Monday, November 23, 2015

melting away

we had our first snow sunday morning. our part of the country didn't get that much, but it came down quite heavily for an hour or so on sunday morning. in other parts of the country (e.g. copenhagen), there was much more! so much that trains were delayed by hours and the police advised no travel. my car, parked over there at a friend's place, had 40cm of snow on it and the branches of the trees above were completely bowing down over it, heavy with snow.

we're going over there this afternoon. husband will have to shovel it out for me so i can go to work tomorrow. because i'm actually going to go back to work! my back isn't better, but it's better enough (or my meds are good enough), that i can go in for a few hours a day. and as long as i take the elevator instead of the stairs and don't stand too much, it should be ok.  some part of me just wants to ignore the pain and act like it's not there and just get on with my life. i'm going to try to indulge that part over the next few days.

friday, i'll meet with the surgeon and learn more about the surgery that it looks like is on the horizon. i hope it's on the immediate horizon, as i really want this over with, but we have the appointment first and then it's scheduled. i wouldn't wish back pain like this on my worst enemy (actually, maybe i would, when i think about it). it just never ends. i had a few moments of feeling normal in recent days - i went to a café with a friend on friday and to an evening gathering with friends on saturday (luckily, there was an easy chair i could sit in for most of the evening). yesterday, i mostly laid in bed and read to gather strength.

i'll admit to moments of despair, where i have feared that this pain will never go away. and some part of me still feels that way. i can't stand or walk for too long before the pain becomes too much in my left leg. thanks to the nerves that are affected, the pain isn't actually in my back, it's mostly in my left thigh and knee. if i stand still for too long, it feels like someone has lit a sparkler inside my left knee. it goes away nearly immediately if i sit down or lie down. the surgery will take away the prolapse that's touching that nerve and it's my fervent hope that after that, the pain will just melt away. sort of like how the sun comes out and melts the snow.


Snap said...

When I say, I know just how you feel ... I REALLY DO! I had back surgery in 2003 ... walked (not sure that is a good description of how I maneuvered myself into the neurosurgeon's office) into my appointment ... he took one look and said ... you need the surgery or you will walk only with a brace on your leg (i had a moderate foot drop along with the constant pain). Well, to make a long story short, I can walk (big deal). I do still have some pain on occasion (more due to older age and getting shorter every year) and my left leg goes numb if I stand too long. Otherwise, I consider the surgery a success. I'll be thinking about you (and have been thinking about you). I know your kitties have been taking good care of you...!!!!

Shauna said...

So sorry to read about these troubles Julocha! Sending good thoughts for inner peace and a steady recovery.

I love these photos. So many friends thousands of miles apart had their first snowfall just at the time we were having ours too. Feeling holidayish and wishing you and yours a happy American Thanksgiving abroad (as I'll be having in Canada).