Friday, May 15, 2009

wherein she explains that alarming cheek licking thing

yesterday, in a fit of pique over a few things going wrong--standing at the baggage carrousel 'til the last bag came and the huge group of australian pharmacists (two of which sat next to me on the plane and were just lovely) had all wandered off into the copenhagen night and still not having my bag, followed immediately by some totally badly-raised arrogant asshole queue-jumping dane cutting ahead in the line at the DSB counter (and yes maybe i HAVE given up commas as well as capital letters)--i may have mentioned in the middle of a comment that was just a titch rant-y on one of my favorite new blogs a desire to lick the cheeks of certain parties. which may or may not have caused a bit of alarm on the part of those parties and an admonition to:
  1. stop swearing on their blog. 
  2. let them use any damn word they wanted (including rad, despite its obvious fall from use sometime around 1988, tho' usage possibly hung on in places like fargo into 1989) or they would take away my crown(!?!) WTF!?!
  3. keep my tongue within range of licking only the inside of my own cheeks.
this made me realize that i should probably explain the cheek licking thing.

but first, a small diversion (like you didn't see that coming). one of the beauties of new friends (in the blogosphere or in real life) is that you can revive all of your old habits/jokes and they seem new again. so you can once again say, "lemme think about it, no." (with no pause between "it" and "no") to people and they find it hilarious once again (b/c let's face it, your old friends know ALL about it and think it's a bit lame of you to keep saying it).

it's the same with the licking thing.

the licking thing began at a party many years ago (let's just say early 90s and leave it at that). it was someone's older sister's party and so we didn't really know most of the people there all that well. but we (being my friend K (it was her sister's party) and me) wanted to have a bit of fun and be remembered, so we cooked up a scheme wherein we would go up to someone we didn't know very well (say a kind of cute boy) and stand beside him, one on each side. we would then, with a glance, both go in for the lick. on his cheeks.

it's rather surprising to suddenly have two girls you don't know very well simultaneously lick your cheeks, but once people got over the shock and wiped off the spit, they had to admit they actually rather liked it.

of course, eventually, you get known for this and then one day, to your dismay, the person you're about to lick dodges the lick at the exact moment when it's too late to pull back and you accidentally lick your friend, who in turn licks you simultaneously--on the tongue, leaving you a bit scarred and unable to play the licking game anymore for a number of years. tho' the cute boy who just dodged the lick is pretty into the whole idea and would like the two of you to demonstrate again. which you do not oblige, seeing as you are sputtering and spitting and generally washing your tongue off with beer.

however, you do, on your own, occasionally use a quick lick of the cheek to disarm people during a boring moment at a party or when husband is being all serious and needs to lighten up a bit. it's a totally affectionate gesture, you see. tho' husband has developed a 6th sense about it (or maybe knows when you get the look on your face that means you're about to go in for the lick) and is pretty good at dodging it. it matters less that the lick is dodged when you are going in for it alone.

and that's the story of the alarming cheek licking thing. 


Unknown said...

"(and yes maybe i HAVE given up commas as well as capital letters)''

I dislike punctuation in general...rock on with your grammar-less self


Unknown said...

I'm officially scared of going to blog camp now!

Extranjera said...


VW hanliti - a person who is afraid to be licked on the cheek, since she already has plenty of problems just shaking hands with people.

Sarah Lulu said...

I want to know what a group of pharmacists from my country were doing and can I join in?

julochka said...

there is no need to fear blog camp, i promise not to lick anyone. at least not right away. and i can further assure you that i do not and have not ever licked my hands before shaking hands with anyone.

this was supposed to be funny people!

sarah lulu--the pharmacists had been on a month-long tour of scandinavia and were on their way home again. if that plane had gone down, there would be far fewer pharmacists in australia, lemme tell ya.

tracy--i hope i'm not really grammarless, i am quite keen on the grammar bit, but know there is the occasional typo. it's just on the caps and punctuation that i'm lax, but i figure it's ok 'cause it's intentional. :-)

Liz Fulcher, The Fragrant Muse said...

Love means never having to punctuate

McGillicutty said...

I like the licking is funny!!! I once dated a guy who would lick my nose spontaniously and then blow on it!!!! Again in the early nineties I guess it was in vogue back then...oh the fun we had!!!

Just Jules said...

OK - I am still wiping the tears from my eyes - laughing laughing laughing, that is what you had me doing while reading this. Of course I can picture you at said party with your 90's hair and ware and you and your friend and innocent victim guy with his 90's hair and plastic cup of beer..... I got it- and I loved it

will said...

Handshakes, hugs, kissing lips and kissing cheeks all are just fine but licking cheeks? Two things come to mind: 1. lizards and frogs going after their dinner ... 2. licking and sex.
Call me old-fashioned.

julochka said...

bill, i promise this is way more gross-out factor than sexy (except for that time we licked one another's tongues, which was perceived as sexy by onlookers, but pretty much had that grossness factor for ourselves). so closer to lizards.

but that's the cool part of it. it's just SO unexpected.

Magpie said...


my child licks me like that, but she's five. maybe i'll lick my sister next time i see her.

Char said...

licking thing = funny

ugh - this recipe thing, everyone is hating on me now because they don't cook. what is up with that?

Sarah said... (I can still use awesome, right? Yes, I grew up in 80's and know that it is overused)

That is totally something I would do too. And hubby would be tired of it and dodge it too. Are you sure we don't have the same hubby (and life)? If I was coming to blog camp I would greet you this way. And all other campers.

And what the heck is with boys and their infatuation with girls kissing (or licking each other's tongues as it were)

Indiri Wood said...

Haha! My daughter always licks her daddy's cheek to say goodbye.

The rad thing makes me sad. I was reading too many blogs using "Totally" yesterday as in "that was totally funny" and now I can't stop saying it. Now I'll probably start saying rad cause I can't help myself.

kristina said...

:-D the cheek licking story would have made me laugh outloud if I hadn't been so tired! I think my dog has been inspired by you, and I'm developing a cheek lick sixth sense to avoid her

SC said...

Just wanted to say hi - love your blog, I think I came across it through Not sure...anyway, I'm new to all, just started my own blog about a month ago, always love to read good blogs :) Best Sue

Unknown said...

All right, I'm going to try the cheek-licking thing. Sounds like a great conversation piece : )

Pattern and Perspective said...

Lick. What swear word does that rhyme with? haha. Anyway, funny post.

Secondly, in regards to yesterday's list...I'm quite sure you are very far away from "totally fat". I saw your jumpshot photo with all those people, didn't look like that to me.

Pattern and Perspective said...

Actually, it's a swear word or male organ! Lemme see...funny (well to me anyway)

Pattern and Perspective said...

Something else.

I use rad, totally, and dude/dudette sometimes. I attribute this to being born in Monterey, CA -- surf and sand land. I really say stuff like that and I'm 33 years old.

It's cool to use surfer lingo in the mid-west or in blog land, but it's not cool to have a mullet. (ever)

Seaside Girl said...

Scarily enough I have done the licking thing. But only usually to my own children to either (i) gross them out or (ii) elicit some reaction when they are having a bit of a strop about nothing in particular. Have never tried it at a party but I am now reassessing my licking options.

Katie said...

I have male friends that used to do that to me all the time because it freaked my other friends out. But I just waited, and at the opportune moment gave them their karma. They don't try it anymore :)


Janet said...

now THAT's a funny side splitting knee slapping almost wet my pants story! (capitalization intentional to place emphasis only) ;)

Optimistic Pessimist said...

oohhh...great idea. The next time my boyfriend lectures me about cleaning up after myself I'm just going to lick him. Thanks!

Unknown said...

Um... Admittedly, I lick. I do it more in the fashion that you did/do. An unexpected gesture to bring the offender back to reality. It WORKS! But my hubby also has the uncanny ability to know when the lick is coming and I have often had his monster mitt in my face just as the lick was to land! Thanks for the laugh! I really thought I was the only one!