moody blue

such a great couple of days i had this week, so now that i'm back before the computer and have to settle down to some serious writing, i'm feeling a little bit moody blue. the overcast day yesterday, made for moody lighting when i took pictures to document my theory that there's not a boring chair in denmark. the curvy sofa-agtig (that danish for -ish is just so much better than -ish) chair above, the curvy blue chairs below, prove it once again.

i think my moody blues are stemming from leaving behind my good old friends and the good energy of the place (i guess the atmosphere can't help but be fantastic in such surroundings). but it's also the people there. people are motivated and happy and busy and energized and the good energy every individual seems to have feeds all of the good energy of everyone else around them in kind of a big happy, productive circle. it's a wonderful, motivating place to be. i used to go there frequently in my previous job and it was so nice to be back there this week. i wish i could hold onto the good vibe and let it carry me through the rest of this week, but it's somehow so fleeting, so instead i feel a bit sad that i'm not still there today. maybe writing the stories i gathered there, which is what i must do next, will bring it back.

laughter really is the best medicine

this morning, husband and i watched BBC World over a cup of tea. there must not be that much newsworthy going on in the world because they had a long piece on the queen's opening of parliament speech (which i think happens later today or tomorrow). they talked about the traditions and the myths and in general the whys and wherefores of the whole ceremony. but the most hilarious tradition is that they actually hold an MP hostage at buckingham palace during the speech in order to ensure the safe return of the monarch. for some reason that struck me as very, very funny and i laughed and laughed and it seemed to go a long ways towards dispelling my case of SAD, which could well have simply continued due to the fact that it's again dark, grey and there's not even a hint of sunshine in the sky. it seems that laughter is indeed the best medicine.

and now i am preparing to go into the big city of copenhagen for the day. i have my second interview at 1 p.m. and i'm going to do a bit of antiquing before that. we're on the lookout for a fireplace set--one of those little sets with a broom, a poker and whatever the other thing is (aren't there usually 3 things)..a little shovel, perhaps? i want an antique one, rather than an over-designed brushed steel typical modern one. there must be some around in the antique stores because at one time every apartment in copenhagen had at least one wood-burning stove in it. funny how having a mission also chases SAD away.

the fact that sabin went to school dressed like this this morning also helped:

i fear she's going to insist on wearing that nisse costume every day for the rest of the month. i'll have to sneak in a wash when she takes it off at night. because she won't try to sleep in it, will she?

thanks for all of the good advice yesterday on fighting off SAD, i'll definitely bake something soon and will try to get out there in that rainy weather and get some exercise. as the danes say, there's no bad weather, just being badly dressed for the weather. so it's a matter of having the right waterproof gear on if you want some fresh air.

how to fight off SAD

oh me oh my, i feel a case of SAD (seasonal affective disorder (thanks for the link tangobaby, so i didn't have to google it)) coming on. i'll bet gregory house, m.d. could come by and cure it in a matter of minutes, but i digress...i think i last saw sunshine when i was in oslo last week. since i got home, it's been grey, drizzly, dark and depressing. the sun comes up after 8 a.m. and already feels like it's going down around 2 p.m. (but really goes down between 3:30 and 4). this does not promote happiness and energy, i must tell you.

i'm not sure why titled this post "how to fight off SAD," as if i had some advice, because i have none. i'm deep in the throes of it. when my sister was here last winter, she'd go give herself a light treatment at the tanning place. i can't really bring myself to do that...for a couple of reasons...my recent sunburn from boracay and the fact that i really hate the smell of the tanning booth. you get that hot bulb smell and it takes more than one shower to wash it off. i'd rather wallow in the pit of despair than smell like that.

what's strange is that i have little or nothing to wallow about...i've spent the past couple of days settling all of my wonderful art supplies into their new home in the writing house and it's wonderful out there. as soon as it gets light enough to take a proper picture, i will show you. i attempted to take some pictures today, but this is how they turned out:

another reason to be happy is that my fabulous moo cards came yesterday. i love them, they are fantastic,  they make my heart pound with joy, but i cannot photograph them to show you because it's too friggin' dark and when i use the flash it flashes out and looks like crap. so even my moo cards make me sad.

i'm also happy that i have new glasses, which i also cannot photograph because it's simply too dark and dreary to get a good picture. hmm, maybe my whole problem is that i'm suffering from photographic withdrawal.  we're using our fireplace and going through boxes of ikea candles, but despite the warm glow, i'm still mildly depressed. we've been making pots and pots of tea. husband has been at home to entertain me, and still i feel cranky. it's the weather. and the darkness. i need sunshine.

i can understand why christmas came about this time of year, growing out of pagan winter festivals, we need something joyful in this dark time. bringing a tree indoors and decorating it with sparkly colorful balls and lights, it's a way of being closer to nature in the midst of the darkness, isn't it? spending time with family and friends, eating good food while candles glow on the table, that seems like a good way of combatting SAD, but there are still a few weeks to go. and i need something now. perhaps i should just invest in a proper flash for my camera...

any advice for combatting SAD that doesn't involve a tanning bed or a 5+ hour flight is most welcome.

for about 5 minutes...

...we were going to have a tail-ender. a little sweet person with tiny little feet to keep us young for years to come. it was a bit of a shock at our advanced ages (me 41, husband 43), but we were adjusting to the notion in our heads. and we were quite excited about it, we do after all know what we're doing now. it was just barely soon enough to tell, but the test didn't lie. and then, last night, i woke up feeling all crampy and realized that it was not to be. that's really disheartening.

it takes my breath away how quickly you can get your brain used to a shocking idea. and how quickly you can come to count on it. we were making all sorts of plans in our heads...arrangement of rooms in the house, what to do about the high chair and baby bed we just gave away, thinking we'd never need them, the notion that it was husband's last chance for a boy (him being really outnumbered by girls at our house), even names were tossed around.

yes, the timing was dumb. yes, we're old. yes, we'd be REALLY old by the time the child left the nest. and yes, these things likely happen because there's something wrong, so it's probably for the best. and my inner fatalist presbyterian knows that. but we liked the idea. and now it's not to be. and i feel sad. i think it's going to take longer than five minutes to get past this.

things can only get better

going to bed early seems to make me get up early. not sure i'm so keen on that...but it did give me time to check up on my election obsession before getting ready for work.  and this piece warmed my heart--9000 people brave pissing down rain in pennsylvania to see barack obama. john mccain canceled a rally at the same time, citing the weather. it may also have been that no one had shown up due to lack of interest.

the cracks are really starting to show in the mcpalin campaign.  mitt romney, who has apparently been living under a rock, acknowledges that there is now a "very real possibility of an obama presidency." that's been apparent for some time, my friends (to quote mr. mccain). one of mccain's advisors has actually called our sarah a "wack job"and others are beginning to admit publicly that they were shocked at how little she knew. it's clear she's trying to save herself a political future, going increasingly "maverick" on the campaign trail, tho' these fruit fly comments aren't going to help. let's hope she doesn't succeed and goes back to alaska to her refurbished governor's mansion with her tail between her legs. sadly, she probably lacks the good sense to do this. and sadly, she won't have all her pretty new clothes to wear in the prettied up governor's mansion. that is, if we actually believe they will go to charity. i can see it now: a sotheby's auction of palin memorabilia.

i'm not sure what i feel about the 30-minute ad the obama campaign is going to air--it seems like a bit much--but i am definitely looking forward to seeing obama on the daily show!

time for my day to begin...things can only get better, right?

the tuesday that felt like a monday

i slept like total crap, partially because of the bewildering behaviour of my sister, but also because i always sleep restlessly when i have to get up early to catch a flight. i'm not a morning person. but i made it and even had time to pick up that fabulous YSL mascara and some mac lipstick in the duty free. then, i ran into a colleague on the flight and had a very pleasant conversation all the way to the office. so, despite the sleep issues, the day started pretty well.

this writing that i've been agonizing over for several weeks and which i sent off yesterday was the start of my tuesday troubles. i didn't feel good about it in the first place. i've written and rewritten so many times that it's all a jumble and will never be right to me. but, i learned today that a decision has been made about the subject i was writing about that will take it in completely another direction, so not only was the writing crap, it was now wrong. of course, i couldn't know that 'til i got here, but it did underline the isolation in which i'm working. maybe this distance thing just isn't working for me anymore, as lucky and privileged as i feel to have this situation. i need to be where people are and where the conversations are happening.

because of my struggles with this piece of writing, the articles i turned over were really quite down to the wire...i am not proud of this, but, despite my best efforts, it seems that it couldn't have been otherwise with this particular writing, because lord knows i tried!!! my boss was disappointed about my turning it in at the last minute. and because i was already disappointed in myself about it and feeling guilty about the absurd amount of money they pay me to do this job and what a crap job i had done, it felt that much worse. he's an excellent boss and we had a good talk about it, but maybe it's even worse when you disappoint someone you really like and respect.

so i left the office late afternoon, feeling close to tears with disappointment in myself, but i didn't want to cry on the train in front of strangers. so i fiddled with my iPhone, which usually lifts my spirits. i went and checked into my hotel, dropped off my bags and headed out to find a new murakami at the bookstore (books in english are strangely affordable in norway). on the way, i happened past the shop where i bought the fabulous purple el naturalistas a couple of months ago. and there i found some fabulous RED el naturalistas, which were the last pair, but miraculously in my size (sadly, i don't have my camera with me, so i can't show them to you)! so i snapped them up and my spirits lifted a little bit. then i had some chinese food and eavesdropped on a strange conversation between a middle-aged dread-locked african american guy and a young norwegian girl (more about that another day).

when i came back, i had a bunch of lovely comments on yesterday's sad post waiting for me and that made it all a whole lot better, to know you guys support me and are thinking of me. everybody has a bad day (or days) once in awhile and it makes a whole lot easier to get through them when you have friends. thank you, dahlings, it really means a lot.

the coming darkness

how unlike me, it's been almost a week since i blogged! the autumn holiday is over. it's affectionately called the kartoffelferie--potato holiday--because at one time it meant that children were released from school to help with the potato harvest. now, it's just a week off where children are ushered from one fun activity to the next. we squeezed in a couple of learning activities as well, like a visit to an old mill, where we watched flour being ground and bought some to take home to make bread (and where i took the above picture of some old, broken millstones).

but now, it seems we settle in in earnest to the dark winter months. the sun gets up late and goes down early. the yard is covered in leaves, although no killing frost has yet come to my dahlias (they are IN the greenhouse after all), it will come soon. we've harvested the last tomatoes and made warming sauces and soups with them. we're using the fireplace in the evenings and in general, closing down and tucking in, ready to wait out the long, dark winter.

although fall is my favorite, the dread of the darkness weighs heavily on me. maybe it's the darkness and the rain along with all of the negativity of the election (seriously, are there REALLY two weeks left before this madness is over?) that has me feeling a bit down. it didn't help that last night, i watched this movie--en soap--by danish director pernille fischer christiansen. very well-acted, but very disturbing because the two main characters are just so completely messed up. i'm not sure why i kept watching it, as i could actually feel it getting me down. i actually went to bed with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach from watching it. i'm not sure it's enriching to the soul to watch people with totally fucked up lives further fuck them up, even if the acting is great. it wasn't a "there but for the grace of god" feeling it gave, but more the feeling of having come upon a horrible accident and being unable to look away from the mangled metal and bloody limbs. disturbing.

i think it's time for some tea and some candles and some cheerful music to snap me out of this funk. what do you do to cheer yourself up when you need it?