waiting for clarity

it feels sometimes like everyone else has all of the ideas. which sounds odd, because i've been babbling on of late about how many ideas are swirling in my head. so maybe it's not a lack of ideas, it's that everyone else actually sits down and acts on them, while i sit here stewing in my idea soup. but it's also that other people's ideas seem profound - like these beautiful little art quilts that commemorate the zeitgeist by exploring the theme of foreclosure.

i can't really remember the last time i had a profound idea. i guess my ideas come in quantity and not quality these days. and that quantity can be paralyzing, leaving you unable to act on any of them. or even just get started. so i sit around, making what i can only begin to characterize as an obscene amount of clarity birds. there is, after all, a kind of meditation in repetition. and i remain hopeful that clarity will come. but i don't feel very patient here in the waiting.

a perfect day

think about it for a moment...what would your perfect day look like?

what would the texture of it be?

would you zero in on one perfect, shining moment?

or would you breathe in the whole of it?

or would it be an entire landscape of perfection...
every moment as beautiful as the moment before it and the one after.

and would you remember to savor it, every bit of it?

achieving moments of perfect clarity

dec. 12 – body integration:  this year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (still working on reverb10.)

i'll admit these moments for me are few and far between. my attention is too often divided - one eye on the computer, one on the phone, one on the stove, one on the stitching and one on the t.v. (how many eyes is that anyway?) suffice it to say, i spend a bit too much time in an unfocused state.

i have, a number of times this year, had an awareness that i have to appreciate the time with sabin, right in the here and now. she's such a fun age - she can do so much for herself, it's great fun watching her form opinions and beginning to be the person she will be. she's tall, graceful (except when she gets in these periods of fast growth, where she trips and stubs her toes a lot), has style and has such a lovely, fresh way of looking at the world. she sees things, really sees them, and always lives in the moment. i so admire it. and i really do try to learn from it.

on our recent trip to manila - which i wouldn't trade for anything - i had several of those golden moments of being perfectly in the moment together with sabin. whether we were out by the pool, swimming in the evening or giggling and dipping fruit in a chocolate fondue or choosing our nail polish at dashing divas or deciding which fabulous outfit to try on next in a fitting room at gingersnaps, we thoroughly enjoyed our time together. again and again, there were moments where we thought only about what we were doing and nothing else. moments of perfect clarity.

i want way more of those moments in 2011.