a most meaningful act of creativity

when my friend messaged last evening, asking me to come and consult on her painting project, i didn't realize that she would want me to help with the painting of her sister's coffin. i thought i was only consulting on the placement of what she would paint on it. it seemed like such a personal project, that i didn't even dare to ask if she wanted me to help with the actual painting. when i arrived today, we talked about the flowers she had done the evening before. they were quite unlike her - she actually went to the art academy and she's a very good painter. the flowers that were already on the coffin didn't look like her at all.  they seemed too deliberate and almost a bit childlike and stiff. (the flowers below are not those.)

her sister was diagnosed with an incurable brain tumor two and a half years ago. at that time, they gave her about a year. she's already lived much longer than expected, but the tumor has grown dramatically in recent weeks and now it's only a matter of time. she requested that my friend paint bright, happy flowers on her coffin and of course my friend wanted to comply. but this is an almost impossibly difficult request. and that's why the flowers she did seemed so cramped and restrained. it is so much to ask. really too much to ask. so many emotions are involved, it's nearly impossible to let go and enter the flow needed to create the perfect flowers on the last resting place of your closest sister. just writing it almost takes my breath away.

i also know her sister and feel absolutely horrible that she's leaving her family far too early. but i could see how we could achieve the flowers and i could see what an act of love, and yes, even therapy it would be to do it. and so, after dancing around it a bit, we both mentioned at nearly the same time, that maybe i could help paint them. and so i did. we spent nine hours painting flowers on her sister's coffin. we are very pleased with the result. i can't show the final version here yet, as it feels wrong to show it before the funeral, but i will show it when the time is more appropriate. but i am so grateful to have been part of this project. 

it was such an emotional day. it's very sobering to stand before an empty casket, knowing that soon it will contain a beloved sister and daughter. and feeling the solemn responsibility of fulfilling her wish that it would be decorated with cheerful, colorful flowers. we shed more than a few tears. but we also laughed a lot and honestly, it sounds strange to say, but it was a truly wonderful day. we achieved a really lovely result and we did it together with so much love and laughter. it was like the most cleansing, intense therapy session ever. it's a day i will never forget. and i'm so grateful that i got to be a part of it. 

* * *

i loved reading this. 

 

giving thanks

it's thanksgiving and it feels like 2016 hasn't given us a lot to be thankful for. the death of david bowie, prince, leonard cohen, as well as brexit and trump -  it's been a rather brutal year. at least for the world.  personally, it's been pretty good. so i think i'll focus on that.

first, i'm thankful for husband. and for the amazing young woman that the child is becoming. i'm thankful that my job has taken me new places - poland, latvia, estonia, belgium and paris. i'm thankful for the fun and creative people i've had the chance to work with all year.  i'm thankful that my back is better. i'm thankful for yoga - for it bringing me in touch with my body again. i'm thankful that i get to spend the week in copenhagen and retreat to the countryside to husband and the garden and the cats on the weekend. i'm grateful for friends - both virtual and irl. i'm thankful for podcasts, the pantsuit nation facebook group, for my cousin who is letting the child stay for her year of high school, for seeing my hometown through her eyes (good and bad (and honestly, it's mostly bad)).

i'm thankful for late nights with friends, drinking wine and solving the world's problems (and also a few wardrobe-related problems). and great food (that sushi in gdansk, a seriously good ramen in london and foie gras in paris). and amazing projects. and the opportunity to be in a london bell tower, both listening to and watching the bells being rung. and for what happens when you share your ideas and are willing to let go of them and let them become what they are meant to be, which is so much more than you imagined. and by you, i mean me.

and i'm grateful for being seen. for unfolding. for transformation and becoming. and finally finding out what i can do.

and i'm also thankful for kittens. and laughter. and candles. and mac highlighter, and benefits mascara and urban decay eyeshadow. and for a day when we think about it all and are thankful. despite all of the other stuff that's going on.

happy thanksgiving, one and all.

august wanes and the season changes

what a month it's been! planes, trains, ships and cars. edinburgh, london, dover, hamburg and copenhagen. the culmination of a very big and very healing (for my wounded soul) project that resulted in a world record. a couple of days away with all of my co-workers. we sent the child off to the states for her year of high school. a bit of time in the garden here and there. as the garden produces its abundance, all of the other more metaphorical seeds that were sown over the past year have also come to fruition. i feel sated by the bounty of it all.

we've had the best weather of the whole summer in the past couple of days but right now, it's raining with biblical intensity. husband is helping the child with her algebra in the other room, via facetime. there are two teenage cats racing back and forth, playing a bit too rough. we had a roast chicken for dinner. i served it with a squash gratin (i'm using squash in everything, since the plants are going like gangbusters in the garden) and a broad bean mash (also from the garden). a simple salad of plum tomatoes and cucumbers from the greenhouse rounded it out. it's so satisfying that most of the meal came from our own garden.

i made it to yoga entirely too little during august. i saw friends too little. but on the whole, it's been a very exciting and happy month. it feels like i'm entering a new season of happiness, just as autumn, which is always my favorite season, comes around. a balance has come, an equilibrium. it's borne of spending my weeks doing work that makes me happy and being home on the weekends in this place in the countryside that makes me happy. it's the best of both worlds. long, deep conversations with husband make us both appreciate the time we do have together. meals eaten together, a glass of something cold in the garden in the late afternoon, musings about garden designs. life is full and good as august comes to a close.

everything is awesome

it was a beautiful weekend.
it surely helped that it started already on thursday evening.
we had time with friends.
fun at lego world.
time spent with sabin (eating sushi and wandering a bit in copenhagen).
a family saturday night of dinner out and the lego movie.
sunday at home making soup and baking paleo "bread" and photographing cats.

everything is awesome.
(that's a quote from the lego movie, by the way.)
and surely also holds portents of the week ahead.

* * *

are cats better at predicting the weather than weathermen?

* * *

it seems as baby boomers get older, it gets easier to talk about sex.

and also to have some. 

i find that encouraging.

sex after seventy.

loving right now

things i'm loving right now...

...the house is slowly beginning to look like christmas.

...5-6 eggs a day.

...that husband is sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea, listening to a radio program about vikings.

...the big project that i'm playing a little part in at the moment.

...my new iPhone 4S (how did i live without this?).

...reading the cadfael books by ellis peters. nothing like a 12th century detective monk who knows everything about herbal remedies to put things into perspective.

...thinking about all of the exciting things in the year ahead.

...this little interview i did on kamana's blog. mostly because it made me realize that i'm really content with right now.

...that aside from a slight moment of mania on discovering the lego weaponry aftermarket for my nephews, i'm doing really good on not going crazy this christmas.

...a good night's sleep.

...bunny buns.

what the weekend brought...

it feels like all of that work in the garden is starting to pay off at last.

the weekend brought the first test of the cider press (more about that tomorrow over here - i have 138 photos to sort before i can write) and meals consisting of nearly only things from the garden (reminder to self: must plant a bacon plant next year).

it also brought spontaneous guests, deep philosophical conversations about the meaning of life and two more wine balloons bought for a song on den blå avis (our version of craig's list). it brought a bunny photo shoot and phrases to memorize the dressage arena (A Fat Black Mama Cat Has Eight Kittens). it brought a walk in the woods looking for mushrooms.

it also brought a run-in with a nasty, mean hawthorne branch (lest you think it was all fabulousness). but mostly, there was a lot of laughter, relaxing and enjoying being together, even while we did mundane things like clean the bunny cages.

another busy week awaits, but we're refreshed, renewed and ready for it.

a little in love

a walk.
golden light.
birdsong in the air.
cows munching.

they're not our cows, but they're in our pasture.
and i'm a little in love.

did you know that cows are friendly?
they come running over when we go out there.
full of unrestrained cow joy
at the sight of us.
and wanting to say hello.

tho' they're strangely afraid of the cat.
and he only wants to play.

our couchsurfer sang to them in norwegian.
you should have seen them.
they were transfixed.
and a little bit in love.

one of them has a heart-shape on her forehead.
i'm a little in love with that.

but it's easy to fall in love when there's a few moments of sunshine.

*  *  *

a most beautiful blog post.

one of those weeks....

have you ever had one of those weeks? a week when you have completely lost your voice due to the allergy-enduced asthsma you apparently have (which was initially misdiagnosed as pneumonia) and which everyone feels compelled to point out to you..."you've lost your voice." "oh really, i hadn't noticed..."

a week full of impressions and ideas and mixed feelings and great conversations and lame conversations and awkward moments and moments of flow. a week of opposites and frustrations and moments of happiness and sunshine and fresh breezes. lots of laughter and near tears of frustration. times where you can't sit still and times where you can't really bear to walk another step (that was undoubtedly the shoes).

a complex week that you both hope ends soon and wish would never end?

well, i'm having one of those weeks....