mental tricks and mind games

i had to take a logic assessment this morning. it was timed and i knew i had to be in the right frame of mind for it. the results are important to a potential job i'd like to have. i'm good at this sort of test - the kind of questions where you're presented with a series of figures and asked to choose the next one in the sequence or where you're asked to display your knowledge of shades of meaning by choosing opposites from a list of abstract words. so, fortified with a cup of tea and sitting up straight in my chair, hair pulled back neatly, i donned a pair of pretty high heels and took the test. yes, you read that correctly. and yes, i believe it helped me. my inner feminist would like to say such measures aren't necessary, but i believe they are. dressing the part - smart, businesslike, put together - is important to setting the right frame of mind, getting in the zone. and if it takes a pair of heels? so be it.

* * *

speaking of mind games, what's going on in greece, with their resounding rejection of EU terms for restructuring their debt and this morning's resignation of finance minister yanis varoufakis is a fascinating game of cat and mouse. or perhaps it's more like the roadrunner and wile e. coyote - with the anvil crashing down on merkel's head as greece races free and looks back with a grin. maybe it's just that i tend to admire the underdog, but i can't help but think greece was right to push back. 

nearly two decades ago i spent a lot of time in greece as the euro prepared to launch. even then, on the streets of thessaloniki, it was an open secret that they had fudged their numbers to make the cut. everyone knew, including and especially the powers that be in the european union, but they let them join anyway. what's happening today is just the natural progression of those early decisions, for which germany and the greater EU bear as much responsibility as greece does. it will be interesting to see how the mind games unfold, tho' if the bullied resignation of the truth-telling varoufakis is any indication, it's going to get ugly before it's over. he was the only one of the whole lot of them who actually had an education in economics.  for more, go read krugman's analysis. i also liked this piece about him in the guardian.

* * *

have you seen my latest post on #stuckinplastic?

it seems like every time i write for them, i take a trip down memory lane.

what i was trying to say as i unsuccessfully tried to say it a.k.a. thank you bill

following immediately on the heels of last evening's musings on owning my own copyright, a friend posted this article on facebook. and while i can swear like a sailor myself when it's warranted, it does feature rather excessive use of "fuck," and isn't for the faint of heart if you're not in the mood to read that word quite a few times. but the message is good - about learning when to give a fuck and about how very often we're not very good at recognizing those times and that we essentially give a fuck way too often. and it is also about how not giving a fuck is different than not caring. it could be quite freeing to give less fucks, frankly, but i suppose that once you reach a certain point in life, mortgage and obligations and even age intervene and we find ourselves having to give a fuck about things we would like not to.

things like ending a sentence with a preposition (or infinitive marker as the case may be). which i clearly do not give a fuck about (there's the preposition).

time passes. i stare at the screen....the words won't loosen, the floodgates won't open. not yet.

while i was sitting here, staring at the screen, trying to uncork the bottle of words that have accumulated inside of me over recent months, bill wrote this on my previous post...and he says it all more powerfully than i can right now, so i will share it with you here in case you didn't check the comments....

I’ve never believed our synapses fire with precision or orderliness …

We are both victims and perpetrators of our own chaos, our own timeline … and then we die.

You and me and most everyone we meet has agreed to behave as if not agreeing to behave within boundaries will produce the downfall of civilizations and a spate of crabgrass in everyone’s window boxes.

We accept norms of behavior, organization or minutia and future planning as if our lives depend upon the reality of hopes and dreams.

And yet … a few individuals ignore prescribed rituals and predetermined lives and they create … art and science, being, in my estimation, the two grandest of human endeavors.

But there’s a pratfall … a quicksand … a nemesis to individual creativeness… that despicable noun and/or adjective … the word is, of course, derivative.

To search within one’s psyche to fine the non-derivative and the unique is truly a life-long chase. A lucky few find it early in their life. Sadly, I suspect, there are far too many that discover their own uniqueness and creativity when their journey is ending.

That quest for non-derivative creativity is beguiling … it and love are the only two things I think and believe are important.

Sure, sure, it’s important to feed the dog, to vote, bathe regularly, to brush your teeth, to quest after knowledge, to search out the best and brightness and/or find kindred souls … nonetheless, all these secondary elements are but kindling and energy bars for the internal fires of creativity.

That’s it; we can do nothing else of importance.

and that, my friends, is what we should give a fuck about...

you own the copyright on your life

a scene much more serene than i feel on the inside

"you own the copyright on your life." what a powerful thought that is. i just read it here. i'm not familiar with ntozake shange otherwise, but that thought is precisely what i needed to hear. i think it resonates with me in the same way that elizabeth gilbert's "own your shit" did some time ago. it gives me a dose of courage that i've been lacking, making me think that all of the multitude of things i've been holding back from writing about should be allowed to come out, because i own them - they are me and my life and my story and even my copyright, with the emphasis on the latter syllable. but at the same time, i have to wonder how interesting they would be to anyone else. maybe it doesn't matter, i am, as always, blogging first and foremost for myself, to work out what i think and feel about things (it's cheaper than therapy after all). and with the state of blogs these days, perhaps it doesn't matter much what anyone else thinks as no one is reading anyway (i'm much less bitter about that than it may sound). but it is also daunting and it feels impossible to truly write something that encompasses all of the minutiae that make up the complexity of a life, even if i did attempt to write it all out.

i say this because i have, of late, fallen in love with norwegian writer karl ove knausgaard's writing and recently tried to read volume 1 of his six volume autobiographical novel-esque opus, my struggle. i say tried because i just couldn't finish it, despite really and truly loving his writing. it's a bit proustian in its level of detail and i never could finish proust either. but i just read a review of volume 4 in the new york review of books and i think i'll have to give that volume a whirl. he is fearless in his truth telling, and in his examination of the minutiae of life and when he began, he was nobody, so why shouldn't i be equally fearless?

there are many good reasons i've held back. no one wants to read a bunch of sad whining. i don't want to hang anyone out to dry (well maybe a little). i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (and the fact is that sometimes the truth hurts). it might get in the way of whatever is next. writing it out will make it all that much more real. life is painful and hard at times and getting older is no fun, but who wants to hear that? and who wants to admit it? this all makes it sound like something much bigger than the regular disappointments and sorrows that life throws our way and it's not that. but sometimes when those small sorrows and disappointments accumulate, it can seem like too much. and so i've put off and put off writing about them. and i suppose that's why i don't feel particularly light-hearted and funny in this space anymore.

i think it's time to start owning the copyright on my life. i recently saw a quote on pinterest that went something like, "you own everything that happened to you. tell your stories. if people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better."

today is the day

dear google, why the hell are you tweaking all my photos when i upload them?

today is the day that i will...

...start to look forward and not look back.

...make some awesome food to share with friends.

...spend the evening laughing despite my tears.

...perform three creative acts.

...lift my head.

...look at the possibilities in the world around me.

...stop berating myself for things beyond my control.

...give myself a little bit of room to grieve.

...admit that it's been a hard few months.

...find a magical genie fairy to grant my deepest wishes.

...grant myself my deepest wishes, because that magical genie fairy is me.

* * *

today is the day the internet went insane about a gold & white (or is it blue & black?) dress.

* * *

today is the day i read this piece on peaking again.

how is it that we find the things we need to read precisely when we need to read them?

* * *

happy weekend, one and all.

i resolve not to resolve

with the dawning of a new year, i always ponder whether or not to make resolutions. i'm not so good at them, you see. and so i was thinking that this year i'd make some that i can keep...like drink more wine, watch more netflix, eat more and exercise less, never dust, buy more stuff. those would be pretty easy. but is that what i really want? i could throw in a harder one, like "start smoking," which would be a bit of a challenge for me, since i really have no desire to do that. but i wonder if those are actually resolutions at all.

but still, the blank slate of the new year beckons new thinking.

we could spend the summer as vikings, dressing the part, going from one of those viking festivals to the next, cooking over open fires and learning to dye wool with nothing but pee and wildflowers. husband wasn't that keen on this idea, since he's got a new saw of which he's rather enamored and was thinking he'd need an awfully big trailer and a pretty long extension cord to haul it around to the viking festivals.

we could volunteer to help with the ebola epidemic in africa. but alas, we have no medical training and who would feed the horses and provide the service level the cats have come to expect while we're away?

i think about going on a writer's retreat and getting serious about that book. sadly, i fear it's already been done (tho' i wouldn't have made up some crap about "disney sex" if i'd written it).

maybe i just need one of those silent getaways where you don't speak for a week.

or perhaps i just need to reread my own manifesto and leave it at that.

11/12.13

ahh, it's one of those rows of numbers to which we ascribe significance. is it lucky? is it auspicious? do i need to create some sort of ceremony around it? if i don't, will bad luck befall me? or will i miss the only chance ever to be able to use the in-a-rowness of these particular numbers? what about the fact that americans think the portentous date happened back in november, due to a writing convention that says month-date-year rather than date-month-year, like the rest of the world? is this my last chance at luck? significance? fate?

probably not.

but just in case, one does feel some kind of need to mark the day. to have it be different or better somehow. i will admit to a bubbling optimism in my mood today (after a trainwreck of a monday and a blah tuesday). my mind is brimming with ideas. i feel motivated and energetic. optimistic. happy. i want to write and sew and bake christmas cookies and even, yes, fold the laundry. i'm feeling optimistic about laundry. it's that good.

maybe there is something in the air. and maybe it can be captured. maybe it can't and you just have to ride with it and enjoy it while it lasts.

whatever it is, something has shifted. my wait isn't yet over, but it suddenly seems bearable and i feel optimistic about the outcome. whether it's the due to 11/12.13 or not, i'll take it.

* * *

speaking of cheery optimism,

go play with this, by the good folks at moo.

a drop in the sea of gratitude

it's thanksgiving day. and while we don't load our table with turkey and all the fixings in denmark today, i want to send my own thanks out into the hive mind today. i've come to think such things matter. i asked for good vibes to be sent my way on monday morning and i swear i could feel them precisely when i needed them. it must be the same with the great mass of gratitude being sent into the universe today. that mass of goodwill and gratitude must make the molecules align and hum just a little more in tune, if only just for that one day. i must be part of that.

so i pause this morning, with my beloved molly cat nestled on her furry red pillow in my lap, purring contentedly, and i am thankful for...

~ the way that husband makes me laugh every single day.
~ the way he says, "have a great day," when he leaves every single morning.
~ how he ends our phone calls with "i love you," even when he's at work.
~ his undying drive and work ethic - he comes home from his day job and goes straight to work on one of the many projects around this house.

~ sabin. she's beautiful, thoughtful, kind, sensible and a good, loyal friend to her friends.

~ all these cats. even the wild bunch outside. they make me smile and comfort me every single day.
~ our little flock of chickens. and that the spotty one has started to lay eggs.
~ my morning chores - the cats flying around in the terrace, eager for their breakfast.  the horses crunching their grain is such a comforting sound. and feeding the bunnies their breakfast brings joy as well. i love letting the chickens out of the coop and scattering some grain for them. they're so funny with the secret (to me) language they speak to one another. those 15-20 minutes every morning, even when it's cold, ground me and start my day off right.

~ friends who help with something really important out of the goodness of their hearts and help me shine when i need to.

~ friends who listen to my rambling and rants and offer gentle guidance on the ways of the world.

~ recently finding an amazing group of smart, funny (english-speaking) women.

~ my sewing machine, fabric stash and the meditative quality sewing has at precisely the moment when i need to calm an inner restlessness.

~ that we have this enormous project that is this house. it's not the way we want it to be, but it will be one day and we work steadily towards that. it's good to have a mission and a shared goal. i think a lot of couples lose that along the way and i am so grateful that we haven't.

~ knowing that my family is gathered together, eating good food, playing cards, maybe singing a bit at the piano and undoubtedly laughing a lot. i wish i was there, but even tho' i'm not, knowing that they are together is good.

~ lastly, i'm grateful for the opportunity to learn patience and learn to let go in a process that means a great deal to me, but which i cannot control. but which i feel confident will have the outcome i desire.

there you have it, universe, my contribution to the thanksgiving sea of gratitude.

thank you for reading. and happy thanksgiving, one and all.

co-creating ideas (or please help me out here!)

assembling a diverse group - practical people, experimenters, musicians,
people with their finger on the pulse of trends, nerds, children, folks from diverse cultures,
the more diversity of ideas and backgrounds, the better.

i need some feedback for a co-creation project. first a quick explanation of what i mean by co-creation. in these days of social media, there are a lot of ways that companies are co-creating together with their customers. there's crowdsourcing (which is arguably what i'm doing here) - asking an open question online or via social media, there's direct invitation to be part of an exclusive engagement with the company (what pinterest did very well with their recent translations into the scandinavian languages), there are actual gatherings of users (ala LEGO brick conferences around the world), where the company can take the temperature of what interests users. and i'm sure there are countless other ways of co-creating in this developing field.

for a presentation that's very important to me, i have to sketch out a fictional (but plausible) scenario and describe a co-creation process. the type of process i'd like to describe is one which may start with crowdsourcing, but it will end in an invitation to be part of an exclusive group and ultimately end in a new or improved product/product line, so it will actually engage several aspects of the kinds of co-creation i described above.

i believe that when co-creating, the more diverse your group, the better. i'm a believer in putting together experts, users, artists and musicians, shaking them up and seeing the magic that happens.

i'm looking for LEGO-related ideas, which is where you come in. i have several, but i would like more. i would also like your feedback on the ideas i already have. they are as follows:

~ along the lines of their architecture series, LEGO should develop a wildlife series, possibly even with a tie-in to the BBC, which produces such breathtaking nature documentaries and or/the world wildlife fund (or other organizations devoted to the welfare of the world's animals).

~ LEGO education has some pretty amazing stuff available to schools today, but it's only available in large packs, which not every school can afford. it's difficult for an individual teacher to obtain a package to investigate and look into how she can use it in the classroom without the school having a big, expensive subscription. a co-creation process together with teachers from smaller schools around the world might result in ideas for LEGO education to make it easier for teachers to use their wonderful products.

~ the LEGO advent calendars could use some inspiration - a co-creation process whereby consumers come with suggested stories/themes for the calendar. i know we personally bought two of them in 2010 - the castle-themed one and the city one, but haven't bought one since because we don't feel that the story that's there is clear or will sustain us through 24 days.

~ despite the popularity of the friends series, there is a lack of focus on girls with LEGO. i know my own girl wouldn't want the friends LEGOs. there must be another angle to appeal to girls. who should be involved in determining that?

~ an environmental angle on LEGO. despite being a plastic toy, they are a plastic toy that lasts and that people save and hand down to the next generation. LEGO should take advantage of this and have an environmental themed series. but what should that contain? and who should be involved? (can you tell that this is the one that interests me the most).

so, please, please leave me your thoughts and ideas in the comments or email me directly jknachti (at) gmail (dot) com (sorry, had to write that way to protect from the spambots). please do let me know your thoughts, i really need and appreciate your help! the sooner, the better!

sparks are flying

it's going to be a great week. i can feel it. there's just something in the air. happy monday, one and all.

taking a dose of my own medicine

from tuesday's vision wall brainstorm.

today i erased and brainstormed again, all by myself. it's an interesting process.
some of the same things came out and some new. 

i find it's helping me hone my thinking.

we're onto something with this vision wall thing.

and at last, this came. 

i ordered it like 3 weeks ago from the library and waited with increasing impatience.

the universe seems to be listening

you know how once you start thinking about something, it keeps popping up right there before you? that's what's happening with the concept of coworking for me at the moment. i also like the idea of global knowmad. what's interesting is that many of the people speaking in this piece seem to be foreigners who are apparently hanging out in oslo. i wonder what affect it's having on norwegian culture?

* * *

it's a little unlike me to share a body-image link, but somehow this piece spoke to me.

and while i was on huff post,
this piece on being more mindful in the face of technology resonated as well.

* * *

and then there was this on overcoming creative blocks.

i liked this quote:

Real creativity transcends time. If you are not producing work, then chances are you have fallen into the infinite space between the ticks of the clock where reality is created.

universe, are you listening?

what if it was possible to have a place where you could combine all of the things you want to do in your life? a place full of good energy, inspiring surroundings, nurturing, caring people. a creative place, where you could do business, come up with great ideas, learn new things and spend time with people who make you better at what you do and challenge you in a good way. and what if you could get a cup of really good coffee there? what if that place didn't exist, so you had to create it yourself? and what if there just happened to be a charming old train station building, standing empty, just waiting for you to make it awesome?

and what if it needed a whole lot of paint and elbow grease? would you do it? would you, on the theory that writing is the new praying, write it down here for all the world to see and hope that the universe is listening so that all of the pieces would fall into place to make it happen? would you dare to believe and do all that you could yourself to make it happen? even if people thought you were crazy?

monday is a good day for a manifesto

i want light and laughter and love and moments of perfect clarity.
to float with the unbearable lightness of being.
to live in love and creativity and happiness and contentment.

to be full of ideas.
to share them.
to release them into the world
to become what they can become,
like children.

to be open.
not to judge.
to let people be who they are.
and realize it has nothing to do with me.
to release control.
to float free.
to not be tied down by negativity.
to be filled with boundless energy.
and abundance in every way.

to be kind to the planet.
to use its resources wisely.
consuming only my share.
and leaving it behind better than i found it.

to grow...inside, but also in the garden.
to change...inside, but also the world around me.
to embrace...myself and my faults, but also those around me.

to be wiser about who matters and who doesn't.
and when to say no.
and even more importantly, when to say yes.

to run headlong through this life, open and aware and alive.
basking in the unbearable lightness of being.

* with thanks to gillian, whose manifesto inspired and to kundera for the unbearable lightness of being, and also to me, for being open to change and a whole lot of other things.

think different

there are so many stories in this picture. a tale of a lost captain, far from the sea. or a tale of a tidal wave. or the tale of a lake that dried up, leaving the boat stranded high and dry. being run aground - stories of tragedy and dashed dreams. but instead, i choose to see a story of hope - of faith that the water will come and the boat will float once again.

apple once urged us to think different (the grammar of that always bothered me). a combination of 21 days of meditating with oprah and chopra, months of butting my head against the troglodyte, and a general weariness brought on by the protracted delay of spring has me feeling a strong need to think different(ly).

kylie's thoughts on a support ecosystem, which i linked to the other day, via mel(who has taken the brave step of following her passion towards self-employment) have been tumbling around in my head. as have salman rushdie's musings in joseph anton on maintaining a sense of authentic identity in the face of (even self-chosen) exile. all of this makes being in my head a very confusing place. as rushdie says, 

the migrated self became, inevitably, heterogeneous instead of homogeneous, belonging to more than one place, multiple rather than singular, responding to more than one way of being, more than averagely mixed up. was it possible to be - to become good at being - not rootless, but multiply rooted? not to suffer from a loss of roots but to benefit from an excess of them? ... the self was both its origins and its journey.

so as a way of bringing together these fragments that have been circulating in my brain, i've been thinking about how to create a support ecosystem that will cushion the blows of rejection from the culture in which i find myself (by accident as well as choice) when they come (because they inevitably and regularly come).

i think the notion of a support ecosystem is powerful because it contains the feeling of being constantly in flux and adjusting, not static and precarious. i can add and subtract to achieve the sense of balance needed on a given day. one day i might be needing someone to lean on, the next, i may be the one being leaned on. but it's all a matter of interaction and giving (and taking) on all sides. of taking and giving courage and kindness and energy as needed.

and maybe it's not so much a support ecosystem as a cultural ecosystem - trying to retain the best aspects of my culture and meld them much more with the good bits of the culture where i find myself - weaving a more balanced sense of identity that's not so fragile to the blows when they come. because i have to stop feeling every disagreement as a rejection of me as a person and as the denial of my humanity that it currently feels like. i'm not exactly sure how i got to a place where that's what happens. all i know is that it requires too much energy to sustain it and i would much rather channel that energy creatively, into weaving something stronger for myself - identity, ecosystem, culture, life - whatever it be called.

so i'm going to begin to think differently - to look for the positive in every situation instead of defaulting to the negative story. it's undoubtedly a long and slow journey, and a lot of courage will be required along the way, but it seems like one that i need to take. one day soon, that boat will float.

* * *

green cities: worth thinking about.

giving myself a pep talk

i am working hard at not letting my actions (or inactions as the case may be) be driven by fear and worry. because i don't believe that's the recipe for success. to succeed you have to dare, you can't hold back, just because you're worried. because it closes you off and you give off big waves of desperation. and i want to be open, not closed and i most definitely do not want to be desperate. i want to soar, not stay on the ground. i want to dare, not cower on the sidelines. i want to open new doors and to do that, some must close. and stay closed. i want to walk the tightrope without a safety net. i'm coming to think it's the only way.

and we don't have to be completely without a safety net if we choose the right people to walk the rope with. they can be a safety net of sorts. and if we're lucky, we might even be able to fly.

~~~

apropos worries and fears...
what *should* we be worried about? that's edge's question for 2013.
here are some answers.

~~~ 

i guess we should have realized that color is the stuff of consumerism.

~~~

i love the work of nathan sawaya - he's a LEGO artist, but he doesn't drink the kool-aid work for them.
here's the interesting article where i learned of him.

~~~

*these snow photos are from this morning. when the sun was on its way up. they don't really have anything to do with the post. i just liked them. they feel peaceful to me.

goodbye 2012

and the sun sets on 2012...and this is my 2012th post. i don't have anything profound to say. no big resolutions. no big revelations. no big reflections. i've read some good books this year. i've made some good food. i've had some great conversions and laughed a lot. i've done some things i previously didn't dare to do and i should undoubtedly have dared more (or believed more). i took photos every day, but i didn't really progress anywhere in my photography. i loved some cats. i spent time with horses. here at the end of the year, i went on a buffy the vampire slayer marathon (more about that soon).  in short, 2012 was another year. full of ups and downs and in betweens. i learned. i grew. i wasted some time and i used some time wisely.

perhaps a declaration is in order (tho' i'm still unwilling to call it a resolution)...i intend to believe more in 2013. and do more of following husband's example and just working on through at those moments when believing wears thin.

happy new year, one and all. may you eat good food and spend it with people who make you both think and laugh. that's what i plan to do.

12.12.12

yet again, the interwebs are abuzz with what is seen as an auspicious date - 12.12.12. we won't actually see another of these in my lifetime, as there won't be a 13.13.13 or a 14.14.14 - that makes me wonder whether i've used them wisely. if a line of numbers can mean something, did i make the right wishes or do the right actions on those significant dates? or does it matter more to take the right steps every day? (one could hope so.)

but, on the off chance that it might mean something to think about and write down the things i'd like to manifest in my life here and now while the numbers are aligned, i'm going to do so today. some of it in my art journal and a little bit here. because sometimes you're just not ready to speak all of your wishes out loud. but a couple of them won't hurt, if writing is indeed the new praying.

i'm very hopeful about my business in the year ahead. it's been slow and a bit up and down this year, but we've learned a lot and have many projects buzzing on the horizon. i want to see those to fruition and be open to where they take me.

my dad will turn 80 next year and we (husband and sabin and me) want to be there for his 80th birthday. i want us to go for his birthday and stay until new year's (that's pretty much most of december). we want to travel a bit in the US while we're there - go skiing and visit friends (and sights) in the desert southwest. i'm going to work hard to be able to afford that trip - both financially and the time off it will take.

maybe these things are really just a question of setting a goal and working towards it. what do you think? will you make any wishes today?

* * *

a bit of bitterness on the rise of eBooks. frankly, i think we need to just get over it with this, see it as the democratization of the writing profession (what gets published is no longer determined by a closed group of elite publishers), and get writing.

* * *

it seems russians (and probably a lot of others) are still struggling to understand americans.

practice run writing a small stone

i'm planning on participating in a january mindful writing project. i was alerted to it by a facebook friend. the way it's described sounds like an extension of the already daily mindful effort i make in taking a daily photograph. only instead of a photograph, it's a daily snippet of writing and the project initiators call these little bits of mindful writing small stones, and we know how i feel about stones. so anyway, i'm going to give it a whirl (despite being a little put off by the new ageyness of the site). but just because they're new agey doesn't mean i have to be, right? besides, i want to be more open in 2013 - open to other ways of thinking and looking at the world and open to new people, experiences and opportunities. (dang, that's sounding an awful lot like a new year's resolution.)

i thought i'd give it a little practice run here, based on a photo i took because i noticed the golden light and the shadows it cast.

small stone ~ golden light, the sweet scent of hyacinth, short winter days mean the light must be embraced when it comes. but the light also embraces - a bobbaloo, a special mushroom, a unicorn and a papier mache head - products of creativity from people i love, bathed in golden light.

* * *

some spectacular photography.

* * *

the r boards on pinterest: rainbows. raw. rest.

in which she ponders writing and literary theory and feminism and doesn't come to any conclusions

i can tell you that when every experience is fodder for your character sketches, it makes meetings ever so much more amusing. even better when you can actually sit with your laptop and type the scenes in directly, a sort of simultaneous transcription. i'm gleeful. and leaning increasingly towards fiction rather than anthropology. but it's a fiction that will contain an awful lot of truth. i'm hoping a plot will develop out of the character sketches, as i've got no idea of one at this moment. i'm just riding the waves of inspiration. and figuring that writing it is the best way to make sense of it all.

* * *

i fear i may be a member of the theory generation.

we thought we were so smart.

and we still are.

but at what price?

* * *

one of my facebook friends shared a link to this blog, which suggests that there is a new era coming - one in which women will take the lead and heal the earth. while i think this is a wonderful (if fanciful and slightly new agey) notion, i wonder if this person has spent any time at all with groups of women. because there's no one more hard on one another than women. we do more to keep one another down than any man ever even thought of doing to us. there is more manipulative game-playing among groups of women than anywhere else. if we're not sneering at one another, sniping, talking behind one another's backs or outright treating one another as invisible when we feel threatened by another woman's intellect or viewpoint or very presence, then we're scheming and jockeying for position. it would take a miracle for women to truly embrace the role of healer and begin to heal through peace and love. there might be less bombs, but i am absolutely certain the number of poisonings would rise.

i should note that i am by no means anti-feminist and i most fervently wish that women would start working together and stop dragging one another down. it's just that when i look around me, right here in my own community, i don't see it happening anytime soon.

i think i like the brand of feminism and femininity presented here (and embodied in lady gaga) much better. as halberstam says: "Gaga Feminism as embodied in certain eclectic performers does not promote a new liberal version of femininity, rather it inhabits wild terrains of sonic and political chaos in order to bring new forms of politics, culture, and gender to life." that sounds much more interesting than the earth mother, sit in a circle and gaze at our vaginas kind.

* * *

sabin and i are madly in love with the mean kitty.

* * *

the k boards (sorry, there are no j boards) on pinterest: kitchen goodness (this is one of the early boards), kulturhus inspiration related to my involvement in my local community).

an awesome week

in the belief that writing is the new praying, i hereby declare that the coming week will be awesome.

i will

... do everything on my to do list.

...not waste time doing things that don't move things forward in some way. even if it's just small steps.

...not let energy-stealers steal my energy.

...remember to water the seeds we planted this afternoon.

...spend a bit of time watching the garden grow.

...read interesting stuff. and more interesting stuff.

...spend time with people who inspire me and give me positive energy.

...try not to be totally insufferable with all this positivity.

*  *  *

i had a nice weekend (in case you couldn't tell) and i hope you did too.