a most meaningful act of creativity

when my friend messaged last evening, asking me to come and consult on her painting project, i didn't realize that she would want me to help with the painting of her sister's coffin. i thought i was only consulting on the placement of what she would paint on it. it seemed like such a personal project, that i didn't even dare to ask if she wanted me to help with the actual painting. when i arrived today, we talked about the flowers she had done the evening before. they were quite unlike her - she actually went to the art academy and she's a very good painter. the flowers that were already on the coffin didn't look like her at all.  they seemed too deliberate and almost a bit childlike and stiff. (the flowers below are not those.)

her sister was diagnosed with an incurable brain tumor two and a half years ago. at that time, they gave her about a year. she's already lived much longer than expected, but the tumor has grown dramatically in recent weeks and now it's only a matter of time. she requested that my friend paint bright, happy flowers on her coffin and of course my friend wanted to comply. but this is an almost impossibly difficult request. and that's why the flowers she did seemed so cramped and restrained. it is so much to ask. really too much to ask. so many emotions are involved, it's nearly impossible to let go and enter the flow needed to create the perfect flowers on the last resting place of your closest sister. just writing it almost takes my breath away.

i also know her sister and feel absolutely horrible that she's leaving her family far too early. but i could see how we could achieve the flowers and i could see what an act of love, and yes, even therapy it would be to do it. and so, after dancing around it a bit, we both mentioned at nearly the same time, that maybe i could help paint them. and so i did. we spent nine hours painting flowers on her sister's coffin. we are very pleased with the result. i can't show the final version here yet, as it feels wrong to show it before the funeral, but i will show it when the time is more appropriate. but i am so grateful to have been part of this project. 

it was such an emotional day. it's very sobering to stand before an empty casket, knowing that soon it will contain a beloved sister and daughter. and feeling the solemn responsibility of fulfilling her wish that it would be decorated with cheerful, colorful flowers. we shed more than a few tears. but we also laughed a lot and honestly, it sounds strange to say, but it was a truly wonderful day. we achieved a really lovely result and we did it together with so much love and laughter. it was like the most cleansing, intense therapy session ever. it's a day i will never forget. and i'm so grateful that i got to be a part of it. 

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i loved reading this. 

 

what does it mean?

"memory is a kind of ceaseless remodeling." - this is from that harper's piece on memory. i kept reading and kept thinking about it. 

and then old friend of the blog, malorie, wrote a lovely piece on the weirdness of the pandemic time on her substack. her thoughts are far more eloquent than mine. but i thought it might be time to start to figure out what i think about it and what it did to me.

to be honest, we didn't have it that bad. we already live in the countryside, away from people. i took more walks than normal - i discovered a new path around our lake after ten years of living here. it was actually quite nice. even though i started a new job just as the pandemic started, even that worked out very well, though i wondered in the beginning if it would. 

where things have changed is on the social front. i find it hard to restart a social life. we used to have people over for dinner regularly. these days, we hardly ever do so. we are having some people over for friendsgiving this weekend. it's a smaller group than it has been some years. husband and i discussed the guest list and we just couldn't get our heads around a bigger group. so we'll be 8. i used to not blink at 20. i think this difference is one of the consequences of corona time. 

but i don't know what else is. it feels so hard to judge something when you don't have enough distance to it. and when it feels like everyone has forgotten it. i don't hear anything about it at all here in denmark. they haven't even recommended a booster shot this year for the new variants. and i haven't even had it. at least not that i know of. it's kind of like everyone has forgotten. but i suspect our bodies and our psyches haven't forgotten. but what it means? i have no idea. what do you think it means?