Tuesday, October 28, 2008

the tuesday that felt like a monday

i slept like total crap, partially because of the bewildering behaviour of my sister, but also because i always sleep restlessly when i have to get up early to catch a flight. i'm not a morning person. but i made it and even had time to pick up that fabulous YSL mascara and some mac lipstick in the duty free. then, i ran into a colleague on the flight and had a very pleasant conversation all the way to the office. so, despite the sleep issues, the day started pretty well.

this writing that i've been agonizing over for several weeks and which i sent off yesterday was the start of my tuesday troubles. i didn't feel good about it in the first place. i've written and rewritten so many times that it's all a jumble and will never be right to me. but, i learned today that a decision has been made about the subject i was writing about that will take it in completely another direction, so not only was the writing crap, it was now wrong. of course, i couldn't know that 'til i got here, but it did underline the isolation in which i'm working. maybe this distance thing just isn't working for me anymore, as lucky and privileged as i feel to have this situation. i need to be where people are and where the conversations are happening.

because of my struggles with this piece of writing, the articles i turned over were really quite down to the wire...i am not proud of this, but, despite my best efforts, it seems that it couldn't have been otherwise with this particular writing, because lord knows i tried!!! my boss was disappointed about my turning it in at the last minute. and because i was already disappointed in myself about it and feeling guilty about the absurd amount of money they pay me to do this job and what a crap job i had done, it felt that much worse. he's an excellent boss and we had a good talk about it, but maybe it's even worse when you disappoint someone you really like and respect.

so i left the office late afternoon, feeling close to tears with disappointment in myself, but i didn't want to cry on the train in front of strangers. so i fiddled with my iPhone, which usually lifts my spirits. i went and checked into my hotel, dropped off my bags and headed out to find a new murakami at the bookstore (books in english are strangely affordable in norway). on the way, i happened past the shop where i bought the fabulous purple el naturalistas a couple of months ago. and there i found some fabulous RED el naturalistas, which were the last pair, but miraculously in my size (sadly, i don't have my camera with me, so i can't show them to you)! so i snapped them up and my spirits lifted a little bit. then i had some chinese food and eavesdropped on a strange conversation between a middle-aged dread-locked african american guy and a young norwegian girl (more about that another day).

when i came back, i had a bunch of lovely comments on yesterday's sad post waiting for me and that made it all a whole lot better, to know you guys support me and are thinking of me. everybody has a bad day (or days) once in awhile and it makes a whole lot easier to get through them when you have friends. thank you, dahlings, it really means a lot.


Molly said...

hope you got straight into bed with murakami, with your new shoes on your bedside table so they're the first things you see in the morning (I do this with new shoes that I love, it's ridiculously silly and ridiculously satisfying), and I sincerely hope that tomorrow gets better!

Amanda said...

Julie - I'm travelling too, and find myself on the brink of something sad. I don't know exactly why, but I can feel for you.

I also worked far from the home office for several years in a past job and I think you have identified it. It really is hard to be far from the action and conversations that there are. There is no "work" community when you work from home. While technology is good, it can't replace the real thing!

Today was better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better yet!

julochka said...

molly--even better, i watched House and then went to sleep.

amanda--i sincerely hope that sad feeling we have isn't related to the election!!!! i hope today will be better, tho' it started a little too early for my taste, but i suppose that's what happens when i actually go to bed early.