of handsome men and not so handsome politicians

as you know, i spend a rather inordinate amount of time trying to figure out what makes the danes tick. i have assorted bloggy (and real life) friends who do as well. here's an especially amusing new theory - the theory of the handsome danish men. yesterday, i observed a Handsome Danish Man in action (he was Handsome, just ask him, he'll tell you himself (flips hair fetchingly)). he sauntered around importantly. he flashed smiles at himself when he caught sight of his salt and pepper hair in mirror-like surfaces. he oddly kept calling attention to the fact that he is an embedsmand (non-political government official), which frankly, detracted significantly from his handsomeness, but must have been making him feel important. and it was more than obvious that he feels important as well as Handsome. however, i'm not yet ready to fully buy the theory as in my opinion, it's danish women who exhibit the most appallingly rude behavior in public space. perhaps they're just bitter about being treated badly all those years by the handsome men. i'll have to ponder this new theory a bit more.

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apropos attempting to understand the danes, there was recent swirl in the billund newspapers surrounding a report on quality of life among expats in that municipality. (billund is where the second largest airport in denmark is located and is the home of lego.) apparently one local politician was so incensed that the report was in english that he publicly declared that it was over with addressing politicians in english in the municipality. 

the report is the result of interviews and a workshop with 22 expats living within the municipality (which is more like a county-sized entity in US terms). they had a lot of positive things to say about denmark (it's safe, it's not corrupt, it's a great place to raise children, there is a good work-life balance), but they also expressed a lot of negatives, largely surrounding how hard it is to break down the barriers and establish a social life with danes. people had tears in their eyes as they told tales of feeling rejected by their neighbors and even strangers in line at the grocery store. some were on the verge of clinical depression due to inability to connect or get meaningful work. two said they had actually taken antidepressants. so the overall story was of a pretty harsh reality of daily life as an expat in a place where people felt invisible and rejected. and the people of billund were outraged. how dare foreigners complain about this idyllic little land? they should just pack it up and go back to wherever they came from.

the reaction of the politician, to declare that this is denmark and all municipal business must take place in english simply underlines the results of the report. foreigners feel rejected by danish society. he apparently advocates taking away completely the voice of the minority population within the municipality when he declares in a news story that "it's over with addressing politicians in english." how a grown man who is an elected official in a little land with a minor language can stand up and say out loud that he doesn't speak english is beyond my comprehension. the largest business within the municipality is the very successful toy maker lego. foreign workers are essential to their continued growth and success, so to deny these people, who bring jobs and money into the community, a voice is absolutely absurd. the politician actually said, "i wasn't there on the day we had english in school," so he further negates the importance of english in a globalized world. happily, there is an election coming up this autumn and foreign residents of a municipality are allowed to vote in municipal elections (at least for now, tho' the xenophobic danish people's party would like to take that away), so perhaps this clown will be shown the door and replaced by someone with a more global view. 

another interesting side note - in three articles about the report, the reporter in question never once made an attempt to contact the authors of the report for more information on methodology or the results or to have a more nuanced view on the story. and this despite declaring in a sidebar that they will spend the next week looking in depth at the contents of the report. and that's journalism today, folks.

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and speaking of danish politicians, i spent yesterday with several of them. i sat down next to one of them at lunch, a heavily pockmarked older man with a shaggy and decidedly non-hipster 70s mustache and a dried sweat stain on the back of his shirt. he didn't ask me my name or tell me his (perhaps assuming i knew he was An Important City Council Member). instead, apropos one of my uncles at a family reunion, basically asked me what i did with myself to deserve the air i was using up. when i explained that i do all kinds of writing and communications in english, he asked if i was english. on the principle of not offering more than you're asked, i said no. what i should have done next was ask him what he did with himself to deserve the air he was using up. instead, i just sort of gulped and fumed a little bit about being made to feel inadequate by this unfashionable-shoe wearing git. it then came out that i was american. and where i lived. and that was that.

sometime later, as we toured a library, he asked me how long i'd been in denmark. i said 15 years and he said, "oh, well, you're danish then." i replied that i most decidedly was NOT. (funny how we're most our nationality in defensive situations.) and he asked, incredulous, why. i pointed out that i have an american passport (i've heard those are quite sought after) and why on earth would i give that up? (he'd ticked me off by then.) he said, oh, but you can have both. and i said, no, i can't. the americans would allow it, but the danes won't. even the former prime minister's own son had to give up his danish passport when he became an american citizen a few years ago. this guy should have known that, since he is from that same party!

i'm sure he's pondering ways of trying to get me thrown off the local group which is involved in establishing a "culture house," on the grounds that i'm a bad foreign influence. he probably doesn't realize that i get to vote in municipal elections. and i know who i'm not going to be voting for.  he also speaks a bit against the handsome danish men theory, as he was most decidedly not handsome (i have a photo of him, but i don't dare to publish it). but again, i'm not done pondering that one.

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monty python and the holy grail lego sets. awesome.

the start of the school year is hard

we're two weeks into the new school year and that includes school for matilde as well. she had the summer off, out on grass, being a horse. she thinks it's pretty hard to get back to work and as you can see, was feeling pretty sorry for herself by the end of today's lesson.

the child seems to be faring better. she's excited about school, having moved over to the "big" school, where they have grades 7-8-9. there are nearly 80 kids in the 7th grade and they're divided into 3 classes. they only officially found out today who will be in their class - they've had activities for the past two weeks that were designed to help the teachers determine the makeup of the classes. i think that's pretty cool and way less random than just shuffling them and throwing them together. our child is pleased with the result. she's with her two best friends and tho' that will surely change over the next couple of years (the friends, not the class, they claim the classes are now set through the 9th grade), it's a good thing right now. apparently, not everyone was pleased and there were tears, or so i could make out through the rather thinly veiled lecture given to parents by the school principal, who was clad in a dress that was an odd combination of strangely militant yet summery and inappropriately bare. and just to add confusion, it was also denim. she was clearly one of those specimens of angry danish woman of the kind who probably runs marathons and pumps iron (odd, i know, but she was weirdly muscley for a woman pushing 50 and yet had the stringy look of a runner about her). i imagine that the parents who had called the school that day after hearing from their bawling daughters during recess felt pretty guilty about having done that by the end of her talk. i was happy not to have been one of them. let's just say that i wouldn't want to meet her in a dark alley. tho' i'm pretty sure i could take her.

let's hope it doesn't come to that.

i have much more to say about the parents' meeting this evening (15 more things, to be exact, when i read the "to blog" notes i took), but i think i need to sleep on it a bit first.

words are revealing

overt racism becoming endemic in denmark

even our little black bunny was the last one to find a home.

in recent weeks, there's been some media swirl about a horrendously racist, pompous, superior and fascist-leaning blog post written by a danish politician, marie krarup (of the danish people's party (dansk folkeparti)), after a trip to new zealand. the blog was published on berlingske's website and is an absolutely stunning exercise in xenophobic, arrogant offensiveness. there is a full text (in danish and english) here. krarup stands by her racist remarks and refuses to apologize. but how do you apologize for stupidity?

being shockingly racist is nothing new for krarup - look here to see what she said about a visit to niagra falls. since it's in danish, and i do realize that's a minor language, i'll tell you what she said, "Niagara Falls in Canada has been allowed to remain White. In this multi-culti country a white person is always seen next to a black, one brown and one yellow. And they're all smiling so happily! As if to say to us: multi-culti is really good! But the waterfall is just white." this was posted on her facebook page and the comments all glowingly agree with her that multiculturalism is bad. jesper (the peasant) frederiksen actually comments,  "multi-culti functions only if there aren't too multi of the antisocial culti." i am rendered speechless by such a public display of racism in an elected official.

when i first came to denmark fifteen years ago, it was frowned upon to say things like this in public. a politician's career would have been over for such behavior. now, it's commonplace and even encouraged. granted the danish people's party is the most extreme right wing example, but they're the ones who have made it ok to bash foreigners and lump them all together into one big, bad group that's out to destroy the danish way of life.

all of this underlines the power of storytelling. for a good decade, in denmark the story has been told and repeated that foreigners, especially from the middle east, come to denmark to cause trouble and live off the supposed fat of the danish welfare state. there has a been an entire bureaucracy built up around a push for integration that looks a whole lot more like assimilation. and fear of The Other has become the order of the day.

i've spent some time in recent weeks interviewing foreigners who have moved to denmark for various reasons and i can safely conclude that this rhetoric and tone are not without damaging psychological consequences on the immigrants themselves. in the push to be stuffed into boxes at danish language schools, many of these people end up in a fog of depression and loneliness. they are bewildered that their danish neighbors don't speak to them and aren't interested in them. they feel isolated by a lack of language and bewildered by a culture that feels like it's rejecting them (and may actually BE rejecting them). many more of them than is healthy made the distressing statement that they began to feel they didn't know who they were anymore.

perhaps this is a common phenomenon for all who are in exile (chosen or not). it's hard to retain who you are in the face of an alien culture and way of thinking. especially when a psychological switch lays the entire burden to suck it up and integrate at your feet as the alien.

it's important to return to enlightenment values which value all individuals as equal and equally having something to offer if we are just open to what that might be. we've got to stop the negative, racist rhetoric in this country. we need to get a whole lot more outraged about it and show the elitist, fascist marie krarups of this country that it's not acceptable. i'm increasingly convinced that as individuals we can and must make a difference, starting right here in our own neighborhoods. my project gives me a chance to do something and i definitely intend to use that chance.

containing the bullshit

i think the next time i have to go to a danish association's yearly membership meeting, i'm going to ask husband to bring one of these containers home so there will be room to dispose of all of the bullshit.

actually, husband was a big help this evening, asking a lot of questions that got at the heart of the matter (and undoubtedly making himself as unpopular with our dear leader as i am). it was quite delightful watching the troglodyte squirm. what wasn't as delightful was watching his blatantly sexist reaction to one of the women who tried to ask questions as well - interrupting her, cutting her off and being completely condescending, which he did to none of the men who spoke. interesting that. it's getting to be quite a list of words ending in -ist that apply to him...sexist, racist, fascist, ageist, (is nepotist a word?)...i wonder where it will end?

i can tell you that in my novel, it ends in drag in a seedy nightclub.

more fodder for my book

as you all know, i am part of a local group that was elected in a more or less (emphasis on less) democratic process early last summer to oversee the establishment of a new "culture house" in our little town. the group is composed of 7 members and 2 non-voting extras (who perform a sort of runner-up role, in the event one of the elected members is unable to fulfill their duties, one of these will step up). this has already happened, as one of the members, fed up with the way the chairman behaves, recently resigned, so one of our runners-up has already stepped up to take his crown.

the chairman's latest bid in a series of methods for exercising control is to write a 17-point "business order" document for the group (apparently you can never have too much bureaucracy and by-laws, while holy writ, are not enough). it covers everything from how to conduct the first meeting (tho' that ship sailed long ago) to what the agenda should consist of to that the meetings are closed (tho' who would want to attend them if they didn't have to is beyond me) to who can call for meetings and how far ahead they must do so (it states the agenda must be sent out 8 days before the meetings, something which has never happened in the 9 months we've been meeting). probably the most interesting point is #4, which says that there is a chosen group within the larger group, called, literally, the "business chosen ones (forretningsudvalg)." this group consists of the chairman, the vice chairman and one chosen crony of their choice (because really, we can't trust the democracy and a group of seven can hardly be expected to get anything done, right?). it struck me as i read it that the soviet way of doing things isn't as dead and gone as one might think and that it apparently extended farther west than we realized.

even more interesting is another document accompanying the first one. it contains only four points, but they are a broad brush mandate for "the business chosen ones (forretningsudvalg)." it is the mandate of this group to:

1. take care of the daily interests of the board (not stated is why the board is incapable of this themselves).
2. only members of this group may contact public authorities, cooperation partners and the press.
3. this group can, when it's expedient/necessary, make fast decisions which affect the budget and/or the group as a whole to a high degree.
4. the group is responsible to the board and refers to the board.

in other words, the chosen ones can make whatever decisions they want whenever they want, without asking the board until afterwards. and it occurred to me that what i am a witness to here isn't so much soviet-style bureaucracy as fascism. after all, fascism postulates that a chosen few are not only allowed to dominate on behalf of the inferior elements of society, but they must do so for the common good. i should say that i do hesitate to throw the word fascism around, because as george orwell wrote in 1944, "the word 'fascism' is almost entirely meaningless ... almost any english person would accept 'bully' as a synonym for 'fascist'." basically, our troglodyte pal is moving to formalize (bureaucratize?) his mandate to bully the group as he sees fit.

the documents are so transparent in their attempt at control and happily, leave so many loopholes uncovered, that they are quite laughable. of course, in the early days of the nazis, their antics were also thought laughable and look where that led, so one has to be vigilant. for now, my inner anthropologist finds the documents give a fascinating insight into the mindset and yes, the fears, of the small-minded, small-hearted man who is, for whatever reason, at the helm of this group. he has exposed himself for all to see. and it's not a pretty sight. but it is fodder for my book. and for that, i am deliciously grateful.

character sketch

close examination

the schoolmarm: righteous. old-fashioned. square. bound (trapped?) by tradition, closed to anything new or, odin forbid, which smacks of the outside. outside is anything beyond the city limits and a few places within them. "fear" and "fright" are frequent words in her vocabulary. a veritable slave to the rather arbitrary rules. afraid to dare. afraid to look up. afraid of new ideas. afraid to look beyond immediate borders. tho' very opinionated is actually a bit afraid of her own opinions when it comes to it - always looking to some form of authority to nod at her and let her know it's ok. a natural frowner. a bit hard to discern why she is involved when the most frequent phrases out of her mouth are "i don't have the energy" and "i don't really understand, so i hope there are others who will take care of it."

frequently resorts to the "you're not of our culture" (i believe there's a name for that: racism) argument (in the absence of any real logic or actual arguments) and this evening came with some weird statements about trust which i can make no sense of whatsoever.

i've noticed that when people lack a proper argument, they resort to things like, "oh, you're not from here, you don't understand." "you didn't grow up in our culture, so you don't know how it works." "we have all this under our skin, but you don't understand because you're not one of us." and you know what? those are utterly crap arguments, not mention racist and xenophobic. and it's so disappointing, because i really enjoy a good argument with a worthy opponent. and it doesn't have to be an argument per se, but just a lively discussion. but an unworthy opponent that can't even come with a proper, logical response, those just drain your energy.

happily, i can conserve energy by taking notes and calling upon my inner anthropologist. and i definitely get a lot of satisfaction from sharing it with all of you.

the trick will be to take these character sketches and give them some worthy plotline, because i can tell you that real one is too boring for words.

character sketches

i find the best way to get out my frustrations from meetings is through writing character sketches. i figure they'll come in handy if when i write a novel about this peyton place (isn't every small town a peyton place?) where i live. writing these gives me the anthropologic distance i lack when i'm in the midst of the situation and allows me to return to a place where i have a cool head. probably the worst feeling of all in the midst of the actual situation is feeling that because i speak with an accent, some (but not all) of the players involved talk down to me, as if i'm a small dull child and don't understand. as you can see from the sketches below, i understand very well.

the tender manager: officious, arrogant, condescending, pedagogical and more than a bit self-satisfied. yet underneath, there is that insecurity that often comes from being a woman in a man's world - it leaks through in the mannish haircut, the abrupt manner, the defensiveness when legitimate questions are asked. in order to be accepted in the man's world, chooses to use archaic, anti-feminist, degrading characterizations of women to describe things - along the lines of calling them a flock of hens and such. despite being tasked to listen to the group and speak for the group (in writing), simply writes what she wants herself, bullying it through under the guise of technical and legal jargon (that upon further examination is neither technical nor legal, just not what the group thinks is important). allows her personal preoccupations to shine through, tho' the project technically belongs to others and the end product will not be used by her. furthermore, she has a strange aversion to the word "sustainability."

the project manager: ruled by the gods of the calendar. both loves and thrives on being able to prove how busy (and therefore important) she is by how many meetings are packed in, especially if they extend after normal working hours and to the weekends. may actually secretly (and even visibly if you're observing carefully) have a small orgasm right there out of the pure delight of filling her calendar with meetings, preferably months out into the future.

the secretary: a little sheepish about being secretary of the whole thing, because he is, after all, a man. the women's world of the public sector has rendered him emasculated and a bit defensive when any questions are asked of him. he is quiet and well-behaved, tamed, like a obedient dog.

there will undoubtedly be more to come...

it's a balancing act

christmas. it's a balancing act, isn't it? meeting (or not) the expectations all around - for gifts, for visits, lengths of visits, the quality of the wine, the food, even the procedure around how the gifts are opened. what's strange is that we have all these expectations without really knowing or articulating them beforehand, yet we definitely know when they are disappointed.

we went to møn for christmas, to a house we've visited many times over the years. it's where i first experienced the danish way of entertaining - hours of good food, glasses of quality wine, some more food, a bit of snaps, maybe a game of cards, certainly a lot of laughter. so i think i was expecting that. instead, there was frozen bread, mackerel in tins, boxed wine, television on while the presents were opened, chain-smoking hosts in ill health and repeated, munchausen-tinged stories. a bit of a disappointment, really even if i didn't know what i had expected.

it left me feeling a bit sorrowful...for the passage of time, for how life moves on when special people are gone and it doesn't necessarily move on for the better. for how many utterly ordinary people there are out there in comparison to the numbers of special, unique people. and how they produce ordinary children themselves and how ordinariness is thus carried on and on. and people seemingly do not notice.

sorrowful to see someone going downhill after a hard-lived life of too much drink and too many cigarettes. and how it affects the health and the brain. stories repeated and exaggerated and inappropriate. a woven tapestry of truth, lies, imaginings and memories tinged with self-delusion and regret, peppered with a feeling of bitterness over growing irrelevance.

sorrowful (and a little bit relieved) that it was likely a first and last christmas ever for that particular constellation of people.

life is short. we have to choose things that give us joy and happiness rather than sorrow and disappointment. it pays to be happy. and you can choose it for yourself.

maybe i'm an anthropologist

i had a dream last night that i got lost in mall of america and couldn't find any exit. i knew going to that place would haunt me. of course, my dreams have taken place in a large mall for years, but they hadn't for awhile now. this time, i was aware that it was mall of america, whereas previously, it was the mall in my mind (a strange amalgamation of various malls in manila and singapore and possibly arizona). it's one of those dreams where i don't precisely remember what was happening other than that i couldn't find the exit and had wandered into one of those rather dimly-lit abandoned wings of it, but it's been flashing into my head all day. it feels a little bit like i never really woke up from it properly.

* * *

i am so writing a book about this little town where i live (and probably the one where i grew up, since the types are similar). i gathered another set of character sketches this evening. we've got the one who fancies himself king, the troglodyte (sometimes hard to tell from the wanna-be king), we've got the cranky retired schoolteacher(s) who fear change and want everything to be as it always was and odin forbid we try something new, we've got the town drunk (who also happens to be a moron), we've got the charming eccentric, the earnestly engaged, we've got the upstart newcomer who is trying way too hard, we've got the politically astute, two local reporters, the welfare recipient and the one who calms everything down with humor. oddly, there are few women, i'm going to have to go back and observe some more.

i wonder if i might actually be an anthropologist.

* * *

a little sad about not having a proper thanksgiving. the danes still haven't realized it's a holiday (despite realizing in the 15 years i've been here that valentine's day (which is totally made up by those flower people) and halloween are) so no turkey for us tomorrow. unless i spontaneously go acquire one. which would make my child happy. she's got some american genes, apparently, as she does love turkey. but i sure wish i was going to be together with my family! i'll at least have to make something pumpkiny tomorrow (later today?) and possibly a large chicken if i can't find a small turkey (denmark seems to think that duck is where it's at holiday birdwise).

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a new blog friend, who i met via the dinner list group on facebook. i only learned today she blogs (see what i mean about facebook diluting things?). and she also loves danish crime shows.

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you really must visit this odd and wonderful place - the odd luminary.

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the b boards on pinterest:  beautiful things, blue room (because i will have one again), bobbaloos, braids, and bunny rabbit.

the erosion of a life

i have had opportunity to observe in recent weeks someone who i believe has had their happiness eroded away by living the wrong life. this results in what i can only characterize as a disease of negativity that infects every aspect of their behavior. every relationship, every interaction, every activity is permeated by negativity. which only serves to further isolate the person, because who wants to be around that?

i was talking to someone who referred to her (because of course it's a woman - it seems to me that men are much less likely to live the wrong life - tho' that's probably the stuff of a different blog post) as a person with no surplus. (it sounds better in danish - underskudsmenneske "deficit person" if i translate literally). it makes sense - a life full of small, petty frustrations, a lack of appreciation, stifled dreams, stymied ideas does wear you down and take away any surplus you might have otherwise had - surplus to let people be who they are, to do things their way, to have thoughts and ideas different than yours. when you lack a surplus you end up thinking it's just better to do everything yourself, since no one can do it the way you'd have them do it. there's no room for other people.

the person i observed walks as if it pains her a bit, shoulders rounded and hunched, as if she's protecting the last tiny shreds at the core of herself. she actually mumbles to herself nearly constantly, muttering complaints half under her breath and half audibly. she has occasional outbursts of anger that are bewildering for an observer to see how they could have arisen from the situation at hand. but it's because they don't. it's because, like a volcano, they are releases of an inner pressure based upon years and years of anger - perhaps at self, perhaps at others, probably a combination of both - and occasionally, they simply must erupt. 

fortunately, when i observed it yesterday, i was no longer in the throes of PMS-induced irritation, so i could observe, anthropologist-style and keep a cool-headed distance from all of the instructions i received in how to cut the sandwiches (i was obviously doing it wrong). yes, sandwiches were a source of unhappiness for this poor woman. at one point, i was filled with a kind of sorrow for her - because it must be horrible to live that way. we can all have bad days, but this definitely ran deeper than that. this was actually the result of a bad life.

i realize it's not entirely fair of me to say this, as i don't really know that much about this person's life.  but it seemed obvious to me, that the way life had worn at her edges, what happiness she may have once had was completely eroded away.

you wish you could take such a person by the shoulders, look deeply into her eyes and tell her to find a way to love herself. no matter what it takes. because the loathing of self and everything around her is so clearly not working. i wonder if on some level she can recognize it herself or if she's simply too far gone. i hope not, but i really don't know. i'd like to encourage her read this and this to see if helps.