on the ups and downs of flickr

just going through my draft posts...started this one clear back in march, but it actually still seems to ring true now...and i do still love the scarf.

on self-presents and belonging and not cleaning that mirror

i struggle with flickr. i go through periods of adoring it (usually in january, at the beginning of a new 365 project) and then i hit the doldrums and i begin to loathe it. there's so much pretense there. i saw someone one day who had commented on a photo, saying, "heartbreakingly beautiful, sympathetic DOF!" and i was like really? really? it was one of those rather prosaic photos of the aftermath of lunch at an outdoor café that are so in vogue. and how can depth of field possibly be sympathetic? and what purpose did that pretense really serve? but my impatience with it also tells me that i'm in one of those periods where i've gone off flickr.

i find flickr to be way more cliquish than blogging. groups there are much more defined (and by groups, i don't mean the ones you add your photos to) and it's so hard to break into them and i've tried with a couple of different circles that rejected me. i think that basically, i don't really feel that much at home on flickr. i'm just much more at home on blogger. but some part of you wants to break into certain groups and belong a little bit anyway. so i do things like buy myself this lovely scarf from the scarfshop as a little self-prezzie for my birthday, even tho' i'm not even recognized as a peripheral member of that particular flickr crowd (despite my best efforts). 

sometimes, you just want something that lets you feel you belong for a few minutes. even if only in your mind.

i don't look like who i am

are you ever surprised when you look in the mirror? like that person you see can't possibly be you, because you feel so different than that on the inside? and do you realize that you've never truly seen yourself? it's actually physically impossible to look at your own face. is something missing in the reflection? sometimes it seems so to me. i feel so different than how i look. i don't really know where i'm going with this, it's just something that strikes me at times. that it's really quite impossible to get at who we are, even to ourselves.

what i wore today

it continues to be grey, rainy and windy, so casual, warm clothes and no makeup are the order of the day. i thought i'd feature samba, the world's best bunny, to explain the bits of hay that are at my feet in these shots. i'm taking them out in a covered, unheated terrace that's at the back of our house (and arguably the best room in the house). it's where the bunnies lived before they got their new cage out in the furnace room where it was nice and warm for them this winter.

apparently the weather makes me not care all that much about matching my outfit either - it's all about being warm and comfortable today!

green cashmere sweater: gap, singapore

grey plaid pants: gap outlet, seattle area, 2003

scarf: made by me of lovely anna maria horner flannels

my favorite bit is the big giant vintage buttons

moccasins: same as yesterday

samba: bringing new meaning to the notion of bunny slippers

happy halloween!

despite a bit of culture shock when our guests began to arrive a half an hour before the appointed time, we survived the halloween party and even had a very good time. i got lots of great pix, but am not sure how cool it is to show photos of someone else's kids on my blog, so i'm afraid i'll be keeping those to myself. it was a big success - and i have to say a huge thank you to karen for the toilet paper mummy idea. it worked a treat!

best investment ever?  a smoke machine. totally made the party.

tomorrow i'm on the long road to manila, so i'll catch ya on monday!

happy halloween one and all!

xox,
/j

true story*

"i took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. i am. i am. i am." - sylvia plath

miscellaneous thoughts to confirm to myself that i exist:

~ best neologism i've heard in the past week: powerpointless

~ coolest trivial fact: chinese is a high context language - there are no cases, no gender, no tenses, no singular or plural, no active or passive, there is just what's there in the here and now. we could probably learn something deep and profound from that. if we weren't so trapped inside of our own low context language.

~ if we did, it would bring new meaning to the phrase, "you had to be there."

~ i finished my knitted scarf (hence the photo above).

~ i grow worse at self-portraits in the mirror instead of better.

~ "governance" is the word of the moment in corporate reorgs today.

~ those who've been on facebook in the past few hours will understand my title.

~ i had to upload a bunch of pix to flickr today that i wouldn't otherwise have uploaded, thanks to blogger's new photo uploader "improvements." i fear they moved those people who worked on buzz over to the blogger team. and it doesn't bode well. can you say rejects from windows vista development?

~ on the other hand, i'm sure the good folks at blogger will fix it and the new photo uploader will be fabulous and that i won't have to manually resize to 800 anymore. (note to blogger: this is a hint.)

~ my new contacts are no longer making me sick, but i can't see anything through them. i haven't decided whether this is a bad thing or not.

~ harmony before honesty? i don't think that would work for me.

~ i cannot believe that my sister has traded in her iPhone for a blackberry. that's an #epicfail by AT&T, as she did it because the coverage in eastern iowa is rubbish. but i still say she's out of the will (thanks for that, liz).

~ oops, this isn't twitter, so i guess the hash tags aren't so effective.

~ however, even an iPhone with no coverage is still far superior to any other phone. because of that hipstamatic photo app mostly. and the sexiness factor.

~ i'm a little worried about husband, he just signed up for his 25-year reunion on facebook. we didn't even know he knew he was on facebook (my sister and i created a profile for him awhile ago because sabin needed more friends for her pets in pet society).

~ i hope my new job description will specify "unlimited thinking" like husband's does. because i can totally do that. true story.