a to å challenge: c is for competition

today we went to one of the many gymnastics exhibitions the child's boarding school is participating in. as we watched the schools and clubs that came before flemming, it struck me that this aspect of danish culture is really interesting. i'd always been puzzled by it because of the lack of competition in it. the exhibitions are just that...exhibitions, performances of elaborate routines which took days and weeks and months to learn, but there is no winner at the end of the day. no scores, no medals. and for me, as an american, that's always been strange - how do you know you did well if you don't find out who wins?

but today, it struck me that what these kids are learning is much deeper than just a dance routine and a few flips. they're learning to perform both as individuals and as part of a larger team. they are each learning their part and doing it to the best of their ability, but it's only as a larger whole that it all comes together. when 200 kids are standing on the floor, doing the same routine and doing it well, it has a power and an impact that's much larger than a single individual doing the same routine alone. and these kids leave the floor, elated with the energy of a performance well done, so there's no need to know who wins to know you did well.  i suspect there's a lesson in that. i also suspect it's a lesson that will serve them well as they grow up and enter the workplace.

the good wife

i don't think this photo has anything to do with this post.

we discussed extensively this past weekend what it is that makes a "good wife."  there was a lot of laughter and sarcasm in our discussion, but i've been thinking about it ever since. about where notions of what makes a good wife come from. and how constricting they are, despite all of women's so-called liberation. and how nobody really talks about them (being too busy (in the blogosphere anyway) talking about what it is to be a good mother). and just generally how much pressure there is on wives to do it all and be awesome.

many of the traditional good wife things, i utterly fail at...keeping the house spotless, doing the dishes immediately after the meal, sweeping the kitchen floor, dusting, getting rid of cobwebs (there are way more spiders than me, so i can't win), cleaning and vacuuming the car. i could go on. and you notice how much it's a list of domestic chores. at the same time, in today's society, i'm expected to work full time at a fulfilling career (because a job just won't do), be a good mom (e.g. drive my child to countless activities and bake her birthday cake) and keep myself looking young, thin and stunning. it's exhausting, if you think about it.

i do some wifely things...i'm generally the main cook in the house and we eat at what could be reasonably called dinnertime, tho' dinner is seldom waiting on the table when husband comes home.  we tend to sit down together and eat, only occasionally in front of the television (generally because i have some project or other taking up the dining table). i'm good at keeping the laundry done around here, tho' i'm less good at putting it away and people sometimes have to paw through baskets, looking for socks and clean underwear and that favorite pink sweatshirt. i bake bread 2-3 times a week. i spend time in the garden (tho' that is again primarily a husband activity) and will be doing lots of canning and preserving as soon as the garden starts to produce.

but how did all of these good wife things remain so domestic, even after the revolution? what about being well-read and interesting, so that your husband can and wants to have an intelligent conversation with you?  what about mutual dreams shared with your husband? that's definitely good wifely-ness. what about still desiring your husband and him desiring you? that's a good trait in a wife. what about knowing when to give space and knowing when you need space? why are all of the things that we're judged by to do with keeping up appearances in some sense?

i think my conclusion on all of the weekend's discussions and my own pondering it since, is that i want to reject all those societal, cultural notions of what it means to be a good wife. and just continue to be one. because i am. even if there is crap all over the kitchen floor and dishes in the sink and dust on the dashboard of the car. i'm a great wife in all of the ways that really matter. so i think i'll stop worrying about it now.