to do

* pack for Manila
* laundry
* move files over from ftp
* charge iPod(s)
* answer all outstanding emails
* write novel
* lose 20 kilos
* adjust budgets
* prepare cLear presentation
* pack prezzies for airplane
* find more time to think

construction zone

building on....bites. if we could just fast forward to the bit where the new room is there and i'm setting the table for a nice dinner with friends in there, cooking it on the new stove and taking chilled south african sauvignon blanc out of the retro red smeg fridge....but alas, that's not the case. instead, we're living out of boxes and wearing shoes inside to avoid all those yucky dusty bits that are on the floor around the place. rooms are torn apart. people have to lie on our bed to watch t.v. we're living out of boxes and suitcases. there's nowhere to relax. i'm crossing my fingers that it'll all be worth it. if i survive....

tired of flying? me?

it's very tired in here. i never ever thought i would say it, but i'm a bit frazzled from all the travel. never before has it occurred to me to be anything but excited going to the airport, no matter which way i'm going--away or home. but i fly to manila on friday and for the first time, it makes me feel tired to think of it. it's even a trip where i look forward to being there. if only i could transport there, ala star trek. maybe it's just because i'll be in monkey and on lufthansa. which, of course, i will survive. and it's for a noble cause--to sit with my 6½-year-old. people survive in monkey class all the time! i see them when they eventually get to the baggage claim. but i hate that stopover in guanzhou. they don't let you off the plane and they open all the doors and refuel the plane. there's something very unappealing about that. i hope this feeling passes. i've always loved flying and being in the airport and i don't want that to go away. it's maybe just been a bit much this year....i'm sure i'll get over it. if only i could get some rest.

long time no....

....blog. in the meantime, it seems that this is another of those sites google has taken over. don't really know if that matters so much. probably actually improves things. here in front of the internet. i don't really spend as much time in front of the internet as i once did. when i had time. now, during my day, i almost don't even have time to stop and go to the bathroom. so it's rather lucky that i don't have time to drink coffee either--not that i would, because it's foul from those machines. but it's good to be busy. however, one should be better at making time for the little things in life. like blogging.

keeping it all together

the world is actually organized around the notion of catering to busy people. i've ordered organic vegetables to be delivered once a week so that i don't have to use my time standing in the grocery store, choosing veggies. i have a babysitter who picks up my child when i can't make it home in time. on wednesdays, i pick her up myself and we go to gymnastics together. we get good, quality time together with dinner, the nightly bath, a round of pbs kids (the child is frighteningly brilliant at that website), reading stories and talking before bed. and it all hangs together. frighteningly easily, actually. life is good. and i'm ordering someone to clean this week. what could be better? the fact that i can drop off my dry cleaning at work on mondays and pick it up on thursdays. that's pretty good. and the ubiquity of mobile phones. i like that too. it's really not so hard, this having it all...

oracle night

i just finished paul auster's oracle night, a slim novel that i devoured in a matter of just a few hours. it swept me in and held me fast, making me question reality and time and the future, just as his character, Sid, did. i hadn't been so taken in by a novel in ages...not since the corrections, i guess. it' s one of those books where you feel wistful that it's over and that you read it so greedily and didn't savor it in order to prolong the experience. but, i just couldn't stop reading, nor could i slow down.

it had a very interesting premise...does writing contain some element of prophecy? can the things we write come true? do we tap into something when writing? some line to the future? even when we speak of the past? it's a fascinating question.

also fascinating were the stories within the story. when the main character is a novelist it gives a freedom exploring various stories that he is exploring. very, very interesting.

the novelist in the novel buys a special notebook, a portugese notebook, and it lures him in, making him able to write like he hadn't written in ages. since i always feel that the notebook in which i write has special significance and i choose them carefully and by holding them and feeling them in my hand, that aspect spoke to me, tho' in the novel there is a sinister element to it as well.

i may have to go reread it already. it's one of those books.

no time for sleep

it's so strange, looking back over my agonized posts, as i waited to hear whether i got the job. once it happened, it happened so quickly. the fourth interview, the offer, the signing of the contract, the celebratory dinner, the first day, the first week....and now i'm well into the second week. elated. loving every minute of all of the new things i'm learning and people i'm meeting. the agony of the wait somehow worth it in the end, for what was awaiting me. challenges. growing, stretching myself and finding myself worthy of having been chosen. finding it hard to sleep for an entirely new reason...because my mind is racing with new things, thinking them through, processing them. and in that, there's no time for sleep. and it doesn't feel so bad.