a glimpse of what lies beneath

on our christmas day walk, i kept noticing the reflections of the trees in the puddles.
i had a feeling that we had a rare glimpse of things down under the earth,
in to the roots of the trees, to what lies beneath.

and it was a clear reflection of the world above.

they say there is a root below for every branch above, so it sort of makes sense.

it was a strange, almost vertigo-like feeling it gave me,
standing on the edge of that secret abyss below,
through the window afforded by the still, clear water.
it felt like you could slip quietly in and explore what was below.

but instead, we walked on.

and a little shiver went down my spine.
i'm not sure we're supposed to know everything about what lies beneath.

so i've been thinking...

~ everyone should go to the beach at least once a month, just to clear their heads.

~ about whether you can eat the seaweed found on our northerly beaches.

~ and if so, which kind?

~ about the great wars of the last century (i'm reading ken follett's fall of giants, which is set in WWI) and the residues they have left behind.

~ about the need for an editor. and perhaps also a translator. or maybe just some english lessons. unless they really did want people to line up their dogs...

~ that sometimes the best course of action on a sink full of dirty dishes is to pour a glass of wine, turn out the light and go settle into the big chair with a good book. after all, those dishes aren't going anywhere.

~ leaving one square of toilet paper on an otherwise empty roll does not excuse you from changing it.

* * *

what are you thinking about in this liminal week, while we wait for the new year?

lovely shining monday

we took a little family outing to the west coast today. as we drew nearer, the sun came out and since it was about 10°C (or 50°F), it was downright balmy, despite the strong winds blowing in off the north sea.

 and the light. oh, the light.

an afternoon of sea and sand and wind and golden light has completely realigned my very soul.

i am definitely ready for the new year now! bring it on!

christmas is here. sort of.

it bugs me a little bit that the danes celebrate christmas on what is arguably the day before christmas, but this year, i've decided to just go with it. the duck is in the oven and i'll be putting the veggies in to roast in an hour or so. the sun is shining, we went for a long walk, the gifts are wrapped and of a reasonable quantity. i have to say that everything is pretty much right with the world.

merry christmas, one and all. may it be perfect, whether you celebrate it on the right day or not.

pagan rituals and the winter solstice

one of these trees is now in our living room, covered with lights and ribbons and ornaments and tinsel. and i cannot even express how satisfying it is that our christmas tree came from our own yard. photos of it in its new location tomorrow.

in the meantime, happy solstice. decorating the tree seemed like the perfect pagan ritual to engage in on this, the darkest day of the year.

tomorrow the light begins to return. none too soon.

make the most of it, wherever you are.

a christmas calm

i am unusually calm about christmas. usually, about now, i rush to amazon and panic-order a kitchen-aid mixer. but that doesn't seem to be happening this year. i feel good and calm about the gifts i have for those i love (except for the ones i haven't yet sent to my parents or my sister or my nephews - however, they're used to that, so it's more ok than you might imagine). i picked up husband's gift today...a beautiful handmade knife in a lovely leather sheath (don't worry, he doesn't read my blog - he says he doesn't need to since he gets to talk to me in person). it was so much nicer to go to the artist's lovely home, have a cup of coffee and talk about christmas traditions and life philosophies than to rush around a busy, soulless mall.

and i haven't gone completely nuts for sabin either, unless buying a 10-year-old an iPhone 4S is nuts (we couldn't expect her to go on using her 3GS when the camera's so much better in the new one). she'll also get a few clothes which she needed anyway and some custom bobbaloos of her real-life bunnies (don't worry, she doesn't read my blog either), but there won't be any over-packaged plastic toys in her stocking this year and i'm quite pleased with that.

we're going to be home this year - we have spotted a tree on our property that we'll cut down tomorrow and bring in, then we'll drink mulled wine and decorate it together on the 24th (which the danes mistakenly think is actual christmas). i bought a lovely, plump duck, so we'll have that with roasted veg and eat ris a'lamande for dessert, like the danes do.  we'll light candles and watch movies and play games and go for a walk (snow or no), feed the animals, play with the bunnies, gather the eggs, give matilde her new blanket and some carrots.

it feels like it will be a calm, warm, restorative time. and that must be what it's supposed to be about.

in which she starts out pious and ends up her usual devious self

i'm learning - slowly, all too slowly - to let go of my expectations of other people. especially the small ones (both people and expectations). for example - if you were copying selected pages of a book that would give you an idea of what that book was about, you would find it natural to include the table of contents, right? apparently, that's an unrealistic expectation on my part. but i have realized that the level of frustration it causes me is COMPLETELY not worth the energy it takes. so i'm trying to let go of such expectations and their attendant sense of frustration. and on the odd occasion when i'm able to, i find it makes me feel lighter and generally makes my navigation through the world easier and much happier.

but it's hard. especially if the failure to meet my expectations makes the person who failed to meet them, in my head at least, seem less intelligent or perhaps downright stubborn. because those things aren't necessarily true. (tho' they are also not necessarily NOT true.)  but once i've decided someone is stupid or stubborn or unprofessional or all three, i pretty much write that person off and they have no chance with me again. this has not always been a good thing. so i'm trying to be less hasty in my judgements when people fail to meet my expectations.

the problem is that the we are FULL of expectations. it's how we navigate the world - cultural expectations, expectations towards what we consider politeness and fair treatment - our expectations guide our actions and behavior. it's so automatic that we don't even realize we have them. hence the frustration and disappointment when they're not met.

i do realize that this is all rather abstract. so here's the deal...i've recently been working with some people who i had professional expectations towards and i have been surprised several times when those expectations, especially of what i would consider a normal level of professionalism, were not met. i was surprised when i was asked to do something that i deemed contrary to my professional integrity. and in refusing to do this thing (it wasn't something illegal, or anything serious like that, it just felt unfair and unprofessional towards the client), i in turn disappointed the expectations of the person asking me to do it and it became a rather pissy vicious circle of disappointment. but i stood my ground because i felt my professionalism was at stake, as well as my sense of duty towards the client. and this wench person doesn't seem to be able to just let it go. she has actually said to me several times since how irritated she was that i maintained my professionalism instead of compromising and just doing what she asked - her argument being "we do that all time."  which frankly, isn't an argument at all. and made me lose respect for her even more, because she can't even put together a proper argument.

but i'm trying to take a deep breath, holding onto the feeling in the pit of my stomach that i did the right thing and just let go of it. being righteous about my sense of right and wrong isn't a good use of my energy either.

it makes it all much easier that i can clearly see a way to use her lack of professionalism to my advantage. mwahaha!