Monday, June 03, 2019

live your life now or what are you gonna remember?

i found myself fuming today. last week, the belt on our riding lawnmower broke and i went to the local "tractor place" to get a new one. i brought the old one with me and a picture of the lawnmower, in order to ensure that i'd get the right one. the guy googled the model number (damn, why didn't i think of that at home? <insert sarcasm font here>) and then badly read the number on the very worn out belt i brought in. it was nearly rubbed off and i was pretty sure he wasn't reading it correctly. i said so in the moment, but he was sure. two days later, when i picked up the belt he ordered, it looked much shorter than the original, which i took in with me. a new guy who was there, a bit of a young smartass, assured me that the old one was just stretched out. i had my doubts. but what could i say at 4 p.m. on a friday, other than that i'd try it. of course, it was far too short. so i went there again today. there was only one guy tending customers. he was the old owner of the place. after he tended the guy ahead of me, he just didn't bother to come back to talk to me, me being a woman and all. so i waited, and waited. a woman came out of the office and did some fiddling around and then finally asked me if i had gotten any help. i said, "no, just waiting for someone to notice i'm here." she giggled and opened the door to the workshop. some other rube was sent in and he walked past me, then turned and awkwardly asked me if i needed help. i showed him my belt problem and suggested that maybe this time we measure my old one before ordering me a new one. he took the old one and disappeared. he came back with one that was the same length. proving that they had it all along and that i wouldn't have needed to wait a week. i can only conclude that i received shitty service since i was a woman with a foreign accent and i said as much to the woman in the office. she muttered that they were busy on friday and i said i ordered i wednesday. <insert eye roll here>  and meanwhile, the lawn grew half a foot.

why do i tell this petty, stupid story? for one, because it's bugging the hell out of me. and for another because life is too short for this bullshit. women have taken this kind of treatment for too long. and frankly, i'm too old and too experienced to take it anymore. life is too short.

life is too short because my mother has been lost to alzheimer's. i have no idea who the woman is who is left. even her hands, which have always been a source of strength and comfort to me (mostly because i see her strong, capable hands when i look at my own), are unfamiliar, alien even. who is this woman and what did she do with my mother? why can't i remember the good things about my mother when faced with this shell she has become? and will this happen to me too? will my daughter have to go through this? will she lose her good memories of the mom who went to get tattoos with her and traveled with her and and bought her the coolest shoes?

i don't know the answer to that and it scares the shit out of me. but all i can do is live right now. and that means not doing a job that may someday fit if i'm lucky. and that means living right here, right now. planting my garden, enjoying the kittens, reading a good book, learning new things - like spinning and weaving and dyeing. embracing the creative people in my life and hanging on for dear life. what am i going to remember? i don't know, but i hope it's something.

Wednesday, March 13, 2019

memories of funny things we said in the past

i was editing my facebook profile and found a old list of quotes i had there...i tried to add one and it wouldn't save, so i thought i'd save them all here - they uncharacteristically for this blog have capital letters, but i wanted to preserve them:

"Fart is not the f-word." --Owen & Finn, 11/06.08

"London is the opposite of Copenhagen." --Sabin, Munich, 22/5.08

"The fanny pack is like a modern chastity belt." --Megan, Munich, 22/5.08

"Can't you hear I'm screaming in myself?" --Sabin, Munich, 21/5.08

"He didn't even have the decency to pick a leaf..." - Richard, Batangas, 8/8.07

"Say things that are not true in the name of humor." - Monica, Batangas, 8/8.07

"I was in Hawaii and became friendly with the Canadian Navy." - Christell, 31/10.07, Hornbæk

"I taught myself to swim. I'm no good at it." --Richard, 15/2.07

"You can always recover in a Starbucks--from heat stroke or a hangover or whatever. It will fix you. Thank god they're everywhere..." --me, thessaloniki, 28/7.07

“Work hard, laugh when you can and don’t dwell on things you can’t change.” - Land Girls by the BBC

Monday, February 25, 2019

the mole man

we used to have a mole man - the first time he showed up, the countryside grapevine had told him we had a mole problem that needed solving and he came. he took 10 kroner per mole he caught and occasionally, he came to the back door (which opens directly into my kitchen) with one or two in hand, as proof that he was catching them. he would enter without knocking. he was a retired mailman, in his 70s and had a country twang that i, as a non-native speaker of eanish, struggled to understand. when he had caught enough moles, he would come to that back door with his little pencil-scribbled note, asking for 180kr. or maybe 210. cash only, please, he didn't believe in all that netbanking or mobilepay app business. once, i was showing him the way down a tree-lined path to our little apple orchard, where there was an especially pesky mole infestation, and he remarked that it was very romantic. i assured him that it was not. the mole man did not represent romance to me. last year, he got cancer. i'm not sure if he died or not, but he doesn't answer the call of the countryside grapevine anymore. i can't even look him up, because i never knew his name. he was just muldvarpmanden. and now, husband is trying his hand at catching moles himself. and they are mocking him.

Sunday, February 17, 2019

paws mcgraw and the plants :: a story in four pictures

you should see how hard she is on the pussy willows i picked today. i think she's convinced they are little bitty velvety mice.

Saturday, February 09, 2019

i'm going back to weaving!

when i went back to the magical randbøldal on wednesday evening, it was like coming home. and i wondered how it was i stayed away so long...sometimes we have to lose ourselves for awhile to find ourselves. i'm going to make a long runner for the kitchen. and it doesn't matter how long it takes.

Sunday, February 03, 2019

kom med mig... / come with me...

my friend christina and i have been planning an exhibition together for over a year. and by planning, i mean we made a pinterest board in january of 2018. we've put it off a couple of times because life and mostly work got in the way and we didn't manage to create anything worth exhibiting, but on saturday, we redeemed ourselves and held an opening - with snacks and drinks and everything! and i have to say that i'm really proud of what we made.

back in october, we had a getaway on the island of samsø, where christina's sister has a lovely summer house. while we were there, i made sewed up this little paper feathery dress that had been rolling around in my head for ages. once i allowed it to come out, it came out very quickly and i had it made in under an hour or so. i had painted abstract atoms on the newspaper and cut out the feathers in advance, so it was just a matter of coming up with a design and sewing it all together. when we were first hanging the works, i didn't think it was going to work as part of the exhibition, but was very happy that we found a way to show it as well.

the centerpiece was this mannequin with a spectacular headpiece/bird mask (more about that below), encircled by long banners of different scenes painted on old book pages and sewn together on the sewing machines in long garlands of 7 pages each. the book was chosen randomly from my collection of old books that i was saving to violate.  it was the right size and the pages were quite thick, decent paper and there were illustrations, so i cut it up and painted a whole lot of abstract atom-like shapes on one side using payne's grey ink. those abstracts are my attempt to try to break out of my fear of placing brush to paper and of making mistakes and being a bit more wild. it's surprisingly hard for me to do that. but after painting a 100 or so pages, i felt a bit more free.

christina then got to work painting her speciality - birds and bits of birds - on the other side of the pages - sticking to a limited palette of payne's grey, bordeaux and yellow, with small accents of a more true red and some black. the book turned out to be biblical illustrations and a retelling of the old testament from 1923. though the book was chosen rather haphazardly and without thought for the subject matter, the pages began to speak to us - causing painted wings to seem like they belonged to angels, rather than birds, and provoking christina to paint a few scenes with breasts.  i painted quite a lot of birds and feathers as well. and a whole lot of small boats came out here and there. i found myself surprised by what ended up on the page when i gave myself over to the process and let it flow.

we knew we didn't want to hang the works on the walls, but have it be more of an installation. we painted ourselves a payne's grey forest on sheets of plastic that's normally used under insulation in building a house. the way the light comes through it looks pretty amazing and we hung it in two rows so that it felt like you had to step into the forest to enter the world of the exhibition. we did one tree in bordeaux, which was one of the other colors we had in our limited palette. the limited color palette helped our individual styles come together and harmonize, despite the differences in the way we paint and the lines we put down on paper.

i spent hours cutting out paper feathers for this mask and enlisted husband's help in forming the headpiece itself - which is a beak. it was originally a mask in our minds, but ended more as a kind of hat. the creative process sometimes takes you in surprising directions. naturally, when husband got involved, he wanted to use wood (i had been thinking paper or maybe papier mache). he used a big hunk of wood and started off what ended up as an absolutely exquisite piece, by whittling down the log with a chainsaw. i wish i'd filmed that.

he also was the one to place the paper feathers i had cut out, taking ownership of the piece and finishing it absolutely spectacularly. it really was the crowning glory of the exhibition, bringing together our vision, which started with this video by thievery corporation. we loved the uncanny feeling of it - the way it was repulsive, yet attractive and fascinating. we wanted our bird woman to be the same, tho' she ended up not at all repulsive, but strong and assured, eclipsing our birdman, who was painted flatly on one of the sheets of plastic. she was the star of the show and although she is beautiful, she is also rather uncanny.

i found a dress for her in a second-hand shop - it had flowers that matched our payne's grey, with a kind of white slip underneath. once we had the headpiece on, the dress was the wrong pattern and took away from the beautiful headpiece, so we stripped her down to the slip and it was absolutely perfect.

at the opening, people could walk in among the works, looking closely at the details on the pages. people noticed things we hadn't even noticed ourselves. like wings on pages that spoke of angels and breasts on a page that talked about the lord's heaven. we had many wonderful discussions with people - about the creative process, about the biblical pages, about the payne's grey, about sewing on paper. it was such a pleasure to share the work and to see how it was received and to once again be reminded that ideas are always better when they are in dialogue with other people's ideas. our work became richer and deeper, even to us, when we shared it with others.

this little boat was another thing that's been in my head for some time and which just had to come out during this creative process. the paper is some very thin but strong chinese paper that we used to make  seaweed prints on the beach during that weekend on samsø back in october. i fashioned the small boat out of fine wire and just glued the paper in place. The boats are light and airy and looked just gorgeous in the window against the blue sky when i took the pictures today.

i'm really proud of this work and this collaboration. we had a few prints done up of some of the best of the small paintings we did on the book pages and there are a few leftover from the opening. i put them in my big cartel shop here, if you're interested in having a look. they're signed and numbered and will only be available in a limited edition of ten of each.

where did january go?

goodness, i let january get away from me without writing here. i blame the cold/flu from hell that just wouldn't go away. i finally started to get healthy around the third week of january, just in time to start a new job. as you can see below, i did collect a few links for this post and it has been open here in my browser since the beginning of the month. i really don't ever shut down my computer i guess is the lesson we can learn from that. i made the airy little boat above for an exhibition that i'm doing with a friend. i'll tell you more about that and show more pictures in the next post. i just have to get this one posted so i can clear the deck for that. i hope your january flew by too. it's the darkest, dreariest month, so it's good that's over.

* * *

maybe it's good for you to hold a grudge.

* * *

love dave barry's year-end round-up.

* * *

these memed captions for medieval paintings cracked me up.

* * *

the truth about that stupid wall.

* * *

this made me laugh, even tho' i quite like marie kondo and her tidying up.

* * *

concentrating in a digital world. advice i could definitely use.
but it's a bit harder to follow.

* * *

so, about that 10-year challenge...

* * *

art that makes you slow down and think by david opdyke.