Wednesday, January 20, 2010

how can i find myself if i wasn't lost?



"you can find yourself, sometimes,  in the things that make you most uncomfortable," i read this morning on jude hills' spirit cloth blog. she was talking about winter, but the comment resonated with me. i think because of my ongoing inner difficulties with the slow cloth facebook group. the arrogance evident in the group continues to get to me. i week or so ago i started a discussion thread, asking people to introduce themselves, so we'd know who we were in dialogue with. a few people have, but none of the founders or "big names" in the group have, giving me the impression that they are disdainful of the little people like me. i realize this is a reflection of my own feelings and it's probably more that they haven't noticed or don't care to introduce themselves, thinking they're famous enough that they don't need to. but for some strange reason i let it bother me. and equally strangely, i continue to stay in the group, to see what conversation is taking place, despite how it makes me feel. perhaps i'm trying, as jude says, to find myself in that which makes me most uncomfortable.

17 comments:

sas said...

i fidn the blogosphere can be really intimidating and a bit like hgih school at times.

there is one blogger who i followed for ages. he was an above average writer but i hardly ever read his long rambling posts. then he got tageed as a 'blogger of note' and suddenly he thinks he's bloody hemmingway!

as part of my letting go of the things that don't serve me this year, i have deleted from my reader and twitter feed, anyone who makes me feel less than, or who is arrogant. or just a dick on a regular basis.

my vote: start your own group on facebook :)

Polly said...

this only proves that facebook is pure evil. blogosphere is much better in terms of interpersonal relations I find...

I'm looking forward to continuing the art journal! and yes, shame about the Indochina photos, I was hoping for some constructive criticism. never mind, next time!

trinsch said...

so, went to the fb group. you got me all curious. and once again i am a little curious about the increasing tendency to open fb groups. i mean, most of these people have blogs and flickr streams. and shops. and then fb too? lots of the discussions seems to be affected by earlier discussions in comments sections on blog posts or other places.

for some things fb can add value, because it is excellent to spread the word via viral marketing. but a slow cloth movement on fb??? maybe they'll start twittering updates too?

seriously, great idea, great stuff, but i have yet to see the light in these fb groups. i still like the good old blogs and flickr better :)

trinsch said...

oh btw, the whole hand stitched vs machine made is somewhat similar to the analogue vs digital photography. and i say, why choose? whatever give you pleasure, whatever makes you happy and whatever saves the day. and those things can be one or the other, depending on the day and the mood.

Maria-Thérèse afiori.com said...

You have an interesting take on this. Mine is not as deep but for now it's what works for me:
I stay away from a) things that hurt me (whether it be mean people or simply something that goes against my gut feeling) and b) things that take too much time and are not a priority since I need to - and want to - work so much. You can't care about EVERYthing that's happening and I find few discussions, blogs etc to really be that worthwile to read and respond to.

Elise said...

Well, I think you should stick it out. After all, you have every right to be in that group if you want to be. I agree with all that you say, and I would add that I think we often limit ourselves without meaning to, thinking that we are not good enough or that others are better than us. What I have found, as a journalist but also in everyday life, is that karma plays a very big part whether you believe in it, or realise it, at all. If you treat others as you would want to be treated, and show kindness etc, that's what you get back. Mean-spirited people may be sat on their high horses but really, are they happy ? I think you are in a better place ! Best wishes

Gwen said...

ooh, girl. you have a very high tolerance for pain. that might be one of those strengths that can become a weakness.

*jean* said...

i agree with what sas said about letting go that which doesn't serve me....i stayed in some yahoo groups that i really didn't like for a long time and it was liberating to let them go...i'm not saying that's what you should do...i'm just saying that's what worked for me....

i also have cleaned up my blog reading, streamlined so to speak...you could spend all day, every day, on the computer and never get anything done, perhaps these folks you mention are setting boundaries for themselves....and it truly is nothing personal...

the book, the four agreements, have you heard of it? one of the best things advised in that book (in my opinion) is not to take things personally....anything...works for me...takes away all the negative

wishing you a nice day in your blue room...

Bill Stankus said...

Seems idealistic, having belief there's democracy (or fairness) in the collective.

Which raises questions: Just who are the voices in the blogosphere? Are they dynamic, passive, wannabes, neophytes, seasoned professionals or versions of a faceless mob?

Sometimes we've simply walk through the wrong door.

berfin said...

just walk your way and do what you are best at..let the beautiful peace in your photography be with you all the time.
Bests,
b

jude said...

i hear you. i am think a lot about the whole thing. i believe everything has a value if you look close enough. i appreciate your patience. after all it is only meant to be a discussion. conversation. and the ability to have one. ha! not always so easy. there is no such thing as pure evil. or pure anything for that matter. i think ego plays a part in things not working. from all sides.
i will think some more.

Char said...

*waves* i like the 4 agreements too.

that being said, wasn't it eleanor roosevelt that said, 'no one can make us feel inferior without our consent'. if you feel the need to push through the pain, then so be it.

what i've found mostly though is, that most people are so self absorbed that when you feel like they are ignoring you - in some ways they are - not because you're inferior, but because they have their own head up their own posterior that they cannot see anyone but themselves.

maybe it's the same thing as blogging - once they get so many members/followers, whatnot - they simply don't have time for everyone.

SaraReno said...

Yes, I liked most of The Four Agreements too.

I've noticed that more and more with electronic communication (fb, blogs, email, etc) it's becoming easier to take things personally than it is in person. Is it because they meant to slight or simply because they were busy/didn't see? I've often thought that I read too much into it all because of my own insecurities which make me automatically jump to the conclusion that someone doesn't like me. On the other hand, knowing that doesn't mean I can stop *doing* it.

Mnemosyne said...

I'll be honest that it didn't suit me. I have no idea why. I've made quilts the way I've made quilts for a long time and apparently right now that's becoming popular.

I had a lot of reasons for posting the comments I did and I'm proud of them and stand by them. I'm glad I got to email you to clear up some of our misunderstanding.

I guess some of what I was posting had more to do with logistics of facebook, the wall is fast moving and if everyone just posts their blog links it's somewhat silly. I'm not going to scroll through pages of wall posts to find a blog and it felt a little self aggrandizing either we're having a conversation and we're all equals with valuable opinions or this is just a carpet for some people to ride on to attempt to gain fame.

I don't know. I'm trying to leave things that don't bring me joy. I'm going to keep doing my thing and forget the rest of it. I don't need someone else to tell me I'm worthy.

mel said...

I say craft is all about intent - and what it means to you the maker - either/or/both the process of making and the finished object. There's room for all types and all sorts of processes.

I sometimes feel like a ridiculous knit-blogger ('real' knit-bloggers have the amazing ability to churn out mountains of beautiful things, all while taking fabulous photos and writing insightful posts, which I am completely addicted too). But my making isn't about that, it's all about MY process. And I'm usually able to quickly banish my feelings of inferiority... Discussions like this seem harder though when there are such pointed statements being made. We're all entitled to our opinions, and that will impact our own choices. But I think it's sad and rather bad form to issue a feeling of disdain for the craft of someone who may not work with the same methods or have the same level of skill (especially when some of these things are often dictated by resources as well as reasons for making, and I don't think any of it is worth any less than another).

And I think it would be pretty sad to say that the efforts of, say, my grandmother, that went into making a beautiful and functional acrylic blanket that I'm so thankful to still have, are worth any less than someone (say, me) who would choose to make it in a different yarn, or someone else who may spin the yarn themselves, or someone else even, who may even grow the sheep first! I have a great appreciation for handmade art and craft - and I treasure the examples of it in my life - the ones that have been purchased because of excellent skill and beauty and appreciation for the maker - but if it was made with love, or by someone I love, I'll treasure it forever even if it's not (or is!) technically perfect or made with the popular yarn of the day that makes me itch ;) I guess those are kind of two separate type of makings really - and it sounds like the type of making in your group is more about art and skill and materials, so each to their own I guess. But your quilt for Sabin... That will be the most wonderful thing. And I challenge anyone to tell you how to do that the "right" way. Pffft!

kristina - no penny for them said...

for some reason this reminds me of times on the school bus when i was a little girl. and there were some cool girls whom i wanted to like me, or, to be quite honest, to notice me in the first place. they didn't. and that hurt.

even today, things like that can really get to me and undermine my confidence. and that's the point where i tend to draw the line. to have a bit of patience is fine. to wait for people to open up a litte, too. but if people consistently - intentionally or not - undermine my confidence (which isn't massive anyway) i have to let it go.

perhaps the question is why you like to be in that group? if it's inspiration - maybe there are places where you can find that equally well without the "side-effects"?

have a good weekend.

Diane said...

I kind of lost my way to slow cloth for awhile. I went there in the beginning and took part in a few discussions but truthfully it is not my forte. I am not an expert, I dont have lofty ideas and I have no claim to fame. When I discovored your introduction thread today you sucked me right in. Here is someone like me! You met the love of your life and ran off to another country too! You also made clothes in your younger years. You also left the world of art for business for many years. You love fabrics and embroidery and yarn and you cant crochet or knit either! I was covered in exclamation points *grin*
I have bumbled around in the blogoverse for a few years now and I have to admit I have had my fingers and toes stepped on more than once. I am one who is easily hurt and I dont like to be snubbed BUT I persist. I do like what I am doing. I do like to blog about it and I love to visit blogs of people who do work I love. I have changed my ways though. If I feel a person thinks they are above me, choses to snub me or talks down to me I simply stop communicating with them. There are enough WONDERFUL lovely people out there to keep me company till the end of time. I chose them.
P.S. I am fairly certain you are one of them ;)