on the young side of the old people now

as of today, i embark on a new decade. it was a great day. colleagues offering congratulations all day, good wishes pouring in on facebook and instagram and via text and email, a gathering for drinks & snacks at the end of the day that ended in thoughtful gifts, some kinda crazy gifts and much laughter. a big bouquet from husband. and a trip to louisiana, that landmark of modern art, with a friend in the evening. it was a great start to this new phase. my friend mentioned a colleague who said he was super happy when he turned 50 because he was a youngster again - being on the young side of the old people now, rather than on the old side of the middle. i like that thought. another friend said, "if you haven't grown up yet, now you don't have to." i like that as well. i'm weirdly ok with it. it's the next logical step. i started a new project today as well - i'm going to do a daily video for a whole year and put them together, one second each, thereby having a video record of my 50th year. the child gave me the idea. i think it's going to be interesting to think in video. i'll continue my daily photos as well, as that's now completely ingrained in my way of being. happy birthday to me.

catalog of a day :: the natural order of things

my child is in new york city. she bought me a stick of the milk holographic highlighter, it's hard to find, but she found it at urban outfitters. you can never have too much highlighter. i spent the day at a shipyard. it was full of the acrid smell of welding, containers filled with piping, miles of wires, the clang of metal on metal and beeping cranes. i loved every minute of it. it's raining. i'm watching billions on hbo nordic. and drinking a g&t, made with...wait for it...belgian...gin. it's not bad. it's nice to be home with the cats. and husband (tho' he's at a meeting, so technically, he's not home right now.) if the photo above were a loft you could live in, i'd move there. instead, it's the upper deck of a ship that will be delivered in may. they have a bit more work to do. but look at that light. and that height to the ceiling. i could deal with both of those. tho' i'd probably need glass in the windows. i can't get enough of the marvelous vinyl café. today on the way home, husband laughed so hard at the story about the carwash that he cried and could almost not see to drive. i went to yoga three times this week. the light is returning. i am in the final days of my 40s and honestly, it feels fine. like the natural order of things.

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interesting things to read: 11 non-political stories. this terrifying piece on trump's puppetmaster's plan to destroy the eu. and because you'll need to think about something light-hearted after reading that - this piece on the locations of 80s movies. and this totally amusing piece on (possibly) the world's smallest lego ship.

snippets from a sunday afternoon

i saved the link to this guardian piece, nothing prepares you for being the daughter of ageing parents a few weeks ago. but it took me awhile to bring myself to read it. there are surely a multitude of reasons why i would avoid reading it. guilt over not talking to my mom often enough. guilt that i'm so far away and all of the burden falls on my sister. sorrow over my dad's death. dread that the article would hit a little too close to home. the realization that my one remaining parent's ageing is matched by my own. the inevitability of it all. and reading it at last this morning was all of that and more, what with it being a tale of the horrors of modern hospital care as well. thankfully, we didn't experience that with dad's short hospitalization, the room was private, the personnel quiet and kind and very responsive to our needs. but it is a question for all of us...what kind of life do we want to live, all the way to the end of it? and will the world we've created for ourselves allow it?

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there's a teeny tiny little frog on the floor. he's admiring the chickens and fox on the kitchen island. we're so glad we did this. a friend of ours is an artist and we asked her to paint chickens on our kitchen island as a feature. when she was almost finished, we asked if it wouldn't be fun to include a fox as well. and it made all of the difference! all of the chickens are done from photos of our own that we've had over the years. well, until the fox took them all.  and the fox, it's ours too, from one of my photos of it a couple of summers ago when it was hanging around. we haven't seen it at close range this year, tho' i did see it at the end of the pasture the other day. i'm not sure it's that same one or if it's a different one. but i'm so pleased with the version christina painted - it has precisely the right amount of mischief.

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facebook is once again bringing out the worst passive aggressive tendencies in me. or at least thoughts of them. it's apparently a thing at the moment, among the more religious set, to have one line posts extolling the virtues of god. things like, "god is good." "god is real." and other fantasies. and it's making me want to post things like, "god is fiction." "god was made up by a bunch of old white guys who wanted to secure their power." or maybe something like, "odin rocks." "thor is the man." but to be honest, i don't want to be involved at all. i don't want to be subjected to such nonsense and i don't really want to participate in it. i don't want to feel passive aggressive. i don't mind what others believe, i just think that belief is something private that shouldn't be shoved in everyone else's face on facebook or billboards or anywhere else. can't we all just quietly believe what we believe?

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what are you binge watching these days? me, i'm watching masters of sex, the drama based on the lives of masters and johnson and their pioneering study of sexuality. i'm well into season 2 and already dreading when i run out of episodes. husband and i also rewatching battlestar galactica. speaking of religion, husband would join a church of battlestar galactica if it existed. he's convinced that adama is god. to the point where i could imagine him saying "adama dammit" under his breath if he hits his thumb with a hammer. it is a well-written and rather deep series and it does hold up to a second, in-depth watching.

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we made it through our first childless week. the child loves her new school, but all that she was apparently missing was snacks, so we delivered some on friday evening and husband did a quick fix of her bicycle. it is quieter around here, but i can't say that we're in mourning over it. it just continues to feel right that she's taken the next step on her journey to growing up. and us? despite many people asking about it, we haven't been running around the house naked. there were a few sunny days this week, but frankly it's never really warm enough for that. 

noticing...

noticing...

...the birch pollen is bad right now. my allergies are much better than they once were, due to eating loads of honey made by our own bees, but the birch pollen gets me every year. this year, with a dull headache that i can't shake (in addition to the usual itching throat and watering eyes).

...that it requires a whole new language to even read about minecraft, let alone play it.

...sometimes, it just feels like you're herding cats. and even if you love cats, that's not an easy task.

...that saying how busy you are and how packed your calendar is as a marker of your importance does not impress me. nor does it actually make you important.

...that i have, without my knowing, suffered a loss of confidence. i'm more tentative and less sure than i used to be. i wonder if this is simply a consequence of being older and wiser or if i've actually truly lost something that i cannot regain. i used to go so boldly through the world and now i feel i tread more lightly. this is both good and bad. puzzling and a bit frustrating. but also fascinating somehow.

...that walking out into the yard and feeding the animals is my favorite part of my day. and honestly, my days are pretty filled with good things, so that must be awesome.

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have a look at what my boss says about co-creation.

(have i mentioned that i love my job?)

and this review of the new lego brickumentary, which just debuted at tribeca, is funny.