sacred space

i've lived in denmark for nearly 25 years and weirdly have never previously gone inside the marble church, which is the church right by amailenborg, where the royal family lives. i'm not sure how that happened. but we were in copenhagen on the weekend and i finally took the time. 

while i'm not a religious person, there is something about spaces like this. we stepped from the cold, crisp autumn air into the warmth and the hush. quite a few people were there, but everyone was silent and respectful and it felt like a special place. with its towering dome, and a kind of heavy gravity in the air, it felt like a sacred space. if there is something to that whole god thing, it's a space like that that s/he'd show up.

the power of prayer...to provoke

"When very bad things happen around the world, people search for news; they do not search for prayers, the Bible, the Quran or anything related to religion." - Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, Googling for God

i took comfort in the quote above when i read it in yesterday's new york times. when you look around sometimes, it can seem like the whole world is filled with religious fanatics, but it seems that the trend is actually in the opposite direction, with more people than ever identifying as atheist or agnostic. and that somehow gives me hope.

late last week, a terrible tragedy occurred in the little town where i grew up. a whole family - mom, dad and four children, were killed when their home burned down during the night. i didn't know them, but recognize that it is truly a horrible event with a very big impact on a small community. i immediately went in search of news of the tragedy and found an article on the website of the nearest town with a daily paper, the mitchell daily republic. this link is not the original version of the article, it was updated over the next couple of days, to include more facts about the events. but the initial version had very few facts and a whole lot of god in it. and i have to admit that i felt sorely provoked by that. a daily newspaper that can't even provide the facts of a story, but instead manages a couple of quotes from distraught community members about how they're praying about it and providing ministerial support for the children of the school district. thankfully, they were also providing school counselors, even calling in some from other schools, but what happened to the constitutionally mandated separation of church and state?

there was another article later the same night with even more religion and quotes from two ministers (apparently they're the ones willing to speak to the press) about how the family was well-prepared to meet their maker. yes, really. click the link. interestingly, no one was asking where god was when the fire started. if you believe in such things, that might be the pertinent question.

i've been pondering all weekend why this provoked me as much as it did. i think, like many things, it's a complex web of reasons. an eternal struggle to distance myself from provincial practices. worries about sending my child into that den of fundamentalism next year. an undoubtedly haughty disdain for small, religious thinking brought on by years of over-education and global living and observation of a world made a worse place to be by religious fundamentalism of every stripe. in short, the personal baggage that i carry around. and when something awful happens, it triggers a deep reaction in us and mine was one of disdain for those wishing to see this tragedy through the lens of a god that was apparently not benevolent enough to keep it from happening.

times of tragedy and loss make us need comfort. the comfort of a community gathering together is a powerful thing. we proved at the storytelling evening for my father last november, that being together, sharing stories and laughter and tears and affection and more laughter are enough, there's no need to bring god into it. i have nothing against privately having a word with a higher being or beings, but can't we keep it private, just between us and her/him/them? does it have to be splashed across the pages of our newspapers too?

UPDATE: the story gets worse, much worse. autopsy results have revealed that the wife and four children were murdered before the husband apparently set fire to the place and turned the gun on himself. i really do wonder if they were as prepared to meet their maker as that minister suggested...

resisting fundamentalism

amber waves of grain in denmark, but it could just as easily have been taken in south dakota

with the child away at boarding school this year and with plans for her to go to high school in my little hometown in the states next year, we are easing back into the life of an adult couple around here. we're less likely to eat dinner at a specific time, we watch netflix or hbo nordic until midnight, we sit in the garden and have deep philosophical discussions, or lie on the trampoline and stare at the sky, we spontaneously decide to go out to dinner. we do miss her, but it continues to be ok in our minds that she's moving on to the next step. plus, without her around, there's no one plaguing us to build a pool.

it might be different next year when she's an ocean away, rather than just 30 minutes. i also worry about how religious that little town i grew up in has become. yes, there were always 12 churches, but it seems that aggressive christianity is just so much more pervasive than when i was a kid. even in the answers given to reporters for stories like this one. such a tragic and yet heartwarming story and yet they had to go all jesus at the end. i worry about that. i see it as a symptom of fundamentalism no less heinous than that purveyed by the taliban and isis. 

in denmark, some immigrants talk about sending their children back to their home country for genopdragelse - or "re-raising." this, in most instances, means back to pakistan or turkey to learn the old ways and be more in touch with their native religion. in my case, while i want sabin to learn more of where she comes from and how much her grandfather meant to the community, i do not want her to be steeped in religion while she's there. i love the secular life we lead in denmark. i love that what people believe is personal and private and not flashed in everyone's face all of the time; you don't have to participate in religious rituals to be considered a good member of society. i love that the child wisely said, in choosing to be baptised and confirmed, that you can be interested in god without believing in god. in denmark, there are even ministers who admit they don't believe. that would never fly in small town south dakota.

i am confident that sabin is a strong person with a good head on her shoulders. she has a quality where she is able to float above the fray without being snooty or arrogant. she seems at once grounded and above it all, which is a delicate balance to strike and i don't think it's something you can learn (i certainly don't have it), i think it's something you must have in you innately. i'm hoping it gets her through the year in a community where the aggressive, fundamentalist christianity of the local youth group forces the young people to hammer hundreds of nails into a cross to represent their many sins. talk about a need for genopdragelse...

my cousin, who she's going to stay with while she's there, isn't like that, but it may be hard to resist when the social life in the little town is steeped in religion. i understand that they may have forgotten some of the separation of church and state mandated by the constitution - with ministers speaking at graduation and prayers at the sports ball games. we'll have to see what can be done about those things, without placing the child in the middle of a fight. we simply have to be vigilant against fundamentalism in all of its incarnations if we're to stop this downward spiral the world is on...maybe we have to do that right here, in our own backyards, just by beginning to question it and not just accepting it when it's shoved down our throats. it must be possible for a community to rally around an orphaned young man without bringing god into it.

snippets from a sunday afternoon

i saved the link to this guardian piece, nothing prepares you for being the daughter of ageing parents a few weeks ago. but it took me awhile to bring myself to read it. there are surely a multitude of reasons why i would avoid reading it. guilt over not talking to my mom often enough. guilt that i'm so far away and all of the burden falls on my sister. sorrow over my dad's death. dread that the article would hit a little too close to home. the realization that my one remaining parent's ageing is matched by my own. the inevitability of it all. and reading it at last this morning was all of that and more, what with it being a tale of the horrors of modern hospital care as well. thankfully, we didn't experience that with dad's short hospitalization, the room was private, the personnel quiet and kind and very responsive to our needs. but it is a question for all of us...what kind of life do we want to live, all the way to the end of it? and will the world we've created for ourselves allow it?

* * *

there's a teeny tiny little frog on the floor. he's admiring the chickens and fox on the kitchen island. we're so glad we did this. a friend of ours is an artist and we asked her to paint chickens on our kitchen island as a feature. when she was almost finished, we asked if it wouldn't be fun to include a fox as well. and it made all of the difference! all of the chickens are done from photos of our own that we've had over the years. well, until the fox took them all.  and the fox, it's ours too, from one of my photos of it a couple of summers ago when it was hanging around. we haven't seen it at close range this year, tho' i did see it at the end of the pasture the other day. i'm not sure it's that same one or if it's a different one. but i'm so pleased with the version christina painted - it has precisely the right amount of mischief.

* * *

facebook is once again bringing out the worst passive aggressive tendencies in me. or at least thoughts of them. it's apparently a thing at the moment, among the more religious set, to have one line posts extolling the virtues of god. things like, "god is good." "god is real." and other fantasies. and it's making me want to post things like, "god is fiction." "god was made up by a bunch of old white guys who wanted to secure their power." or maybe something like, "odin rocks." "thor is the man." but to be honest, i don't want to be involved at all. i don't want to be subjected to such nonsense and i don't really want to participate in it. i don't want to feel passive aggressive. i don't mind what others believe, i just think that belief is something private that shouldn't be shoved in everyone else's face on facebook or billboards or anywhere else. can't we all just quietly believe what we believe?

* * *

what are you binge watching these days? me, i'm watching masters of sex, the drama based on the lives of masters and johnson and their pioneering study of sexuality. i'm well into season 2 and already dreading when i run out of episodes. husband and i also rewatching battlestar galactica. speaking of religion, husband would join a church of battlestar galactica if it existed. he's convinced that adama is god. to the point where i could imagine him saying "adama dammit" under his breath if he hits his thumb with a hammer. it is a well-written and rather deep series and it does hold up to a second, in-depth watching.

* * *

we made it through our first childless week. the child loves her new school, but all that she was apparently missing was snacks, so we delivered some on friday evening and husband did a quick fix of her bicycle. it is quieter around here, but i can't say that we're in mourning over it. it just continues to feel right that she's taken the next step on her journey to growing up. and us? despite many people asking about it, we haven't been running around the house naked. there were a few sunny days this week, but frankly it's never really warm enough for that.