Thursday, September 24, 2009

you can run but you can't hide

there's something about blogging. something real and true and when you're not being real and true, people can feel it. they might not be able to put a finger on what it is, but they can feel it. and so, because they're lovely and despite not knowing you in real life, they email you and ask if you're all right. and you answer that you are, that it was just because you lacked internet. you do this not because you were intentionally lying or concealing, but because even you yourself hadn't really seen what the problem was. and then you have a fantastic, very grounding visit to an art museum and find that that you were totally out of sync with yourself, but the visit has settled you back in so that you feel once again comfortable in your own skin.

and so you begin to wonder what it was that was different about you and your posts. you know yourself that you hadn't been feeling the vibe, but that it was never so bad that you didn't feel like blogging at all, you just had a vague awareness that you lacked inspiration, mostly because all of the things that were foremost in your mind were things you weren't really prepared to blog about at that moment. so you were holding back. not lying, just holding back. because some things just can't be blogged about. at least not at certain moments. things like health fears (easy there, not serious ones) and work issues and money issues (part of work issues in that they are rubbish at paying my travel settlements and in case you haven't noticed, i travel. a lot). but there all that was, lurking in the background and keeping me from being the real me here in my little corner of the blogosphere. (aside: they said blogosphere yesterday on BBC World and it made me smile.)

all of this personal, internal revelation makes me realize once again that the nature of blogging as a genre is such that we can't really hide ourselves out here. and to be honest, i wouldn't even want to.

and i really want to say thank you to all of you for noticing and emailing me and well, for caring. it means a lot. and it helped. a lot.


Ju said...

That's so true, we can feel the vibe of the post when the blogger is a bit down.
Hoping that your troubles eases soon.
Loving this lake and hammock picture, gosh I wish I were there...


Kim said...

Sorry to hear that there are little niggly things in your life at the moment. Hope that they all come right soon.

I know the feeling too well. Sometimes I've resorted to some material written in my pre-blog days, but that stash is finite. I guess that the trick is to write an extra post now and then for the "rainy days".

Suecae Sounds said...

True words. People do notice these things, and sometimes it is for the best. At least in supportive atmospheres, and it seems to me that blogging generally is a very supportive place to write about both highs and lows.

The Fragrant Muse said...

It does seem to be going around, doesn't it? I, too, have noticed a lack of that a certain feeling I get when I have to write and nothing can stop me until I get it out and oh-my-God-I'm-so-inspired.
I almost feel like I don't have anything "worthy" to say right now.

Thank you for sharing and giving voice to what many of us are feeling. We are all quite connected here, aren't we?

CatLadyLarew said...

How wonderful to get that kind of support from the blogosphere. The idyllic spot in photo you shared today would be perfect for introspection and healing. Sending positive energy your way today!

Kikit said...

We can never hide in blogosphere because it is one of our means to express, and in expression, we are being who we are. :)

Hope you're alright. I, too, sometimes feel that way. I believe this post speaks for all bloggers. :)

dutchbaby said...

Thank you for a truthful post and photo to match. It's amazing how transparent blogging is, isn't it?

Christina said...

nodding my head, yes. meaning- i understand.
you mean the world to me, friend.
: )

Barb said...

It's wonderful to feel such a connection with people you've only met in the blogosphere.

Mariana Soffer said...

Excelent reflections about blogging, I feel the same way about most of what you say, I just did not know how to express it properlly and clearly as you do in your post.

Here is something I wrote a long time ago about social networks which is related about what you say regarding privacy:

"People do not preserve their privacy anymore, the more they show the better. Meanwhile finding real intimacy in any kind of relationship is becalming harder and harder."

Hope you find iit interesting, take care and if you want to know more about this new phenomenons that are going on you can check:
among other posts of my blog

Polly said...

You're totally right - however much we try to hide behind our made up names (in my case) or pretend we're something we're not, the not being honest always becomes apparent at some point

I did notice you've disappeared a little bit but I thought it's just work or the husband's cutting through the internet wire or just this loss-of-mojo virus that's spreading. I didn't actually think there is anything wrong... I hope all is good and that your work mojo returns soon.

And they really said blogosphere on BBC World? Really??

McVal said...

I hope whatever it is that's troubling you is working its way out and away.
I sometime feel those vibes from people that I talk to and sometimes from bloggers, but I hadn't noticed that with yours. My vibes must have slipped...
Hello thru the blogosphere to you!
Have a great day!

Bee said...

Sometimes it actually PAINS me when I feel that I can't talk about the things that are uppermost in my mind on-blog. The bonds that blogging forges are fascinating.

Take care. xx

heidikins said...

I can absolutely identify with this--and if my blogging lapses could please come with that swing on that tree over that water I would DEFINITELY have them more often.

Hope all turns for the better,

I am Cat said...

I really love and appreciate your honesty. More so than ever because your a stranger, who's words I read often.

My own (very recent) experience of having a blog has been the most therapeutic (and free!) way of letting my mind feel creative and think about creative things and dream... and so on.

My blog, along with blogs like yours that I follow, has become my escape. And has been very inspiring. (Hence my blog name!)

So Thank You! For reading mine and sharing yours.

Magpie said...

I think my blog posse has helped my psyche more than I even know.

urbaNiche said...

J, i hope whatever it is thats bothering u gets better soon. the mind and heart are so deeply connected that if one is off the other slows down automatically.thats just their nature i guess.

u r one of those few bloggers who somehow keeps the blogosphere together so naturally and effortlessly. its a brilliance of your true and real self. and always so very inspiring.
best of luck J! you keep bloggers like myself going


Char said...

well, i feel bad because i didn't notice but attributed it to busy-ness. but then again, I could have my head up my own bottom and was rather rude. sorry if i was.... you know i wouldn't want to be that way.

hope it's better soon dears. xo

Anonymous said...

why is it that it's the most mundane shit that gets us down? glad to hear the art museum re-aligned your chakras. or whatever. :)

Wanda said...

Great community we have, no? I love this post. It speaks to me.

SE'LAH... said...

this is a great community.

big HUGS

spudballoo said...

Nod nod nod yes I agree. Sometimes I wish I could close my blog down to the people I 'know' ie. the people who comment, those I email and tweet with...because there are things I'd like to get out there and chatter about. But who knows who is reading?

Nice to know everyone cares though isn't it? xx

Maggie May said...

your voice is so honest that i love it more than the average blog when you share your 'real life' stuff.

Lynne said...

This is totally unrelated to the content of your blog, but I love the way that swing chair looks like a crocodile coming out of the water.
Or is it just me that sees it?