Wednesday, February 26, 2014

on an even keel

i have had the best possible start to my new job. it's a great company. i'm surrounded by creative, motivated people and i have a great boss. there are moments of actual playing nearly every day. and i am surrounded by sources of inspiration. i have been given time and support to read and learn and absorb the information i need to be able to do my job. it is absolutely as you would hope your job would be in every way.

it makes me tired in a different way than i've been tired in a long time. and it also makes me awake and engaged in a way i hadn't been in a long time. the kind of projects i've worked on in recent years have been quite solitary. i find it both energizing and tiring to be around a lot of new people. trying to feel centered in the midst of these often conflicting feelings is an exercise in balance. and i'm not always equally good at it. today, i'm on a kind of high. awake and feeling like it will be hours before i sleep, just like my old patterns (i've been a night owl for some time). other days, i come home and want to go to sleep early because my brain is full and my instinct is to go to sleep and dream to process it all. the brain is wonderful that way. and this evening, it apparently thinks it's best that i stay up and write about it (my usual mode of processing). i've learned that i need to go with it, whichever mode my instincts choose, somehow they know best.

if we listen to ourselves, we do know, at our core, how to stay on an even keel. it's just a matter of tuning in.

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