five things friday :: early august edition

on instagram, there's this #fivethingsfriday thing and instead of typing it all out on my phone, at the mercy of autocorrect, i have decided to move it over here.

thing 1:  i had freya spayed this week. she has been our primary mama kitty for several years now, but i finally decided that there are enough kittens in the world and she has worked hard enough as a mama. it was time for her to relax. but i still feel a little wistful about it. she made lovely babies - including paws mcgraw, her sweet daughter who i have kept (see thing 2), and who also was spayed on monday. it's a fine line between enjoying kittens and becoming a crazy cat lady. i know i did the right thing, but it does feel a little bit bittersweet.

thing 2: paws mcgraw - she's everything you want in a cat - curious, funny, active, dexterous (she opens doors), snuggly, talkative and out to steal any stray pony tail holder you leave lying around (or tucked up safely inside a zipped pouch). i love her so much. she's not molly or frieda, she's all her own, but she's in the same category as they are. some cats are just special.

thing 3:  arizona. next week, sabin and i are flying to the US. we will spend the week in south dakota and then drive her new used car (a toyota, of course) to arizona so she can begin her gap year before starting at arizona state next year. i am both happy and anxious. it's the next step for her and her bravery in taking it is everything i hoped and prepared for as a parent, but it's also a really big step. but at least it means we get to visit arizona regularly! and i'm very much looking forward to our road trip.

thing 4:  the way things have of falling into place, even in a time of great change and flux and turmoil and even when they seem like they can't possibly fall into place. my inner fatalist presbyterian thinks it all happens exactly as it's supposed to, even though it doesn't always make sense initially or on the surface of things. so much goodness ahead.

thing 5:  pondering my next tattoo. we have an appointment in tempe at black sails with the lovely lolo. i'm getting a typewriter this time, with a bit of color - to remember mom by and to remind myself to write on a regular basis. 

just when i needed it most

you know that thing where you spend time with precisely the people you need to spend time with? and they just lift you up and make you recognize yourself again (even tho' they themselves are totally different). and you can't feel other than grateful. and a little bit your old self again. and by you, i mean me. and me? i'm settling back into myself. finding comfort there again, after far too long.

is i maven my ass

i'm not religious, not in a conventional sense, but i have a fatalistic streak, undoubtedly from having been raised presbyterian (which in our little town was more of a social distinction than a religious one). and i keep wondering if all of these big red flashing lights that have gone off in front of me about sabin's trip to russia are really and truly signs. and if they were and i didn't listen to them, how will i ever live with it? but what if they're not and my expectations to the professionalism of a flock of amateur clowns who normally spend their days playing pool after school with a bunch of quasi-teenagers are simply too high? how do you decide? and how do you live with your decisions afterwards? arrgh!

a friend told me to have is i maven - ice(cream?) in my stomach, if i literally translate. but i don't think it has anything to do with courage, it's more a question of trust. do i trust these people to take care of my 12-year-old daughter in st. petersburg when they can't actually communicate properly or provide me with a simple flight itinerary?  i really don't know what to do about this. are they just a bunch of amateurs who venture no further than a german bunker on a danish beach during their own vacations, so they have no idea what information they should provide? will it all be ok once they get there, because after all, they are used to spending time with young people and even accustomed to traveling with them (to places like berlin, copenhagen, paris and norway)? or will they be as condescending and arrogant with my child as they are towards me? i really feel i don't have the answers to those questions and they certainly aren't forthcoming with the details i've been asking for either. is it the biggest sign of all that they can't even spell st. petersburg in what little correspondence they have had? when is a sign a sign?