Wednesday, September 10, 2008

of murakami, reality, home and possibilities

"it's no wonder you like to read books about reality, since you live so far from it." -- monica, starbucks, copenhagen airport, 10.09.08

my sister meant it better than it sounds. we had discussed murakami in the car all the way to the airport. i had said that what i like about murakami was his exploration of reality or rather realities. she said that likes how the language makes you trust those jobless, 30-something male characters. i was on my way to oslo, she on her way to chicago. they were calling me by name overhead, but i still had to get a grande latte.

what she was getting at was the crazy reality of our life at the moment. we've just (almost) finished getting our house the way we want it and now we're considering moving. not just down the street, but to another country. and at the moment, we don't really know which country. will it be norway or singapore? they sound diametrically opposed, but what they have in common is shipping. both are big locations for shipping. and i'm in shipping. and husband is considering getting into shipping as well. and there are exciting opportunities in both places. for both of us.

but it's all up in the air right now. theoretical. the stuff of pure possibility at the moment. and the subject of much conversation and speculation and scheming and imagining. how to make it work. scheming ways of having it all. it's hard to imagine parting with our house at the moment (i will definitely be taking that red smeg, no matter what, even if i have to sail it to singapore). but, could we afford to keep our house and buy another home? (that depends on the offers really and those are also theoretical--strong possibilities, but not definite yet.) norway is really, really expensive and if i think that, in comparison to denmark, it must be super, hyper expensive, because denmark is pretty expensive. if we had a house in denmark and an apartment in singapore, is that really realistic? how often will we get back and use the house in denmark?

in other words, where will life take us?

and this, combined with our home improvements, have had me thinking about home and what it means. and i'm not the only one, tangobaby wrote about home recently as did hele at truth cycles. it must be something in the air.

what is home, really? is it a place? a house? an apartment? fabulous red appliances? or is it a life lived together with those you love most? can anywhere be home, as long as those you love are there? could an artificial disneyland of a place like singapore really be home? or will it be the mountains of norway? or will we stay in the house that we have spent so much time and labor (not to mention money) getting exactly as we like it? which reality will we choose?

or is it really that we love dreaming towards some new possibility? that looking forward towards the next big thing is what we do, it's what makes us us. it's where we feel most at home, dreaming and scheming and looking at the next fork in the road and choosing which path to take. so perhaps that's my answer...we take our home with us, wherever we go. maybe it's not a place at all, but is within us. a reality that we make every day, as we live it and breathe in the possibilities.

i have to say i like that idea. and i'm looking forward to seeing how this all pans out as the picture gets clearer in the coming weeks.

* * *
and with jon stewart's daily show playing in the background, recapping last week's convention farce, i become painfully aware that my musings and considerations are luxury problems indeed.


Phyllis Hunt McGowan said...

So many different thoughts about home to contemplate... it sounds like you have most fun thinking about future possibilities, while enjoying your present life, and I think the point is to appreciate what you have while looking forward to new things.
I think about those kind of moves too, all the time, since we live in an unfriendly area and circumstances are not what we'd like on a permanent basis.
All of us who read your home improvement posts over the last months know the fun you had choosing new (red ;) :)things for your home, and building it up, and although there was much stress, it's something you cherished being able to do at the time. So, if you do move away you'll have those good memories. And I do agree- home is wherever you're happiest. That can change as preferences change, and it sounds like you're adaptable for anything. That's a good start.
One thing I've learned in our plan to move is that we first have to be happy inside ourselves and in our immediate lives, (for us, not being bitter or complaining or finding fault with everything) or the location won't make a bit of difference. I'm in this too, so I know the fear of not being able to make the 'right' decision.

Good luck with whatever you decide. The answers are in there somewhere- have fun bringing them to the surface.

tangobaby said...

What I love about this post is that you are so open and available to possibility. By building your house in Denmark, it doesn't limit you and doesn't tie you down. You are able to create something you love and contemplate leaving it for something untried and untested.

I think that is a rare and wonderful quality to have, and I wonder how rare it must be in the context of what "home" means. I think for some (and I use my parents as an example) is that home is a safe retreat from a world they do not engage in very much. They have had one home in California, for 37 years, and my guess is that it will be their only home. Or if they leave it, it will be under some sort of tragic circumstance.

I think as it is possible to love many people, it's possible to have many places in the world that nurture and let us blossom.

Apparently, whereever a beautiful red refrigerator can go, thus begins the start of a wonderful home for you and your family!


Anonymous said...

i also, like julie above, hear and admire your openness to possibilities in this post. i take home with me wherever i go but in all honestly i haven't moved much. not in comparison to someone like you. i haven't been to see you in quite some time.... it looks like you recently had a good family visit :)
take care and enjoy the planing and dreaming together!