a little hello from sunday night

it's quiet, except for the sound of rain on the roof. the child is back at school. husband is on his way back from a meeting in copenhagen. it's just me and the cats. it feels peaceful. it's been busy the past couple of weeks with travels, meeting new people (and seeing some old friends), generating new ideas, taking loads of pictures and stretching outside my comfort zone photographically, practicing yoga, moving to a new place in copenhagen. life feels full and happy. i've been giving what leftover time i have to curling up with a good book in the evening. it seems to be what my soul craves of me right now. yoga is teaching me to listen to that.

more soon.

pondering happiness

loving inna's post about happiness...and pondering it myself. how connected is happiness to contentment? to gratitude? to satisfaction? to feeling safe? to sunshine? to being well rested? to things? of course, i'm pondering this in relation to our happiness project and those eternally happy danes, but also just in terms of my own personal state of being. and i'm wondering if i'm happy? i think in moments that i am, but that those moments feel fleeting and elusive. how can we better hold onto them? and disconnect them from material things? i don't really know the answers. but maybe this will help...i signed up for 100 days of happiness starting march 1.  i don't know if it will help, but it should at least give me renewed motivation for my daily photos.

* * *

by the way, something that makes me very happy that i had not yet shared, is this little project which i had the pleasure of working on at the end of last year: 

it's not all downhill from here

when my alarm goes off, the first thing i always do is check email and yes, facebook. this morning, the wonderful mari linked to this piece on the fluff post (thank you for that term, extranjera) by some 45-year-old woman. as a woman of 46, i personally feel sorry for this emily that the best part of her day is when she climbs into bed after her day of complacency and being fearful about the health of everyone around her, in addition to worries about her in-need-of-a-tuck tummy. i found it to be a bleak and unimaginative look at middle age. and i can scarcely find a single sentence of it which resonates with me. i may be but one year older than her, but i by no means feel i'm looking at the downhill side of life.

these days, we have so much more mobility in our lives. we can move to other countries or even just across them, we can change our lifestyles, take on new projects and new adventures and even new jobs in our mid-forties. with retirement ages moving to 70, our working life is hardly half over. we can start over, study towards a new degree or learn a new language or completely change careers. we can take up a new hobby or learn a new craft or start obsessively collecting something new. we aren't tied to one place or one thing or one job and if we have chosen wisely, we can even make all these changes with the same husband in tow.

i'm loving watching my child grow into a beautiful and poised young woman and enjoying her being the age she is as well, even if it is 13. i don't feel sorrowful that she's no longer small and helpless, but tall and capable and sensible and smart and with well-traveled view of the world. it doesn't make me sense my own impending death on the horizon to see her growing up. and while i worry about the maniacs who drive too fast on our road while she's biking home, i am generally confident that she will grow into the amazing person she's meant to be.

i by no means feel it's too late for me to decide to run a marathon (i doubt i will, but i could if i wanted to) or take a trip to outer mongolia or write a great novel. i feel sorry for emily who thinks her brain has reached its capacity. mine definitely hasn't. my ability to learn and be open to the world and the people around me still feels pretty boundless. i am perhaps more selective about what i choose to spend time on, but that's something different and part of why i love being 46 - i'm wiser now and make better choices. and i have no trouble staying up for the daily show or writing into the wee hours of the morning. my life looks nothing like the sad picture emily paints and i'm happy for that.

i love being in my mid(ish)-forties. i've never been stronger, felt more secure or at ease in myself, or happier. i'm much more sure of who i love, what i love to do and much wiser about how i spend my time and who i spend it with. i've never been smarter or more in tune with myself than i am right now. i have a whole lot of things i'm good at - cooking, sewing, creating, entertaining, getting an overview, learning something new, reading people, thinking creatively, being innovative, being open, embracing change. i wouldn't want to be any other age. and even tho' in a month or so, i'll be 47, i by no means feel my life is going to be all downhill from here.

* * *

the grim truth of the scandinavian miracle. 

and a response by scandinavians who took it a bit too seriously.

especially that guy from iceland.

oh what a beautiful day

when the morning looks like this, you know it's going to be a great day. autumn doesn't bother me this year. the air seems clearer, the colors brighter, the light more intense. when i go out into the cool, still morning, dew heavy on the grass, to let out the chickens, it's just glorious. every single morning. and i have, at least for that moment, an intense rush of happiness that i live where i live and have the life that i have. and any worries i might have seem trivial at that moment - they dissipate in the crisp morning air.

and the same thing happens again in the evening, when it's time to close the chickens back in. they go in on their own, so there's no herding them or chasing them. they're always on their perches and they give little disgruntled, but friendly clucks when i open the door and tell them good night and close the hatches. and again, i feel that same rush of happiness and contentment that i feel in the morning.

to have two of those moments a day, it's more than a lot of people have and i'm grateful.

just another rainy sunday in june

raindrops on the terrace roof.
a special quality of light - summer light, even tho' it's cloudy.
it has a greenish cast to it, as the trees drink in the needed rain.
kittens racing around, tumbling.
a mug of steaming tea and a fresh, light bun slathered in butter.
a moment of quiet contentment. 
the day hasn't yet really begun.

i need this moment.

the days start to feel busy, rushing headlong into one another.

as my calendar fills up.

in a good way, as the projects are now of my own choosing.

a photo class for kids at the library.

helping shape a new school.

writing about travel.

editing a book.

sharing a bit of my culture.

being part of creating new surroundings for the culture where i live.

just being more solidly where i am.

and always time with a horse.

it's the healthiest time.

and the greatest gift you can give your child.

because you can't fool a horse.

it knows if you're scared.

or if you're trusting.

or if you're bluffing.

they can just see right through to you.

the real you.

you can't hide from a horse.

and as always, dreaming of what's next.

a refuge in the garden.

a long, narrow, rustic building,

where the light floods in from windows along both sides.

but a safe, dark cocoon in which to work at one end.

and room for a long table.

where we could have meetings,

and not be ashamed to invite people from outside.

reshaping what an office means.

i'm unused to a full calendar.

and that means i mess things up sometimes.

like yesterday, when we showed up for a wedding at 2 p.m.

and found out it had started at 1 p.m.

and all that was left at the church was the rice on the ground.

i was very surprised and a little embarrassed.

but i find myself laughing about it now.

if you throw a whole lot of balls up in the air,

you're bound to drop a couple of them.

on my birthday...

i should not have to:

~ change the litterbox
~ clean the chicken coop
~ muck the stalls

(hmm, there is a decided poo-related theme here)

~ or do any laundry.
~ or dishes.

but i should get to:

~ wander the yard in the fog with my camera (they promise it will burn off and the sun will shine).
~ gather the fresh warm eggs from the chicken coop (i get to do this every day).
~ stay in my pajamas as long as i want.
~ spend the entire morning on pinterest if i want to.
~ putter around in the garden.

this evening, we will:

~ go and see bonderøven - a charming self-sufficiency guy who has a t.v. program and should be quite entertaining.

* * *

it's funny, i'm not really that fussed about birthdays. my family got up this morning and made me breakfast and brought me a mug of steaming tea - it was a very nice way to wake up. but mostly, it feels like a regular day. i don't really feel older than i did yesterday, and 45 is just a number (30 + 15) - it isn't as old as it once was, says husband, who turned 47 last month.

sometimes it does seem strange that at a time when you're "supposed" to be settled in - with the perfect house and the perfect career - that we basically started all over again with a house that's a ten-year project (8 years to go) and i'm embarking on a new venture with new partners, rather than just having a paycheck every month. starting over when we're supposed to be comfortably enjoying the fruits of our previous labors.

but then, in the stillness of a foggy morning, i wander out to the pasture with my camera and i see the horses peacefully munching away at the grass that's springing forth. and even tho' it's not perfect - it's messy and a huge job and sometimes hard and frustrating - it just feels right.

i'm in the right place at the right time and exactly the right age.

loving right now

things i'm loving right now...

...the house is slowly beginning to look like christmas.

...5-6 eggs a day.

...that husband is sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea, listening to a radio program about vikings.

...the big project that i'm playing a little part in at the moment.

...my new iPhone 4S (how did i live without this?).

...reading the cadfael books by ellis peters. nothing like a 12th century detective monk who knows everything about herbal remedies to put things into perspective.

...thinking about all of the exciting things in the year ahead.

...this little interview i did on kamana's blog. mostly because it made me realize that i'm really content with right now.

...that aside from a slight moment of mania on discovering the lego weaponry aftermarket for my nephews, i'm doing really good on not going crazy this christmas.

...a good night's sleep.

...bunny buns.

moving back towards the light

-13°C

pink sunrises and sunsets.

clear, cold, sunny.

for now.

but promises of snow.

baking on the horizon.

and a bit of sewing.

the last day of school.

a year winding down.

and a new one on the horizon.

fresh and full of promise.

moving back towards the light.

  

* * *

a few beautiful, inspiring things...

stories of film

triptychs

the age of contentment

a lake makes a nice birthday present. but i got that loom too.

i got an early birthday present yesterday when the realtor called and said that the seller had accepted the terms we'd offered on the property over in jutland (this is property #2, to our knowledge, the dog sled has never arrived at the owner of property #1, as we've heard nothing from those clowns). things are really falling into place. it seems both like it's taken an eternity and that it's happened in the blink of an eye. in just two short months, everything we thought about moving to a farm has changed. we thought we'd move to one here in our area, but now, we're packing up and moving across the country. it's funny to think that the whole thing was initiated by a friday afternoon phone call from a friend as i walked from one terminal to the other at copenhagen airport, picking up the blog campers back in january. one phone call can change your whole life.

window on a whole new life.

since it's my birthday, i had mulled over making one of those lists of things to do before my next birthday, but in light of the enormous shift that's happened in our thinking and in our lives, i'm not sure that it's worth setting out such a list. because it's so hard to know where life will take you and if you're too focused on a specific list, you just might miss some golden opportunities. what if we'd not opened our minds to the possibility of a move to a new area? then we'd not have new jobs and a 17-acre farm with a lake and a house built in 1895 (for a good quarter of the price of what a similar property would have been here). what if we'd stayed focused on our original little list of things we thought we wanted? i shudder at the thought.

of course, that's not entirely fair to lists of goals and many of the goals on a list as long as mine would be - if i were making one of those 43 things to do before i turn 44 type lists - would be more frivolous goals, like the one from last year's list that said, "become blog of note." i also had more ephemeral things on the list like "be more present," and "dare more" and "believe more." i suppose some days i fulfilled those goals and some days i didn't. i never had things on my list like "run a marathon" or "lose weight" (tho' i undoubtedly should) or those typical resolution-type goals. it would be more fun to have something on it like "make cupcakes once a week" or "talk to a stranger once a day," but my photo-a-day and art journal calendar projects are enough for me and since they're not specific to my birthday, it seems a moot point to make a list.

but it's weird with birthdays when you've reached my age. tho' it's a bit ho hum, i feel comfortable being 43, it feels like the right age to be. it's where i'm at. i wouldn't want to go back and i feel there's still loads to look forward to. it's likely that i'll never run a marathon, but that's ok, i never wanted to anyway. it's interesting that as i look both back and forward on this day, i'm quite content to be right where i am.

a little self-present for my birthday. a felt brooch from lilfish studios.

* * *

i've written more about the new property over on livet på landet.

welcome to wonderful...

so much inspiration today. so many ideas. so much beauty. so much wonderfulness. so much elation and happiness. so many words tumbling in my head. so i will let them gel and instead just show you pictures. more tomorrow, i promise...

this was the moon when left this morning:

this was when i arrived in oslo and waited for the train. 

it was a cold, crisp -11(C) and the snow was fantastic:

and this is where i worked all last year

and where i will work again very soon:

isn't it lovely?

i still blame i all on the moon.

take that, GEC.

all is quiet

we woke up this morning to a winter wonderland of snow. it's still gently coming down, but it feels awfully warm out there, so i don't know how long it will last. it was enough that i had to shovel in front of our house and the neighbors' (they're in turkey). normally, husband would do that, but he's away all week, attending a course. it was so magical being out in the gently falling snow that i didn't mind shoveling. in fact, it was a rather invigorating way to start the day. and i felt justified in having bought purple furry bumper boots, since you totally need such boots in the snow. and they leave a pretty footprint:

it's funny that it's actually no quieter than usual, but because the world is white and the contours softened  by the snow, it feels even quieter. the only sound i can hear is the crackling of the fireplace downstairs and the cat snoring (she's really got a problem, i wonder if we should have that checked). it feels like it will be a productive day.

yesterday was productive too. i had a knitting lesson from a very nice lady who works at sabin's after-school program. she has wednesdays off and we agreed to meet down at a cafe and have a coffee and she'd teach me to knit. she did help me quite it a bit on how to hold the needles, but it still feels like a stressful activity to me. i tried to knit last night while watching t.v., but found it very difficult. but perhaps it will come. i love the materials of knitting--soft yarn of natural fibers in beautiful colors, wooden knitting needles. they feel so good in your hands that i am drawn to it, despite the tension and what i call the retarded monkey stance i end up in when i'm knitting. i'm sure once i get the hang of it, i'll relax. because knitting is supposed to be relaxing, right?

i also finished my mad quilt-in-a-day project . i guess i didn't actually succeed in making a quilt in a day, since all i finished was the top that day, but i do blame my old sewing machine, which simply couldn't handle quilting together a layer of fabric and a layer of fleece. fleece is actually rather temperamental in its behavior towards a sewing machine.  but yesterday, i made the binding (after a couple of false starts involving my (in)ability to see angles and envision how they will turn out) and sewed it to the quilt. because i was "cheating" and not really quilting, but sewing a quilt top to a fleece, i was able to sew the binding on with the machine too, rather than by hand as the last step. that made it much faster and it turned out really well. for a first attempt. and i really do love these fabrics from ikea.

it will be comfy and cozy to snuggle up under in the writing house/studio/atelier these days. tho' the fireplace was installed last week and it's WONDERFUL. it warms things up quickly and i haven't subjected my hair to flames in over a week!  i hadn't yet shared a picture because i keep hoping for a day when the sun is shining and the light is better, but that hasn't come, so here's the picture i took last friday of the first fire.

although i had intended to tell travel stories today (memories are coming out of the woodwork as i read paul theroux's pillars of hercules), i guess you get domestic homey musings instead. i blame the snow, it has me nesting and hunkering down inside. i think i'll go get materials to make a fairy costume for sabin's upcoming school play. she plays a little fairy in sleeping beauty. my travel adventures will keep 'til tomorrow.