4 a.m. storms

i was awakened by the rain just before 4 a.m. it's been raining a lot in recent days, but the sun also breaks through and it's nice for a short while, luring you outdoors, only to be chased inside again by another deluge. changeable, unpredictable, much like life. it would be easier to cope with if i was better at going back to sleep when it wakes me. night before last, there was rain, thunder and lightning - husband even got up and unplugged the router, since we've lost it to lightning before. funnily enough, that night, i didn't hear a thing and slept right through. when i wake, i have a bad habit of looking at my phone. these days, it's filled with distressing news about mass shootings and the racist, bigoted president who inspires them. and one article just leads to another and suddenly an hour has gone by. it's hard to go back to sleep after reading about all that. it can feel so hopeless, this downward spiral we seem to be in. and my worries about my gorgeous child choosing to go live there among all those guns seem especially acute at 4 in the morning. no wonder i can't get back to sleep.

i am not worried

things about which i am not worried:

~ putin.

~ the ukraine.

~ the coming nutella shortage (we have an 8 kilo stockpile).

~ ebola.

~ the middle east (i probably should be worried about this).

~ running out of gin (we were just in germany and i stocked up).

~ aging gracefully.

~ bills.

things which worry me a little bit:

~ finding the right shampoo.

~ what if i never find the right shampoo?

~ that my daughter's camera is way better than mine.

~ pixel-wise, mine still has that thing where i choose where it focuses.

~ the size of the new iPhone.

~ what if i never get to cape town again?

things which i worry about a lot:

~ stepping on kittens (i have an entirely too vivid picture in my head of the result of this).

~ cats getting run over.

~ there whereabouts of the feral hen.

~ how behind my child is in math and german thanks to the school she used to attend.

~ how can you know as a parent how bad a school really is?

~ will karma bite that dominatrix principal in the ass? (i know it will, but i'd honestly like to know when.)

~ with the amount of tax we pay, why couldn't our local school get its act together?

* * *

ahh, the jazz life in manila.

* * *

remind me again why we don't live in the world's most liveable city anymore?

* * *

and speaking of which, why do we lie about where we live?
(in my defense, i did live in copenhagen at one time and sabin was born there.)

* * *
the secret life of pronouns.
because words matter.

so many causes, so little...

 ...caring? empathy? what is wrong with me?  i just read an editorial on the plight of the roma people (that's gypsies to you and me). they're eternally persecuted because those of us who settle down and buy a house (albeit (apparently an exception to the rule - i before e except after c) one that should have come with a complementary bulldozer) don't like the nomads, you see.  apparently normally upstanding countries like sweden are even kicking the roma out. so it must be bad (they, after all, gave the peace prize to some chinese dissident no one had heard of 'til they bestowed the prize upon him (oh wait that was the norwegians)...but i digress).

dang, she's sure using a lot of parentheses.

what else do i have trouble caring about?  made-up company politics.  the madness of the mid-term elections in the US (sorry, but i'm having trouble mustering much angst about this...perhaps because i'm not in the middle of it and well, because i simply don't get it - obama is an intelligent man with a hot, smart wife who did something about health care and is pulling troops out of iraq - what's not to like?).  lene espersen (head of the danish conservative party and about as dumb as a box of rocks). the resignation of DR general director kenneth plummer (a man with both the charisma and vocabulary of a garden gnome).

there are many other things i don't care about...like what's going on with brangelina. and the whether the crown prince is drinking too much. and where wayne rooney might play football next. and which teams have gone to the world series. and whether that facebook geek zuckerman thinks that movie is unfair.

all of these things i'm being asked to care about. and i just can't do it.

you see, tomorrow, 26 4th graders are coming to my house to a halloween party and i'm worried about what to feed them and how to keep bits of my purple and black wig out of the food. and after that, i'll be figuring out how to pack 5 wind turbines into my suitcase so i can leave for manila on sunday. so i've got bigger worries on my mind.

here's to a worry-free weekend for all of us. and if you have any suggestions for how we can entertain all those kids for three whole hours,  i'm all ears...because that worries me. husband only bought six half pig heads and how long will that really take?

high anxiety

i'm having the strangest sense of anxiety today. normally, i'm quite a laid-back person and while i can obsessively over-analyze, i generally don't have much anxiety. but today, i'm feeling quite anxious. my stomach is even in knots. it actually started last night, when i suddenly, out of nowhere, worried about husband's flight (he checked in and is fine and all was well, so there was nothing in it), but it's continuing today. and i can't put my finger on a cause. and i can't seem to shake it. i've diffused lavender (thanks TFM), i've gone for a long walk, i've tackled items on my list, i've cleaned up the kitchen, but nothing is working. it's a really strange, waiting, prickly, uncomfortable feeling, yet not related to any specific worry or anything concrete. does this ever happen to you? and how on earth do you get rid of it?