in need of gratitude

things have been a bit rocky of late...i feel i've once again fallen victim to caring too much. but at the same time, i wouldn't be authentically me if i didn't wholeheartedly drink the kool-aid and give myself over completely. holding back is a rocky road of a different kind, so i don't regret falling in love a little too hard. but perhaps the honeymoon is over and we're settling into a place where it just requires more work, like any relationship that's worth it. 

if this were facebook, that would be vaguebooking.

but so be it.

i have a need to make a little list of things for which i am grateful:

~ colleagues who support me, make me laugh, listen to me, confide in me, laugh at my jokes, include me, ask whether i have a kitten for them (and then proceed to fall head over heels in love with said kitten), eat cake with me, and did i mention make me laugh?

~ my openness and tendency to trust people. it can bite me in the ass sometimes, but overall, i'd much rather be open and trusting than not. even if it means i trust too much and tell too much sometimes. so be it. i wouldn't be myself without that tendency.

~ cats. i know we have a few too many, but every single one of them offers me comfort in their own unique way. and we have a lot of space, so there's room for everyone. and i feed them well and provide them with all the services they expect. and they give me so much in return. the comfort i'm seeking and yes, even laughter, with all of their adorable playfulness.

~ husband. he talks me down from the ledges. he makes me laugh. sometimes from the very first words out of his mouth in the morning. this morning, they were musings on the human foot and what it would be like if we didn't have them. he's not normal, but that's perfect for me. and i'm grateful for him every single day. he never stops planning the next project and striving for something new. he gets me.

~ having a pretty fornuftig teenager in the house. fornuftig means sensible, but somehow has an extra dimension in danish, so i'm mixing the two languages. i can do that after all these years in denmark. and you all should be accustomed to it by now. and that kid, despite all of the many things she wants, is pretty awesome. and that awesomeness was just in her when she arrived. i don't think i had much to do with it at all.

~ awesome projects to work on. i'm learning every day and there is at least one moment every day (even amidst the rocky times), where i am just super happy to have the privilege to do what i do, to meet the people i meet, to work with the projects and people i get to work with.

~ the all-too-fleeting zen feeling, where i know that this too shall pass and it will all be ok, even if it wasn't what i imagined. and whatever happens, it will be a learning experience that contains a lesson meant for me. whether that lesson is to trust or to roll with the punches doesn't much matter, as it is my lesson to learn, either way. life is a matter of practicing. and i need to practice letting go of expectations and being open to what's next. it's gotten me this far. so it will surely take me to the next level. 

~ impending travels to seattle and new york city (for the first time ever) and also connecticut, where i've also never been. it is good to have plane tickets and hotel reservations and all kinds of meetings with a whole bunch of awesome people planned.

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the hipster disney princesses are way better than the real ones.

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john malkovich as...everyone.

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speaking of which...mr. bean makes an appearance in historical paintings.

a drop in the sea of gratitude

it's thanksgiving day. and while we don't load our table with turkey and all the fixings in denmark today, i want to send my own thanks out into the hive mind today. i've come to think such things matter. i asked for good vibes to be sent my way on monday morning and i swear i could feel them precisely when i needed them. it must be the same with the great mass of gratitude being sent into the universe today. that mass of goodwill and gratitude must make the molecules align and hum just a little more in tune, if only just for that one day. i must be part of that.

so i pause this morning, with my beloved molly cat nestled on her furry red pillow in my lap, purring contentedly, and i am thankful for...

~ the way that husband makes me laugh every single day.
~ the way he says, "have a great day," when he leaves every single morning.
~ how he ends our phone calls with "i love you," even when he's at work.
~ his undying drive and work ethic - he comes home from his day job and goes straight to work on one of the many projects around this house.

~ sabin. she's beautiful, thoughtful, kind, sensible and a good, loyal friend to her friends.

~ all these cats. even the wild bunch outside. they make me smile and comfort me every single day.
~ our little flock of chickens. and that the spotty one has started to lay eggs.
~ my morning chores - the cats flying around in the terrace, eager for their breakfast.  the horses crunching their grain is such a comforting sound. and feeding the bunnies their breakfast brings joy as well. i love letting the chickens out of the coop and scattering some grain for them. they're so funny with the secret (to me) language they speak to one another. those 15-20 minutes every morning, even when it's cold, ground me and start my day off right.

~ friends who help with something really important out of the goodness of their hearts and help me shine when i need to.

~ friends who listen to my rambling and rants and offer gentle guidance on the ways of the world.

~ recently finding an amazing group of smart, funny (english-speaking) women.

~ my sewing machine, fabric stash and the meditative quality sewing has at precisely the moment when i need to calm an inner restlessness.

~ that we have this enormous project that is this house. it's not the way we want it to be, but it will be one day and we work steadily towards that. it's good to have a mission and a shared goal. i think a lot of couples lose that along the way and i am so grateful that we haven't.

~ knowing that my family is gathered together, eating good food, playing cards, maybe singing a bit at the piano and undoubtedly laughing a lot. i wish i was there, but even tho' i'm not, knowing that they are together is good.

~ lastly, i'm grateful for the opportunity to learn patience and learn to let go in a process that means a great deal to me, but which i cannot control. but which i feel confident will have the outcome i desire.

there you have it, universe, my contribution to the thanksgiving sea of gratitude.

thank you for reading. and happy thanksgiving, one and all.