mass murders and other disappointments

i've been searching for words about the most recent school shooting in oregon. although i do have strong opinions about this topic (get the guns out of the hands of the maniacs and everyone else), there are so many (kristoff, bruni, blow) who have said it better than i. or just look at these sobering gun death statistics that good assembled. or did you know that there have been 994 mass shootings in 1004 days? and there, on a guardian graphic, were the words platte, south dakota and six red bodies to signify 6 lives ended by a mass murderer (who also happened to be their father/husband). what will it take for change to come? how many people have to die over a misinterpretation of the constitution?

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i'm hoping that when my new job begins (october 19, i'm counting down the days), that the daily nightmares i've been having about the jerk who did away with my job in lego will go away. i think they were brought on by seeing him a week or so ago and having him nearly refuse to shake my hand in front of a bunch of people. it apparently weighs heavily on my subconscious, as he's been making nightly rude appearances in my dreams. 

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i'm also looking forward to my new job because it means that i have a good excuse to step down from the increasingly problematic local board i'm on. i've worked hard for more than three years and now our wonderful new library/community space is up and running. i can make all of the things happen there that i am interested in making happen (salon evenings, creative workshops in a creative space, debate evenings, board game evenings, spoken word, pecha kucha, etc.) through the other board i'm on. it seems the one that "governs" the house is falling to pieces. the chair of it has been through a horrible personal crisis and instead of stepping aside, has become a control freak who wants all the credit and doesn't want to do any of the work. another member of questionable graphics talent pushed his idea for a logo through without considering other submitted contributions. and the muttering person who is obviously bitter for having lived the wrong life has decided that it's enough that we serve some stale, donated chips and cheap box wine at the big opening reception this upcoming thursday (this despite that we had a 10,000kr budget for food). i am no longer proud of the work being done by the group, so i will be stepping down from it. and it will be an enormous relief. and i am a bit grateful to them for feeding the characters for my novel.

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and speaking of that muttering deficit person, i noticed today that she had actually had the nerve to switch places in our creative workshop with someone who was on holiday, taking the better spot by the window and the better cupboard for herself. there is a chance she agreed it with that person, but it still seems really underhanded to do it while she was away. how can grown women behave like this?

holding pattern

the light is changing, becoming autumnal and i mind it less than i thought i would. we didn't have much summer this summer and i thought i would dread the autumn, but, like many other transitions at the moment, it feels like it's right and like it's what's next, just the natural progression of things. what doesn't feel right is that i'm in a waiting phase once again and time has slowed down once again. it doesn't get easier. and it doesn't help my sleep. in fact, it feels like torture, cruelty even. i just want to know what's next and get on with it.

in the meantime, i find myself seeking comfort. soft sheep pelts tossed over chairs, purring cats, the smell of apples baking in the oven, long walks listening to podcasts, a new cut & color. it helps but it doesn't help.

what also doesn't help is an unexpectedly rude email, reading the news, people playing games for no logical reason, strange dreams of wolves and not sleeping properly.

our yearly krebsegilde (the swedish crayfish party) is this weekend and perhaps that will help. tradition, combined with laughter can sometimes do that.

in the meantime, i try to breathe in and just get through it.

winter's last gasp (or too little too late)

so, we woke up to this. heavy, wet, springlike snow, falling in more quantity than it's bothered to do all winter long. but it's already melting and it feels like the last gasp of winter. we'll be back in the garden soon, i'm sure of it.

a day in the life of the world's happiest people starts at home

a few of us from the drink & draw group got to talking about this whole notion of denmark as home of the world's happiest people. i still maintain that if the danes are so happy, you definitely can't see it on them. even my fellow drink & draw-ers are a bit provoked by the whole notion and they are danish! so, we are putting together a project where we are going to ask a wide variety of people of all ages, backgrounds and from all over the country, to keep a diary for a day (all of them on the same day). we will collect the diary entries and see if they shed some light on what it is that makes the danes so darn happy. we don't want it to be a scientific, clinical look, we want it to be personal and intimate. our intention is that then we will invite a variety of artists - painters, actors, storytellers, filmmakers, playwrights, sculptors, whatever - to gather and give creative expression to the diaries. in my head, there's definitely a podcast in it, undoubtedly with multiple episodes. i think that also in my head is something along the lines of the wonderful and profound humans of new york - with short, poignant stories that tell so much about the culture at large. but i'm also trying to reserve judgement and remain open, because once we have the diaries in hand, they may point us in another direction entirely and i want to be able to move in that direction.

yesterday, we all tried the task on for size ourselves. we figured we should feel it under our own skin if we were going to ask people to do it. we agreed that we would write it all out - good and bad and try not to hide anything. we have shared our diaries with one another and will get together next friday and talk about the next steps in our project.

i wrote my day on my marquee blog (see sidebar if you're interested), but i also did some much-needed art journaling to go along with it.  i think i needed both the linear timeline side of things and something more abstract and creative. and i can definitely tell that i needed those moments of creativity and the different sort of concentration that accompanies them. in fact, i've continued them today and they helped me settle down and get back to work again. they quieted some of yesterday's restlessness. i also thought it was quite wonderful that i came across the quote in the one on the bottom while paging through an old magazine, looking for collage materials. it's a bit uncanny how you often come across the thing you most need to hear at precisely the moment you need it.

i realize once again, working on this, that i'm happiest when i'm setting an idea out in the world and seeing what becomes of it. i can't wait to see where this will take us, but i'm also definitely enjoying the place it's helped me occupy right here and now. and to be bringing this to life with a group of awesome and creative women is pretty magical as well.

while i am waiting...

waiting is seriously underestimated as a device of torture. they should use it on those guys at guantanamo, i swear they would crack and tell them whatever they wanted to hear within a month. while i'm eternally waiting, i thought i'd dig out some bright colors from my fabric stash and make a quilt. i always instinctively turn to anna maria horner's bright, cheerful patterns. they just brighten up these grey, february days. and there's something to sitting down with fabric and the sewing machine and making something tangible that you can have in your hands, or your lap, as it were, when you're finished. i chose a simple triangle square pattern. i hadn't tried it before and it seemed like it would sew up quickly and not tax my brain too much. because that's the other thing that waiting does to you. it rather heavily taxes your brain and renders you not very clear in your thinking. and moody. moody as all hell.  just ask my family. at least they'll soon have the comfort of a quilt to console them. or to hide under when the waiting storm cloud that is me blows through. stringing people along like this is just not right. but at least something bright and cheerful might come out of it.

i certainly hope this wait is worth it.

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did you see that president obama made a buzzfeed video?
how awesome is that?

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nice piece in the new yorker on jony ive and what's ahead for apple.

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also in this week's new yorker, a new murakami short story.

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and one more from the new yorker.
an interview with flemming rose, the editor who originally printed the muhammed drawings
that may have sparked the chain of events culminating in copenhagen last saturday.

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dang, it is a good week for the new yorker.

batman and his teddy bear

we've had weird weather of late...one minute beautiful and practically springlike and the next sleeting down small balls of ice (too small to really be hail) between cracks of thunder. but nothing stops the 365 photographer and especially nothing stops batman. especially when he's with his teddy bear.