that kind of week

we're seeing dinosaurs in the clouds.

i forgot my id at home today and had to sneak in the door behind some others at work, as well as bumming lunch money off of a colleague. not lunch money, per se, as we "pay" with our id and then it's subtracted from our paycheck. yesterday, i sat at my desk with headphones on, trying to watch a youtube video (yes, i get to watch youtube videos at work, as part of my job), and only after far too long realized my headphones weren't plugged in and the sound was blaring out of my computer. and it sounded like i was watching beavis & butthead, tho' i was actually watching something that was actually quite relevant to my job. that was not at all embarrassing. luckily, someone had brought in a meter of chocolate (for reals...1 meter of little 4-square sized ritter sport), so i only feel vaguely out of synch and not unhappy or frustrated.

i think i'm distracted by this school switch. we made our decision on monday and the switch will happen on thursday. we feel we've made the right decision, but i think i will only rest easy once she's settled in. and that will likely take a few weeks. so i think i'll tether my work id to my computer bag and eat the odd chocolate to get through it. which is actually weird, because normally chocolate is not my go-to problem solver of choice. but when there's a whole meter of it on the shelf behind your desk, what choice do you have? that amount of chocolate could solve a whole lot of problems.

the view from sunday night or what a week it's been

it's been a full week. there have been tiara-wearing kittens (that got a whopping 252 likes on flickr, which is the most any of my flickr photos have ever gotten).

there were days of rain, and blustery winds, but also glorious, golden light spilled through in between showers, making it ok that it went from summer to fall overnight.

there were more photo sessions with kittens, where i came to understand why they say you shouldn't try to herd cats. they are at their most lovely and irresistible right now. i'm enjoying every yummy minute of them.

there was a bit of early access to the series 12 minifigures, which won't be in stores until october (hence the blurry photo). i've got 13 of the 16 and can't wait for them to be released so i can get the other 3.

there was teenage mutant ninja turtle homework to do. i do love the kind of homework i'm asked to do at my workplace, even tho' tmnt aren't my favorites. this little spaceship was mostly an upside down build, which was new for me. it's also quite a lot sturdier than it appears, which is cool.

we harvested the last batch of honey - boosting our total harvest for the year up to 90 kilos, a much better harvest than last year. now we just need a big box of new honey jars so we can fill them up and maybe even sell some.

and when we weren't eating shark burgers, the weekend was spent discussing the school options. we visited two schools on friday and both have their own advantages. so much so that we've not had a gut feeling that one is a better choice than the other. that's been a bit difficult for me, as i normally rely on my gut to tell me things and in this case, it's told me that we should definitely find a new school, but it isn't obvious which one is the best choice. the child, on the other hand, is sure which one she wants, so pending a couple of questions tomorrow morning, we are going to go with that one - she is, after all, the one who has to make the switch. it's up to us to make the logistics of it work and to ensure that she keeps her social circle intact, as well as building a new one. that one, we're not really worried about so much. probably, we'll ultimately choose the public school, because we pay an awful lot of taxes and education is something they should just get right. and the new school gives a good impression of getting it right (of course, we're currently easy to impress in light of how bad things are at her current school).

and the weekend ended with a long walk with husband in the forest. the rainy weather has been good for mushrooms, both the edible and the photogenic kinds (these are the latter). a long walk has a way of clearing out any last vestiges of restlessness and discontent. and now i'm ready for the week ahead.

* * *

molly has been on a roll (of awesome posts) lately.

* * *

me, probably not making all that much sense, 

in danish, on the radio last wednesday evening.

talking about what danishness is.

(hint: full calendars, booking people two months ahead,

being able to talk to the boss no matter your level in the org. 

and being afraid of conflict)

* * *

i'm liking stuckinplastic

what's not to like? minifigs. life philosophies. lemonade. gratefulness.

* * *

a heartwarming story of love that finally happened after 60 years.

* * *

has amazon gone to the dark side?

what would homer do?

i came home to an email from the school principal today. i've written previously about the shocking lack of communication skills displayed in these emails and today's was no exception. if i were working on a ph.d. in rhetoric, these mails would be absolutely fascinating. as it is, i'm a parent of a child who is in a class with what is essentially (and unfortunately) a really bad, weak teacher, so the mail is more worrying than fascinating.

for some time now (school started in what, august, so approximately 9 months) this teacher has had trouble controlling the classroom. she hasn't been able to gain the respect of the students at all and they are often noisy and restless during her lessons (which are danish and history). oddly, this class seems to respect their other teachers, but that's curiously not mentioned in the mail from the principal.

today, this poor teacher apparently had enough and gave up and left the classroom in tears after saying to the class that they could just go home and laugh about her with their parents. when i heard that, i was definitely not laughing, as it seems to me to be a very sad and revealing statement from a frustrated teacher who feels desperately unsupported in her work. the kids reported that she went to the principal's office and had a good cry.

in the meantime, the principal came down to the class and sat them down and had a talk with them about, as near as i can tell from her email, soccer and drippy faucets. because vague metaphors really speak to the 7th grade mind.

the email assures us that she has turned off the drippiest of the faucets and that all will be just hunky dory going forward because the students have understood the gravity of...erm...leaky faucets. whether the school understands that they have a problem and need to give extra support to a teacher that's clearly floundering in her work is less clear. and whether they further understand that respect between students and teachers is something that must be earned or commanded through force of personality, is also unclear. actually, i'm being sarcastic; it's pretty clear that they don't understand that at all.

they also don't seem to have made the connection that this class, which is largely composed of the same students as it was last year, over at the elementary school, was not a problem then and isn't a problem for other teachers at the middle school. and that therefore, it stands to reason that maybe the teacher is the problem.

i don't want to kick someone when they're down, but a teacher who has struggled with what is arguably an easygoing group of young people for nine months without success clearly has a problem. when she begins airing the dirty laundry of personal problems at home in class, including that her son is hearing voices, and that she's struggling with health issues after a lung transplant, it is quite possibly the equivalent of waving a big red flag. young teenagers have enough troubles of their own dealing with puberty and all of the changes wrought by that, without having the unexplained symptoms of their teacher's child brought into the mix. what are they supposed to do with such information? how are they supposed to react? will it make them worry? will they wonder what it means? why on earth would you as the teacher tell that to your 13-year-old students? how can she not see how wildly inappropriate that is? why is the filter switched off (just to bring in a metaphor, ala the principal)? and why is the school not effectively supporting a teacher that's so clearly in need of some serious support?

but i'm not sure what i can do about it. i could write a mail to the principal, expressing my concerns and she'd fob off a few more dissertation-worthy metaphors on me and nothing would change. i could send her a link to this blog post, but she would probably just think i'm a big meanie (really, i'm trying to work out what i think about it, and this is how i do that).

i spent some time this evening, looking at the website of a nearby private school, as that's my way of feeling that i might be able to change things. but what i really want is for this school to clean up its act. i want them to start communicating in an honest and open way and face the problem head-on. and i want them to either provide a whole lot more support to this floundering teacher or i want them to remove her and promise me that she's not going to be my child's homeroom (and danish and history) teacher next year. in other words, i want them to grab hold of the reins. we pay an awful lot of taxes and frankly, they owe us that.

i don't know what homer simpson would do in such a case. i'm not sure he'd much notice. but if he did, i think he'd be fiercely loyal to his children and go in and demand the best for them, even if he did it a bit clumsily. so maybe i should do what homer would do. my own little lisa's future might very well depend upon it.

*like how i made that photo fit the post right there in the very last second? 

bullying: nothing will change if you can't discuss it

i've got bullying on the brain. a week or so ago, several parents in our community called a town meeting to raise awareness of bullying in our community. i saw a sign about it at the library, but it was the same day that i spent at the food co-creation event and i only got back to town as it was starting and i still hadn't fed my family yet at that point, so i didn't go, even tho' i was curious about it. earlier in the year, i worked on english subtitles for a danish program about bullying that was broadcast on DR1. while my own child doesn't have problems with it (either as bully or bullied, thank goodness) at school, i know it's a big issue in schools and frankly, in the workplace and other places among adults.

it turned out that very few people attended the meeting that evening. and the reason is a disturbing one. apparently teachers at the 0-6 school had taken down the signs about the meeting and spread the word that it had been canceled. and quite a lot of parents must have believed it, as only a handful came to a meeting where they were expecting to have more people there than were allowed by the fire code (that would have been 150+). why would teachers not want this important topic to be discussed, i wondered?

the issue moved to the pages of the local newspaper in the days that followed. the first article reported on the meeting - three parents of children who were bullied told their sad and harsh stories. the reporter expressed that it was too bad no one from the bully's side had shown up and that there was no debate on the topic, as had been planned, since it was only the bullied side that was present.

but that must have not been quite correct, as the next day, there was an interview with the principal of the 7-9th grade school, where she said she had attended the meeting and thought it was a shame that she was never given the chance to speak. the first article had indicated that there was no one else present who wanted to speak, so i wonder if she didn't even try to speak up that evening.

she confirmed that the posters had been taken down by teachers at the other school, but said that they would have to speak for their own actions, she wouldn't do so for them. she also indicated that the school acts immediately in cases of bullying, talking to both the children involved and their parents immediately. she gave a recent example of a student who had used a fellow student's gym bag as a toilet and was going to be replacing his bag. she did admit that teachers and school leadership could only do something about incidents which they knew about and that undoubtedly other things happened at school that were never reported and thus not acted upon. fair enough that the teachers cannot be everywhere at all times.

things were quiet for a couple of days and then the story of the worst bullying incident came out in the newspaper. the story had been told at the meeting that evening, but too few had heard it. it was a case of systematic bullying over two years, which resulted in the boy in question growing increasingly angry and violent himself and eventually he, as the bullied, was kicked out of school. he was also diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of the bullying and spent several months away from school. he's now started in a new school, as it was impossible for him to return. a sad tale indeed.

only one side of the tale has been told, as the school claims to be under a confidentiality agreement not to discuss the case. all of the parents received a letter from the superintendent who is responsible for both local schools, on friday (the day after the article appeared). the tone of the letter is very defensive and, in my view, not at all willing to admit that there is an issue. he claims that they have been "hung out" and that not all of the stories are true and that it's quite difficult to have to just "sit back and take it," due to the confidentiality agreement. the letter tries only to shut down the discussion, not open up for an honest conversation that might lead to solutions and new thinking around ways of handling bullying.

then, on monday, a politician got involved and has asked the school for a written explanation of the events in the story of the boy who ended up with PTSD. the explanation will be handled on a political, municipal level by the division of children and young people. it will be interesting to see what comes of it.

i find it sad that it's such a sensitive issue that it seems to be impossible for the school to open up and talk about it. no one wants there to be bullying so bad that a child is chased out of school completely, but to not be able to discuss it is a tragedy. how can anyone learn from the experience and prevent the next one if it's surrounded by defensiveness and a lack of open, honest discussion?

in the program i worked with in the early spring, many of the teachers were also very closed and unwilling to discuss the topic, some of them actually resorted to bullying tactics themselves on the man who was making the program, ignoring him and not letting him join them for lunch when he asked. unless they are involved in the bullying themselves, i can't see why teachers wouldn't want to open up and look for solutions together with parents and the community as a whole?

it's a sad affair all around and i'm grateful that somehow or other it's not an issue that's affected our family or our child's love for school. a week or so ago, she was actually sick and insisted on going because she didn't want to miss out on what they'd be doing in class that week. so the school is doing something (and probably a whole lot of something) right, but they're not handling this bullying issue very well. not very well at all.

the danish model rears its ugly head

i love the danish model. NOT.

honestly, there are times when i'm less than fond of the danish model. i mean in general, not the union model being referred to in this headline (i just couldn't resist using it, since it fit my ironic mood). even down to the word nydansker - new danes - in the little headline below the big one. that term has, in the past decade, taken on a negative connotation. and really, does anyone expect to be allowed by the old danes to actually become a new dane? i don't think so. the danes are too much of a tribe for that. i could go on and on about this, but today i'm thinking about one aspect of the broader danish model that i'm not that keen on...and that's blind allegiance to bureaucracy.

sabin will move over to what is effectively middle school next year. in connection with this, there is a form we had to fill out. after name, address and social security number, the next questions are "mother tongue" and "land of origin," followed by whether or not danish is spoken in the home. it is unclear how this information will be used.

i wrote to the principal yesterday, expressing worries about the purpose of that information. i said that i hoped that the fact that we speak mostly english in our home wasn't going to be used to discriminate against or exclude my child in any way.

i promptly received the answer that the reason it was there was that the school had to send a report about two-language (tosprogede - another word that's taken on a very negative connotation in danish) students to the municipality every year. she assured me that it was not, under any circumstance, used to discriminate or exclude children - tho' she offered no proof of this and provided no information as to what it was to be used for. she also offered no information as to the municipality's purpose in gathering such information on a yearly basis. i can make some guesses about this, with extra funding being at the top of the list. she further advised me to contact the municipality if i wanted further information.

if you recall, this isn't the first time the school has tried to pigeonhole my child with objectionable questions about the languages she may consider native. in that instance, they were also very poor at explaining the purpose of the questions.

and i've thought a lot about that. and i think the answer is twofold. 1) danes trust blindly in their bureaucracy. if the municipality wants a yearly report of what languages the school age children speak in their homes, then they must have a reason for it, so we'll just provide them with that information without asking or even wondering how it will be used. 2) the danish higher education system does not include a set of general education credits which force students to have at least been exposed to basic rhetoric and argument-building. therefore, the principal of the school thinks she actually answered my questions and concerns, not realizing that "the municipality asks for it" is not an argument and does nothing to persuade me that there are not ulterior motives behind it. nor does her proof-less assurance that the information is not used for discrimination or exclusion. these are not arguments, but i have encountered such statements so many times that i have come to believe that danes believe they are arguments. because they don't know any better. me, however, i'm grateful to the TA who taught my rhetoric course at iowa because what i learned from him is still helping me recognize bad arguments on a daily basis.

pushing my buttons

this week, sabin's class it set to participate in the PIRLS study - an international study on reading levels in the fourth grade.  after reading both the danish university that is behind it here and the PIRLS site itself, i am no closer to an answer as to what the purpose of the test really is. there is a lot of vague information about how the information will be used to improve policy and decision-making regarding the education of children. that, i could support. but i wonder if that's it.

we received a questionnaire today that we should answer as parents in connection with the study. it's that questionnaire that has me worried. a few examples:

3.) which language(s) did your child speak before s/he started school?

i would be ok with that, but the answer choices are:
a.) danish
b.) turkish
c.) arabic
d.) serbo-croatian/bosnian
e.) punjabi (is that even a language? isn't it a place?)
f.) other

the same languages are listed under the question of "what language does the child's father/mother primarily speak?" are these particular languages politically motivated? and to what end?

and i have to say that with all of the news of late of the crimes and misdemeanors of the Danish Integration Ministry, i am concerned about the purpose of these questions. those languages were clearly deliberately chosen and i'd like to know by whom and why? those cannot possibly be the languages universal to the international version of the test. so to what purpose do they want to know about those particular languages? by participating, do we contribute to further tightening of the noose around foreigners?

i don't want to be one of those uncooperative parents, but seriously, shouldn't we have more information about what we're contributing to? what purpose it will serve? and who has ordered it? i think we all need to get better at questioning authority. and i'm starting here.

an agreement among girls

a

in a bubble

it seems that in the 4th grade, there is a lot of focus on the social competencies of the girls. any signs of mean girlness are being nipped in the bud. and it can only be a good thing.  i don't think our child is one of the mean girls, but it can be hard to tell.  today, the girls in her class all drafted and signed the following agreement. it's a bit of a 4th grade girl manifesto...

being a girl in grade 4

we know that we feel best and most comfortable and happiest among the girls in our classroom when...

  ~ everyone can play together, across all lines

~ everyone can play together and be good friends

~ nobody is teased or pushed out

~ nobody is ignored

~ an agreement is an agreement

~ we are careful about too many groups

~ we don't talk behind people's backs or gossip about one another, 

but speak properly and directly to one another.

~ we don't send dumb SMSes that can easily be misunderstood

agreement entered into by the girls of grade 4, february 22, 2011:

~ everyone can play together

~ nobody will sit alone when we play, without being asked if they want to join in

~ everyone must be active and try to participate in the play

~ we have to listen carefully to what is said when we make agreements and speak to one another

~ we have to say no with care

~ we will try not to say no during school hours

~ make proper playdates after school and be open to those who come and ask

~ be very careful about playdates (write them in a calendar)

~ take care not to double book playdates

~ teachers can and should talk to the girls about who we will play with and what we will play

* * *

although encouraging fourth graders to keep their appointments written in a calendar worries me slightly, after the tales i recently heard of bullying in the classrooms of the suburbs of chicago, i am very happy that the school takes such a strong stance on bullying. there's nothing worse than mean girls, unless it's mean girls with a packed calendar. 

what a star!

parent-teacher conferences take place once a year in our public school here in denmark. and yesterday was the day. sabin has several different teachers for different subjects, but she also has a main teacher. the conference yesterday was with her and with the math & science teacher.

i think as a parent, you always go into these meetings with a bit of trepidation. it can give you the feeling of going back yourself to those days, as they often take place in the classroom and you're sitting in a child-sized seat, staring across the desk at the authority figure teachers, feeling a bit worried about what you're going to hear. it crosses your mind that maybe you should pull yourself together in the morning and make the child brush the rats' nests out of her hair a bit better and maybe not always make her the same boring leverpostej sandwich in her lunch, and be a little bit better about insuring she's got the right books in her bag and sharp pencils in her pencil case. it's odd how, for me anyway, the whole situation calls forth feelings of anxiety, even tho' we've received a student plan in advance that pretty much spells out everything that's going to be discussed, so there are no surprises.

it didn't help that the conference before us went more than forty minutes over time, so we waited outside the closed door, in the hallway, with that old dread of going in to face the principal mounting in us. the child comes to the conference as well, so there we sat together, the three of us, drawing pictures of roof construction possibilities (as one does) on a piece of paper that happened to be lying on the table, and trying not to think about why the conference before us went on so long. it got even worse when the student in question came out of the room, clearly red-eyed from crying, and sat quietly in the hall while his parents stayed inside with the teachers. yikes!

at last our turn came and we went in. thankfully, it was more like a conference room that you'd encounter for meetings at work, and didn't take place in the classroom and the children's desks, so the awkward feeling passed. we really like sabin's teachers, so once we were actually there, greeting them and smiling and laughing, all of that dread dissipated, but it's still interesting how it can arise, even in otherwise totally well-adjusted, resourcestærke parents.

and what we heard was what every parent completely dreams of hearing. that sabin had become much more confident in the classroom, that she spoke up and that she even dared to be wrong once in awhile (last year at the conference, we found out that she was a real perfectionist and this kept her from speaking up). she had come a long way in her reading and spelling - which had been a bit behind last year, undoubtedly because she is growing up bilingual. she was great in math, always digging right into the assignments and participating in a lively way during class. we also heard that she gets along with everyone, that all of the other kids would like to be assigned to a group with her and that she has great social skills. she can sense when someone is about to be sad and she is gentle and kind towards them. she's able to say no to something in way that leaves everyone feeling ok about it. and she's very good at getting the group rallied around an activity - be it a game or making something together. we heard that she's very creative and inspires creativity in the other kids. it was so positive it almost became embarrassing in the totally opposite way to what we could have expected.

and i think that it's all because of her riding. she started riding almost a year ago and her posture has improved, her confidence has improved, as has her entire outlook and attitude (not that it was bad before, it really wasn't). but i think that spending time every weekend at her riding lessons has given her something she's proud of being good at and it's made her a bit less of a spoiled only child. because a horse can see through any spoiled behavior and doesn't allow it. so she's had to learn on occasion about not getting her way. and i think it's been really good for her.

popularity is such an elusive thing. it's hard to put a finger on what makes one person popular and another one picked on. but it's true that she's never been the picked on child in the class. it's also true that she has a wide range of friends home with her on a regular basis. she plays with both boys and girls, pretty much equally. and her annual halloween party has become a real event on the class's autumn social calendar. so, i don't know what it is, but i am very grateful for it. and it's a big part of why when we move, we don't want her to have to change schools. it seems conditions are perfect for her in this one.

i feel a rant coming on...

sabin's school has a parents' portal. it's one of those typically badly-designed, no usability studies conducted, homemade kind of unhandy, old-fashioned things, which isn't really what this post is about, but as i said in the title, i feel a rant coming on, so i shall indeed rant about everything.

yesterday on the parent portal, the school posted what i can only term a decree outlining their "principles for parental financial responsibility for damages." it reads as follows (in the original):

Hvis en elev bliver taget i, forsætlig at have forvoldt skade på skolens materiel, vil elevens forældre modtage en regning til betaling – efter endt reparation eller ombytning.

Når det er billigere for eleven og skolen, at servicepersonalet reparere materiellet, vil elevens forældre modtage en regning på 250 kr. pr påbegyndt time samt omkostninger til materialer.

Elevens forældre vil ikke modtage en regning, med mindre skolen er sikker på, at det er vedkommende, der er skyld i skaden.

Elevens forældre vil altid blive informeret i godt tid, inden der kommer en regning.

Forældrene orienteres inden arbejdet påbegyndes.

basically, it says that if your child causes damages to school property, you as a parent will receive a bill for the damages or replacement of said property. it further declares that if it is cheaper for the student and the school, the school's own service personnel will make the repairs and the parent will be billed for 250 kroner per hour + the cost of materials. it does allow one caveat that the parent will only receive a bill if the school is sure that the student in question caused the damages. and it also says that parents will be notified before work begins and before they are sent a bill. 

at the bottom of the word document, it says that the decision about this matter was taken at a school board meeting at the end of march. the document was simply put in the intranet with no accompanying explanation. and this is part of what i object to. i'm sure that there are extenuating circumstances which made the school think this was necessary, but none of those are given (perhaps if i were truly a resourcestærke forældre i would simply KNOW what the background story was). i cannot believe that i'm the only parent who would be interested in knowing the context of this decision and i would think that could be done diplomatically without naming names.


i think this is another example of how language manifests culture..i find it to be written in the same cold, righteous, distant manner that i sometimes find the entire culture to behave. it just hits me as very harshly put, even tho' if you dissect, there's not anything that's really wrong with it. maybe i feel this way because i'm missing the context for the decision.

or maybe the main reason that this is rubbing me the wrong way is that last week, sabin hurt herself when she fell on a wooden structure in the schoolyard that is in dangerous disrepair. i don't know if the hole she fell into was already there or if she actually made the hole in this wooden decking/bench structure that surrounds a tree in the schoolyard.  i had a look at the bench and counted no less than four places where there were jagged pieces of broken-off wood or holes where children could get hurt. it wasn't blocked off from kids playing on it until i brought sabin's injury to her teacher's attention (by which time it was already too late). i have to give her a big hand because she immediately acted and there is now tape up and the kids have been instructed not to play there. and look, the maintenance guy fixed it today--where the new boards are is where there were jagged edges, holes and dangerous protrubances (is that a word?):

this is the one where sabin fell in (before the repair).

but what i wonder now is if i will be presented with the bill? where does responsibility begin? if sabin had maliciously damaged the wooden structure, i would happily take responsibility. but, if she got hurt playing on something that should have been kept in good repair and it happened to break further when she was playing on it, should we have to pay? you might imagine that i do not think so. and i should hasten to add that no one has asked us to, these are just the thoughts that go through my mind as i read the proclamation.


i think it provokes me no end that parents are basically being threatened with having to pay for damages on school property when the school isn't even taking care to maintain it properly themselves. 

i was so incensed by this last evening that i couldn't sleep and i stayed up late composing an email to the school which i sent late last evening. it's now late afternoon here and do you think anyone has acknowledged my mail and my concerns? they have not. and do you think that's making me happy? it is not. 

there is a parents' meeting this evening and i am attending. the right people are probably not at this meeting, but you can bet i'm going to bring it up, even if i am painted ugly american for doing so. i just don't think it's acceptable to send out such a strongly worded statement with no accompanying background information, nor do i think it's appropriate to ignore my email. and most importantly, i don't think it's ok to let play areas become dangerous so that children are hurt on them during playtime. if it were the US, we could definitely sue over the injury sabin got on that broken decking. denmark isn't like that, but my litigious inner american has been awakened and she's not happy.

an alternative sleeping beauty

do you remember the story of sleeping beauty? i thought i did, but i didn't remember that it contained a whole lot of whispers from backstage and impatient toes peeking under the curtain:

and i don't really remember an abraham lincoln character.

but it did begin to vaguely ring a bell when they brought out a king and a queen who desperately wanted a baby.

it got a bit hazy again when a frog came out and promised them a little princess. i don't really remember a frog.

but then some good fairies came and made lovely promises of a happy life for the baby princess.

but, of course, there had to be an evil fairy too and she said the princess would die, which didn't really seem so bad because it all rhymed.

luckily, the blue fairy hadn't yet made her promise to the little princess and she said she wouldn't die she would just sleep for 100 years. and so she grew up and did exactly that.

and tall vines (which spoke in rhyme) grew up around her.

and they were quite hilarious when the prince came and chopped them down.

and despite looking positively american gothic, the prince and princess lived happily ever after.

and wild fun was had by all...

and now it's time for some beauty sleep around here.

school is cool

sabin goes to a lovely old public school in the center of town. it's right across from the church and is comprised of solid old brick buildings. we like it a lot. her teacher, i've mentioned before, is a former long-time stewardess with SAS and rules the class of 20 second graders with the sure hand of a business class purser. they respect and like her very much.

the school has a general philosophy of working hard on socializing the children--no picking on the weak ones, speaking up if you're being picked on, doing activities that mix the kids up so they play with everyone and not just their best friends. it seems to work. on saturday, we observed sabin's best friend's class (he goes to a different school) and we could see a big difference--sabin's class is much more cohesive. a good teacher really matters and we are lucky sabin has that. the way it works here is that linda will follow the class all through their indskoling (in-schooling?) period, which i believe means through the third grade, so sabin has her at least one more year. it can be that she will follow them through the seventh grade, but that will be evaluated next year some time.

one of the very cool things about her class and her school is the outings they take. today, the class is going to copenhagen to a performance of fyrtøjet (the tinderbox)--a ballet based on a h.c. andersen story and with scenography and costumes by the danish queen. how cool is that? there are a few kids in sabin's class that i don't think would otherwise ever go to the royal theatre or see a performance that the queen was involved in. what a great experience and it's due to the initiative of sabin's teacher! we're really fortunate and happy that sabin has such a great teacher.

when sabin started kindergarden there was quite a lot of talk about resourcestærke forældre--parents strong in resources. that phrase has haunted me a little bit ever since i read it in a newsletter from the school. at first, i thought it was a rather cheeky comment about how much money people had, but it's not. it's more about how much energy you put into parenting. do you make a healthy, nutritious, exciting lunchbox for your child? does your child have the right books and her indoor shoes with her every day? does she do her homework? is her hair brushed? her teeth? are her clothes clean? does she have mittens with her? are her pencils sharpened? do her pens work? does she have those nice faber-castell colored pencils with the little bumplies on the side for a good grip? did she do her homework? does she get to school on time? do you spend hours and hours making her a fairy costume for the school play (and will you ever finish it)? do you make sure the child has good experiences that give her something to talk about when it's time to share what you did on your summer vacation? do you go to the pool with her on the weekend? do you read together? does she have a computer? a phone? a Wii? a DS? does she have all the accoutrements that it takes to be 8 years old and give you a feeling of belonging in today's world?

and i worry a bit about whether we're really very good at all of these things. her costume is half-finished and yes, she has the right stuff. her clothes are clean and she doesn't often have holes in her tights. husband is great at the homework side of things and making sure her bag contains the right books and sharpened pencils. he's steady at the lunch "packse," but she complains that his lunches are boring. because it gets boring and tough to come up with something exciting day in and day out. i stand there before it and admit it gets a little old, but it's something you simply have to find the energy for. and it's easier to find that energy when you know that the child loves school, has good friends and a good teacher.

so i think about finding that energy to be resourcestærke forældre and wonder if the goodness of school comes because we ARE that or if we are that because we think the school is good. which comes first? it's a circle, feeding itself, in a way.

and i do manage to get her to school on time, tho' very often i'm still in my pajamas when i run her over there. one day, i noticed that her reading book was lying on the stairs and i ran it over. i laughed to linda that i had to bring it over because we so wanted to be resourcestærke forældre. thankfully, linda assured me that we are. but i think it's something you have to work at constantly and the phrase itself really intimidates me. i'm just so insecure sometimes.

four wise guys and a robot

this morning it was "klip & klistre" day in sabin's class. that's the day they cut & paste and make holiday decorations and the parents and/or grandparents are invited to participate. husband and i both went along. the kids were given a couple of templates and they should make small nisse (elves, only naughtier) to hang in the windows and christmas trees which will go out in the hallway.

sabin was the only one who had both parents with her and her parents were by far the wackiest in their decorating:

far's skeleton/vampire nisse

mommy, is that a christmas robot?

far's painstakingly constructed candy cane christmas tree.

and far's more normal christmas tree.

that's not entirely normal, because it has an old nordic sun symbol instead of a star.

husband is such a pagan, but that's why we love him.

one of the things that struck me as very cool was that muhammed's mom came along and stayed even longer than we did (and we were there 3 hours!). there's a lot of talk in this country about a muslim minority not making any effort to "integrate," but i have to say that i see little evidence of it. she makes far more effort to integrate than i do. i've never heard her speak anything but danish and i never speak danish to sabin. i find it pretty unfair that the muslim minority gets a lot of bad press, when it's only a few people who are not "integrating" and the majority are surely like muhammed's mom.

these yearly school traditions are lots of fun. we sit and giggle with the kids, talk to the other parents during recess when it becomes blissfully quiet in the room, come to understand why teachers go down with stress (20 kids make a LOT of noise) and we (being husband and i) challenge traditional notions of what the holidays are about. and because it was nisse and trees, there wasn't much religion in it. and that's just fine with us. there's a need for a comforting winter holiday to help one through this dark time of year. and besides, it was four wise guys and a robot who showed up at the manger, right? i mean, why not? it's just as plausible as that other story.

* * *

last night, i learned that sabin's class was doing a  "pakke-kalender" (a present every day from december 1 to the 24th) and that sabin needed to bring her gift for it today. so i sat down and made a little mini-album of the pictures from her class overnight event back in september. we were supposed to spend only 30 kroner, but if we factor in my time (2.5 hours), we spent a bit more than that. oh well, it'll be a way cool prezzie for one of the kids in her class and it was worth my time.

what will your week bring?