Tuesday, March 03, 2015

another goodbye

it's been a bit too much lately. losing dad. having my dream job done away with ("we're not ready for co-creation" and besides, "you're not commercial.").  getting turned down for another job after being tortured with an agonizing wait of an entire month. and now aunt mary has died as well. these are relentlessly grey, cold, dark days. it really is all too much.

aunt mary was such a presence in our family. married to my dad's oldest brother, she raised five children and has countless grandchildren and great-grandchildren. i'm so glad i visited her when i was there when dad died back in november. although i didn't know it would be the last time, it was a very nice visit. her beautiful home on the hill with the views of vast rolling prairie (these photos were taken from her house one summer) and traces of an old indian trail if you looked in the right spot when the grass was just right in the summer or when winter's snows had filled the ghosts of the ruts. you could feel the history blowing there in the prairie winds. and her cabinets of curiosities - quilts, antiques, artifacts. she always had stories to tell, stories that more often than not resulted in everyone dissolving in genuine laughter. she was always so positive and cheerful. sort of a stalwart ray of sunshine in the midst of the chaos of our big family. we sipped tea and ate cookies and listened to family stories and it was always wonderful to gather around her kitchen table.

she was 89, so she had a long, full life. uncle jim had died back in 2008, but she was surrounded by her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren, so she wasn't alone. she was, like all of us, hit hard by my dad's death and i wonder if perhaps she didn't think it was time to go and join those who had gone before.

although i'm not sure that i believe that's what happens, it is comforting to think of it at times like this. i can just hear her laugh and dad's laugh and uncle jim's and uncle red's as well. and i hope that maybe somewhere they are now laughing and swapping stories together once again, perhaps playing a game of "tell" (the card game that's actually called "oh hell") with grandma kate. and that they know that we miss them. and that we are forever changed by the time we had with them.


Ivana Trifunovic said...

I don't know you but I am very well acquainted with the subject. I'm so sorry for this unfortunate row of losses you've experienced. You know what you gotta do - make yourself busy with crafting and art; it's going to heal your wounds.
Sending you support and strength, Ivana

Molly said...

A veritable shit sandwich.
I am sorry Julie. Look after yourself.

julochka said...

@Ivana - thank you for taking the time to leave me your kind words. it is much appreciated.

@Molly - shit sandwich indeed. and i'd rather be eating something delicious. like wine. ;-)

rayfamily said...

Dang, what a sucky few months. I am so sorry for the loss of your aunt. There must be wonderful happiness coming to balance this all out. Hugs to you my friend. xo

Unknown said...

Sorry you're having a crap time Julie :-( I didn't realise the dream job was no more. That sucks. Gin sounds like a good solution right now, for the short term at least.

Ariadne said...

I am sorry for your loss again! I am sorry you lost your job, I hadn't realised!In general although it seems like hard times for you, I am sure better days will come.AriadnefromGreece!

Lost Star said...

What a sucky suck few months for you. :( I'm sorry for all your losses and hope that better things are on the horizon for you! Take care. x

Unknown said...

Lots of hugs, Julie! Take good care of yourself and take time to heal (as much as you can) and to think about what your next steps should be. B xx

Shauna said...

Sorry for your loss. Even a full life lived doesn't compensate us for how much we miss them. Sending so many good thoughts from Utah. Sunshine and spring are on their way to you day by day.

julochka said...

@Amy - i hope you're right!!

@Suzanne - gin is definitely a good thing!

@Ariadne - things can only get better, right?

@Lizzi - it definitely has sucked of late. but there must be better times ahead.

@Blanca - thank you for the hugs. i feel a little lost as to the next steps, that's for sure.

@Shauna - thank you for the good thoughts and for doing the 100 days of happy too!