you shall be assimilated or let them eat bacon

i've mentioned the trials and tribulations crimes and misdemeanors antics of the danish integration ministry several times of late. when we last left our vikings heroes losers they had just kicked out the dolores umbridge toadlike minister known as birte rønn hornbæk and appointed søren pind, who was best known for his saturday morning radio call-in advice show performances.

mr. pind, never one to shy away from the limelight in his designer glasses and overly bushy eyebrows, immediately began talking about how his ministry wasn't going to focus so much on integration as assimilation. and thus we stepped into an episode of star trek: the next generation and there was no cute picard as lucretius of borg in sight. "resistance is futile, you shall be assimilated." and so it got me thinking about what being assimilated might mean. and what the implications of assimilation are, if you carry them out to their logical conclusion...

some of my fellow foreigners and i joked about it on facebook, saying we'd have to learn things like how to run over people with your grocery cart and never even THINK about apologizing. and how to master looking right through people as if they don't exist and never chatting with a stranger anywhere, but especially not in line at the grocery store.

but then i realized that to truly stamp out anything not danish would change things around here very dramatically. for example, since the danes don't make cars, i imagine we'd have to get rid of those. as for sushi and pizza and kebab - forget it, it's all gotta go. no italian scooters to replace our missing cars. and no beer, since that's not a danish invention either. i'm thinking pretty much all we'd have left would be bacon.

dang, i wish they'd hurry up and call an election so we could get rid of this increasingly unfunny joke of a government. but at least we have bacon.