truths right now

you reach a point, perhaps very soon after you turn 50, when you start to think about the truth. and about telling it. and a list begins to pile up...and you have to get it out...

~ you don't have to like everyone.

~ and it's ok if everyone doesn't like you. life would be boring if that were the case.

~ it's great when you can have a gossipy conversation with husband on the phone about the state of the energy industry in denmark. seriously, i mean this, tho' it's hard to imagine gossip about electric and oil companies. however, it's a real thing.

~ i'm a bit jealous of a 5-floor office building with 77 meeting rooms (says she who is constantly booking meetings at the last minute and wishing there were more meeting rooms where she works).

~ it sucks when your mother is being erased by alzheimer's.

~ i'm totally cool with the no more periods part of menopause (especially as difficult as those menstrual cups proved to be), but the memory blips part is a bit disconcerting in light of the above.

~ the new s*town podcast by the folks at serial and this american life is an amazing snapshot of today's united states. and over far too soon.

* * *

spring has shown itself since i started this list a few days ago and it feels like things are shifting...not just the season. i decided to go lighter with my hair again after nearly two years of not coloring it. it feels like exactly what i needed right now - rather fabulous, actually. if i were to scan on an inner level and give a status assessment for this moment...i'd say awake, hopeful, energetic. i'm sleeping better and stressing less about the cheeto. life feels enjoyable, not hard - both at work and at home. i have an inner sense of bubbling anticipation. i don't know what it's about, but i'm looking forward to finding out.

catalog of a day :: the natural order of things

my child is in new york city. she bought me a stick of the milk holographic highlighter, it's hard to find, but she found it at urban outfitters. you can never have too much highlighter. i spent the day at a shipyard. it was full of the acrid smell of welding, containers filled with piping, miles of wires, the clang of metal on metal and beeping cranes. i loved every minute of it. it's raining. i'm watching billions on hbo nordic. and drinking a g&t, made with...wait for it...belgian...gin. it's not bad. it's nice to be home with the cats. and husband (tho' he's at a meeting, so technically, he's not home right now.) if the photo above were a loft you could live in, i'd move there. instead, it's the upper deck of a ship that will be delivered in may. they have a bit more work to do. but look at that light. and that height to the ceiling. i could deal with both of those. tho' i'd probably need glass in the windows. i can't get enough of the marvelous vinyl café. today on the way home, husband laughed so hard at the story about the carwash that he cried and could almost not see to drive. i went to yoga three times this week. the light is returning. i am in the final days of my 40s and honestly, it feels fine. like the natural order of things.

* * *

interesting things to read: 11 non-political stories. this terrifying piece on trump's puppetmaster's plan to destroy the eu. and because you'll need to think about something light-hearted after reading that - this piece on the locations of 80s movies. and this totally amusing piece on (possibly) the world's smallest lego ship.

notes to self

just leaving a few things here, so i remember them...

• do not leave your tweezers at home for a whole week. your eyebrows (and possibly those around you who have to look at you) will suffer.
• that organic california chardonnay you bought was a bad idea - it tastes like oily peaches compared to the lovely, crisp south african whites you normally drink (even molly noticed).
• cat farts are the worst.
• but cats are otherwise the best.
• clowns are scary a.f.
• but not as scary as donald trump.
• they can keep århus (long story).
• really cool content about björk.
• i did some voicing in a real recording studio this week and admit i found it addictive. i want to do more. perhaps that podcast i've been putting off? why have i been putting that off again?
• i wonder who is going to take care of the cats when husband ends up in the folketing and is also in copenhagen all week...
• when the weather is glorious throughout september, i can welcome and love autumn again.
• also, i need to hold onto the memory of the good weather when it gets grey, dark and rains throughout november.
• gilmore girls makes a great background to a rainy sunday afternoon.
• thank odin for netflix.

the endless possibilities in a bit of alone time

we were talking at lunch the other day about alone time. and how utterly blissful it is. i love time alone. husband is off in copenhagen being political today. sabs is hanging out with her boyfriend. and i've got the house all to myself. and it feel so luxurious and so full of possibility. i could sew something. i could read. i could drink tea. i could experiment in the kitchen. i could paint. or stitch. or take photos of minifigures. or scan some spring flowers on my scanner. or take a nap. or pin some things on pinterest. or write. or maybe a little of everything.

what would you do if you had a whole day to yourself?

recovering (and grateful)

i am ever, ever, ever so grateful to good, creative friends who make me laugh and who let me vent and swear and then make me laugh some more. and who pour me a glass of wine when it's needed. and sometimes even when it's not. i am grateful for these days where i have time to devote to the last details for making our local creative workshop/library/culture house awesome. i am grateful to super creative people to collaborate with - like the person who made this dinosaur on which i was allowed to paint the final details. i am grateful to people who are large in the face of smallness. it makes the smallness matter so much less. and i am grateful for husband and how he helps me stay on an even keel. and i am grateful that my new job is just around the corner. and i am grateful for glorious autumn days and even those that are a bit blustery. and for purring lap cats and brand new kittens. and for the pear tree and the last of the tomatoes. for molly (the cat and my cat love friend in cape town). and for not being in a holding pattern anymore. and for proper mexican food and especially tortillas coming to denmark at last. and chairs that are not boring. and nordic light. and men who do dishes. and for being seen for who i am and what i have to offer. for the way that wounds heal. for doors closing and other ones opening. for husband. and sabin. and the security of home and belonging that enables me to fly. and new clothes. and good friends. so much to be grateful for, life feels like it's overflowing. and it's about time.

100 happy days :: day 83

two years ago today, frieda badida was born

she was molly's last kitten.

poor little molly was so tired by then that i had to gently wipe away the membrane so she could breathe.

i'm so glad i did.

she's quirky, sweet and wonderful.

and only occasionally expects to be let in the window at 4 a.m.

happy birthday frieda.

* * *

so many things tumbling in my mind to write about...ghosts, communing with the dead, what makes a good marriage (can you tell i'm listening to podcasts?), getting older, fears, plants, asparagus, peonies, gardening in general, memory, foxes, chickens, feathers all over the yard, buffy the vampire slayer, magic, painting, children becoming who they are, schools, whether it's ok to be the smart one, boarding school, summer holiday, content management systems, kittens...i could go on, but right now, it's all jumbled up. 

* * *

elvendale, not just where the LEGO elves hang out. 

i am not worried

things about which i am not worried:

~ putin.

~ the ukraine.

~ the coming nutella shortage (we have an 8 kilo stockpile).

~ ebola.

~ the middle east (i probably should be worried about this).

~ running out of gin (we were just in germany and i stocked up).

~ aging gracefully.

~ bills.

things which worry me a little bit:

~ finding the right shampoo.

~ what if i never find the right shampoo?

~ that my daughter's camera is way better than mine.

~ pixel-wise, mine still has that thing where i choose where it focuses.

~ the size of the new iPhone.

~ what if i never get to cape town again?

things which i worry about a lot:

~ stepping on kittens (i have an entirely too vivid picture in my head of the result of this).

~ cats getting run over.

~ there whereabouts of the feral hen.

~ how behind my child is in math and german thanks to the school she used to attend.

~ how can you know as a parent how bad a school really is?

~ will karma bite that dominatrix principal in the ass? (i know it will, but i'd honestly like to know when.)

~ with the amount of tax we pay, why couldn't our local school get its act together?

* * *

ahh, the jazz life in manila.

* * *

remind me again why we don't live in the world's most liveable city anymore?

* * *

and speaking of which, why do we lie about where we live?
(in my defense, i did live in copenhagen at one time and sabin was born there.)

* * *
the secret life of pronouns.
because words matter.

a drop in the sea of gratitude

it's thanksgiving day. and while we don't load our table with turkey and all the fixings in denmark today, i want to send my own thanks out into the hive mind today. i've come to think such things matter. i asked for good vibes to be sent my way on monday morning and i swear i could feel them precisely when i needed them. it must be the same with the great mass of gratitude being sent into the universe today. that mass of goodwill and gratitude must make the molecules align and hum just a little more in tune, if only just for that one day. i must be part of that.

so i pause this morning, with my beloved molly cat nestled on her furry red pillow in my lap, purring contentedly, and i am thankful for...

~ the way that husband makes me laugh every single day.
~ the way he says, "have a great day," when he leaves every single morning.
~ how he ends our phone calls with "i love you," even when he's at work.
~ his undying drive and work ethic - he comes home from his day job and goes straight to work on one of the many projects around this house.

~ sabin. she's beautiful, thoughtful, kind, sensible and a good, loyal friend to her friends.

~ all these cats. even the wild bunch outside. they make me smile and comfort me every single day.
~ our little flock of chickens. and that the spotty one has started to lay eggs.
~ my morning chores - the cats flying around in the terrace, eager for their breakfast.  the horses crunching their grain is such a comforting sound. and feeding the bunnies their breakfast brings joy as well. i love letting the chickens out of the coop and scattering some grain for them. they're so funny with the secret (to me) language they speak to one another. those 15-20 minutes every morning, even when it's cold, ground me and start my day off right.

~ friends who help with something really important out of the goodness of their hearts and help me shine when i need to.

~ friends who listen to my rambling and rants and offer gentle guidance on the ways of the world.

~ recently finding an amazing group of smart, funny (english-speaking) women.

~ my sewing machine, fabric stash and the meditative quality sewing has at precisely the moment when i need to calm an inner restlessness.

~ that we have this enormous project that is this house. it's not the way we want it to be, but it will be one day and we work steadily towards that. it's good to have a mission and a shared goal. i think a lot of couples lose that along the way and i am so grateful that we haven't.

~ knowing that my family is gathered together, eating good food, playing cards, maybe singing a bit at the piano and undoubtedly laughing a lot. i wish i was there, but even tho' i'm not, knowing that they are together is good.

~ lastly, i'm grateful for the opportunity to learn patience and learn to let go in a process that means a great deal to me, but which i cannot control. but which i feel confident will have the outcome i desire.

there you have it, universe, my contribution to the thanksgiving sea of gratitude.

thank you for reading. and happy thanksgiving, one and all.

saturday on thursday or just another random list to clear my head

things i've learned in the past few days:

~ do not be tempted to cook with the beautiful, smooth, fragrant, white inner bark of an oak tree. it's bitter as hell.

~ once you have had the iPhone above, you cannot go back to an iPhone below. i smashed the screen on my 4S the other day and am borrowing a friend's 4 while it's at the iPhone hospital. the 4 is not the same as the 4S - it's slower and apparently cannot be used for actual phone calls (not that that bothers me all that much). i guess i didn't really know this as i went from 3S to 4S back in the day.

~ oak is heavy. really, really heavy.

~ a photo of a baby bunny is almost a shoe-in to go explore on flickr.

~ not all writing is equally easy. the more you care about it and the closer you are to it, the harder it is.

~ good things really do come to those who wait - we've waited three years to eat the first asparagus from our garden. it was heavenly.

~ when you read the no. 1 ladies detective agency books, you will want to drink excessive amounts of rooibos tea.

it feels like it's the weekend, but it's only thursday. that's because it's ascension day in denmark and therefore a holiday. because the danes are so religious and all. not. but hey, it's like having a saturday already on thursday, so i'm not complaining. here's hoping your thursday had all the goodness of a saturday as well.

giving thanks

tho' the danes have sadly not realized that thanksgiving is the best holiday (they still think it's christmas, which they actually celebrate on christmas eve), i am determined to be thankful today anyway. so i hereby declare that i am thankful for:

~ husband. he's a keeper. (i think i might have mentioned that before.)

~ sabin. i thought i'd be freaked out to see her getting so tall and wearing mascara and hogging the flat iron, and locking the bathroom door, but i'm not. she's exactly the age she should be. and it's a pleasure to see her growing up and thinking for herself. i'm in awe.

~ the kittens. six weeks must be the cutest age.

~ that i've taken a photo every day since may 2008.

~ going to a play with a group of friends on saturday.

~ being involved in my community.

~ horses. they ground me and keep me sane.
~ good books.
~ moments in the kitchen, making good food.
~ staying up late with friends, drinking wine and laughing.

~ ideas, solutions, opportunities.

~ being provoked to think - by the radio, the newspaper, the interwebs, by people around me.

~ new friends. and old ones.

~ creativity that seems to be coming back to me.

~ living the right life.

i wish you all a very happy thanksgiving!

* * *

the c boards on pinterest: camera porn, cat person, ceramics, clever cookie, color, converse, crazy chicken lady, cupcakes are not muffins (but they might be cake), cutie patootie.

grateful friday

it's friday and i'm grateful for that.

i'm also grateful for:

~ good books (just finished per petterson's out stealing horses).

~ sunshine.

~ good business partners with lots of ideas.

~ baby animals (we've got bunnies, a single chick and will soon have kittens).

~ allergy meds.

~ all that business travel i did, which is helping me so much right now with a job i'm doing.

~ børnepenge, which always feels like free money when you least expect it (tho' it comes on a predictable quarterly basis).

~  the stable where we keep our horse - knowing that they take great care of her, even if we're really busy and can't get there for a couple of days.

~  really clever writing.

~ exciting work on the horizon.

~ blueberry plants.

~ taking a photo every day.

~ families who want to adopt a bunny.

~ stædtler fineliners.

~ moleskine notebooks.

~ i found lamb chops at the grocery store.

~ fresh nettles.

~ it's the weekend.

happy weekend everyone!

twisty trails of monday ponderings

~ still coughing.

~ i love inflated titles - so i gave myself one: director of creative services. next time, i'm going to be an idea consultant. tho' i'm still most partial to storyteller.

~ i watched a documentary last evening about the jewelry of cartier and copenhagen's shamballa jewels. they are both equally pretentious, but in very different ways. it got me thinking about the state of pretention in the world these days. i think it's in flux. whereas it was pretentious to consume the right brand, now it's becoming a pretense not to.

~ i want an herbarium in the garden.  one like cadfael has in ellis peters' crime novels set in the 12th century.

~ nothing brightens one's day quite as much as fresh, new moo cards.

~ a couple of months ago, i bought a .dk domain. if i'd known then what i know now, i'd never have done it. you see, there's a protectionist cartel around the .dk domains that makes it impossible to use them without buying hosting in denmark. no google sites, no blogger, no shop site like someammo. they've got it fixed so that you MUST pay a premium for hosting in denmark. it's a protectionist scam i tell you and i feel it's quite outside what i perceive as the spirit of the internet. i will never again buy a .dk domain.   that said, i have given in and paid their mafia-like extortion fees we'll soon have it up and running and i'm going to be pleased to show it to you!

~ i'm tired of this non-wintery winter. i could really use a good and proper snow before it's all over.

~ that said, the return of the light is already noticeable and these balmy days do make it wonderful to go for a weekend walk.

~ did i tell you that i bought a pinto shetland pony last week? her name is pinky. she's feisty and spunky, but overall a good girl and a good ride (tho' you should NOT use a whip on her, as one of the riding instructors found out to her dismay last week). she's a bit small for sabin, but is her birthday present anyway. every kid needs a horse they can PLAY with and our matilde is not that kind of horse. plus, the riding club had need of a small pony for the leadline classes and doesn't have much money. so, i bought her and have lent her to the club for lessons.

~ i love knitting with variegated yarn - i find the gradual changing of the colors very motivating. and my latest scarf is almost done. i may even try to learn to purl on the next one.

~ remember that local community culture group i mentioned?  well, last thursday, i joined the advisory board. i'm pretty excited about that.

~ it's only halfway into the month and already i'm a little tired of using only instagram photos for my 366.

~ and now it's time to go see how many eggs the chickens have produced today. happy monday one and all!

time to clear my head

i'm thinking about...



...how much i adore this photograph that i took today. it's one of my favorites in a very long time.

...how many hours i've wasted that i'll never have back.

...totally changing around the living room.

...painting the inside of some drawers a surprising color.

...how lulled we were into thinking there was real summer on the horizon, only to be (cold)snapped back to danish summer reality.

...a sewing/design problem.

...really being a vegetarian.

...the different reactions stress causes - sleeplessness, excessive counting, a sore jaw, curtness, snapping at loved ones, unarticulated and unarticulatable anger, cleaning frenzies (i could go on, but i'll stop here, since it begins to look like i'm in need of stress treatment).

...how badly the garden needs weeding.

...reseeding some of the things that didn't seem to come up and whether it's too late for that.

...what a great week sabin has had with her friend maria.

...how much i love the design (of the front page, not the little scrolly bits in the actual page windows) and (dare i say it) the down-to-earthness of GOOP.

...how unintelligent chickens seem to be (standing on top of each other up on a little ledge where they're not meant to be, but apparently desire very greatly to be).

...how on earth this can be true.  and is sarah palin shitting her pants now that bachmann is taking her flaky inarticulate freak for president role?

...whether i can apply for asylum in denmark if this lunatic beats obama (thankfully it's early days, so this may not be necessary).

...how i know i read and really liked jonathan franzen's the corrections, but i'm reading it again and find i have little or no recollection of it and am a bit mystified by the passages which i underlined on the first reading. i must have been someone else then.

...how much of a bust today really was. and how i'll never have it back.

...if i get a good night's sleep, tomorrow will be a fresh new day and i can begin again.

seven things about which i despair...

...that i will ever find the right shampoo.

...that this house will never be fixed.

...that once this house is fixed, we will not have (but still want) another Big Project.

...that i will never have the courage to pursue a life of creativity.

...the 12 hour flight on my horizon on saturday. in monkey class.

...that i give too much of my energy to all of the wrong things.

...cheap toilet paper.


this is a variation on a list of 7 random things that the always-inspiring kristina did recently on her blog. i added the despair thing myself. because it's friggin' dark here this time of year.  if you want to play too, just let me know, i love lists.

grateful friday: because it's been too long...

grateful on a friday for...

~ the fact that it's friday

~ pretty, new, trendy, safe bike helmets (safety items do not violate "not buying it" mantra)

~ that my child wasn't done for eight counts of shoplifting (oops, was that out loud?)

~ sharing a carafe of wine with husband in a café while the kids saw a movie

~ party plans

~ laughing over my inability to muster a single bit of caring where the water pipes run from the well to the house. even after i really, really tried - giving myself a mental lecture and everything.

~ red velvet cupcakes

~ wine

~ espresso

~ a murakami novel (a wild sheep chase)

~ pierce brosnan

~ getting this post in while it's still friday. but only just.

happy weekend, one and all.

hmm, it seems i did have seven more random things in me...

mariA-thérèse of afiori tagged me (last week, oops!) for one of those 7 random things posts. i'm not actually sure there are seven that i haven't previously shared, but i thought i'd give it a whirl. and with a photo for each. because that might distract from the lameness of the seven things.

i love yarn. can't stop buying it, despite being utterly unable to knit or crochet.

just bought this yesterday. 

i am going to try to make one of these 

to match my new orange coat (which i believe i've mentioned before).

that one yarn that looks quite red in this pic is actually much more orange.

i love weaving, despite what happened that one day. byegones, i say.

there is something so peaceful and soothing about pressing the pedals and swinging the thingie (dang, i'm missing terminology here) forward. 

must look up the terms in english b/c the danish ones clearly don't stay in my head.

tho' i'm not that fond of this pattern, mostly because i could never remember where i was.

you can see i messed it up a couple of times.

but these are learning pieces.

i grew up with horses and i think they're good for the soul.

i love pretty ribbon.
and sunshine on pretty ribbon...even better.
got the ribbon here.
the sunshine was sent by google.

i do not miss going back and forth to norway. not one little bit.

i love house-hunting. i think it's really, really fun.
and i can easily imagine myself in every single house, at least during my visit.

i think there's nothing quite like a cotton candy bigger than you on a summer day.

and on that note, i'd like to tag a bunch of new bloggy friends, whose 7 things i'd love to read:

a commonplace life
concerning pancakes
one girl circus
so NOT cool
a crack in the window
the philosophy of KLo
provins
what would julie say...

and i just want to say that i'm really grateful to all these new bloggy faces for commenting on my blog in recent weeks.
changing jobs and house-hunting has seriously cut into my blogging time/energy and i'm grateful you all commented so that i was in turn led to your blogs.
because i always check out the profile/blog of anyone who comments (that's a hint, lurkers).
and i've discovered some great new friends that way.

of course, i still love all of my old blog friends, but i figured you've been random thinged to death. :-)

thanks maria-thérèse for tagging me for this one.

and do check out my tumblr. i'm adding good stuff all the time! and it's so much fun!