a most meaningful act of creativity

when my friend messaged last evening, asking me to come and consult on her painting project, i didn't realize that she would want me to help with the painting of her sister's coffin. i thought i was only consulting on the placement of what she would paint on it. it seemed like such a personal project, that i didn't even dare to ask if she wanted me to help with the actual painting. when i arrived today, we talked about the flowers she had done the evening before. they were quite unlike her - she actually went to the art academy and she's a very good painter. the flowers that were already on the coffin didn't look like her at all.  they seemed too deliberate and almost a bit childlike and stiff. (the flowers below are not those.)

her sister was diagnosed with an incurable brain tumor two and a half years ago. at that time, they gave her about a year. she's already lived much longer than expected, but the tumor has grown dramatically in recent weeks and now it's only a matter of time. she requested that my friend paint bright, happy flowers on her coffin and of course my friend wanted to comply. but this is an almost impossibly difficult request. and that's why the flowers she did seemed so cramped and restrained. it is so much to ask. really too much to ask. so many emotions are involved, it's nearly impossible to let go and enter the flow needed to create the perfect flowers on the last resting place of your closest sister. just writing it almost takes my breath away.

i also know her sister and feel absolutely horrible that she's leaving her family far too early. but i could see how we could achieve the flowers and i could see what an act of love, and yes, even therapy it would be to do it. and so, after dancing around it a bit, we both mentioned at nearly the same time, that maybe i could help paint them. and so i did. we spent nine hours painting flowers on her sister's coffin. we are very pleased with the result. i can't show the final version here yet, as it feels wrong to show it before the funeral, but i will show it when the time is more appropriate. but i am so grateful to have been part of this project. 

it was such an emotional day. it's very sobering to stand before an empty casket, knowing that soon it will contain a beloved sister and daughter. and feeling the solemn responsibility of fulfilling her wish that it would be decorated with cheerful, colorful flowers. we shed more than a few tears. but we also laughed a lot and honestly, it sounds strange to say, but it was a truly wonderful day. we achieved a really lovely result and we did it together with so much love and laughter. it was like the most cleansing, intense therapy session ever. it's a day i will never forget. and i'm so grateful that i got to be a part of it. 

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i loved reading this. 

 

protective energy

most amazing experience today. we had an open house in our atelier at the top of the library. the purpose was to show the community the kinds of things we do in our little creative group and hopefully gain some new members. i hadn't seen a certain member since the day she screamed at me and drove off. i didn't see her come in and only realized she was there when i heard her voice behind me. i said, "hello, nice to see you," as i walked past. but i'll admit i felt nervous about her being there. she awkwardly stammered back a hello. 

i went downstairs with my good friend and told her that i felt nervous. she said, you have to protect yourself with some good energy before you go back upstairs. she tried to guide me to do it. she told me to picture a calming blue light, starting at my head and enveloping me. i closed my eyes and tried. the only light that would come was orange. then she stood in front of me, warmed her hands and raised them above my head. as soon as her hands were there, the light turned from orange to a rich, dark blue. then she proceeded to draw a line of protection around me. i could feel prickles of energy, though she didn't touch me. i got all goosebumps. and i really could see that rich, blue light enveloping me. then she gave me a big hug and told me she loved me. it was amazing and though i know it sounds completely woo woo, i really felt protected. 

back upstairs, my nemesis sat near me and i could feel waves of bad energy coming from her. and i swear i could almost see my protective energy field pushing them away, protecting me from them. i found myself smiling and feeling calm and happy. it was mind-blowing. and it felt absolutely amazing. 

she left early. maybe she could feel her bad energy being pushed back at her. i still feel sorry for her. she's still clearly in a bad place and it hasn't gotten better. i really hope she gets some help.

i think everyone left in a good mood, feeling great for having being creative together for a few hours. we definitely need to do more of these sessions. 

shadows on the wall

we all have shadows on our souls that haunt us. sometimes in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes in the middle of the day, sometimes when we're under pressure, they cloud our judgement or make us behave in bewildering ways. i think my primary shadow is having grown up in a small town where everyone knew everyone. and while that was good in many ways, it makes me overly eager to be accepted and liked, because it meant too so much in that little society. but this isn't really about my shadows, more about how we are affected by the shadows around us.

spending time with a whole lot of people who are long-term unemployed and interviewing them for my book on the danish welfare state, i have seen and felt a lot of shadows in recent weeks. and i think that it can't help but cast a shadow over your own soul and your own existence, to be in contact with so many sad stories and depressed people. it drags you into a kind of darkness yourself, no matter how much anthropological distance you try to have. there is something to the notion that the people you hang out with have a big affect on you and how you view the world (and i knew this, but i didn't realize how hard it would be to keep it separate). and i think it's also difficult, when you're in the midst of a situation, to realize what's really going on, especially one like this, where at the same time i'm very grateful to these people for opening up to me and telling me their stories.

by the end of last week, i found myself feeling short-tempered and crabby. and i couldn't help but be hyper-critical of everyone and everything around me. it was like all those shadows ganged up on me and gave me a very bleak outlook, expecting the worst of the world.

so today, i stepped back from my project and worked on something else - a whole stack of new stitched-up photos that i actually started last week. i hope to get them backed and photographed tomorrow so i can show them to you. there are a couple of new themes...hedgehogs and mushrooms (unsurprisingly) and some travel dreams. it was just the the thing to push those shadows back where they belong...against the wall.

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and don't forget, the last batch of stitched-up photos are 25% off - and i've made it easier...the price you see is the sale price, no code necessary. if there was one you were wanting, now is the time to pounce! and there aren't any aliens or fish in this second round, so it's the last chance at those (for now).