Thursday, April 17, 2014

why have i never felt young? #tbt

sabin and i in chicago in, i think, 2005. i was clearly still in my morning news anchor hair phase. i put this on facebook and a friend remarked that we were sweet and oh, so young. and it's true, i can see that (especially with sabin). but looking back, i don't think i felt young then. i can't remember ever feeling young, actually.

ever since i left college after my first year and lived for a couple of years in california (finding myself? losing myself?) before going back to a different university to finish my studies, i've felt older than the rest of the pack. because i'd spent those couple of years, i was then a couple years older than my fellow sophomores when i did return to university. that left me older than my fellow students in my various master's programs as well. tho' less so at arizona state, where there were other "mature" students in the program. i was a couple years older than my fellow fulbright scholars back in macedonia. i was rather old when husband and i got married (31) and pretty old when i had sabin (33), my first child.  that would put me at about 37 in this photo and i have to say that i didn't feel young. i was an older mother. older mothers are the norm now, i realize, so it's not with any sense of shame i say that. it's more that i feel a little regretful that i can't remember feeling young.

what is it about the times that we are in, that we can't appreciate them or really see them until later, in retrospect?


Sandra said...

I got married the first time at 20 and was a mother at 21. I was in such a hurry to be an adult I never let myself be young. It was also how I was raised, so I had that strike against me from the start. I was divorced and responsible for a two year old by myself at 23, so I really never was young. I was plenty stupid, though. It's my son's birthday today and he is the same age I was when we moved onto this farm. I had a child in college and I certainly didn't see myself as young, but I told him yesterday not to be caught in that trap, be young. He says he feels young, so I am happy. I cannot get youth back, but I can stop feeling old, so that's what I'm doing! It helps me to have young friends like you.

Monica said...

Youth... Wasted on the young.