the beginner's mind

a recent episode of the ezra kline show was one of the best podcast episodes i've heard in a long time. he interviewed writer ruth ozeki. i wasn't familiar with her work before hearing the episode, but now i've ordered a couple of her books from the library. she's a zen buddhist priest as well as a novelist and i loved her views on writing and well, life in general. she talked about writing and meditation and the connection between the body and the mind and the body and writing. it's so good and so packed full of profound thoughts that i've actually listened to it twice.

she talked about the buddhist notion of having a beginner's mind. she said that the possibilities are endless when you have a beginner's mind, because you meet everything you encounter with curiosity and openness. i have a beginner's mind right now, as i start a new job. or at least i am trying very hard to do so. it's so hard to shut down the part of my mind that wants to assess and categorize everything and make judgements about it, before even knowing the story or even the outlines of it. but to do that shuts off so much potential...for other stories, for other points of view, for openness and curiosity. as ozeki said in the interview, not knowing is so intimate, it give us an intimacy to the world around us, because we're open to it and to experiencing it and can thereby be more IN it.

so i'm working hard to just be IN my beginner's mind. and taking long walks in the cold, crisp air, to at the same time be IN my not-so-beginner's body. and to breathe deeply and be open and start just experiencing without judgement. and to stop second-guessing myself. and to just experience the thrilling experience of learning new things and getting to know new people and seeing where it leads. 

i miss my good colleagues from my old job, but i genuinely don't think i made the wrong decision. it's possible to feel sad and to miss my friends and the level of comfort and camaraderie we had together, but to feel that i made the right decision. i can hold all these things in my mind and yes, in my body at once. because we humans are full of contradictions and there's room for them within us. the world isn't as black and white as we've tried to make it over the past couple of decades, it's full of shades of grey. and we should be more curious about our own minds and feelings, be better at sitting with them and experiencing them. it's not too late to have a beginner's mind. 

nordic blue is my color

i took this photo yesterday evening from the bridge of pearl seaways. the waning wintery light was really that blue in the calm, gorgeous oslo fjord (this photo is SOOC). the bridge was dark and oh-so-calm. i had a great conversation with the captain, who was alone on the bridge, while everyone else ate dinner. it was a little bit like the kind of zen moment that yoga has given me of late. a calm, easy, yet meaningful, deep conversation after a very busy day, full of so much goodness, but also non-stop and stressful in its own way, filled up my heart and my energy reserves. namaste.

what if?

what if....

~ you decided to let the petty irritations (irritators?) of life just wash over you? and decided not to react to them, but to just feel your reaction and go with the flow of it.

~ you gave people another chance, even if you were ready to write them off? and you actually tried to see the good in them, as difficult as it may seem?

~ what if the reason you were writing them off was largely due to how they looked? (and how shallow would that be of you?)

~ you could learn something from the experience?

~ those challenging people were placed in your path for a reason? even if you couldn't really see what that reason was. and you just trusted that it would become apparent with the fullness of time?

~ being able to to react differently meant a new beginning? and a new approach to life? and a new deeper sort of happiness?

i stayed up to 'til the wee hours discussing exactly this with a good friend the other night. it was precisely what i needed at that moment. amazing how you find your way to precisely what you need when you really need it. now to just remember it when the time comes. it's so easy to just revert to your fallback patterns and ways of reacting. but i think that this time i'm so interested in seeing what happens if i change that i'll remember our talk.

aside: i wish i could find my way to a lightheartedness with such posts that i once had. i wonder what's happened to it? i feel so deadly serious when i sit down to write these days.  i'd like to be fun again, but i can't seem to find my way out of the earnestness at the moment. i'm not sure why that is... but rest assured it's even more annoying to me than it is to you.

feeling pretty zen for a monday

my morning started with the first installment of the latest oprah-deepak (shouldn't they have called it oprah-chopra?) meditation challenge. this one focuses on miraculous relationships. who couldn't use more of those? i struggle to quiet my mind enough to meditate, but find these 15-minute-ish sessions to be just about right as a beginning. couple this with my participation in the kylie's fortnight of self-adoration and i'm feeling about as zen as you can get on a monday morning. 

yesterday's spontaneous trip to the beach helped as well. several hours of wind and sun and sand and the north sea pounding in, surprisingly warm (i was actually playing in the waves with husband and sabin for a good hour) quite literally washed all my cares away.  a solitary wander down the beach while they continued to try to surf the waves, i gathered smooth stones. it was a kind of meditation in and of itself. as a result, i had a good night's sleep and have already knocked two big items and several little ones off my to do list. ahh, the tyranny of the list, i both love it and hate it, but am going to be quite zen about this week. 

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i want magical displays of books in my world.

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we need more pop-up design happening in denmark. *sigh*

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interesting, voyeuristic photos taken with homemade cameras.

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realizing zen through running?
i keep seeing articles like this and i fear the universe is trying to tell me something.

be kind to yourself

reading a friend's facebook feed as she reported on the golden globes made me sad. she marveled at the glamour of the dresses and makeup, but actually said outright that it made her feel horrible about herself and her appearance. she's a gorgeous woman with no reason to allow some couture-clad hollywood starlet with stylist and make-up person to make her feel anything, let alone ugly or unworthy. of course those people look awesome as they walk up the red carpet. it's their job to do so.

women. why do we do this to ourselves? we are so hard on ourselves (and on each other for that matter). envy rears its ugly head and leaves us feeling shattered and insecure. what is it that keeps us from resting in ourselves, content with who we are and where we are? and why can't we see another beautiful woman without being consumed with envy and self-loathing? honestly, people, men don't do this to themselves or one another. and it's time we stopped too.

i say we practice being a little kinder to ourselves and the women around us this week. it's about time.

happy monday!

hints of autumn in the air

autumn:

~ morning fog
~ crisp, clear air
~ crunchy leaves
~ a riot of colors
~ golden evening light
~ a sense of winding down
~ the bounty of the garden coming inside
~ the smell of sweet-spicy, vinegar-laden chutneys simmering on the stove.
~ hooded sweatshirts
~ scarves
~ crisp, sweet apples from the tree
~ amber honey
~ horses and bunnies growing fuzzier

...and it's only just beginning.

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for a number of years, i've dreaded the autumn because it signaled our coming northern darkness. but this year it's different. i'm ready for the change in rhythm that autumn brings. for the slowing down. for the reaping of what's been sown. for the cool, clear air and the morning fog. i think i'm even ready for the darkness to eventually settle upon us. it's probably this life closer to the land and to the rhythms of nature that makes it feel right. it feels like the best season is just beginning.