last visits

"we own time, but time also owns us."

i will miss the poetry on the streets of oslo.

sometimes when you leave a place, you know it's your last visit, at least for the foreseeable future. when i left oslo a week or so ago, it was with a light heart for that fact. i'd enjoyed the city for nearly two years, but commuting via plane will wear you down. especially if you don't get what you need from those around you when you're there - intellectual stimulation, exciting tasks, being included, being consulted on areas of your expertise, drawing on your knowledge and network, positivity towards your ideas (for which they claimed to hire you), managerial support, belief that you are capable of your job despite your gender, i could go on, but i think you get the idea. so leaving oslo, i felt happy that it would be the last time i would be there, at least for the foreseeable future. sometimes life is like that.

but other places, you don't realize that you won't be back anytime soon. like the philippines. i've been there 16 times since december 2004. so it feels really strange that i didn't go there at all in 2009. and i find myself really longing for it. it feels like something has been missing in this year (singapore was NOT close enough and is definitely NOT the same) because i haven't been there. it makes me wonder whether i enjoyed it enough when i was there last november. did i realize that it might be the only time i ever buy a fresh coconut from a young boy who paddled up on his coconut-laden surfboard? did i fully appreciate the uniqueness of that experience at the moment i had it?

and although i returned to manila many times after my visit there in september 2005 with husband and sabin, did i appreciate how great it was to be there together with them? and did i realize it might not happen again? i don't think so. tho' i loved the experience, i didn't place anything extra in it, thinking it might be a once-in-a-lifetime thing. i took for granted that we'd go again. and probably we will, so maybe this angsty feeling is for nothing. and maybe i just have this overwhelming sense of nostalgia  because i keep thinking of that house we looked at on sunday and how sadly frozen in time was.

i know one place that i didn't appreciate enough because i definitely didn't think it would be my last visit and that's Cape Town. of course, there's still a chance that i will go back there at some point, but when i was last there, i didn't realize it would be later rather than sooner.  i didn't realize how very long it would be before i was lounging at moyo at the spiers winery, chatting away on the phone and enjoying a fabulous glass of wine. sigh.

i worry a little bit that the world is changing so much with all of this talk of climate change and that long haul flights (except perhaps to the US), are largely behind me. and i'm changing too. i no longer want to have a job where i travel 150-200 days a year, where i'm away from my home and my family. i want something different from life now. i had great experiences, but maybe now they are just memories. memories of times i wonder if i appreciated enough.

of course, there are places that you hope you don't visit again, despite how colorful and amazing certain aspects of them were. like chennai. honestly, it's quite possibly the most uncharming place on the planet and if i never go back there, i'll be quite ok with that. phuket is another one of those for me. they can keep phuket. tho' i had a fantastic afternoon there, playing in the waves that had so cruelly killed so many less than a year before. it's one of those memories where i was conscious at the time that it was a wholly unique experience that could never be duplicated.

when we left singapore this past summer, husband was quite clear-eyed about it not bothering him at all if he never went back. i feel a bit that way too, since singapore is disneyland with nationhood. tho' if remain in shipping (which i wouldn't rule out), i will likely go there again. but i guess the whole point of these musings is that we never really know what the future holds and where it will take us.

butterflies, dolphins and birds, oh my

although singapore is like disneyland with nationhood in more ways that i can even enumerate at the moment (but promise to when i get home and am on a proper (read: not slow hotel) connection again and have time (to myself) to think) we had a completely and utterly brilliant day today. it's 11 p.m. as i write this and the day was so wonderful i don't want it to end (which is why room service brings you wine, but i digress). but, for now, a few pictures (what a surprise that is, eh?)...

that is indeed a pink dolphin. they were so cute.

but kinda artificial-seeming, tho' they're not, they're real. 

(one of the few things in singapore.)

(more about that later.)

and one more bird...

i was very nearly an authentic bird doo head.

thankfully tho' not in the end.

(no cracks about the wrinkles, please.)

sights and well, sights...

several things about the journey. long layover in amsterdam due to optimization of ticket prices. happily, we decided to take the train to amsterdam and walk around. it was a beautiful day and that was wonderful. and no doubt fortified us for the horrendously long flight ahead. because it is a horrendously long flight. and there is a world of difference between monkey and business class (which i will regale you with tales of another day, when i don't have to get up early and fly to kuala lumpur for the day). in the meantime, here are some snapshots of the journey thus far...

totally adore these retro-painted SAS planes. SAS has class. too bad we flew KLM.

love those silver converse all-stars

mmm, frozen hazelnut coffee in (you guessed it) amsterdam

and little pancakes with lovely, tart lemony sauce.

worth the 7-hour layover alone.

playing drawing games in the sunshine.

an interminably long time later, cut to a japanese restaurant at clark quay, singapore

a fountain to play in and keep the sleepies at bay.
crocs are good for something, they can be wet.

and a couple of martinis for the folks.

plus a shirley temple for the pooka.

yes, that's outdoor air conditioning. indefensible.

sneaked a self-portrait in the fitting room of miss whatever while sabin tried on a dress.

gee, i don't look tired at all, do i?

keeping the jetlag at bay with a grande latte.

sorry, i just gotta do starbucks when i see it.

i adore this system of wooden clothespins used by the waitresses
at bi feng tang in the wisma food court.

also adore the sambal kung kang, but failed to photograph it.

will have to go back.

seen in the window of some telecom provider.

loved it.

and it seems like a good note to leave on...

see you soon...

p.s. blogger cutting off the right edge of my photos strangely and i don't have the energy to figure out why, so just know that i'm aware they're kinda cut off, but the originals aren't...i promise to fix it later.

flying away

we're off halfway across the world for the next couple of weeks, so if i'm a bit absent from your comment boxes, please forgive me, but work (and a little relaxation time with the family) calls. i've scheduled the last secrets, so there's no missing out on those while i spend the better part of two days getting to disneyland singapore. i'm so close to the end, i couldn't give up now.

i'll try to find time to sneak in the odd post (if only a few pictures, since i intend to take lots) while i'm away. otherwise, don't write too much while i'm gone. i'll miss you!!

i need a guru

walking along raffles blvd. early this afternoon, minding my own business, enjoying the sunshine and trying to remember exactly how far that art museum was. early on, i noticed a 30-something indian gentleman walking the same path. he had one of those little black turban-thingies on (i'm sure there's a technical term, but forgive me, it's midnight and i'm in bangkok, waiting for the next flight), but i took note of him more for his long-sleeved shirt, which was an ordinary, blue business-type shirt. i remember thinking that it was awfully hot for long sleeves. then, at a stoplight, he turned and asked me how i was doing. i said i was quite well.

then, he told me i had a lucky face. having intentionally not put on makeup, i laughed a little bit at that one, but i did thank him. then he said, "you think too much, you should relax because your three stars will come together in october. october will be a very happy month for you." i gasped a little bit. could he really tell that i was thinking too much, just walking along BESIDE me and a little behind on a busy street in singapore? he also told me that i would be very happy living in singapore. then, he asked if i'd ever been to india. i told him i had, several times (i neglected to mention i wasn't that fond of it). then he showed me a picture of his guru. it was rather blurry and he pointed to a little face in the upper right of what appeared to be a class photograph of an entire class of gurus. then, he gave me a bead, asked me to keep it and be happy. especially in october.

isn't that weird?

pure potentiality

as i embarked on this trip, i had the notion that when the time came to head home, i would no longer be in the liminal space, i would be able to see the paths ahead and know quite clearly which one to choose. that hasn't happened. after a week in singapore, i have the same questions for myself:

1. can i live in disneyland, even if it does have embassies? and even if it's safe and clean? and there's no chewing gum in sight, so that means i won't find it stuck to the carpet like i do at home?
2. is this place that giant mall i've been dreaming of?
3. is it worth the risks? being part of a new venture is extremely appealing and i do feel that i believe very much in the project and that i could contribute significantly to its success, but will we be happy living here?

over this week, as the waters have remained murky, i've been discussing it all with husband on the phone. my impression is that he has grown keener on the idea as the week has progressed and he's actively planning where to store some of our things (all that driftwood we've collected), gleefully scheming about what to throw out and looking into the tax implications. 

i think i hoped for a bolt of lightning to strike and give me the feeling that i just KNEW what the right answer was. i've pondered a little bit how i tend to make decisions. pretty much, i take in the facts, mull it over (usually for a couple of minutes, tops) and then make a decision based on gut feeling. but my gut seems to be silent in all of this. perhaps it's in a sushi-induced coma. it's not telling me anything one way or the other. where are all of those voices that are usually chattering away in my head? how am i supposed to decide when none of the usual factors are there?

part of it is because things didn't get any clearer this week. i still don't know the terms. i still don't know the terms of the other possibilities that are on the horizon (and one more came up this week in a totally random phone call, so that muddies the waters a bit as well). and that's surely why i'm not coming to any answer. 

so, husband and i continue to speculate as to how it will all turn out, like a CNN broadcast, in the middle of a potential story that might not even be a story, while waiting for the facts to roll in. and we continue in the liminal space. suspended in a state of pure potentiality.

in the meantime, if you want to see something totally weird that i saw today, go here.

singapore vignettes

standing in the wonderful max photo in centre point mall, to which i had returned to shop for a macro lens after buying my camera there last may. deeply authentic elderly chinese man at the next counter buying a very high end professional camera. he's got longish grey hair and on the very tip of his chin, a wispy little beard consisting of a handful of 6" long greyish-white wavy hairs. he turns to my nikkor 15-200mm lens, which we had just fitted back on my camera after i tried out several macro lenses (settled on a nikkor AF-S micro 60mm f/2.8G ED). he took a large magnifying lens out and held it up to the small print on my zoom lens. he looked carefully, made some clucking sounds, turned to me, gave me a thumbs up and said, "vely good." i was proud.

* * *

in a cab being taken to wheellock place. to make conversation, as we neared it and i saw the sign, i said, "oh, i've never been here before." the cab driver shook his head and began lecturing me about using the word "never." he said i should say, "haven't ever." saying the word "never" would apparently keep me from going to heaven when the time came. or so he said.

* * *

walking through the food court of a mall. passing places specializing in indian food. malaysian. korean. japanese. vietnamese. chinese. danish ice cream and pastries. food from myanmar. thai food. noodles only. pizza. chocolates. vegetarian. burgers. outback steakhouse. starbuck's.  literally anything you could possibly think of, including green tea donuts. singapore is a melting pot of food cultures. a food paradise. and yet they're all so tiny. but constantly snacking. i saw a guy eating bacon as he walked along.  just a little bacon snack.

* * *

a paradise of sparkling shoes

(i did get a couple of good ones after all)

* * *

getting in a cab and asking for the pan pacific. the one suntec one since there are apparently others. it's a mad cab driver who must have been new. his english was iffy at best and he began trying to explain that there were two ways to get there and asking which i wanted. i had no idea. one was the short way and one the long. i chose the short. then he started going on and on about ERP. still don't know if he thought i was selling software or what? he asked where i was from. i said i lived in denmark. he asked if that was near new zealand. i said, not so much.  he was going on and on about how he would show me the singapore fire. i was a little alarmed that he was going to take me to a fire, since i just wanted to go to my hotel. turned out he was talking about singapore's version of the london eye, which is called the singapore FLYER. he then went past the entrance to my hotel. i pointed this out. he was very apologetic and went around the block. only to pass the entrance AGAIN. another round around the block, him apologizing the whole way. i was in a good mood, so i just laughed. it was an absurd ride.

* * *

hoards of birds settle into the trees along orchard road at sunset. the air is alive with the din of bird chatter, but it's difficult to catch sight of them. creates the eery feeling of being in a hitchcock film.

* * *

elevator culture: hurry up and get in because as soon as the doors are opening, one of the locals is standing there, pressing the closing button and your chance will disappear quickly.

* * *

on CNN Asia: paid advertisement on the virtues of setting up your business in MICHIGAN. i think this is a sign of a world turning upsidedown. the balance is shifting and we are but witnesses.

could i be any worse?

...at surreptitiously taking pictures in places i probably shouldn't take pictures (like the posh takashimaya department store on orchard road). i cannot frame from the hip to save my life.

see?

it's a shame too, because those were such super pretty, sparkly shoes.

i could tell you about some charming encounters i've had with the locals, but since i stayed up ridiculously late last night, i'm too delirious to do so today, so they'll have to wait 'til tomorrow. if i forget, ask me about the magnifying lens, the whispy goatee and the great singapore fire...

closer to vanuatu than answers

i'm no closer to any answers on my can i live in the mall that is singapore if i have a really fulfilling job, make tons of money, can bring my family and use it as a jumping off point to vanuatu dilemma, but i'm having a fabulous time.

1.  i've eaten sushi (and botched up photographing it because i was deliriously tired).

2.  and some other really gorgeous food.  those little golden rectangles are delectible pockets of mango and thinly-sliced scallop that were light, crispy and quite simply heavenly. the veg is rather spinach-like and is stirred together with a gorgeous sambal olek chili sauce and garlic. totally awesome and a good alternative to sushi if one must.

3.  and wondered to myself whether i could actually allow myself to eat sushi at every meal while i'm here (i chose something else tonight, as you can see, so i did not go with this option, tho' there's still a lot of sushi left in this city and i will have more before i leave).

4.  i wondered what the heck this was:

the waitresses were using these, i think it was some way of communicating to the cooks what had been ordered because they would come, stand in front of it, select a few and disappear around the corner.  fascinating, in any case.

5.  i've marveled at the sheer number of people wearing false eyelashes (i will try to surreptitiously take pictures of some of them tomorrow). 

6.  i've visited two scrap supply stores (read: heaven) and bought a few cool things (read: stamps, rub-ons, something fabulous called washi tape and yes, pretty papers). and i've spread it all out on the desk in my hotel room:

7.  i popped into the gap, bought a great dress (follow link to the very dress) which i already wore today and got a $10 (SGD, not US, tho' they're worth about the same these days what with the utter collapse of the US economy under the stewardship of the republicans...but i digress) gift certificate, which means i will have to go back.

8.  i viewed the new nano, but they were out of purple, so i restrained.

9.  i bought the new issue of martha stewart living. (sigh, i do love martha, despite the damage she's done to my psyche (what with the ironing the tea towels and all) so much that i paid $13SGD for it.)

10.  i bought thomas friedman's new book, hot, flat and crowded (tho' my version looks nothing like this picture on amazon) and listened to him being interviewed about it on CNN. it sounds like it's gonna be great, but i'm finishing this first. (my version looks like the one in the picture.)

11.  i've memorized the piece on CNN about whether or not south africa will be ready for the world cup in '10. dang, they repeat themselves a lot.

12.  i have yet to lens-shop for a macro lens for my beloved D60.

13.  and for the past couple of hours, i've been working in my art journal for the fabulous online course i'm taking.

i did a page called someday which listed all of the things that i will do someday (you know i'm a procrastinator):

and this one called need more, which listed all of the things i need more of (counterintuitively, not all were actual things, but stuff like patience, discipline, creativity and ideas):

and this one too which had only a little bit of journaling starting with i wonder...:

loving the SteadyHandFaultyHeart online art journal course (it's round 2) and it bodes well for singapore that i've had this spurt of creativity while i was here. and of course its proximity (relative to denmark) to vanuatu, where i will someday run away to. (in fact, i'm going to add that to my someday page.)

and now, it's ridiculously late here, so i'm going to go. catch ya tomorrow...do you think it's ok to have a list of 13 things? oh well, too tired now to care.

singapore sling

this is a singapore sling:

it only looks good in this tiny version, but i thought this poster version of it, which i found on google images, fit tangobaby's romantic notion of it as a retro drink, which it surely is. i've had one at the long bar (on my first trip to singapore lo so many moons ago), but didn't want to order one just in order to photograph it, as it's a bit sweet for me. tho' it contains gin and is sometimes called a singapore gin sling and we do know that i adore gin. however, it's just a bit too fruity.

it was invented sometime between 1910 and 1915 by a guy named Ngiam Tong Boon at the Long Bar at the Raffles Hotel. it contains gin, cherry brandy and benedictine. it's a tad fizzy, so i think it also must contain some club soda or perhaps even 7-Up, but the recipe i read in some visitor's guide didn't really say that. it's always got a big bunch of fruit slices on the side and is served in a glass much like the one in the picture above. unless you get it on singapore airlines, in which case it's in a smaller more airline-y glass.

don't say i never teach you anything here on moments of perfect clarity. :-)

short list

things ya gotta love about singapore:

1. hotel room contains one bible and one book entitled the teaching of buddha.
2. they will bring sashimi to your room on a pretty little cart.
3. you can eat it in your bathrobe.
4. bath salts provided by the hotel.
5. electronic gadgets galore.

hitting the wall

mid-afternoon the tireds hit and i became useless at the office so i headed back to my hotel. in an attempt to stay up 'til a normal time rather than falling asleep and sleeping for ten straight hours, as i strongly desired to do, i changed clothes (read: put on comfortable shoes) and headed out for a walk and a bit of shopping. i took a few uninspired pictures:

where i'm staying

where i'm working:

the famous raffles hotel:

home of the famous long bar, where the singapore sling was born.

and which might be the only place in singapore where you're encouraged to litter.

by throwing peanut shells on the floor:

tourist heaven:

and i realized something today, that mall i've been dreaming about all these years might be singapore. it's really all just one giant mall. 

leaving on a jet plane

in just a few hours, this will be the view out my window. actually, i'm not sure i have a window, as i usually ask for an aisle, but i can always go into the bathroom and take a new picture, that's where i usually do it anyway. SAS is one of the few airlines that orders windows on their planes for their biz class bathrooms. funny, that. actually, i'll have to wait 'til morning to take a pic, as my flight leaves at 22:50, so it won't be all sunny and cheery like the one above.  why am i rambling on about this minutiae, even i'm getting bored...

anyway, just wanted to say that i'm off and the next time i post, i'll be here. i've not stayed there before, but it looks pretty cool and it's on raffles blvd., so it must be right in the heart of everything! ya gotta like that! catch ya sometime tomorrow...

jetlagging and another list

it's late. again. and because i'm on a shopper's high (which you can read about here), i'm WIDE AWAKE. and that is once again SO STUPID because i have to get up for a morning flight. at least it's at 9, which means i have to head for the airport around 7 if i want to get in a little retail time at the airport. i know that sounds strange, but lemme tell ya, singapore's changi airport is shopping heaven. and i'm gonna get me some henry kloss tivoli audio action for my writing house.

around noon today, i thought i was going to drop dead, right there in the conference room, of sheer tiredness. i could actually hear that my heartbeat was sluggish. it was perhaps a reaction to an especially boring speaker or staring at the master of ceremonies of the conference who appeared to have last had his mullet cut in august 2007 and who may have actually slept in his suit on a regular basis. or maybe it was because i didn't go to sleep last night until well after 4 a.m. (i stopped looking at the actual time because of how disturbing it was counting how many minutes of sleep i'd have if i went to sleep NOW.) but anyway, two excedrin (thanks sis, for leaving those!) and a good lunch later, i was feeling quite ok again. and now, thanks to the retail adrenalin, i'm once again awake.

i have a lot of impressions and have filled 9 pages of notes in my little waves of inspiration notebook. i'll leave you with a few teasers, since i'm into lists this week:

1. totally disturbing bar called "the clinic" at clark quay. chairs are hospital beds and wheelchairs and it appears you can order blue drinks that come in an IV bag. it was actually rather creepy or perhaps just deeply cynical, and i would definitely have to be in a very special mood to go there.
2. i ordered a fried tofu dish that had some very thinly shaved japanese daikon on top which was moving in a very disturbing way which made you think it was alive or at best that they hadn't totally killed it back in the kitchen before they brought it out. it turned out to just be the breeze from the ceiling fan. and the german couple at the next table was also very transfixed by it. i thought they were a little creeped out, but they proceeded to order one too.
3. power point should never have been made available to the masses. you should, at the very least, have to have a license in order to use it. and it should be VERY difficult to get one.
4. there is a very odd food server culture. they are EXTREMELY attentive when you first arrive--eager to bring you drinks and take your order, but once your food comes, you are totally on your own. heaven forbid you would want to order an additional glass of white wine. often, the original waiter or waitress you had at the beginning just completely disappears and another one takes that person's place. the new person, however, does not do the attentive at the beginning thing, even tho' it's the beginning for them.
5. i have started a collection of martini glass stamps. it is in order to, at long last, have the martini party that i've been talking about for years. it will be the kind of party where you send hand-written or, in this case, hand-stamped, invitations in the snail mail. you will be requested to bring your own martini glass to the party, with the idea that you then leave it behind as your hostess gift and in order for me to acquire enough martini glasses for future parties. pretty cool idea, eh?

with that, i will leave you and try to get some sleep. dreaming of cameras (sorry, jaime, i went for the nikon--it just felt right in my hand) and iYiYis.

disneyland

i swear singapore is one big disneyland. with embassies around the world. it's very clean, very pretty, very maintained and coiffed. just like disneyland. but, for some reason, i like it better this time than on previous visits. maybe that's because my hotel is right next to clark quay, which is a pretty happening spot.

observed in singapore:

1. people walking around in stores eating really weird looking stuff (something that looked like it was covered in red bean paste on the outside and had some rice mixture on the inside).
2. tips on the radio for being more organized and thereby living a happier life.
3. young, prosperous-looking indians.
4. young, prosperous-looking filipinos.
5. erasers in the shape of sushi.
6. a strange store called daiso where all of the craptacular things cost only $2 (sing dollars).
7. models of pretty candy-colored sony cameras (built-in 4GB memory) which i feel a strange desire to own (now, now, now) mostly because i've never seen them anywhere else.
8. shops which sell only bling--hair bling, phone bling, bindi bling, all bling, all the time.

that's all for now. will check in again later...