couchsurfing and the irrigation of joy

i'm back in love with couchsurfing again. that weird freeloader guy was a total couchsurfing anomaly.  in the past couple of weeks, we've had a most delightful retired teacher from norway and a lovely couple from the canary islands. with both sets of guests, we had the most wonderful, deep, philosophical, existential conversations. conversations that play in my head long afterwards and resonate with me, giving me much to think about.

a long discussion of self and ego and whether happiness comes from the self or through others highlighted a discussion that stretched long into the warm summer evening with the retired norwegian teacher. peppered with quotations from philosophers and life experiences, it was one of those evenings you don't want to end. both husband and i have been continuing the conversation long after - in our own heads and together.

the couple from the canary islands brought some fantastic black potatoes from their father's garden. we will try to plant some of them, as our sandy soil is good for potatoes. and we will enjoy the rest of them with the mojo sauce they brought - cooked in salty water as we were instructed before they continued on their bicycle journey. their sunny attitude and accepting and happy way of looking at the world were infectious and i felt reminded not to have so many expectations all the time. sometimes you just have to accept life and people as they come. i am grateful to them for this reminder.

and so i think of all of the joy that has come to me through my online life (spud wrote a great post about it not long ago) - because couchsurfing is a corner of my online life...you put your profile there, you describe yourself, your area, your couch and people get in touch and ask if they can stay. then the virtual intersects the real and you meet them in person - people you wouldn't otherwise have met. the vast majority of which you feel privileged to have met. people who you remain friends with - exchanging emails and photos that inspire - people you'll definitely want to see again and maybe surf their couch one day.

i suppose what i like about couchsurfing is that it makes me more open to the world - it enables me to shed a different light on my world for a day or two. to encounter other ways of thinking and being that leave me feeling richer for the experience.  it most definitely irrigates my joy (thank you for that phrase césar and nuria).

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and speaking of irrigating joy - beth has made blog badges in memory of char, using some of char's beautiful images. please go here to get a badge to remember char.

a matter of focus

in the light of day, things look different. i'm feeling less indignant about our freeloading couchsurfer than i was last evening, tho' writing that awfully negative list did seem to help clear it out of my system, so that's undoubtedly a big part of what makes me feel better. but how you see people is also a matter of perspective, isn't it?

sometimes, one thing is in focus and sometimes, it's another. focusing on one aspect can blur the others and change how you view an experience.  i've been pondering the cultural lens with which we inevitably view things. and how that makes things appear to be wrong or right.

what was especially bewildering and disappointing in this instance is that the person didn't at all fit the cultural lens which i expected since this person was from the culture of my birth.  so i had expectations of a certain kind of person - open, funny, forthcoming. already when he approached my car at the train station, he didn't look at all as i had expected. he didn't actually greet me, just kind of slouched his way to the car, looking rather unhealthy and drawn (which is fair enough after a long-haul flight). perhaps because he didn't meet my expectations, he never had a chance. i'm willing to admit that.

but in his behavior, he did himself no favors. it just reinforced the strangeness of the initial encounter and made it seem worse and worse. perhaps what i was actually disappointed in was how well he conformed to an american stereotype - that of the ugly american - with strange stories of living a sort of unabomber, hermetic-life, hidden away from civilization, rejecting the trappings of said civilization (medical care, for one, tho' not credit cards, apparently), working odd jobs, going for weeks without speaking to anyone. but at the same time, an odd sense of entitlement (that dinner would be served to him, his laundry done and folded) and that air of superiority that he'd seen and done all and seen and done it better.

of course, it is a matter of what one chooses to focus on. and tho' it was an odd experience for sure, it was, in the end harmless. i'm still pretty uncomfortable with the weird recordings, for which he never asked permission, but in all, it's certainly given me something to write about, hasn't it?

what i'm torn about now is how to approach writing feedback on the couchsurfing site. with all of my other experiences, i've not at all hesitated to write something really positive, because they have all been great. i'm not sure, in this instance, that it's worth writing something negative. tho' perhaps i have a duty to give other potential hosts a heads' up about this guy. but all of my complaints are admittedly a matter of taste - he didn't steal anything, he didn't harm us or threaten us, so maybe it's not fair to write negative feedback. and if i do, of course, i risk getting negative feedback myself, which i don't want (tho' after cooking and doing laundry for this guy, he would have to have a lot of nerve to give me negative feedback).

so i'm leaning towards writing nothing at all - on the premise that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything. but that makes me feel a little bit disappointed in myself. again, it's all a matter of focus, isn't it?

and i have to stress, this doesn't put me off couchsurfing, it just makes me resolved only to host members where it's verified that they are who they say are (couchsurfing has a mechanism for this) and who have good references.  i still think it's an awesome concept. and after nearly two years of participating in it, this is the first experience that's left a bad taste in my mouth.

scenes from a weekend

couchsurfing baby sleeps in the garden.
i so wish they'd had these when sabin was a baby.

those are some BIG rabbits.

barn kitty woody stands guard over solskin the bunny.

lunch in the sunshine - stenbiderrøgn (a spring caviar) on toast w/a bit of creme fraiche and red onion.

still on a high after a lovely weekend. we had the most delightful couchsurfer at our house and our youngest couchsurfer ever (just 3 months). we were so happy they stayed an extra day. if you haven't tried couchsurfing - either yourself, or as a host, i can highly recommend it. it's basically that you let interesting people stay at your house for free. and it made me realize, once again, that meeting new people and getting to know them, even just a little bit, is good for the soul.

happy monday!

how not to couchsurf

we actually have quite a fetching couch to surf

i am a big fan of couchsurfing and have, until now, had only great experiences. but the past couple of days have been a very interesting exercise in how NOT to couchsurf. and sadly, it was our couch being surfed...so i thought i'd share a few pointers about how NOT to do it.

~ when you're collected from the train station, wander up to the car and don't bother to introduce yourself, just awkwardly start putting your bags in the car, after you indicate that the person collecting you should open the door for you.

~ don't take off your shoes when you come in the house, despite the fact that your host does and there are loads of shoes in the entryway.

~ come bearing no small token of any kind - no bottle of wine, no chocolates, nothing special from your country.

~ whatever you do, don't offer to help with dinner.

~ complain that it's too cold to sit outside.

~ turn every conversation into something about you.

~ don't display any interest in hearing the stories of your host or reacting to them in a normal way.

~ ask about whether we usually close the bathroom door (yes, the hallway is small) and then complain that when the bathroom door is closed, it's too hard to know if there's someone inside.

~ expect to be waited on hand and foot.

~ fall asleep on the floor in the living room. in the middle of the day.

~ make everyone so uncomfortable, they don't want to be in their own living room.

~ tell really strange, sketchy stories about yourself.

~ claim you own a home in japan.

~  and also in alabama (that you also claim to have bought with a credit card).

~ talk extensively about ways in which you've bought stocks using various credit cards.

~ talk mysteriously about how you've gotten loads of frequent flyer miles (and can use them on stand-by(WTF??)) using various credit cards.

~ claim to be a professional photographer, but have only a canon 40D (nothing wrong with that camera, but it's not a professional, aerial photographer camera).

~ claim to have a specialized photography blimp.

~ ask questions and then claim you knew the answer already.

~ act defensive.

~ go to the grocery store with your host and don't even offer to pay a token sum.

~ keep complaining about the cheap-ass inexpensive chinese copy phone you bought online when the "directions" that accompany it don't help you.

~ ask to go on a drive with your host because you want to see the landscape and then proceed to fiddle with your phone for the entire journey and never once look out the window.

~ ask your host if they know someone who works for apple, since you couldn't imagine that people would actually buy apple products.

~ keep claiming you're sick, but show up for meals with bells on.

~ act put upon that you're not waited on hand and foot, even tho' you were clearly shown where the (homemade!) bread and sandwich fixings were and told that if you were hungry, you should just help yourself. complain at dinner that you haven't had anything to eat or drink since breakfast.

~ be sure you don't offer to help with said dinner.

~ give really strange and winding answers to straightforward questions.

~ get out a little hand recorder and record conversations without saying anything about it or asking permission. (really? WTF??)

~ hang around all day, but don't be part of any of the activities people are doing (gardening, demolishing a container, hanging out in the garden).

~ expect that your laundry is done and folded and returned to you.

~ just generally seem really cheap and like a freeloader.

i could go on, but i think i have to stop here...i'm still processing this experience. i'm sure there will be more to say in the near future.

i would like to say, however, that this doesn't discourage me from couchsurfing, which i think is a fantastic concept, it just makes me want to be way more careful about really, really reading people's profiles when they ask to stay here. because i actually think a lot of this was there and i just didn't pick up on it.

the textures of life

we live in a world where impulses come at us all day long. many more than we can ever hope to take in. we grab onto some of them, but we undoubtedly let most of them pass us by. and we don't give any thought at all to what we're missing, i guess because blissfuly, we don't really know. at bee's recommendation, i recently read amanda craig's hearts and minds. (amanda blogs, by the way.) her book perfectly captures the sense of the world today and those missed connections. but this isn't really about missed connections. it's about found ones.

like these:

: : finding out about couchsurfing through tevolving, an adventurer in montenegro (at the moment). our first couchsurfer is showing up tomorrow night (husband will receive him). i wish i was going to be home.

: : the ever-fabulous discounderworld. stacey has some really exciting things in the works, so run along and order your gold edition today. you will not be sorry.

: : lovely lynne, who thought of me when an interesting opportunity recently came up. my fingers are still crossed.

: : kristina, who i met because i was once inspired by sandra juto and with whom i now share a fantastic photography project of which we are very proud. we've got a giveaway running thru the weekend, so do stop by and leave a comment, telling us your favorite diptych.

: : marinik, whose courage, strength and honesty have been making me cry lately.

i could go on and on, perhaps by mentioning how much i'm inspired by the photos here and here and here and here, but instead, i think i'll just say that i'm very grateful for connections and the textures they add to life.

note: this beautiful thai tapestry was on the wall at bee's house, but i was trying to avoid going on and on about blog camp in this post.

everything is illuminated

things i've learned through observation in recent days (because it was time for a list)...

~  white leggings with a heavy, shapeless white sweater and brown suede pumps on a late october day is a fashion crime in need of an executioner.

~  teenagers crave attention, no matter where you find them. even if they're standing right next to a picasso and a matisse, they will still think you should have all your attention on them and make a lot of strange sounds and statements to achieve this. even if you don't know them.

~  to get along in norwegian, you should know the phrase, ikke sandt (which i may have spelled in danish).

~ i detect glee on the part of my coworkers at the thought that i do not go home to my family in the evenings when i am working here. what is wrong with people?

~ people really don't like it if you do not reveal everything they think you should. even when directly asked. but sometimes there's stuff that's just not people's business.

~ couchsurfing totally rocks. i highly recommend it. you meet interesting people who have traveled and seen things and have both funny and poignant stories to tell. go, sign up your couch right now! :-)

~ i am not hungry for lunch at 10:45 a.m.

~ the dutch make some seriously good headache medicine.

~ norway excels at cinnamon pastries. they're like to die for. exactly the right amount of cinnamon, breadiness and crispy sugar on top. worth a flight to oslo just for them.

~ i miss reading all of your blogs, but i'm writing my little fanny off right now on work stuff, so i have no time to visit. it will ease up in about two weeks.

irrigating my joy

a couchsurfing couple from the canary islands who will be biking to our house on july 1 (that's quite a trip!) sent me a message yesterday. at the end, they thanked me for irrigating their joy. and i fell in love with the phrase and decided it's going to be my theme for the summer. any activity that doesn't irrigate my joy will have to go.

here's how i intend to irrigate my joy:

~ writing
~ taking photos
~ spending time with sabin and her horse
~ working in the garden
~ processing the garden bounty
~ sewing
~ making things
~ meeting and talking to new people
~ long, laughter-filled evenings with friends and good food
~ getting involved somehow in my local area
~ follow through on a few of the balls currently in the air

and i'm looking very much forward to meeting these enthusiastic people who came up with such a phase.

what will you do to irrigate your joy?

friday confession - last one in the lounge

my dear friend polly (who isn't really called polly, but who will forever be polly in all of our minds) does friday confessions and i haven't done one in a long time, but as i sit here in the lounge, drinking free wine and having a multi-subject IM chat with my sister which involves telling her to just jump in and change her life, i thought that since it had been an awfully long time, i'd offer up a few friday confessions.  forgive me odin, for i have sinned....

~ i love really long sentences with lots of parentheticals.

~ i wish i worked in the same country as i live.

~ i did my first couchsurfing this week. and it was great. it changed my entire week for the better. and i heard great stories of adventures in exotic and out-of-the-way locales.

~ i don't really get those people who choose the nobel prize for literature.

~ i totally get those people who choose the nobel peace prize.

~ i wish they had the really good olives here in the lounge. but alas, they do not.

~ i fear the coming weekend is going to go by too quickly.

~ i'm pretty pleased that i'm going to istanbul on tuesday. even tho' i come home already on thursday.

~ every time a season kicks in in earnest, i'm convinced it's my favorite season.

~ i'm going to tivoli on sunday with a good friend. oh, and my child.

~ i'm really happy the cleaning girls are coming tomorrow.

~ i told husband this week that he was my sanity. and he did that little almost snort that sabin does when she's proud.

~ i fear it was a snort of fear, not a snort of pride.

~ it's a little disturbing to me how few people were on the train to the airport and in the airport today. if the economy is down in norway, it's really, really down.

~ it's mysterious to me why we are working frantically to finish the house and have it in beautiful shape, only to sell it and move away from it. why didn't we do all of this before?

~ i hope you'll all go check out (and vote for) my friend michelle's story in the latest issue of discounderworld. she's awesome. and she's the only other one i know who found her husband in macedonia like i did.

~ i think polly's pictures are getting better by the day.

~ and now, i confess i'm going to fill my wine glass and see if by chance they've put out some olives...

do you have anything interesting to confess this friday?