and through a haze of smoke from her burning hair...

i've been reading a lot of new year's posts in recent days, as you might imagine, it being new year's and all...as we saw in my facetious new year's resolutions post, i'm not really one for making real resolutions, mostly because i never keep them anyway and like christmas cards, it's just something else to feel guilty about. (aside: i don't send christmas cards and every one that i receive is like a little dagger of guilt, tho' luckily not sending any has tapered off the amount i receive over the years so it's not very much guilt these days.)

there are, however, a couple of posts that have me thinking. beth on doors are everywhere has chosen a single word that will be her mantra for the year. last year it was "see" and she became very engaged in photography. this year, her word is "focus." a single word can be powerful. the other thoughts on new year's resolutions are sunmamma's posts on her new year's intentions. i like that notion very much, to have intentions towards the new year. because the new year does seem to be a time to begin anew, the clean calendar pages stretching before you, quivering in all of their delicious potential.

when i think back to 2008, although i didn't have a specific word in mind, i think that healing and creativity were two of the big words for me. inspiration was a factor as well. at the beginning of the year, i was definitely looking to find balance again. but now, what do i want this year to be about?

ARRGH!!! I WANT 2009 TO BE ABOUT NOT SETTING MY HAIR ON FIRE!! can you believe that i just did it AGAIN! much worse this time...like long-term, absolutely ridiculous-looking damage right in the front!! i look forward to not having to heat this room with CANDLES!!! and now i have to let all of the heat out while i air out the horrible BURNED HAIR SMELL!!!  HOW CAN A PERSON WRITE A SERIOUS, THOUGHTFUL BLOG POST UNDER THESE CONDITIONS?!?!

perhaps after all of the traveling of the past couple of years, my word for this year should be home. or perhaps simplicity in light of my desire to live a less materially-obsessed life.  but frankly, what with the stench of burned hair and all, i've kinda lost the thread on this post. if any of you thinks of a word that seems like it should be my mantra for 2009, do let me know...i'm open to any helpful suggestions at this point...maybe i should just pick one of those verification words. how about gredlome or dhoolo or ungistun...hmmm, i might be onto something there...

making myself at home

my main weekend activity consisted of painting the low bookshelf seen below which husband brilliantly constructed out of MDF (that shit is heavy) ala handy andy on BBCs changing rooms. and then once it was dry, i got to put books and other fun stuff on it. and we finally got to finish hanging our collection of architectural drawings. my late father-in-law was an architect and he had collected some of them, which we inherited, but we've been picking them up here and there in antique stores for ten years now as well. and now, at last, we have a wall where they can all hang together. the more time i spend in the room, the more i love the turquoise-y teal color we chose for the walls. it somehow brings my molecules into perfect humming alignment. and check out this post for a refresher of how this looked last month and how it looks at the other end of the room.

i had three boxes of books that hadn't been shelved, but instead of putting random odds and ends on these shelves, i went to the shelves in the bedroom and got my best and favorites because they're the books i want near me in this creative space. i also unpacked a box of some of the wonderful things we've collected that i had forgotten about...small brass objects--a compass, an old timeclock that was once used to punch in in an egyptian workplace, a small morse code transmitter found in an antique store in iowa city and our scale collection and a little bitty samovar from tolstoy's yasnaya polyana. getting reacquainted with these long-packed-away things was a bit like having something new. i felt so delighted (and a little bit surprised) unwrapping them from their 18-month old newspapers (yikes!).

and now to the books. i brought out all of the russians...19th century on the bottom left, 20th on the bottom right. my beloved andrei bitov in a place of honor all his own on top right (in original and translation).  homer's odyssey and goethe's faust are allowed to stand next to the 19th century russians. faust because of an extensive paper i once wrote using it together with bulgakov's master & margarita (a highly recommended read, by the way) and homer because of a paper on angelopolous' fantastic film ulysses gaze that i once wrote for a balkan literature course.

and on the top left, my beloved theorists--bakhtin, barthes, kristeva, zizek and the slovenian school (salecl and copjec), plus a bit of lacan (which i didn't feel should be separated from zizek). the little rusty metal horse and bird on the shelves were found in a dingy market in goa and they lend atmosphere to the russians and the theorists.

so, although there's not yet heat in the room--the cute wood-burning stove guy will be coming in the next couple of weeks to install the new wood-burning stove--it's the space i'm most drawn to these days. we heat it up with a little electrical heater and candles and that's actually quite efficient, tho' it is a bit cold out here today because our weather has turned colder. next i have to make window treatments for the six sets of double windows (four of which are actually double doors, which will be gloriously open all summer), finish my fleece-backed cheater quilt (i did finish the top of it that one day that i wanted to, but haven't finished it finished it--i always get stuck on the binding when it comes to quilting), and make a few throw pillows for the couch.

another of the best things about settling it in today was cleaning the floor (both husband and i managed to get a few streaks of that beautiful blue paint here and there on the wood floor) and finding all of our assorted throw rugs. i didn't realize that simple throw rugs could be full of memories. like the main one in the centre, it's one i bought in goa and it's got the perfect shades of blue to go with the walls. and here in front of the couch is a little silk one i bought on my first trip to egypt 12 years ago--it turns out to be the perfect color for this room as well. and then there's the woven one with a picture of houses and mountains that i bought in skopje's old town from an albanian rug seller. it makes me so happy to have all of these history-laden things in one wonderful room. i'm sure that they will whisper to me their stories, nudging me to write them down as they remind me of the good times and they'll be here with us as we create the memories of the future.

favorite reads of 2008

a new year, a new box of beautiful pencils. since i decided to draw my purchases in 2009, ala kate of obsessive consumption, i felt i needed good tools with which to do it, so i got these lovely pastel pencils. they are beautiful, vibrant colors, but have a tendency to smear, so i may go back to my favorite stædtler triplus fineliners. but in the meantime, i am enjoying just looking at them in their pristine loveliness and they were pretty cool for drawing the embroidery thread skeins, so they do have their purpose.

i got a bit of alone time today. i warmed up the atelier and have had a couple of hours to myself out here (ya gotta love WiFi), listening to alanis, painting a bookshelf, looking through books, checking out my latest dozens kit, taking pictures of my pretty pencils. painting is so therapeutic, somehow in the methodic repetition of the strokes, my mind clears and find that i'm feeling peaceful and content again.

i'd also like to think that it's because we really got the colors right out here...the peaceful, yet creatively stimulating, warm teals, the old sideboard, being surrounded by all of my best creative supplies. but maybe it's also because i did get the tree taken down and that's not weighing on my mind anymore. the kids cleaned the bathroom sinks and swept, so that's not bugging me anymore either. whatever it is, i'm feeling much better.

* * *

now that i'm feeling in less of a deep blue funk, i think my head is clear enough to make the list of the best books i read in 2008. early in the year, i tried to keep a list of all the books i'd read. i did an installment of it in february and one in april and then, sadly, i didn't keep up the list. i did, however, keep reading. and reading. and reading. and i'm not sure i could accurately reconstruct because a lot of books were shelved in this house since april i might not remember all of those i read.

i discovered several new authors in 2008--haruki murakami and paul theroux and norwegian author eric fosnes hansen. i realize murakami and theroux aren't really "new" authors, but they were new to me and i went a bit nuts reading them, especially murakami. i think i only have two of his books left that i haven't read. they're on my shelf, being saved for a special occasion because i'm a little afraid of being in a situation where there's no new murakami left for me to read.

but here we go, my favorites reads of all those books i read in 2008 (not in any particular order other than the order in which they came to mind):

1. nigella lawson, nigella christmas. my new speciality--the julelog cake--came from this one, along with much of the other food i made in this house from thanksgiving through new year's eve. it's beautifully photographed, the recipes are easy, there are lots of pomegranates, and nigella writes like a dream. i want to lick her words off the actual page.
2. nigel slater, real food. most of the food i made in the first half of 2008 came from this cookbook. the coq au riesling sustained us through our kitchenless summer, because it worked a treat slow-cooked all day over the old rusty wood-burning stove in the yard.
3. jamie oliver, ministry of food. on those days when you're not inspired to cook anything, you can open this book and find something fast, easy, healthy and wonderful. jamie oliver has done marvelous things to make people all over the world into cooks, even when they thought they weren't. 
4. paul theroux, ghost train to the eastern star. this was his update of the trip he took 30 years before and which launched his career as a travel writer with his great railway bazaar. what won me over is that he may dislike singapore even more than i do, but he wrote so eloquently about it. but most marvelous of all is his mode of traveling for the sake of the journey and the experience. i hope i will be a better traveler on my next trip now that i've read him. and the best moment of the book is when he's in tokyo, hanging out with murakami!
5. paul theroux, dark star safari. i'm reading this right now and although i'm not finished, i'm putting it on the list (i began it in 2008). i am in love with africa thanks to this book. it makes me want to go back to egypt with a new attitude and i simply cannot wait to see what he says about cape town, which is one of my favorite places in the world.  i just ordered a couple more paul theroux travel books on amazon because i can't stand the thought of being without when i'm done with this one.
6. erik fosnes hansen, tales of protection. i discovered this norwegian author in an oslo bookstore on one of my frequent trips to oslo in 2008. especially the first tale in this book of three interwoven stories is haunting and will make you look at bees in an entirely new light. the underlying theme explores coincidences and whether there really are any. 
7. haruki murakami, wind-up bird chronicle. this is the murakami that started it all for me. i hadn't been so drawn in by an author since dostoevsky. and it left me in the same fractured mental state, seeing japanese everywhere and generally having murakami moments. the only thing i didn't do was manage to spend time down a well, but i probably would have had i come across one.
8. haruki murakami, hard-boiled wonderland and the end of the world. this was my other favorite of the murakami i read this year, although this isn't to say that i didn't like norwegian wood, kafka on the shore, after dark and all the rest. there's just something about these guys who live in overlapping realities that i find so appealing. reading him puts me a heightened state of mind that is what i imagine cocaine is like. that's it, murakami is like cocaine to me. 
9. elizabeth gilbert, eat, pray, love. i know, it's one of those women's magazine must-read books, but this book was just what i needed at the beginning of 2008. to read of another woman's journey back to happiness after my bad break-up with my job, was just what i needed. and gilbert is funny and smart, if a little navel-gazing, but what do you expect in such a book?
10. robert scoble and shel isreal, naked conversations. the book is a couple of years old and that's a lifetime in the days of web 2.0, but it holds up well and offers tons of great ideas and advice for blogging in a business context. it made me realize that what i'd really love to do is find a way to blog for a living. i'm still pondering how to go about that one.

there are many other books i read and i might do a second installment of this list sometime later this week. i'd love to know the great books you read in 2008.

greta garbo moment

there are entirely too many days off during the christmas holiday in denmark. it all starts the december 24, which the danes think is christmas, although in truth it is christmas eve and in fact, they even CALL it juleaften, which can only be translated as christmas eve, but still they open all of their presents that day. it continues the 25th (first christmas day--and what the rest of us, who can read a calendar, like to call ACTUAL christmas day) and the 26th (second christmas day, or boxing day, as the canadians call it (not sure what that means, but i do like the idea of it, even if i sometimes accidentally call it wrestling day in a fit of sports confusion)). then, this year, came a weekend on the 27th and 28th. so five whole days of everyone being around underfoot. and i was sick during all of it. then, there were two days where people could have ostensibly worked, but why go to work when it's only two days and you have six weeks of vacation to use up? then it was new year's eve and seriously, who wants to work that day? obviously on new year's day, there's no working, there's just the recovering from the party the night before. and today, which could have again been a potential work day, it's already friday, so why go to work? that would mean showering and shaving and dressing and inconvenient things like that. and then, it's the weekend again. and have i had any peace? any alone-time? any quiet? you may guess that i have not.

and i have grown accustomed to my alone time. for the past year, i worked mostly from home, so i had whole days all by myself in the quiet of the house, with the music i wanted to hear playing in the background. i had at least from 8:10 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. alone every day. and apparently, i became dependent on that alone time, because all of this togetherness is driving me a bit batty. there's always noise of some sort...whether it's supertramp (it's a disease husband has and i don't really know how to cure it), or the Wii, or the 600th episode of hannah montana. now sabin's big sisters, who live mostly with their mother, are back and that makes her all chirpy and excited and she never, ever stops talking. and they watch hours of inane crap on MTV, which used to at least play music videos once in awhile, but apparently has stopped that in favor of all kinds of "reality" shows about celebrity homes.

on the whole, it has me feeling tetchy and generally out of sorts. it doesn't help that the laundry has piled up, the bathroom sinks need cleaning, the floors need sweeping, the christmas tree needs undecorating, and we're totally out of foodstuffs (the grocery stores were closed many of those above-mentioned days) and are reduced to toasting the mold off a couple of heels of bread because at this point, frankly a little antibiotic action would probably be good for me.

and i did both bathe and venture out today, along with six gazillion other people who were also out of pasta and milk and eggs and green vegetables after days and days of being holed up in their houses with their families. and, contrary to my desire not to consume, i bought nearly $200 worth of groceries (we were out of EVERYTHING including toilet paper and laundry detergent), some embroidery thread, printer cartridges and a pretty white macbook laptop for K for her birthday, which was new year's eve.  how am i ever going to draw all of that? especially if no one will leave me alone along enough to concentrate on it?

do you sometimes just want to be left alone?

hello 2009

hello 2009. you've treated me pretty well so far. we slept in 'til almost noon, got up, made a leisurely cup of tea and watched a whole lot of television, some of it good (dalziel and pascoe on the channel formerly known as BBC prime) and some of it bad (a completely crappy movie called sky high on channel 5). we went for a walk.  my headache seems to have subsided at last, tho' the cough is hanging on. since 2009 seems to be going ok so far, although i am not much for resolutions, i hereby resolve the following:

1. not to leave pans on the stove until what was in them becomes unrecognizable, no one remembers what it was and they begin to incubate a life form that threatens to take over our kitchen.
2. make sure husband is the one to deal with said pan when i break #1.
3. get rid of this stupid cough.
4. learn chinese so i can find out what's in the medicine my friend marianne gave me yesterday. whatever it is, it tastes really good and there are no disturbing pictures of tigers on the package, so i'm thinking it's ok for me to take another spoonful every couple of hours to try to fulfill #3.
5. let the tea steep long enough. life is too short to drink weak tea.

in sleeping in this morning, i had one of those really vivid dreams. unlike most of my dreams, it did not take place in a mall. i dreamed that i undecorated the christmas tree and put away all of the ornaments. it was such a real dream that i was actually quite shocked to find the tree still standing there in all its decorated glory when i got up. 

it does seem a shame not to leave it up a few more days, but it's clearly weighing heavily on me, or i wouldn't have had the dream. i do love that nordic sun symbol husband made for the top of it. we'll have to save that one for next year too. it's been an excellent tree.

here's wishing you all a lazy, leisurely new year's day.

new balderdash for the new year

teaser...

hydrank - the big gulp of water you take in a dream to quench your real-life thirst.

now trot on over to balderdash and check it out!

happy new year!

it's an hour into the new year, central european time. and in denmark, they celebrate with fireworks: