terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

husband woke us up an hour early because he'd forgotten change his alarm clock to winter time. it rained. the fireplace wouldn't start. i got my writing done, but it sucks. the hotel website won't load, so i have no hotel for tomorrow. my right elbow started to hurt--kind of a lot--for no reason.

it was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

i went to get fabric at the fabric store from hell. actually, it's a very nice fabric store, as far as the fabric is concerned, but the help are all deeply unhappy and wish they were somewhere else, so the atmosphere there isn't good.  that's actually when it really started to go wrong. my mood was definitely dragged down after being there.

i found out my sister is, for some reason unknown to me, on some strange spiteful vendetta against me. actually, the reason is known, it's just too stupid to comprehend. it's because i didn't answer an email to a RANDOM STRANGER that she GAVE MY EMAIL ADDRESS to PUBLICLY ON TWITTER!!! so when said random stranger tells her this today, she emails him back and says this:

"Yeah, weird deal.  I made the introduction thinking you'd have interests in common with her, but she had one of her knee-jerk reactions.  She freaked out at the horrible thought of me giving away her super-secret email address to a would-be serial killer in Central Iowa, though you'd have to cross an entire ocean to go about your crime against what, an email address?  So I got in big trouble for trying to introduce you.  My apologies for the wasted time. Turns out you wouldn't be that interested in knowing her, I guess."

and how do i know this, you ask? because she thought it would be amusing to forward it to me. i guess she knew i was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and just wanted to help out, in case it was getting brighter.

let me ask you, was it really so wrong of me not to want my email address broadcast on twitter or twinkle or whatever her iPhone version is to everyone within a 150 mile radius of bum-fuck, iowa just so some random stranger could have it and get in touch with me? somehow, i just can't find a way for that to be ok in my head. nor can i find any explanation for my sister's behavior towards me. fine to email him back and say what she said above, it's a free country (for now), but why add the spite by forwarding it to me? why would someone want to be totally disloyal to their only sister and then rub it in her face? i guess i'm just too simple to understand it.

then, just when i thought it couldn't get any worse, i just flipped back to my gmail--home of said address--and it strangely asked me to sign in, saying my email had been deactivated!! causing my blood to run cold (honestly, now i understand what that means). then, i tried again, signed in and had to do one of those little random alphabet thingies and then it went in! WTF? how can all of this happen in one day?

and right when things were looking up a little, because i had just had fun making these cards to put in the mailboxes all along our street, letting everyone know that we're having a children's halloween party on friday night and that they should expect some small trick-or-treaters to be coming by (we have to warn them because this isn't a traditional trick or treat country).  and i had had fun because i got to stamp on the cards and then play with fire--because i burned the edges (my first successful encounter with fire all day).

so now, i think i'll go to bed, i have to get up early and fly to oslo. terrible, horrible no good, very bad days don't happen more than one at a time, do they?

keeping my vibe down

"i am someone easy to leave"

"even easier to forget"

a voice, if inaccurate.

did you ever have one of those days? well, it was otherwise a good day what with the retail therapy and all, but it's definitely been one of THOSE evenings.  

"i'm the one they all run from"

diatribes of clouded sun

someone help me find the pause button

you are all painfully aware of my kitchenless state. however, i was able to begin using my new kitchen sink today, which was a step in the right direction. tho' several times i still found myself taking dishes out to the bathroom. amazing how quickly one learns new habits and has to unlearn them.

all these tapes in my head swirl around

keeping my vibe down

so, inspired by having an actual sink, i bought salmon to cook on the grill. and i bought a mandolin to make a lovely salad of the fennel, zucchini, baby carrots and fresh new garlic that came in my dogme box from årsiderne today. i even went and got salty macadamias from Irma, although i don't even want to think about the food miles on those. i put the salmon in a pan in a bed of lemon, doused it in gorgeous, yellow, local, organic rapeseed oil and an inspire chardonnay blend from spiers (one of my favorite south african wineries--moyo, their restaurant is AWESOME, but i digress) and covered it in the fresh dill that came in the box so it could poach in the pan on the grill. in short, i actually felt inspired.

all these thoughts in my head aren't my own

wreaking havoc

silly me.

"i'm too exhausting to be loved"

"a volatile chemical"

"best to quarantine and cut off"

the kids set the table in the circle.  the sun was shining. the rest of the spiers bottle was chilled and sweating beads of moisture onto the bright linen tablecloth.  the fennel salad and a bowl of tzaziki were on the table awaiting the delicately poached salmon.  

all these tapes in my head swirl around

keeping my vibe down

all these thoughts in my head aren't my own

wreaking havoc

i called everyone to the table. the pan was hot and i had no gloves, relying on my inner chef's asbestos hands, so i set it on a chair that was next to the table.  and before i could do anything, it fell on the ground.  upside down. spilling my lovely salmon into snail trails, leaves and dirt, spoiling the whole thing.

"i'm but a thorn in your sweet side"

"you'd be better off without me"

"it'd be best to leave at once"

initially i swore up a storm, even inventing a few new swear words in the process. to salvage things and feed my family i went down to the grill where you can get quite delicious rotisserie chickens, which we could at least eat with the fennel salad and tzaziki i made.

all these tapes in my head swirl around

keeping my vibe down

all these thoughts in my head aren't my own

wreaking havoc

looking back, i think where it began to go wrong was when we opened the mail and received this invitation to a symposium in honor of my father-in-law that will be held this fall:

he died just after the first of the year two years ago. he was such a special person and we have so many of his books in our home. the invitation has a watermark of his signature in it. and it got me all on the wrong foot. he was very dear to me and made it clear that he loved me and accepted me wholeheartedly into the family. i worked closely with him on his technolution project, translating and editing for him to ensure the english was correct, my translations even being part of his exhibition at the library in alexandria, egypt a number of years ago.

when i ordered the wegner chairs today, it was to complement the first 4 he gave to us. as i photographed my bookshelves yesterday, he was on my mind, as our whole evolution collection was his. i love so much enountering his marginalia as i read his books, but somehow seeing his handwriting makes me realize he's no longer here.

he was a brilliant man. he invented a field of study of which he was the first professor at lund university in sweden. he surely had so much left to think and write and discuss. and i suddenly miss him so much.

but listening to alanis morissette helps me and it's her song tapes which i wove into the beginning of this posting.  sometimes you just have to wallow in your sorrow and cry your eyes out.