on parenting and advice columns and the natural progression of time

on the way home late last night, i listened to a couple episodes of the dear sugar podcast. it's the one with cheryl strayed of wild fame. i'm not sure what it is about advice programs on the radio - there's also one on saturday mornings on danish radio and it's somehow fascinating, even when people's problems seem far from my own. there's something comforting in listening to other people's problems and the opinions that the agony aunts (and uncles) have about them. cheryl and steve almond (who was sugar before her) are surprisingly compassionate and deep. i'll admit sometimes when i hear the letters people write in, i wonder how they're ever going to take it seriously and not just tell the person to suck it up or piss off, but they always do, in a compassionate and empathetic way, without being sappy. it's a delicate balance and they strike it. 

it seems like parenting and especially motherhood is often a topic and it got me thinking. i never wanted children. i was traumatized by my high school boyfriend's older sister getting pregnant in high school and going to her wedding instead of her senior prom, missing out on a basketball scholarship and not going to college. i also viewed my own mother as singularly unselfish and doing everything to give my sister and i all of the great experiences she could and i felt i could never be like that. so, i went around for 30 some years, not wanting children. but then i met husband and it started to seem like a good idea. and although along came sabin a bit before i was entirely ready, i have not once regretted becoming a parent. of course, parenting has its moments of frustration and no sleep, but overall, i have generally been in awe of this whole, amazing person that i made and feel like some kind of privileged bystander who gets to watch her grow up into the confident, funny, opinionated and smart young woman that was somehow there within her all along. 

she's away this year at a boarding school, coming home one or two weekends a month. next school year, she'll be in the states, getting a high school experience. people often ask me if i'm not horribly sad that she's not at home. and perhaps it will make me sound like one of those dear sugar parents who hates being a parent when i say that i'm not. i love watching her blossom into who she will be - confident, finding her way, learning who she is and what her style is. and being away at boarding school was the natural next step in that process, just as going to the states next year is the next step after that. it's how she will find her way to being who and what she wants to be. she needs us less. it's completely normal and natural and i don't feel sad about it. i feel happy and proud that she's come so far and is ready and embracing these experiences and finding her way. 

but, i can see on some of the faces of people who ask me, that they think i'm a bit heartless for not missing her more. of course, i do miss her, but i get texts from her pretty much daily, so it's not like we're not in contact. but there are parts of her life, her inner life especially, that are hers now and not mine to share. and that's just fine! it's how it should be, it's time for that. i hope that we've given her a solid foundation from which to unfold her wings and i am secure in the knowledge that she knows that we're here, should she need to rest them. 

* * *

amazing photos of a place both frozen and abandoned by russian photographer andrei shapran.

the yearly christmas tree hunt

most years when we do this, it's raining. it was muddy, but dry this year.

sabin, in despair over the trees we liked.

she was hoping she was adopted.

husband, pointing out where he could cut this one so that it was the optimal height.

husband's requirement for the tree was that it was a "brave choice."

this would have been pretty brave.

and rather alternative.

see, you want brave? 

this one was my first choice.

i liked the light green ombre effect.

sabin said it was so 2013.

this was the one the girls picked.

it probably would have been the best choice.

however, husband did not deem it a "brave" choice.

sabin tries to interfere at the last moment.

alas, to no avail. we got the tree with the weirdly bare branches.

sabin said it was the tree equivalent of one of those hairless cats.

this wasn't our tree (ours was already netted when we returned),

but i think this may be my favorite photo of 2015.

how is she already 14?

13 was a pretty awesome year. it will be great to see what 14 brings. happy birthday, pooka. it's a pleasure to see you growing up into an amazing person with your own style, opinions and thoughts. i am ever in awe.

my beautiful people and a lot of great links

my beautiful people, i haven't shared them with you for awhile.

sabin's fancy hair colors even look cool when they're up in a bun.

and husband, despite needing a haircut (he's had one since), just gets cuter all the time.

how come the same isn't true for me?

that's kinda not fair.

* * *

the entrant from denmark won the eurovision song contest the other night.

happily, i wasn't watching, even tho' i do enjoy me a bit of kitsch on occasion.

it was best to learn of it through facebook updates.

and i did read a bit of the guardian's live blog of the proceedings.
that was pretty hilarious.

best quote from that came during the waiting for the votes bit:

"I'm not saying that this bit is long, but I think I just saw time detach from itself and form a spiral and slowly disappear into the universe."

i kinda like when time does that.

* * *

*sigh* - 1913 was just really my year.

i can't even imagine an intellectual avant garde art scandal happening today, can you?

* * *

still enjoying that article about whether you have to like the characters in a novel. 

mostly because of quotes like this:

I hate the concept of likeability—it gave us two terms of George Bush, whom a plurality of voters wanted to have a beer with, and Facebook. You’d unfriend a lot of people if you knew them as intimately and unsparingly as a good novel would. But not the ones you actually love. 
--Jonathan Franzen

* * *

this makes me want to draw some maps. maps of me. maps of things i love. maps of life.

* * *

ever wonder where those bloody swear words come from?

personally, i think we should bring nackle-ass back into fashion.

happy 12th birthday, pooka!

2012 in review - it may have been the year (so far) where she grew and changed the most (well, since that first year or so, anyway).  horses figured rather heavily, tho' that may reflect my choice of photo subject matter more than actual reality. horses and girls are just made to be photographed together.  these are just photos that i had included in my 2012::366 project and not necessarily the very best of the photos of sabin from the past year (i do think last year's mosaic was better). but i love making these posts on sabin's birthday. to see how she's growing up and changing and processing the world and tackling it head on and with good sense and a healthy sense of humor. it tugs a bit at my heart that she's not a little girl anymore, but at the same time, she's exactly the age she should be (looking back at last year, i felt that way too, so it must be authentic). she should be growing up, learning and forming her own ideas about the world. it would be wrong to be wistful or sad or hold her back (as if that would be possible). so let's hope 12 will be a great year!

how to have fun on the beach on what will likely be the only sunny day of the summer

take a bunch of smooth stones in various colors and shapes.

add two creative-thinking fifth graders and a big fat permanent marker.

add a bit of whimsy.

and don't leave out the wit.

or the imagination.

leave behind your mark for future beachgoers to find. 

happy 11th birthday, pookaloo!

i'd like to say it pains me to imagine realize admit that my child is 11 today, but in all honesty, it doesn't. watching her grow and learn and explore and love the world is so wonderful that every age seems like the perfect one. she's lovely and strong and amazing and smart and funny. and it seems exactly right that she's 11. happy birthday, pookaloo.

*  *  *

and do check out the rainbow birthday cupcakes i made for her here.

happy weekend

the water heater of creativity

last week, i had the opportunity to discuss the mysteries of creativity for an entire afternoon. and i got to pick the brain of a very creative person. who hates to be called that. because there's so much pressure in it, isn't there? and while you can generally be creative, you often don't really have that much control over it. much of what we discussed was about creativity and creative people's place in business and i'll be writing about that elsewhere. but something he said stuck in my head...he said he felt that creativity was like the hot water tap. when you turn on cold water, it's always there, but when you turn on hot, it's there, but eventually it runs out and has to be replenished.

from the great jacabunny photoshoot - by sabin

but the difficulty is in finding one's own inner water heater, isn't it? what is it that recharges you? i watch sabin, who seems to be able to be endlessly and spontaneously creative, all the time. she sees the creative potential in everything around her...from the box the veggies come in to some bits of fabric scraps, to simply taking 1335 (not kidding) photos of our growing kit lane jacabob collection. and she seemingly never needs to stop and recharge.

my inner water heater functions best when i have a change of scenery. i can get very bogged down if i remain in the same physical space for too long. even if that space is home, which is filled with people and cats and bunnies and things i love.  i don't need to go far, i just need to get out. and get new impulses, see new things, eat new food, breathe new air.  last week's winter holiday was just what i needed.

a new work in progress

i can always tell that the hot water of creativity will flow again when i wake up with pictures in my head of things i want to create, or when i can scarcely fall asleep because so many exciting ideas are going through my mind. these last two photos are a hint of the picture that was in my head when i awoke yesterday.

the space ships are coming!

i'm looking for a way to combine the things i love...photography and fabric. there are many, many pretty pictures out there now that everyone has a digital camera, so it's difficult to stand out from the crowd on etsy or big cartel. i think sometimes that the pictures are too pretty in their glossy perfection once you've had them printed, so i wanted to break the integrity of the photo down a little bit. i'm still working on it, but i'll back back later to show you what i mean...i've got to keep going while the water's still hot.

double digits

sabin turns 10 today! her father said to her yesterday morning that if there was anything she had wanted to do while she was 9, she'd better get it done. she snorted that little snort she does when she's satisfied with herself. she knew she had done an awful lot while she was 9. and at her age, you just want your birthday to hurry up and come.

my 365 project once again helped me to remember all of the things she did.  it was a busy year and a year of big changes. we moved to a new house and she moved to a new school. the transition was made very smooth by a wonderful teacher and her new class very kindly taking her under their wing. despite that, we still had moments of tears and missing all her old friends and her old class and especially her old riding school - in particular zidan, who was her favorite of the lesson horses (in retrospect, we should just have bought him).

you can see that horses were a big theme this past year (which perhaps reflects more on my obsession with photographing them than her interest, tho' her interest is pretty high). most importantly, in may, she got her own horse, matilde, a large pony of the "breed" they call danish sports pony - which means an elegant mix and not just a shetland. sabin has continued riding lessons at two different riding schools (she rides on wednesdays and fridays) and still uses the lesson horses there, since we don't have a horse trailer (yet).

since we live out in the country, sabin had to have a pet - so we got bunnies when we got back from our summer holiday in the US. we thought they were both girls, but learned (as most people do) that they were a boy and girl. happily that incestuous first batch of baby bunnies were stillborn and now we keep them in separate cages. i really can't believe what nice pets they are - well, aside from that part where they chewed 9 buttons off our of t.v. zapper.

we didn't travel much this year, due to the move, but we spent two weeks visiting family in the US and sabin and i had a wonderful trip to manila together at the end of november. this year will be exciting because it's a tradition in our family that when you turn ten, you get to decide where we go on holiday. sabin had been set on the philippines, but getting to go in november seems to have cooled that desire and now she's pretty set on new york city, tho' i believe her big sisters are working on convincing her that hawaii would be a better bet.

this fall, she started going to spring gymnastics and it's really her sport - she flips and cartwheels her way through the house - never walking normally out of the living room, but flipping over the back of the couch. we're trying to enjoy these waning years of her loving to spend time with her parents for all they're worth, as we know that the teenage years loom large. but for now, she still is at her happiest and most chirpy if she's sewing or in the kitchen with me or dictating the dimensions of a bunny cage to her father out in his workshop. 

i love watching her make her way through the world - jumping in with both feet, being curious and interested in everything around her. happy birthday, pooka.

it's beginning to look a lot like easter

mama and baby lamb - that just says easter, doesn't it?

wandering around the yard, i spotted these. and thought i caught a flash of a fluffy bunny tail out of the corner of my eye.

sure enough, there she was, the easter bunny, in the flesh!

here's hoping the easter bunny makes it to your house this year too!

scenes from an atelier: by sabin, age 9

i turned sabin loose with the cameras at my weaving teacher's atelier this afternoon and these were the results...

pencils await inspiration to strike.

a peek through a plant at the beautiful, unique, fish-laden woven window panels.

jewel-toned materials await their chance to be used.

wool in waiting.

i'm just blown away by the child's natural eye for composition. these photos were all taken with the nikon D60, but she took quite a few with the nikon D300 as well, tho' at first she complained that it was too heavy. afterwards, she said, "mom, now i like the "big camera" best and it doesn't even seem heavy anymore."

more about paul's beautiful works in the coming days...i have to process both my photos and my thoughts about his unique and wonderful work.

happy birthday sabin!

our pooka turns 9 today. last year, i did a photo retrospective of her year of being 7, but with the iMac in the shop, i don't have my full photo library at my disposal at the moment.  no sense duplicating oneself anyway. i can see that she traveled a bit less at 8 than she did at 7, but that's got to do with my job change, the general global slow-down and our growing concerns about the environment. still, she did get to go to the west coast of denmark a couple of times and she added ireland to her list of places she's been and we did make it to singapore, so it's not as if she didn't get on a plane at all.

running along the beach at the southernmost point of the asian continent.

(probably artificial, it was, after all, singapore)

you could say it was the year of the converse for sabin. she got red hightops, silver lowtops and some with a print. the silver ones are by far the coolest - you can't go wrong with silver leather.

she started riding lessons soon after she turned 8 and they have been a highlight of her year for sure. in fact, they're the catalyst for us changing our entire lifestyle - putting the house up for sale, making plans to move to a farm - all of which will undoubtedly happen while she's 9.



it's so strange to think of how little you know when the year starts out. we may think that things don't really change or feel impatience with the pace at which they change sometimes, but they change a great deal all the time. over the past year, sabin's grown like a bad weed, she's become more confident and self-assured. she's definitely a 'tween now, caring a bit more about clothes and what's on television. but in many ways, she's still our little girl and we have to remember to enjoy that while we can, as those teenage years are surely looming on the horizon.

i can't really predict at this moment what her 9th year will hold, but i'm looking forward to watching it unfold.

happy birthday, pooka.

it is a seriously tall tree

she's a whole lot better. thank you all for asking!!

we live in denmark, what can we say?

we had to have lego.

wordless wednesday - the disgruntled monocule©

monocules©

we are working on something really fun around here and i'm really excited about it. as those who came to blog camp 2.0 know, sabin invented these little one-eyed guys. with some help from my sister and a clever and creative friend of hers, we have dubbed them monocules©. and we are working on their story. and a whole product line. and i'm giddy. because it's totally a family project. sabin invented them and makes them, husband's spinning the story, my sister came up with the name and me, i'm the paparazzi, posing them fetchingly in the garden. it's a collaboration made in heaven. are they super cute or what? we'll be sharing their stories very soon.

what a weekend...

saturday we hosted a party where all of the parents from sabin's class were invited. everyone had to bring a course and since we were hosting, we only had to provide snacks and a welcome drink, plus coffee and a bit of fun from the liquor cabinet at the end of the meal. i did up my famous stuffed bread and we made a warm spiced apple cider, since we started out with everyone outdoors on the deck to take advantage of the glorious weather. they could choose to spike it with calvados or a marvelous cinnamon-vanilla snaps (you can guess which i chose). we figured a good glug of liquor to start off would relax everyone. along with a little puzzle game, it seemed to do the trick.

i'll admit i hadn't really been looking forward to the party all that much. i had suggested an abba theme, where we all dressed up 70s and played abba music all evening and drank fun retro cocktails, but the less daring members of the party committee vetoed the idea as soon as my back was turned (tho' not to my face, of course). i figured that since all we really had in common with these people was breeding at the same time, the party would be short and everyone would go home by 10:30 or so. my dread was slightly confirmed when the first guests showed up not fashionably late, but unfashionably 15 minutes early. sigh. i was afraid it was going to be an awfully long night.

but people had gone all out on their assigned dishes and when we started off with a beautiful salmon herb roll artistically arranged on my marilyn monroe plates, followed by another spectacular creamy herby roll with scallops and shrimp, i cheered up considerably. main courses were a beautiful spinach quiche with a grilled eggplant salad, lamb kebabs and a fresh tabbouli laced with succulent red kernels of pomegranate, and a gorgeous spicy, lemon grass and coconut milk thai dish. for dessert, an apple crumble and a chocolatey ice cream cake. in all, a brilliant menu. and there's nothing like good food and plenty of wine to ease the flow of conversation.

it was well after midnight before the first guest left and nigh on 3 a.m. when the last ones departed, so i think it was safe to say it was really a successful party and despite my reservations at the beginning, i had a great time. less successful for me the next day after all that wine, but life is short and you have to go to extremes sometimes.

* * *

sabin and lizette

on sunday, while i took sabin to her riding lesson, husband was industriously preparing the outside of the house for the filsning it's going to have (i don't know what that's called in english...it's when you cover the bricks of your house with a thin layer of mortar and sand). part of the preparation involved getting rid of some cords on the outside of the house. one of which happened to be our live internet cable and not an old cord at all. and he snipped it off at the ground. which, you can imagine, made him very popular. he must have begged and pleaded, because TDC came out already this morning and fixed it. i think he knew his very well-being depended on it being fixed quickly, so he worked some kind of magic.

sabin and felix

sabin really jumped for the first time at her saturday lesson. she was riding felix, an oldenburg. he must be at least 17 hands tall and has the most beautiful gait and he eagerly jumped for her. you can see the big grin on her face in this shot. she was so happy that she got to jump for real that i just had to share this picture. our resolve is even greater to get the farm with space for horses. (hence the whole thing with preparing the house for sale.)

i'm a little bummed that i missed a day of posting, but it wasn't all bad to find out that i still existed, even when i wasn't online. catch you the rest of this week from norway.