truths right now

you reach a point, perhaps very soon after you turn 50, when you start to think about the truth. and about telling it. and a list begins to pile up...and you have to get it out...

~ you don't have to like everyone.

~ and it's ok if everyone doesn't like you. life would be boring if that were the case.

~ it's great when you can have a gossipy conversation with husband on the phone about the state of the energy industry in denmark. seriously, i mean this, tho' it's hard to imagine gossip about electric and oil companies. however, it's a real thing.

~ i'm a bit jealous of a 5-floor office building with 77 meeting rooms (says she who is constantly booking meetings at the last minute and wishing there were more meeting rooms where she works).

~ it sucks when your mother is being erased by alzheimer's.

~ i'm totally cool with the no more periods part of menopause (especially as difficult as those menstrual cups proved to be), but the memory blips part is a bit disconcerting in light of the above.

~ the new s*town podcast by the folks at serial and this american life is an amazing snapshot of today's united states. and over far too soon.

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spring has shown itself since i started this list a few days ago and it feels like things are shifting...not just the season. i decided to go lighter with my hair again after nearly two years of not coloring it. it feels like exactly what i needed right now - rather fabulous, actually. if i were to scan on an inner level and give a status assessment for this moment...i'd say awake, hopeful, energetic. i'm sleeping better and stressing less about the cheeto. life feels enjoyable, not hard - both at work and at home. i have an inner sense of bubbling anticipation. i don't know what it's about, but i'm looking forward to finding out.

monday's lesson in spending your energy wisely

i learned a lesson this evening that i really need to remember. because it was something that i already knew, but rarely act on. i was supposed to go to one of those soul-draining meetings this evening. but i had had a headache all day and so i said i couldn't be there. and oddly, at about the same time, the clouds lifted, the skies cleared and the sun came out. really, i mean it. and my headache faded. and i went out to the barn and i spent time checking on all of the animals. we've got a regular nursery going around here - frankie's mama pepchen has 3 new kittens. this little black hen hatched out 4 fluffy little chicks (i zoomed in, i don't dare get too close, she's a meanie pants). and the bunnies, two batches, are almost 2 weeks old.

our coming 2 filly has gained weight in leaps and bounds since her worming and has shed her winter coat and is looking very pretty (tho' i didn't have the camera on me at the time, so i'll have to show you that another time). and after i tucked the horses in with their grain and some fragrant hay, i stepped out of the barn and across the greening field (i don't know whether it's wheat, barley or rye, but whatever it is, it's coming up fast), there was a deer grazing in the distance. the air was full of birdsong and it was peaceful and glorious and my soul felt restored. way better than some meeting full of senseless powerplays by a sexist, racist troglodyte. with my energy levels filled to overflowing, i can see him for the silly little man he is, rather than being angry or wound up about it. maybe my own skies have cleared now and it won't ever go back to how bad it was. but maybe, just maybe, i'll have to skip another meeting or two to be sure. in the meantime, i'll just enjoy this beautiful, peaceful calm contentment that has come over me after spending the evening in the company of my animals, the garden, the trees bursting forth in all their glory of green and the cool evening air, tinged golden by the last waning rays of sunshine. i will remember that this is how it feels to have made a good decision, just for me.