wherein she overuses the word "energy"

choosing your path

such an awesome day. i went to a place where i know there is truly bad energy palpable in the very air. in fact, it was actually proven by a strange phenomenon as i approached...it was a sunny and gorgeous morning. several times along the way, i wished i had time to stop and snap a photo or two, the light was so beautiful, glowing golden green on the fields. but as i approached my destination, a heavy, grey fog settled over the very buildings themselves. the bad energy inside seemingly manifesting as an actual weather phenomenon outside. quite extraordinary.

but i was in a good place (thanks to my week of positivity) and took my positive energy inside with me, honestly feeling no apprehension about it, despite knowing what i knew about the place. and i was able to keep it all day, even tho' there were times when it flagged somewhat (hungry will do that to anyone). it helped that i was working with someone who definitely gives me positive energy. and even at the end of the day, i felt great. instead of being tired and finished, i had all of the energy i needed to change clothes and jump on my bike and go meet sabin, who was biking home. we found a sad, lost kitty in the forest along the way (and brought her home in my bike basket). then we ate out in the garden, grilling a leisurely dinner and having a glass of wine and enjoying the gorgeous weather.

it helped that the topic of today's course was on written communication. as we know, i love that. but honestly, a big part today was that on sunday night i decided to have a great week. i don't want to go all new agey, but it seems that there is something to the power of positive thinking (and sunshine). and of working with people who give you energy instead of taking it away.

i must remember this. it seems to be a powerful thing and gives new meaning to the notion of renewable energy.

i survived!

picture just meant to be a calming influence on my psyche

i love lilacs.

they're my favorite flower.

today was the day that i had to conduct an interview at my former place of employment. it's a very austere place. cold. formal. old-fashioned. and i'll admit i was shit scared a bit apprehensive about going back there. it was a place that was downright bad for my health and i was worried that setting foot in there again would set me back months in getting over it and that it might require building a second story on the studio to make it ok again.  but you know what? i was wrong. totally and completely wrong.

and it's partly because of a conversation i had with a friend last friday (HUGE thank you H!). she and i are doing an art show together in october and we got together to talk about that. she actually works at that place now (in a totally different department) and we talked about it. and i told her about my fears and my need to psyche up to go there. she said, "you're afraid of meeting your old self when you go in there. but it's not going to happen. you're a totally different person now." and she was so right. it was like her words just totally clicked into place with me and i haven't been worried about it since. she was right. there was no danger for me there, no matter the cold, marble surfaces. there wasn't anything there that could hurt me anymore.

it helped that the receptionist remembered me and was kind and welcoming. it helped that i saw a bunch of faces i knew and they lit up and greeted me warmly when they saw me (all but one the big introvert boss who stuttered a bit when i greeted him cheerfully--and admittedly it was nice to see him a bit squirmy, so that was also a good thing). it was even ok that the meeting room was one i had been in countless times.

and the interview was great. they were engaged and interested and i learned something and got great information for my story. i can tell that big changes are afoot and that it's a good thing. it's a different place than it was when i left a year and a half ago and i'm a different person too. and both are good. and it's such a relief. they say you can't go back and i can understand that. but sometimes, maybe you should go back, just to prove yourself that it's safe and you're healed.

afterwards, i had lunch with a very good friend and she had plenty of time, so we talked for almost three hours. and that was so great. we gossiped, we theorized (more about that later), we talked about books, we watched a very weird man in a BMW (i'll blog about that later when i can download from my phone camera) and we laughed and had great food and a latte. and now, i'm in the lounge again, waiting to fly on to a new place and new adventures. and that's as it should be. just another manic monday.