energy leech

i spent the day in the company of an energy leech. you know the type. hyper, never stops talking, never stops offering unsolicited and unwanted opinions, never stops awkward attempts at what's supposed to be flattery, but widely misses the mark. your heart sinks from the moment you realize she's there, wondering why? why? why? and once again being utterly convinced that god must not exist, because if s/he did, s/he would never let this happen. like a black hole, sucking all of the good vibes, energy and positivity out of the room. perhaps that's not fair, because she is weirdly positive, aside from the snide remarks about how you're not taking the right norwegian fish oil and you probably should be (since it's apparently what's making her withstand chemo without feeling a thing (never mind that it probably gave her the cancer in the first place (but i digress. (oops, was that out loud?)))). and in the end, you can no longer see whether that grading is giving things a yellow or green or blue or purple tinge, because she has stolen every last bit of your energy. and did i mention that she never stops talking? and you miss yoga class because the edit runs two hours and fifteen minutes past the scheduled time (did i mention the incessant talking?) and so you stumble onto the street and rush to h&m to get new tights and pony tail holders and stop by sephora to check out rihanna's fenty line of highlighters to console yourself. and you get a golden milk (almond milk + turmeric) to fortify (in lieu of that carcinogenic fish oil), which turns out to be your dinner (by choice). and you wonder if you're too old for such things and if you can bill someone for time you'll never have back.

a to å challenge: e is for energy

this one was easy. i’ve had reason of late to ponder energy, as i’ve felt mine returning after too long a hiatus. and i’ve also thought about where energy comes from for me. it comes from having a job in which i travel. it also comes from having people around me who inspire me. people who take my ideas and have ideas of their own, which makes everyone’s ideas grow and multiply. it comes from meeting interesting people (see travel above), who give me new perspectives and new experiences. it gives me energy to be seen for who i am. for my talents to be recognised and utilised and respected and yes, even liked.

when energy returns to me, i have so much more to give to everyone and everything around me. i have energy to read, to listen, to engage, to be alone, to go to yoga, to contribute at work. i am more open, more engaged, more forgiving, kinder, more inspired. i am so much more who i want to be.

i don't want to be my job, but whether i like it or not, i'm much more energetic when i’m working at a job that gives me energy rather than taking it away. i’ve simply had too many jobs that robbed me of energy instead of giving it to me. but now, that i’m once again a place that charges my batteries, rather than depleting them, i hope that i will finally learn the lesson. i fought it for a long time, but perhaps here in the so-called first world, we are what we do for a living. but also so much more than that.

small stone :: three

working intensely. ideas flying. catching some, letting others slip away. scribbling frantically in a notebook. thinking in two languages. energizing. draining. creating. laughing. fika. hitting the wall. renewed by some bad (for someone else) news. not really feeling very guilty about that (let's just say that for troglodytes what goes around comes around). definitely not just another day at the office.

magical places

i most definitely filled up my energy batteries today - i dressed up in my hugo boss suit, i wore fabulous heels, i had a great conversation with potential for the future and excellent results on a couple of tests in the morning, followed by a visit to a little second hand store where i found several treasures and then spent a couple of hours in one of my favorite places, that magical little museum in randbøldal, surrounded by creative people who were actively creating things.

artist anne brodersen was there, stitching on various fragments and talking about her work. i'm even more in love with it now. as anne explained the work with the greek bull from cyprus on it, i got goosebumps when she suggested that all of those cultures which are but artifacts to us live on somewhere in another dimension.

she explained some of her techniques, especially the way she uses photos and her transfer technique using a special kind of glue (which i ordered as soon as i got home). she also added texture to some of the pieces inspired by iceland in the form of different colors of soil that she collected on her visit to iceland. hmm, perhaps something can be done with all that sand i've collected from the world's beaches.

many of her works are a collection of various small fragments put together in creative and interesting ways. it was so inspiring. i find that i often have so many ideas swirling in my head and on my pinterest stitching board, that it stops me from getting started. but i think i can manage to get started if i just begin stitching various small pieces with the idea that they can be put together later. at times i'm so paralyzed by my own brain and probably also by my abundance of supplies.

we discussed the tension (insecurity?) that is in evidence in many embroidery artists around the interwebs about whether their work is art or handcraft. anne is, as i said previously, seemingly very secure in her work being art (which it very much is!). we talked about the resurgence in the popularity of such handcrafts today and she said she felt it was a product of these times. if you embroider, you are showing that you really have time to devote to such things, so you are showing what a surplus person you are. it's a status symbol today, in the midst of our busy lives. (i think this is equally true of gourmet cooking, crochet, sewing, etc.)

i talked with her about her courses in various techniques and i will definitely be taking both of the ones she offers. they're held over a weekend at her studio near the west coast of denmark. the courses are small - only 5 people. and i just can't wait! but it probably won't be 'til spring.

the museum in randbøldal has some kind of special energy. it's palpable in the air there and it gives me a sense of inner calm and peace like nowhere else does at the moment. it's a combination of atmosphere, looms, creativity and wonderful people. i think everyone needs a place like that, a place that gives you a calm and centered feeling when you didn't even know you needed it. magical.

now run along and find one for yourself!

another weekend winding down

i hosted another session about my photo project thru my local library. only a handful of people came, but it was wonderful and intimate and gave me loads of good energy that carried me through the rest of the weekend. i wonder what it is about this project - getting people to take pictures of life in our town over a year and then having an exhibition - that makes me feel patient? it's growing slowly, bit by bit, and yet i'm oddly content with the pace of it, which is rather out of character for me. i'm not really sure why, but i'm riding the waves of contentment it brings and trying to not really question it that much.

~ * ~

i think a lot about energy and have for some time. i guess it's the one thing for which i can thank my time in siemens. that place crushed my energy like no other and made me so much more aware of what (and more importantly, who) robs me of energy and what (who) gives it to me.

it's what i love about having my own company. i am fortunate to work with two people who complement me wonderfully - they're strong where i'm weak and vice versa - and the combination of the three of us, when we're really ON is quite magical and gives me loads of energy. what's wonderful is that that magic can happen both when we're conducting a workshop in person together and when we're writing on a shared document at a distance, so it's not limited to just one source. their ideas feed mine and i feel challenged and inspired. there's not really more you can ask (tho' a few more customers would be nice).

~ * ~

i'm rather between books at the moment - does anyone have any recommendations? (they don't have to be about cows, i just liked this photo.) i often feel that way after a bout of murakami. i tried to read arundhati roy's god of small things (i know, i'm behind the times on this one), but it didn't do it for me and i actually put it down, which i've almost never previously done with a novel. it wasn't the book, it was me. i came to it at the wrong time. maybe someday i'll try again. (i felt the same with life of pi.)

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i picked two huge batches of elderberries today. my steam juicer has been hard at work and i've got 5-6 liters of juice to cook up with sugar and bottle in the morning. and more elderberries to pick. last year i made the mistake of only making one batch. husband says we need at least 20 bottles to have enough. elderberry cordial, mixed with hot water and a dash of something warming (rum? vodka?) on a cold, dark, blustery, late autumn/early winter day in denmark is just divine.

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our horse massage therapist is awesome. she's physiotherapist and psychotherapist all rolled into one. tho' she's a bit odd in that way that only a person who lives in her camper van and travels around with her dog, massaging horses, can be, but she really knows people. and horses (of course). and we had an amazing session with her on friday. i say we, because it was just as therapeutic for sabin (and even me) as it was for the horse. total catharsis all around.

but the truth is, horse people are weird. many of them have this odd insecurity that they mask by seeming really, really authoritative and a bit arrogant. i let one make me think matilde had the strangles today. in reality, i think she was feeling a bit lethargic and did in fact have a bit of swollen lymph nodes due to her intense massage on friday. it surely released a whole load of toxins that her body is still processing. but i let this woman make me think the worst. i wonder if i'll ever learn not to let that happen.

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why is it that i liked nigel slater so much better before i actually SAW some of his programs? his writing is divine and there are a handful of recipes from his real food cookbook that are in weekly rotation at our house, but somehow seeing him and hearing him has been a bit off-putting. and i can't really put my finger on why.

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i haven't actually seen these ads on t.v. (my sister, in iowa, actually sent me the link), but i got a kick out of this danish ad which promotes taking the bus. you gotta love public transportation. and if you press the CC button, the subtitles in english will appear.

det skal nok gå

autumn is closing in on us. the days are visibly shorter. the wind is more blustery. it's cooler. and mornings are crisp. i feel mostly ready for it (tho' i do hope that guy comes with a new furnace soon). it feels like things are winding down, even as they wind up - i'm busier, sabin's busier, husband is busier. life is rushing past at the moment. energy is being channeled in new ways. time is being spent differently than it was. new projects. new friends. much-needed long conversations 'til all hours of the morning with old friends.

but i was accustomed to the lower gear and i feel like things should slow down a bit. and i should hoard my energy a bit better. when things pick up speed, i tend to waste it on things i shouldn't. fall into old patterns, rather than remembering and embracing the new ones. old procrastinations. old ways of focusing (or not, as the case may be).

i have to remember to take a moment to gather acorns. pet the kitten. pick up the child. ride the horse. breathe. and enjoy the autumn. i love spiderwebs in the morning and crisp cool air. raspberries ripening. chutneys bubbling on the stove.

there is time for everything if you just make it.

an awesome week

in the belief that writing is the new praying, i hereby declare that the coming week will be awesome.

i will

... do everything on my to do list.

...not waste time doing things that don't move things forward in some way. even if it's just small steps.

...not let energy-stealers steal my energy.

...remember to water the seeds we planted this afternoon.

...spend a bit of time watching the garden grow.

...read interesting stuff. and more interesting stuff.

...spend time with people who inspire me and give me positive energy.

...try not to be totally insufferable with all this positivity.

*  *  *

i had a nice weekend (in case you couldn't tell) and i hope you did too.

well-rested

today's gonna be a good day, today's gonna be a good, good day....monday, tuesday, wednesday... (loosely adapted from the black eyed peas)

good things that happened today:

:: waking up from a really good night's sleep.

:: a surprise in the mail from the lovely tracy. she sent me this ceramic starbucks mug that looks just like the real take-away ones, but is reusable! thank you so much, tracy!!!

:: an energizing conversation with a friend and soon-to-be business partner. i am consistently amazed by the ways that we complement one another.

:: an invitation to sell handmade goods at a market in april!

:: another collaboration in the works with another friend - this one very near and dear to my heart (and which will potentially keep me on the straight and narrow where it concerns all of that consumerism).

:: at the grocery store, i ran into an old colleague and had a hug and a nice chat.

:: coming across these charming stories of travel.

just a small collection of things, but altogether, they added up to a very good and energizing day. it's good to be in flow, or maybe it was yesterday's wish?  or perhaps arianna huffington is right and it's all about a good night's sleep.

traveling to my future self

december 21 – future self: imagine yourself five years from now. what advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (bonus: write a note to yourself 10 years ago. what would you tell your younger self?)

if there's one thing i've learned, it's that it's impossible to predict the future. you simply don't know where the choices you make in life will take you. and you will always be surprised. all you can do is be open and curious and on the lookout for new paths and opportunities and follow your heart. wherever it takes you. i'm certain that in five years, i'll be exactly where i'm supposed to be, but i have no idea where that might be.

if i could tell my younger self anything, it would be "be generous with the daily moisturizer."

december 22 – travel: how did you travel in 2010? how and/or where would you like to travel next year?

i've been slowly ramping down on the travel since the madness of 180 travel days in 2007 and 2010 wasn't a big travel year for me. only three long-haul flights - our family holiday to the US last summer and two trips to manila in november. i'll retain some frequent flyer status on KLM as a result and i even think sabin managed to go silver. i haven't flown SAS at all, so i'll be an ordinary member next year for the first time in nearly a decade. but i'm less upset about that than i would have imagined. travel is important to me, because the new experiences bring me an energy and inspiration that i crave, but i learned this year that i can get that same dose of energy in other ways - taking the train to berlin for the weekend, working with the horse, walking along the beach at the west coast, stomping around our own acreage. i don't need a long-haul flight to achieve it (tho' don't me wrong, one once in awhile is a welcome thing).

in 2011, i'd like to take more journeys by train. and because sabin's turning 10, she gets to pick where we will go on holiday and she has chosen new york city. she wanted somewhere that none of us have been. so i guess that means at least one long-haul flight in 2011.

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check out the reverb10 site for more prompts and to see who else is playing along.

in the zone

iPhone photo by husband

i wrote a long time ago about a place i call the zone. it's been far too long since i felt i was there (two evenings earlier this month, one last month, but that's not enough), but today...don't even get me started. i was so in the zone. it's a kind of feeling of elation and energy and just firing on all cylinders. it undoubtedly has something to do with having tickets to manila in hand. but it's also the right combination of people and energy coming together in a room and forming a kind of natural, human tornado, which feels like it's centered on me (tho' i will grant that perhaps it's not).

it's a bit like i imagine cocaine to make you feel, only without the expense and danger.

i do wish i had control of it and knew how to make it happen.

if you know what i mean, do tell me how you think it works....

energized or i should really get out more

self-portrait in really old mirror (i think i need a really old mirror)

i have had the most energizing couple of days, despite the fact that i didn't sleep enough. sometimes, it's just so energizing to be around other people. i went to a job interview that was very exciting (still in process, no news yet). afterwards, i drove down to visit elizabeth, who has has some  unexpected trouble with her eye - she explains it on her blog, so i won't go into it. talking about it kinda makes me have to lie down anyway.

i am amazed tho' at her beautiful attitude about having a blind spot right in the center of her right eye. she is quite accepting about the whole thing and already thinking of how to adapt her art and her life to live with it if it doesn't clear up. all i can say is that someone else will have to pour the tea. :-) i think if it was me, i would be so much more angry about it, but elizabeth doesn't seem angry at all, nor does she seem frightened at the prospect. so i learned a great deal from her quiet acceptance of what happened - completely without martyrdom or anger or even questioning. i kept asking "how did it happen," but there's really no answer for that, it could happen to any of us, a small burst blood vessel in the eye. i said to someone recently that elizabeth was my zen master, teaching me now to be more accepting and understanding of the world, and this just confirms that.

i had a really delightful evening, meeting her family and sitting up 'til the wee hours, drinking tea and chatting and looking at all of her beautiful art and the stones she's gathered and displayed around the house. her son has definitely caught her artistic bug and he made the most delightful little ceramic crocodile! he (the crocodile that is) tried to crawl into my camera bag when i left, but i made him stay there with his family.

elizabeth lives on an island, so while i was waiting for the ferry, i got out of the car to take some pictures of the softly-falling snow. there was a real old salt kind of a captain there in a small boat that was being loaded with loads of orange cables. he saw me taking pictures and came out to talk to me (i wish i'd asked him if i could take his picture, but  i was chicken it just didn't feel right to do so). he began to tell me about the ice. the ferry was keeping a path of ice clear, but he said that all of the ice around the dock had really formed overnight. he told me of his days of sailing the real icebreakers up in greenland and he was charming and interesting in that down-to-earth way that sea captains so often are.  his boat was taking a scientific crew out to lay cables for seismographic measurements that are being taken further north in the fjord. i asked if the ice would be a problem for his little boat, but he said it wouldn't, it wasn't that thick. when the ferry came and i had to go, i had a strong urge to give him a hug, but i restrained as i think he would have been quite surprised. it was an odd feeling since i'm not really a huggy person. he was just so real and authentic. one of those moments of perfect clarity that are so few, actually.

the only shot i got of his boat, as i was on the ferry and leaving.

i really wish i'd asked him if i could take his picture.

on my way home, i stopped at the marvelous koldinghus to see what was on display in their beautiful exhibition rooms. it was a limited and not very interesting exhibition about gaudi and la segrada familia (if you'd been to the real thing), but i enjoyed wandering the beautiful spaces there. it's just a wonderful castle and another of those examples of how the danes are so good at combining old and new architecture and at creating atmosphere. even on a large scale.  i would SO love to have a party in this room:

i made a stop at the fabric store before i got home and got some really, really exciting stuff that i'm going to work with in the coming days. think: leather. when i saw those rolls of hides, something wonderful popped into my head, fully formed and i'm so excited to get started making it!  more about that soon.

i got home just in time to dash out and pick up my iMac which is totally cured now by the doctors at the mac hospital (it got a new hard drive), pick up the child, make some dinner (salmon & leek tart) and then head for weaving. at weaving, the setup of the loom was finally finished (it takes a LONG time) and i got to actually start weaving my little 20cm x 20cm test swatches. i'm loving the colors i'm using and i already had a problem that i learned from--one of the shafts came apart and i didn't realize it until i got a few rows away and discovered it had skipped some stitches. but that's how we learn best, by making mistakes. you can see the row with the skipped stitches below. my teacher encouraged me to leave it, as a reminder of what it looks like when one of your shafts slips out of position, so i think i will.

other than that, i'm trying to get the hang of having my stitches evenly spaced. it's really not that easy! i do have a sense of wanting to be instantly good at it, but am trying to be patient. it will come and in the meantime, learning is a good thing.

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a big thank you to everyone who's bought birds! there are a few left and i've added a few more, so do go check it out if you're interested! 

energetic istanbul

despite having only a little bit of time to wander and have a look around istanbul, i was overwhelmed by a sense that it had changed dramatically in the two years since i'd been here. there's a feeling in the air that turkey is a speeding, unstoppable train. i don't feel even a whiff of economic crisis in the air here.

in the cafés, which are full, everyone is sitting around with their trendy mini net PCs on the free wireless, sipping cups of sweet tea or strong coffee. there are very few women wearing muslim head scarves and those who are seem to be making a fashion statement rather than a religious one. although the pulse is undeniably exotic and byzantine, istanbul (or at least taxsim) feels decidedly modern and progressive and despite the occasional wail of the calls to prayer from the many mosques tucked here and there, it feels very secular.

the sounds and the pulse of the café-lined side streets are hard to convey in words. music pouring forth, the sound of voices, the sweet scent of the sheesha pipes, so many impressions hitting you at once, it can be almost overwhelming.

i have this feeling that turkey's desire to join the european union has given it an energy that feels unstoppable and dynamic. it feels to me like it would recharge the EU and give it a momentum that it seems to lack.

it's interesting how the ancient and the modern exist here side by side, giving a sort of dynamic tension that feels electric, vibrant and alive. even if you've only got a few hours, istanbul is worth the trip.

moody blue

such a great couple of days i had this week, so now that i'm back before the computer and have to settle down to some serious writing, i'm feeling a little bit moody blue. the overcast day yesterday, made for moody lighting when i took pictures to document my theory that there's not a boring chair in denmark. the curvy sofa-agtig (that danish for -ish is just so much better than -ish) chair above, the curvy blue chairs below, prove it once again.

i think my moody blues are stemming from leaving behind my good old friends and the good energy of the place (i guess the atmosphere can't help but be fantastic in such surroundings). but it's also the people there. people are motivated and happy and busy and energized and the good energy every individual seems to have feeds all of the good energy of everyone else around them in kind of a big happy, productive circle. it's a wonderful, motivating place to be. i used to go there frequently in my previous job and it was so nice to be back there this week. i wish i could hold onto the good vibe and let it carry me through the rest of this week, but it's somehow so fleeting, so instead i feel a bit sad that i'm not still there today. maybe writing the stories i gathered there, which is what i must do next, will bring it back.

the zone

in my this girl post a couple of weeks ago, i mentioned the zone. it's the feeling that i get when everything is clicking, my energy is high, i'm wearing the right clothes, having a good hair day and i can actually SEE people around me being caught up in the sheer force of it. but as i said in that post, i have no control of it. i can tell when it's there, but i can't make it come. i wish i could, because i'm extremely convincing and i always get my way when i'm in the zone. that and actually seeing people be swept up in it are the best parts about it.

certain places are more sure to make it come than others. one of them was associated with my old place of work and one is actually where i work now. so it might have to do with good scandinavian architecture. but i also had moments of being in the zone long before i ever even imagined visiting scandinavia, so it's not only that. i was once totally in the zone on a train speeding through the macedonian countryside on a warm summer night. i have no idea what brought it on, but the train conductor (who was thankfully harmless) found it very compelling and kept lurking outside the coupé.

husband says at those moments that i'm "beaming life," and it was what attracted him to me, lo so many years ago when he was someone else's husband and frankly, i was someone else's wife (but i digress). but i think that what it comes down to is a sense of energy that can almost be seen.

i'm not actually sure how much it has to do with the people around me, but it would make sense that it has something to do with them. i don't know if it's so much that they make me enter the zone or that they prolong it once i'm there. i probably shouldn't actually overanalyze it too much, but you know me, i have to try to pick things apart and understand them.

mostly because i'd like to be able to control it. i'd like to be able to wake up and say, "i'm so gonna be in the zone today!"  but that's simply not how it works.

so i try to enjoy it when it happens. i watch the reactions of people who are hit by it full force. they sometimes have a slightly awed look, or they look like they've just had the wind knocked out of them. some of them try to play it cool and act as if they're in the zone themselves. but it's disarming. it might be why sometimes people tell me all kinds of things, things they wouldn't normally say. or they try to prolong the conversation, hoping that the energy will stay there so they can soak some of it in. or they just hover nearby, not entirely daring to say anything.

but when i'm in the zone, there's plenty of energy for all, so it's not like they're stealing it from me. it's kind of like those old doritos commercials where they said, "eat all you want, we'll make more," the energy is like that. the more people take it to themselves, the more there is. like an endless bright glow of energy. i found myself wanting to assign a color to it, but my mild sinaesthesia tells me that it's different colors all the time, depending on the situation, it's not just one color.

i suppose you can tell that i had one of those days today. i had so many ideas and i felt so excited about what i was doing and discovering (perhaps it's that that puts me in the zone in the first place). the very somber, but sweet man who sits across from me, calculating energy curves and the wave effects on paint coating and how much CO2 it saves if you sail at a certain speed, was knocked quite visibly off-balance, but you could see that it was in a good way. and that he didn't want it to stop. and neither did i.

do any of you know what i mean? and how would you describe that feeling? the zone is just the words i've assigned to it. i've also heard it described as being in flow. what do you call it when you feel it, because i think we all feel it on occasion.

oh well, i'll stop obsessing now and just be grateful for it when it comes.

seige of leningrad?

i spent the better part of my morning cleaning sabin's room and it was such hard work that i have to share the "after" pictures here (i didn't have the heart to take "before" pix) if only to remember that it was once clean, since i doubt it will stay that way for long. it's not a huge room, but it is a very pink room, as you can see. still, she accumulated an astonishing amount of papers (most of them with drawings of varying quality on them) and other junk that took me nearly three hours to sort through and straighten up.

i felt motivated to do this because the rest of the house is clean and sparkly thanks to the wonderful sylvia, who comes and takes care of that every friday. it continues to astonish me how much energy it gives me that i have someone come to clean. if i'd known that, i'd totally have arranged for it years ago.

in amongst all of the candy wrappers and small stashes of leftover saturday candy, i found a lot of bowls and cups that i'd forgotten we even had. i also loaded up a big bag of old stuffed toys to take to the good will for some other lucky child. she's still got plenty, as you can see (the two giant bears from ikea--one of which once belonged to her big sister).

i had a lot of time to think about what causes her to be such a pack rat. she wants to save every single scrap of paper she's ever made a scribble on. it was so bad before i cleaned that the little window seat above was completely covered in papers and toys and she couldn't even use it. it's such a relief to have it tidied up now and i'm sure that she'll feel much better when she sees it too.

i found all kinds of caches of cookies and rice cakes and even an old petrified apple tart from a batch that i made last summer sometime. it's madness. was the child in the seige of leningrad in her last life and she feels driven to hoard food in her room? or is she just forgetful?

i think it's that she really loves her room and likes to spend time there and that means taking snacks up (which i'm going to issue a decree against) while she plays with lego or plays on her computer. and the past few days, i'm so proud of her, she's taken to writing stories in Pages, her word processing program. she even used photobooth to take a picture of a postcard and dropped that into her document. she has an innate ability with the computer that is breathtaking.

i'm just glad it's tidy for now. but i won't hold my breath for how long it lasts, but it seems a bit of spring cleaning feels quite good.