'm not always conscious of it.

they say it runs in families. i think my sister has the number version of it--where she sees something in certain number combinations (2s and 7s anyone?).

anyway. it's an interesting notion. and it seems to be keeping me up this evening....